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Old 10-27-2014, 08:21 AM
 
39 posts, read 55,915 times
Reputation: 65

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My mom has gained so much weight over the last few years that she's having a really hard time getting around. She's a really great mom, so I don't want to make it sound like she's not as good of a mom just because of the weight. But Because of her weight right now my sister has to do more and more things for her.

My mom is 44 years old, 5'4" and more than 550 pounds at this point. She started to gain weight about 10 years ago (she used to be 165lbs) when my dad died in a really terrible car accident. She was already getting pretty big (375-400lbs?) when I left for college 3 years ago, but I feel like her weight has gotten so out of control since then. Left alone with my little sister, my gorgeous mom is heavier and heavier and heavier every time I come home.

When I'm home I see all this crap that she is busy eating, and she claims that its just because I'm back. Before I left she used to eat a lot, but now its just crazy. This last time I was home my sister hinted that she actually "tones it down" for when I'm around "because I give her such a hard time about her weight." I can't imagine the crap she's ingesting while I'm away!!!

The thing is that she's so big right now that she can't fit behind the wheel of the car, so my sister has to drive her everywhere. I tell my sister not to go pick up food for her all the time, and she mostly denies it, but I know that she's probably too embarrassed to tell the truth. My sister has to help her with countless "other things" around the house too, since my mom is having such a hard time standing, getting up, etc.

I've tried everything with her, but she has somehow found away to diffuse every suggestion I make. Ugh.

She can barely make it from one room to the other without getting super out of breath and needing to rest for a while before making it to the next one. She hasn't been up the stairs in who knows how long. She's not disabled, just that between being out of shape and her weight being so high right now, she can't do most things. My sister is talking about trying to get her one of those mobility scooters so that she can get around despite the state she's in.

I know this is probably selfish of me, but I have such mixed feelings now about my college graduation at the end of the year. I know that part of the reason she hasn't come out to visit me yet is because it's getting harder to get her on a plane. She says she'll come out for my graduation--apparently planning on buying a row seats and renting a scooter to make it around campus--but I'm not entirely sure she will brave the embarrassment. And quite frankly, there is part of me (shallow, I know) that is scared of showing off my 600lb mother in a scooter to all my friends on my big day. On the other hand, I'd be heartbroken if my mom never made it to my college graduation because she got too fat to come.

What can a girl in my position do? What should I do? What the heck is going on? Or am I being selfish here?
Attached Thumbnails
Mom Losing Her Mobility Because of her Weight Gain-mom2004.jpg   Mom Losing Her Mobility Because of her Weight Gain-mom2009.jpg   Mom Losing Her Mobility Because of her Weight Gain-mom2014.jpg  
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Old 10-27-2014, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Chicago
3,275 posts, read 4,745,550 times
Reputation: 4036
I don't think you are being selfish to want your mom to lose weight. This isn't about vanity, it's about her health and she won't be around much longer if she doesn't dramatically change course.

I think it is time for some sort of intervention with your mom and your sister. Do you have other friends or relatives who could join you?

I don't know much about staging an intervention, but it seems like that is what is needed at this point. Somehow you need to get through to your mom and sister that her health is going to be compromised by this lifestyle and you are very worried about her. She is obviously out of control. I would try to convince her to see a counselor/therapist as a first step, before even mentioning changing her diet. She obviously isn't seeing things clearly right now and is likely depressed.
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Old 10-27-2014, 10:15 AM
 
Location: NC
6,032 posts, read 7,528,222 times
Reputation: 6350
She has to make some effort on her part to get help. Obviously she is using food to cope with the loss. Was the loss around 2004?

At this point she is putting her life at risk by getting bigger and we certainly have issues in the next few years that could lower her lifespan.


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Old 10-27-2014, 11:13 AM
 
39 posts, read 55,915 times
Reputation: 65
Yes, my dad died in 2004; not very long after that photo actually. I know its really bothered her, but I also wonder if its just an excuse to let herself eat. I can understand a few pounds, but now its been 10 years and she's eating more than ever.
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Old 10-27-2014, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Chicago
3,275 posts, read 4,745,550 times
Reputation: 4036
Quote:
Originally Posted by FaithfulTiger View Post
Yes, my dad died in 2004; not very long after that photo actually. I know its really bothered her, but I also wonder if its just an excuse to let herself eat. I can understand a few pounds, but now its been 10 years and she's eating more than ever.
Sounds like she definitely needs counseling to me. It seems pretty clear that she started this cycle while she was grieving and now she can't stop. It's very sad and I feel for her. I don't know exactly how to get through to her, but I definitely think a loving approach is needed. Maybe watch some Intervention (the show) to see how they get through to people. I don't know what else you can do short of hiring a professional. There are professional interventionists out there.
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Old 10-27-2014, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Banana Republic, LA
378 posts, read 1,013,992 times
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She has to want to make the change herself. Maybe talking to her about the fact that being so heavy will seriously lower her life expectancy, and you want her to be around for you and your sister's future children?? Good luck; I hope she listens but she has to want to do it.
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Old 10-27-2014, 03:27 PM
 
39 posts, read 55,915 times
Reputation: 65
Right? She is obviously aware of those risks. It's like I don't know what anyone could say that hasn't been said before.

Sometimes I feel like its so selfish for her to keep eating and we just have to deal with it.
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Old 10-27-2014, 03:38 PM
 
Location: USA
7,778 posts, read 10,092,879 times
Reputation: 11698
I don't know the answer. I've never been overweight, but I know some can't handle their food intake. My brother was an athlete and a pilot, but after retiring he's allowed himself to go to pot. His height is 6' 5" and he can carry a lot of pounds, but last time I saw him, which was 4 years ago, he was nearly 400 lbs. For all I know he is twice that now. I hope not.
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Old 10-27-2014, 03:58 PM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston
37,698 posts, read 55,360,122 times
Reputation: 89137
More than anything, you mom needs a counseling and motivation.
She will succeed only when she is mentally ready to lose weight. The mental side of weight loss is the most important aspect of losing weight.
After she is "ready", she absolutely needs to be supervised by physician and dietitian. A personal trainer would be advisable.
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Old 10-27-2014, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,993 posts, read 21,635,335 times
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How os she getting all this food? Is she buying it? If not, stop buying unhealthy food for her. Stock your house with fruit, vegetables, etc. do what you can to help her.

It's hard, you can't force someone to take the steps.
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