Dating - Are there a lot of good guys? (Denver: approval, guidelines)

[sportsfangal]

huckle- I just need to find that hiding place! Ha! but my life isn't centered around it! I have hope it will happen someday! but again, my life and thoughts are not focused on it.

[wanttomoveeast]

Well, harsh as it may be it's my opinion. And I'm not afraid to state it. I realize I don't know you and vice versa. I'm making my judgments based upon what you have said, and are not based upon whether you agree or not. You yourself have stated, "I just don't get it!". I do think I'm not the only one who feels this way. You can argue all you want, I still don't buy it. I think it's ironic that much of what you post is actually in support of what the other men have said, but somehow you don't see that. Also ironic is how you have asked several times for men's opinions. They came, they gave their opinion, yet you argue with their opinion! lol

[sportsfangal]

wtme- a guy's opinion that says he needs sex doesn't really give me anything useful to work with. the thing I disagreed with was i didn't see how the aura vibe thing affect me personally. I know the gist of what you mean by auras, vibes, I've mentioned that before, I guess I was trying to relate it to me when I am just sitting somewhere, I didn't think I was giving off anything.
after a couple conversations and dates with a guy that I think went well, but then I never hear back. So what I didn't get was if everthing went well, what's with the disappearing? I feel I am giving off a vibe of calm, outgoingness, etc. I just wondered if it was a situation that maybe this particular guy was only interested for 2 dates, or not ready to date or whatever. I don't send any signals or mention anything about marriage, kids, etc-I think you have to get to know someone and date long term and go from there, maybe that particular guy IS ready to commit, so we move forward, (as was the case with ex-fiance) or this particular guy ISNT ready to date, so he vanishes. It's also interesting that some of the ones that do vanish, call me months later and I've already forgotten who they were! Ha!
trust me wtme- I do know what you mean about vibes, energies, etc. I guess I am just unable to apply it to my everyday life because I would rather be more direct. If 2 people like each other, things in common, you feel like dating, fine-go for it. I guess I wish there didn't have to be more to read into.
I'm truly sorry we cant get past this. I'm not siding with any other posters other than the times i agreed with SLC and maybe another poster when they said just relax, etc. I disagreed with your ideas about sending out vibes, only because I was trying to apply it to my interactions with some men etc. I never made comments about you showing narrow-mindedness or anything against your personality.
I don't sit around wondering about men. i don't anticipate the next guy I meet to be anything other than a conversation or whatever.
I still think some of my points are being missed here but that's the nature of writing instead of face to face conversation. I notice on the other thread we seem to "hit it off" fine. I guess I am not explaining it clearly.

Originally Posted by wanttomoveeast

Well, harsh as it may be it's my opinion. And I'm not afraid to state it. I realize I don't know you and vice versa. I'm making my judgments based upon what you have said, and are not based upon whether you agree or not. You yourself have stated, "I just don't get it!". I do think I'm not the only one who feels this way. You can argue all you want, I still don't buy it. I think it's ironic that much of what you post is actually in support of what the other men have said, but somehow you don't see that. Also ironic is how you have asked several times for men's opinions. They came, they gave their opinion, yet you argue with their opinion! lol

[sportsfangal]

posting to this is just a forum of opinions it's just topics, not something that says "my life is consumed with these thoughts".

[Venusian_Artist]

Maybe this whole thing has gone on too far at this point--maybe not. I didn't mean to pick on you, I'm just giving my opinion about a thread I stumbled upon. And no I'm not just interested in sex (never had a one night stand, never cheated, as a matter of fact.)

But from my perspective, if you put your life out there in a post, people will comment about it. If you don't like the comments, it doesn't change the fact that you asked for feedback in the first place.

Here's some more: I know very few women who look better with no makeup than at least some. I'm not sure why you stating that you don't wear makeup repeatedly is supposed to tell us that you're doing the right things to meet men. I think of a woman that doesn't wear makeup as one that's not trying. Potato, poh-tot-o.

Secondly, and this one is going to hurt: women in their thirties are not the prize men are seeking. I'm in my thirties and have dated (almost exclusively) women in their twenties. Most men will always go for a twenty-something over a thirty-something. Some would go for teens, if it were legal. In other words, men want youth. We're hard-wired for it.

Even the show "Sex and the City" has wisely recognized that women in their thirties lose sexual leverage. Creator Darren Star calls it "the mid-thirties power flip." It's real, and women suffer from it when they don't lock in a husband in their twenties.

Older women should be teaching younger women not to squander their youth and sexual exploits on partying and such, but instead, on finding the man they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Then they should teach them to stick marriage out through the rough times.

