Dating - Are there a lot of good guys? (Denver: statistics, moving)

[DenverLawGal]

Well, Blue (and sports) don't give up. I do think that happiness is out there, but do believe it starts with you. Oh and welcome to Colorado!

[BlueSimple]

Well thank you, I appreciate the welcome!

[sportsfangal]

BS- I won't ask for the world, how about just the Nothern Hemisphere? Ha-joking!
I definately think the whole "woman's work" thing is outdated. I enjoy cooking, don't get me wrong, and I actually prefer to cook alone (just a quirk of mine) but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't cook a nice meal for my man or friends or whatever. My ex cooked all the time, we took turns, sometimes it was just order pizza, other times we had a specific craving for burgers and fries-so we ran to the store and came home and cooked it! that's what I mean, a partnership of 2 people working together. He would do his own laundry, his share of cleaning, etc. and it wasn't even a big deal! I do like to keep a clean house but I think that has more to do with having chores as a kid as opposed to it being "womans work"
One of my biggest pet-peeves is when I'm going on a date and the guy won't decide where we go. I hate that "I don't care, what do you want to do?" or "I don't care what kind of food we get, what kind do you want?"
I'm like UUGGGGGHHHH just make a decision! Is it because the man is afraid to make a bad decision? but to be fair I have female friends like this also!
ok-that may have been off subject a little-but I understand your frustrations, I can sense your apprehensions based on your past experiences. You don't how to be because you don't know what type of guy to be to a particular woman. am I close? this is what I mean by the "cerebral" stuff, if 2 people get along, and have common interests and willing to commit and make it work, the rest should come pretty naturally?At least I hope so. We'll never be everything to everyone, I just try to be myself, still have my own sense of self but willing to give to the other person as well, and maybe cook him a meal or two.

Originally Posted by BlueSimple

sportsfan- I agree with you there. I prsonally feel that it should be a partnership. I think this is both socio-economically as well as regionally affected.

As an aside, I have been in two relationships where things were done for me, ie cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. One, the girl wanted to. She cared for me and wanted to contribute and help out. At first it took me by surprise because that was the first time a woman had ever cooked for me and whatnot. Eventually, I admit, I did take it for granted and I feel sorry for it, but I feel I learned my lesson. The second, almost the opposite. She cared for me, but she did those things out of her sense of 'duty'. I know many men believe in so-called 'women's work', domestic stuff for the most part. I think that's dumb but that's just me. This was the first time I met a woman who firmly blieved that the domestic things were truly 'women's work'. That totally threw me. And made me uncomfortable. Ultimately it was a factor in that relationship disintegrating because I feel she debased herself and I am sure she felt no 'real' man does laundry or cooks.

That has been one of my biggest issues, what women want, which is not necessarily the same as their standard.

In my view, women want a man to be tough, but not too tough, manly, but not too manly, sensitive, bot not too sensitive, loving, but not too overt, have control, but not be too controlling, want and care for you, but don't be jealous, be successful, but not have an attitude about it, be open minded, but not wishy-washy, be in shape, but not be a meathead, stand up for your woman, but don't be a jerk, look good, but don't look too good, be nice to their girlfriends, but don't be a flirt, be smart, but not too smart, be independent, but also be supportive, be strong, but not self-centered, be kind, but don't be a wuss, etc...

The problem I have is that yes, I can be all these things and more. And have been. Most men with a half a brain and a sense of self can I think. But it leaves me tired and burned out. I want you to ask me for the world, but not hate me when I can't get it for you.

And sometimes, it's still not enough.

See? Not easy!

[sportsfangal]

wtme-who is the welcome to CO for?

Originally Posted by wanttomoveeast

Well, Blue (and sports) don't give up. I do think that happiness is out there, but do believe it starts with you. Oh and welcome to Colorado!

[sportsfangal]

wtme- aha! got it! 4got Blue was new, it really has been a long thread!

Originally Posted by wanttomoveeast

Well, Blue (and sports) don't give up. I do think that happiness is out there, but do believe it starts with you. Oh and welcome to Colorado!

[sportsfangal]

BS- you sound very evolved to me, which is refreshing. and cockiness isn't such a bad thing if it's light-hearted!

Doing things alone like dinner, travel, etc has never been a problem for me either, but you're exactly right that another person M or F, adds an element to it. I'm getting tired of the single life myself, but again, and like you, I don't spend time worrying about it!

Originally Posted by BlueSimple

I appreciate your condolences!

It came off as a rant but it's not as bad as it sounds. If I am honest with myself, with the right woman I want to and enjoy living up to those expectations. Even the non-logical ones! It can be fun, it can add some life to a relationship. And personally I like it because it keeps me seperated from what I feel are some of the less-evolved guys out there, in my opinion. (I believe I stated somewhere previously that I can be cocky from time to time...)



I have to agree with that. I have had good times solo. I have no compunction about going to dinner or whatever else by myself, you can't always find a buddy to go with and I am not going to let that stop me from new experiences. Adding a person doesn't mean it'll add or detract from something, but it will add perspective and to me that always helps make things more interesting.

For myself however, I am feeling that I am getting to the end of this cycle of the solo thing. I am getting a little tired of it, and am hoping to address that eventually after I move to Colorado on monday and settle in, though it is not a top priority for me.

