Dating - Are there a lot of good guys? (office, deal)

[wanttomoveeast]

Same here, although this thread has been very fun for me and has kept my interest longer than the other stuff in the Denver thread right now. Is the Phoenix thread boring? Why are you over here? Can't get enough of us Denverites???

Originally Posted by TurcoLoco

At this point, I am just BS'ing around and killing time since things are slow at work...

[Venusian_Artist]

Originally Posted by TurcoLoco

I was thinking of the same but couldn't bring myself to say with and not be seen as a jerk. Anyhow, many girls think they are hot/cute so they think men would/should be all over them but in reality they really are not, so they think there is something wrong with men. Well, I noticed that a lot back when I tried online dating (yeah, we all make mistakes) a few times and realized that is where all the dillusional fugly women hang out nowadays.

In online dating, men outnumber women about twenty to one. Some women get 100 messages a day when they first start--that's where the female ego comes from. Also, it's a visual medium; women always reign supreme when it comes to visual stimulation.

Online is one of the few place where good looking, single, wealthy men are turned down on a daily basis. If you can master online dating, you'll never be alone. Everywhere else is much easier.

True but you kind of made it sound like that is the only thing a man seeks from a woman, a physicall togetherness

No I didn't. Reread, rinse, repeat.

May be I am the only man on this planet who feels that way, I don't know. May be aliens abducted me and placed a smaller brain and a bigger heart in me, who knows?

Nope. In my experience, women are often colder and less relationship-oriented than men. The divorce rates prove that.

After 1.5 years and she is still playing Virgin Mary?

No, that's not what I said. When I began dating her, because of her Catholic upbringing, she didn't want to go full sex. I had her naked on our second date, so some contact wasn't a problem.

In my infinite understanding, I gave her a few weeks while I dated around a bit, and then she bailed 'cause she felt "pressured." I shrugged, went to someone else, then she came back. We've now been together for 1.5 years, in a happy, non-platonic relationship.

Bottom line (if there really ever was one) SFG, you will have to figure out on your own what it is that is messing things up for you before you end up an old lady with 18 cats.

PS. WTME, thanks for the rep.

Agreed. Occasionally, someone smart posts golden advice. But otherwise, forums ain't the place to get your love life fixed.

[Venusian_Artist]

Originally Posted by wanttomoveeast

Tell me this... do men notice and think (I'm guessing the answer is no here) when they are in the initial stages of dating how women will often drop everything to be with them? I mean ignoring their friends, cancelling appts. just to be with them? Do men take a conscious note of how the woman slowly loses herself to them? I have a friend doing this right now and it's driving me nutso. I wonder whether her guy is taking notice.

The short answer is "no," nor does he care. A man in that situation will not notice because of what I call "value disparity." In the very beginning, before any physical contact, the woman is in charge of sexual selection. She holds the power, and therefore, the higher value in the interaction.

This happens hundreds of times every Friday and Saturday night in bars across the country: The man approaches, the woman cooly shuts him out with her body language, or by acting snarky in front of her friends. He then leaves with his tail between his legs, and tries to regain social value by laughing it off and pretending it didn't happen. Wingmen can help mitigate these crash and burn scenarios.

Before sexual interaction, a woman looks for reasons to disqualify a man. But after, she looks for justifications for her choice to have sex with him and seeks reasons to keep him. This blinds her from the truth of who or what the man really is, since she needs to feel that she has good judgment (even if she clearly doesn't.) And once she's had sex with him five or more times, a relationship hook has been set.

A woman losing herself to a man, is a sign that this stage two relationship hook is set firmly. At this point, the man has effectively landed her, as evidenced by sexual interaction, so he has already gotten much of what he came for. Boredom sets in for him, and if he is not long-term minded, and doesn't want to start a family/household with her, then she will supplicate to him and become his sidekick.

This will go on for a few months, until she realizes he is not going to give her the long-term deal she seeks. Marriage? What's that? And then she'll move on and maybe even follow the same pattern in the next relationship.

Whenever this pattern occurs, a woman has lost her selective power and, therefore, her social leverage over the man. For once he's qualified for her, he's in, and she wants to keep him. In effect, she wants him more than he wants her. In the beginning it was reversed. And so now it is her that is scrambling for his approval, as she cannot take the next step to more intimacy with him, without his cooperation.

He wanted sex, and she wanted what sex could get her. He got his, she's seeking hers. The person in need and unfulfilled, experiences the downside of the "value disparity."

[TurcoLoco]

Originally Posted by wanttomoveeast

omg are you my brother!?! He cracks me up just like this. I bet that men's minds do clear up a bit.

Hi sis!

Kidding, I am somebody's brother but I have seen your pic and you are neither one of my sisters!

Originally Posted by wanttomoveeast

Is the Phoenix thread boring? Why are you over here? Can't get enough of us Denverites???