A lot of the soul searching and angst you're experiencing about finding a guy could be avoided in the first place, if women made better decisions in their youth.

Oh, I'm so gonna get flamed for that last sentence. Let the reactionaries chime in with the usual predictable feminist B.S, that has historically hurt women more than helped them, and will continue to do so. Mostly, because it demands that men not be men and women not be women, in order to fulfill some twisted, unrealistic ideal.

[sportsfangal]

venusian-I don't feel "picked on" it's just my original point has been missed. the makeup comment was because I thought it was related to "hotness" and I was trying to convey that I don't go parading myself around as some "hot" woman that is always attracting men- I guess my point was misunderstood again.
the age comment doesn't "hurt" me because I don't feel self conscious about it. It's okay to disagree with opinions. I have never been a wild partier, I take care of myself ,exercise, drink water, so I'm not really worried about that.
I'd love to meet that special someone, who wants a relationship and marriage, kids, whatever, but it needs to go past 2 dates, sex, football, whatever.
I'm not soul searching or having angst about finding a man. I simply responed to a post long, long ago with a generic comment about what makes a guy want to commit as opposed to the ones that dont. and that I seem to be attracting the ones that don't.(even though I am just minding my own business at the coffee shop, bookstore, whereever, I'm not "picking" anyone, they are coming up to me) It wasn't meant to be a deep, soul searching post, just a topic I was adding to all the other topics. It became this huge thing that turned into being about sex, looks, auras, etc. I regret even mentioning anything! I think this is just a topic not suitable for this forum only because it's too difficult to convey the true meanings!!

Originally Posted by Venusian_Artist

Maybe this whole thing has gone on too far at this point--maybe not. I didn't mean to pick on you, I'm just giving my opinion about a thread I stumbled upon. And no I'm not just interested in sex (never had a one night stand, never cheated, as a matter of fact.)

But from my perspective, if you put your life out there in a post, people will comment about it. If you don't like the comments, it doesn't change the fact that you asked for feedback in the first place.

Here's some more: I know very few women who look better with no makeup than at least some. I'm not sure why you stating that you don't wear makeup repeatedly is supposed to tell us that you're doing the right things to meet men. I think of a woman that doesn't wear makeup as one that's not trying. Potato, poh-tot-o.

Secondly, and this one is going to hurt: women in their thirties are not the prize men are seeking. I'm in my thirties and have dated (almost exclusively) women in their twenties. Most men will always go for a twenty-something over a thirty-something. Some would go for teens, if it were legal. In other words, men want youth. We're hard-wired for it.

Even the show "Sex and the City" has wisely recognized that women in their thirties lose sexual leverage. Creator Darren Star calls it "the mid-thirties power flip." It's real, and women suffer from it when they don't lock in a husband in their twenties.

Older women should be teaching younger women not to squander their youth and sexual exploits on partying and such, but instead, on finding the man they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Then they should teach them to stick marriage out through the rough times.

A lot of the soul searching and angst you're experiencing about finding a guy could be avoided in the first place, if women made better decisions in their youth.

Oh, I'm so gonna get flamed for that last sentence. Let the reactionaries chime in with the usual predictable feminist B.S, that has historically hurt women more than helped them, and will continue to do so. Mostly, because it demands that men not be men and women not be women, in order to fulfill some twisted, unrealistic ideal.

[sportsfangal]

wtme-can we just call a truce? and perhaps agree to disagree?

Originally Posted by wanttomoveeast

Well, harsh as it may be it's my opinion. And I'm not afraid to state it. I realize I don't know you and vice versa. I'm making my judgments based upon what you have said, and are not based upon whether you agree or not. You yourself have stated, "I just don't get it!". I do think I'm not the only one who feels this way. You can argue all you want, I still don't buy it. I think it's ironic that much of what you post is actually in support of what the other men have said, but somehow you don't see that. Also ironic is how you have asked several times for men's opinions. They came, they gave their opinion, yet you argue with their opinion! lol

[BlueSimple]

This thread has since progressed wayyy past my understanding. I have never been married and the longest serious relationship I have had was about 9 months so the advice I can give is limited to my experiences.