[Venusian_Artist]

Originally Posted by sportsfangal

Hmm-very interesting "V", I really appreciate this post because your points are great this time around IMO. (and love the Stewie reference, I admit I love that show!)

Minus the sports stuff, you actually sound like my type. Other than MMA, I'm not into sports--it's watching other people do stuff. As a martial artist, I get a pass on watching MMA.

you'd be surprised to know that I am sexy, smart and stable! Ha! (no rude posts, just "joking") that's what I mentioned earlier.

Maybe you are all those things. It's just that every hot woman I've ever known complains about guys constantly wanting to get in her pants or marry her 'cause she's hot. I don't know of any who have trouble getting a guy past conversation. Just sayin'.

I suppose it's a matter of timing.

Not if you're hot, it's not. I hate to keep going to the same well. But while timing is important in everything, attraction is where it's at in relationships. If someone's not into you, timing will only change that, in that if they're going through a desperate time, they'll be more likely to cling to you. But that will pass when they become strong again, and then it's dump city, population you. In other words, they either like you or they don't.

I think you have a slightly outdated view of women-IMO (no rude posts, just an opinion).

How's that? I wrote a very detailed article about online dating for publication last year and it got rave reviews from readers. My experiences are current ones with current women. I wish I were wrong, and women were all rainbows, unicorns, and pr*n-style lesbian threeways. Everything I wrote about them would be superlative and glowing. Yes, I know that last thing is gross to you because you're female, not male. Appreciate the differences.

IMO not all women are looking to "tie down" a man,

I don't think women are looking for that either. I think you girls are looking to get your needs met, just like us guys. Only your needs can only be met in a committed relationship. The unfortunate by-product, of which, is a man feeling like he's getting tied down. If we could marry you, do whatever we want and whoever we want, without having our resources siphoned off at divorce, there would be no problem.

I was talking to a happily married friend yesterday and discussing how when women get married, they're following their biological imperative for seeking out security. When a man gets married, he gives up his: to go have sex with young, beautiful women. Then if she decides to leave, he gets screwed in the wallet. How's that fair?

For me, I prefer a partner in life to enjoy doing things with.

So go get that. I'd hang out with you and do stuff, but I'd want sex with you if I were attracted to you.

I guess I don't like all the cerebral stuff, you know?

Going through life without thinking about stuff is like driving down a dark road with no headlights. It might be a moderately fun experience, if you live through it.

what I mean is, if you want to date someone, then date, if not, don't-- No big deal, that's all.
Again, I don't lose sleep over it. my thoughts and life are not consumed with it.

Except in this forum.

Marriage is not the end all be all of life.

Never been married myself, not sure if I ever will be. But if it's anything like cohabitation, I would say there are very few things more reassuring than finding a "good partner in crime" to stabilize your existence.

My friend is in a loveless marriage with a woman he can't even stand anymore. Imaging that kind of life! She's even meeting other guys online!

And man invented divorce...

[DenverLawGal]

Just take the time to read the whole post. He said he was moving to Colo. this Monday in a very recent post.

Originally Posted by sportsfangal

wtme- aha! got it! 4got Blue was new, it really has been a long thread!

[sportsfangal]

forgive me wtme- I simply 4got, I didn't read that particular post yet because I was typing at the time, these posts are quick.

Originally Posted by wanttomoveeast

Just take the time to read the whole post. He said he was moving to Colo. this Monday in a very recent post.

[BlueSimple]

I won't ask for the world, how about just the Nothern Hemisphere? Ha-joking!

I know you're joking but yeah, ask for the northern hemisphere! I mean, asking for a lot is not necessarily wrong. Men ask a lot of women also, a woman's perspective is just not something I can comment on. It comes down to what's most important and what factors have the most meaning for you. Asking for the world may be a good way to see what someone has to offer, it just can turn sticky if you end up disliking or holding it against them when what's asked for cannot always be provided.

One of my biggest pet-peeves is when I'm going on a date and the guy won't decide where we go. I hate that "I don't care, what do you want to do?" or "I don't care what kind of food we get, what kind do you want?"
I'm like UUGGGGGHHHH just make a decision! Is it because the man is afraid to make a bad decision? but to be fair I have female friends like this also!

Haha yeah I have run into that, and been guilty of it. And I would have to say no, it's not because I am afraid to make a bad decision, I have in the past, and if you're with the right person a crap restaurant can actually be a riot, or we can just leave and avoid accusations or blame. Both are good! I have only run into that early on in a relationship, it can be a good way to learn more about the person. If I suggest a sushi place, I feel I can learn something from you by your reaction. Personally I love it and want someone to enjoy it with me because it can be a fun experience. But trust me it's not always read into like that, sometimes I am lazy and want you to decide, but maybe that's something that can be hashed out in advance, like alternating the restaurant picks or something. If it is a "date" well, that should have been planned out in advance I think.

BS- you sound very evolved to me, which is refreshing. and cockiness isn't such a bad thing if it's light-hearted!

Much appreciated, thank you!

And yeah, cockiness that is serious is just purely obnoxious. You gotta be able to laugh at yourself. It's the same with women, confidence can be very sexy and attractive but when you cross that line, and it's a fine line that's not always easy to see, it's like a switch turns off for me.