Phoenix threads are about the same crap, gets old quick, besides, my loyalty is to no one! Hehe...
Well, I started hanging around in Denver and Portland sections because these two cities are on top of my places to move to come June 09. Phoenix was....different, do not hate it but just not my kinda place to settle down and raise a family. Since I am ready to do so and buy a house, etc. I do not want to waste any time staying around. Also the IT jobs are either elementary level or really odd, specialized ones which I don't see myself suitable for. I started hanging around these cities' section to obtain information and also read/collect info that interested me.

Originally Posted by Venusian_Artist

Online is one of the few place where good looking, single, wealthy men are turned down on a daily basis. If you can master online dating, you'll never be alone. Everywhere else is much easier.

I would never try it agian nor would I recommend anyone who looks normal and can walk and talk (English) to try it the old school way.

No I didn't. Reread, rinse, repeat.

Point #2 paragraph came across that way, een after multiple rinse/repeat cycles, sorry!

Nope. In my experience, women are often colder and less relationship-oriented than men. The divorce rates prove that.

Man, you seemed a bit bitter than an average Joe. Believe me, quite a few of my friends who seemed to have married their dream woman got divorced after a few years and I know the 'woman' apparently was the cause but as much as I believe them and they are my friend, I only got to hear one side of the story, so I could not say she was the only one at fault. A relationship occurs between two parties so I don't believe that there is one party who is at fault, at least not in most of these divorces.
No one seems to take the heat these days, as FreakRyan mentioned too, most people seem to prefer walking away from their marriage related issues than dealing with them.
Marriage is about comforting, loving, caring about one another but it also requires mutual sacrifice, no one these days seem to. Of course once in a while certain incomptable couple who never should have gotten in the first place get married and eventually get divorced to so certain marriages may not be saveable, I was not referring to those.

No, that's not what I said. When I began dating her, because of her Catholic upbringing, she didn't want to go full sex. I had her naked on our second date, so some contact wasn't a problem.

Well, again, after reading what you typed, it seems quite feasible for someone to misunderstand like I did. I called it the way I saw it.

In my infinite understanding, I gave her a few weeks while I dated around a bit, and then she bailed 'cause she felt "pressured." I shrugged, went to someone else, then she came back. We've now been together for 1.5 years, in a happy, non-platonic relationship.

Oh great, I am happy for you two. If I was to date a girl that I liked and had the hots for and she didn't let me have any nookie for a year and a freakin' half, I would be walking around like one of the tripods from the War of the Worlds movie, shooting fire from my ass, killing innocent people around me, etc.

Originally Posted by Venusian_Artist

The short answer is "no," nor does he care. A man in that situation will not notice because of what I call "value disparity." In the very beginning, before any physical contact, the woman is in charge of sexual selection. She holds the power, and therefore, the higher value in the interaction.

This happens hundreds of times every Friday and Saturday night in bars across the country: The man approaches, the woman cooly shuts him out with her body language, or by acting snarky in front of her friends. He then leaves with his tail between his legs, and tries to regain social value by laughing it off and pretending it didn't happen. Wingmen can help mitigate these crash and burn scenarios.

Before sexual interaction, a woman looks for reasons to disqualify a man. But after, she looks for justifications for her choice to have sex with him and seeks reasons to keep him. This blinds her from the truth of who or what the man really is, since she needs to feel that she has good judgment (even if she clearly doesn't.) And once she's had sex with him five or more times, a relationship hook has been set.

A woman losing herself to a man, is a sign that this stage two relationship hook is set firmly. At this point, the man has effectively landed her, as evidenced by sexual interaction, so he has already gotten much of what he came for. Boredom sets in for him, and if he is not long-term minded, and doesn't want to start a family/household with her, then she will supplicate to him and become his sidekick.

Jägermeister would definitely speed up the 'woman losing herself to the man' process!!

[sportsfangal]

venusian- I never said I was "hot", and men do find me attractive, I'm not really mentioning looks or anything like that. I'm just talking relationships.
As far as sex, I think it's great, no complaints there either- ;-), but what I am trying to say is if that's all a guy wants from me, forget it. If you have sex with a guy, that's all he wants, he disappears. that's what I don't need in life. If you need sex 24-7, just hang out in strip bars and street corners. I would think SOME women out there would prefer a man who treats them well, goes out, has other interests BESIDES 24 hr a day sex, that's not realistic.
I have a sexiness and attractiveness about me that shows in the way I carry myself, engage in converasation with men, etc. I'm not saying I want someone to watch a game with, I can do that by myself, I was talking about common interests. Couples watch games together all the time, that's not the issue.
I think the guy has to bring something to the table as well, I never said I was "all that", I was just emphasizing that I have qualities that are positive. The guy has to have positive qualities about him as well.
You're basically saying as long as she has sex with me, I'll stay with her? is that all she means to you? she "meets your needs" by having sex all the time?
Please, please, don't write a post that says "sports probably doesn't like sex" or something like that, I think sex is great, but isn't it better if you LIKE the person? have common interests? potential to see that person again?'
your views tell me that sex is all you care about. If that's untrue-I'm sorry-I want to date someone that wants more in life than sex. Why have sex with someone only for them to disappear?

