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It really depends on how far you are willing to drive and how long you are willing to sit in traffic.
A friend of mine who worked at Wayne State looked at Rochester Hills/Sterling Heights, but the commute was just horrific in the mornings, so she ended up getting an apartment in Ferndale. I don't know much about the downriver communities, but southern Macomb/oakland counties are within a reasonable drive time/distance. However, it is more urban.
However, if you are going to drive in just a few days a week, then I would definitely look at Northern Macomb or Oakland counties. I love Sterling Heights/Rochester Hills area; however, I really wouldn't want to drive into Detroit for here very often. (I'm not familiar with Wayne county or the downriver area, so hopefully someone else on the forum can give you information about those areas.)
Like one person suggested, maybe you should just rent a place for a few months so that you can explore the area further and make a better decision about what's right for you and your family.
Good luck.
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