This thread has proven that there can be no hard and fast rules concerning the subject because it's so relative to each person. A hundred people can all read the same post but see it differently.

sportsfan- I am sure where you are located got lost in the shuffle, but it IS possible there are no viable guys around according to your standards, that the problem is not you. I have seen this happen in small to not-so-small towns, it really doesn't matter where or how many people. The possibility exists that you set your sights or standards too high, but what is too high? How does that get defined? What seems perfectly normal and acceptable to you could be outrageously picky to someone else and way too broad to yet another person. Of course, there is the chance that there is the perfect guy on your block, that will love you and respect you and give you what you want and need in a relationship, but he is busy getting to level 200 on World of Warcraft or something, so that person is not a person worth waiting for. In fact that person deserves a smack in the jaw for his choice in his life, but hey it's his (quasi) life, live and let live I say and move on.

It's personal preference, I have been single for almost a year and a half now. Companionship is important so I miss that aspect of it, the physical and the non-physical, but I trade off having that for long periods of time without it because I would rather be solo than let my personal standards fall. Everyone has had bad experiences in relationships and I know from experience the fear of replaying those situations can sometimes cause me to disregard something that could have had actual potential.

I like to think I understand all of the different points being made here because I keep in mind they come from individuals whose opinions are shaped by their own unique life experiences. I would say all contributions have been seemingly made sincerely and with the intention of helping clarify a situation.

I am pretty sure this particular post has not helped clarify anything, in fact I think I am more confused than ever!

[Venusian_Artist]

Originally Posted by sportsfangal

I'm not soul searching or having angst about finding a man. I simply responed to a post long, long ago with a generic comment about what makes a guy want to commit as opposed to the ones that dont.

Well, my hat's off to you, you're a good sport--pun intended. Let me answer this initial question of yours, from my own experience and observations of my friends/acquaintances (they match.)

When I was in my teens and early twenties, I would have loved to have gotten married and spent the rest of my life with one woman, provided that woman was sexy, smart, and stable. However, with women in that age range, you can usually only get two of the three--pick any two. If she's sexy and smart, she's usually mentally unbalanced; if she's sexy and stable, she's usually too dumb to recognize she has sexual power (so she's mentally stable,) but is boring to interact with outside of the bedroom. And if she's smart and stable, she's rarely sexy. Which just means we want one of her friends or sisters, instead of her.

Many relationships later, I've lost interest in spending the rest of my life with one woman. I've had my share of women, all were attractive, even the occasional model. I've also had very intelligent women, some who were quasi-famous for academic and scientific achievements. I've also had the occasional girlfriend who was a great "nester"--ie. dinner on the table whenever I walked through the door, grocery shopped for me, cleaned my place (which was always a joy and never expected.) I'm always greatful for any preferential treatment a woman is willing to give me.

Unfortunately, I'm bored. And not because I'm a spoiled brat of a guy that has lived the good life and has a relationship brand of Paris Hilton syndrome, there have been many rough times. But because there's little mystery in women anymore.

When I was younger, I was fascinated by this species that had such a strong sexual hold over me. Like Stewie on the show Family Guy, wondering how the cheerleaders can command a crowd, I wanted to know the source of women's hold over me. All young guys do.

As you get older, you finally realize that it was never them, it was you. It was your biology and your way of looking at life that gave women "power" and sexual leverage over you. They rarely benefit from your head turning when they walk down the street. They're just doing their thing, and you're the one being affected by it. If you buy them a drink "'cause they're pretty," that's your decision, not something they made you do.

I've had easily as many ups as I've had downs in relationships, and at some point, as you age, you start disliking the relationship rollercoaster and loving the time you spend alone without a woman, enjoying your hobbies. That's why I think that even guys who are happily married have to have an office, or workshop, or something at home to distance themselves from their wife.

More simply put, once we get past a certain age, we lose interest in a committed relationship with one woman. I think you'll find that the guys that are not committing to you are also not committing to other women. Women get angry about this, but we never had a deal with them in the first place. We're not at your beckon call anymore than you're at ours.

In my previous post, I eluded to women "missing the relationship bus." It sucks for you girls, because you still want the relationship. But when we men "miss the bus" our lives actually improve, as we get to have more time for ourselves and keep more of our money. Sad for females, great for us. That divergence in what the genders want, in various stages of growth and development, is the source of heartache, I think.

[wanttomoveeast]

Hey Venusian!! I'm right there with you. I find this thread (lately) so freaking ironic it's hilarious. I actually agree with all of your post. Every last word of it. And what I think is really funny is I'm not arguing with you. It's true you have to get hitched in your 20s or else. I got hitched when I was 30, just in the nick of time. And I'm going to stick it out. Unless he starts beating me with a baseball bat. Then I might leave. But really, all I see around me are these poor saps trying to find mates in people with tons of baggage. Dating right now sounds awful.

Again, thank you for your candor, your honesty and for speaking up when I'm sure a lot of people were afraid to, regardless of where they stand on this issue.