[wanttomoveeast]

Yep, I figured the short answer was no. What you are describing here resembles what I call a power struggle. I noticed it never ends, my husband and I still have it. Although we are pretty much the same in personality.

What I'm thinking is: The man will notice that the woman has given up her life when all of a sudden, he's a little bored and she's a little too clingy. All of a sudden, she has no friends and has ALL the time in the world to spend with him!!

In any case, my friend def. has the hook in him, but the way she throws herself at him and blows me off has me think they are destined for doom. It's just not very attractive behavior. Thanks for answering my question!

Originally Posted by Venusian_Artist

A woman losing herself to a man, is a sign that this stage two relationship hook is set firmly. At this point, the man has effectively landed her, as evidenced by sexual interaction, so he has already gotten much of what he came for. Boredom sets in for him, and if he is not long-term minded, and doesn't want to start a family/household with her, then she will supplicate to him and become his sidekick.

[wanttomoveeast]

Turco: Well, you are quite the funny man anyway! I understand going to other threads, it's interesting to see the different perspectives around the country. I lurk on the Miami page because I want to move there but I hardly post because, well, I don't live there!

Sports: I feel really childish saying this to you, but, no one said you said you were hot. The statements these two guys are making about you thinking you are hot are because you repeatedly say you have no problem getting men. Therefore they equate that to: You think you are hot. I know you are in your 30s, but for some reason you strike me as a little bit inexperienced. Perhaps you have not had heavy dating for awhile? Men def. want sex, you can't avoid that. It's just in their nature. They think about it a zillion times a day. It doesn't mean that's all they want from you, but I'd say it's a big huge plus. I mean, while I'm thinking about how to cook dinner for tonight, my husband is thinking about sex!

I hate to say this, and granted I'm not a man, but I'm sure these two will pipe up. The answer to your question is YES!!! Just talk to the people (women) you know who've been married and/or committed for a very long time. The best way to keep your guy happy is, um, sex.

"You're basically saying as long as she has sex with me, I'll stay with her? is that all she means to you? she "meets your needs" by having sex all the time?"

"...I think sex is great, but isn't it better if you LIKE the person? have common interests? potential to see that person again?"

The last statement I put in quotes shows me you are thinking from a woman's perspective only. And that may very well be the answer to your problems. Try to think beyond your own perspective. You weren't able/willing to grasp the concept of auras/attitudes/vibes whatever, and that showed me narrow-mindedness. Honestly, to capture a great man and live happily ever after requires thought and open-mindedness. My 2 cents.

[Huckleberry3911948]

yes there are but they are hiding. they are not chasing girls down the street chanting marry me any more.
there is a reason. every picture tells a story don't it (rod stewart, sing it)

[wanttomoveeast]

Huckle: LOL!!!!!!!!

[sportsfangal]

wtme-again, I have no problem having sex, I'm saying it shouldn't be the focus, I realize men want/need sex, I love ses, what I saying is that I would rather have sex with a man that I care about and we are actually dating. I don't want a one night stand or 2-3 night stand for that matter.
Having no problems meeting men has nothing to do with "hotness" in my situation becaue I have posted before that I go out without makeup, or try to dress like I "want a man", etc. I can be sitting a a coffeeshop or bookstore and a man may talk a coversation with me, nothing mentioned about looks or anything like that.
It seems this has gotten so out of hand, entertaining, but a little over the top. I was just trying to make a point that I can meet plenty of men, the problem is that I just assume the ones i am meeting tend to not want anything further.
I would love to "date heavily" but that's my point-it doesn't seem to go past a few phone calls, a couple dates, etc. And I'm not going to have sex with him just for the heck of it.
and I'm not even "picking" guys, I go about my normal every day tasks, and someone may just happen to start a conversation. I don't think anything like "Oh this is the one" or " i need a guy", or "it's about time a man came up to me". It just a random event. I'm minding my own business, at the laundromat for example, ;-), and a guy may come up to me. nothing to do with looks, when people date or go out, etc, it's because something about that person attracted them to each other, one person's idea of attractiveness is different from anothers.
I am openminded-you don't know me to decide my personality or accuse me of being narrow-minded. are you decing that because I don't agree with EVERYTHING you post? I don't agree with EVERYTHING other people post, either, just as I'm sure not everyone agrees with my posts, Venus gave his perspective about sex/relationships and I gave MY perscpective, not women as a whole. It's my opinion, just like you have your opinions.
I have thought and open-mindedness. There's more to people than things posted here, saying that you feel someone is narrow minded is a little harsh.