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Old 12-05-2014, 06:48 AM
144 posts, read 558,960 times
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mysteriousjane- I myself sound a bit like your husband at one time. Losing weight is almost as bad (maybe worse for some) than stopping smoking. It is something you have to decide must be done, not something you know you "should do". With that said, I had tried many diets and failed miserably (mostly because I knew I should, but I still loved food so it didn't work well).

Recently I have been documenting my weight loss here and I am at 42 lbs loss (in just over 2 months). The keys I found that are very important is lower sugar and salt intake and eat more often. I had heard people say eat more often so many times, but never took it into action. Making quinoa and things may be "healthy" but very hard for someone who has been living off of fast food.

Remind your husband that there are no old fat people. This was one of my wake up calls. I also have a great wife and 3 children and I want to be around for them if I can. These were my motivators, but I also want to lose for me.

When I started, I was 110lbs overweight and going up. I have a desk job as well. Here are the changes I made. Now I used Slim4Life (very expensive), but below are the major changes (along with their vitamins/herbs/etc) One of them is 3 pills of omega 3/6/9 30 minutes before each meal.

Breakfast (rotated between the two mostly)
1 Egg,
1 toast (sometimes add a tiny tiny bit of mayo and make it a sandwich)
8 oz of skim milk
1 fruit (about 1 cup of it) usually strawberries, watermelon or pineapple

1 Egg (or half a cup of light cottage cheese)
1.25 cups of Special K (I use the pecan/cinnamon tastes way better than their suggested original)
I put the 8oz of skim milk in the cereal
1 Fruit (same as above but try to do a different fruit each day)

Between Lunch - 1 fruit (I use an apple or orange usually, sometimes 10 grapes (green))

Usually a chicken salad (Lettuce, Baby Spinach, 5oz of chicken I cook so it doesn't have tons of sodium) and I use a low sodium/low sugar dressing)
Sometimes have a chicken sandwich with 40cal Newmans own bread (tastes exactly same as reg bread) I don't like mustard, but i found I like Jalapeno mustard so this works here. I put lettuce and tomato(sometimes) and celery on side.
I even go to Chipotle once a week, but I ask for light serving of brown rice and no beans, chicken, lettuce, mild salsa (for the tomatos it still has a lot of salt) and nothing else. As for work lunch, yes I miss this sometimes, but if he tells his work he is on a diet they sometimes help keep him accountable and encourage.

Between Lunch and Dinner - 1 fruit

2 Cooked fresh (not frozen) vegetables. I usually steam them because its easy and tastes good.
Get Morton Light Salt and put plenty on the dinner vegetables (1 teaspoon is a lot of salt)
It needs to be good vegetables, corn is high in sugar, more like Asparagus, Cabbage, Green beans (not canned), Broccoli, Califlower, Beets,
5 oz of chicken, fish(usually use tilapia) or even steak but I only have steak twice a week.

The hardest part is dropping all sodas (especially diet soda) and drinking lots of water, but he will drop weight very fast. I finally told myself. I have eaten the way I wanted for 40 years. I think I can eat the right way for 6 months and then find a good middle ground for my health's sake and family.

I don't know how old your children are, but I was tired of not being able to get down on the floor and play with my 2 youngest and I take my 10 year old to the gym 3 times a week and we play basketball for an hour. This is my only exercise really. I also work on the 3rd floor at work and I haven't used the elevator in 2 months, the first month it was hard and out of breath, but now it's already easy.

If I can do it, anyone can do it. I have a damaged thyroid and weight never comes off. He has to make a stand, he probably wants to be a hero to his children. This is just another way. My son is really surprised how quickly I can move now at the courts. He is very happy I am doing this.
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Old 12-05-2014, 06:56 AM
Location: Herndon, VA
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My wife's ex finally lost weight when she decided to leave him after 17 years. Sometimes that's what it takes to get their attention.
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Old 12-05-2014, 07:18 AM
Location: Southwestern, USA
15,012 posts, read 11,958,186 times
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Originally Posted by mysteriousjane View Post
I do make bone broth soup regularly for my toddler and I, but it isn't something that he would like.
I just throw bones/meat, leeks, carrots, cauliflower, and a few other random veggies in there.
Do you have any recipes you could recommend for someone like my husband?
Good for you.
Spices, herbs, salt, pepper, smoked paprika, little curry, (not too much of one spice), clove powder,
fresh garlic, celery, parsnips add alot? Soy sauce, Wor'ster sauce, sp?

Brown everything at the bottom of the pot first to give more flavor and color in olive oil.
If you have to, for him, add some Lipton Onion Soup mix...usually a hit in dips, right?
I also add some red wine or Vermouth, beer or Triple Sec....all bec of flavoring.
Spinkle the top with parmesan?
Does he like mushrooms?

You could then blend half of everything to thicken it into more of a stew looking thing...
a trick not using flour.
I guess you could add lentels...or if lazy toss a can of lentel soup in for him...does he like ham?
Smoked ham hocks add a lot of flavor and are inexpensive in the meat dept.

Flavor will be key for him.
When our bodies get enough proper nutrition cravings really slow down.
Somehow get the carbs outta the house...at least switch to whole grain everything.
My sis is prob 100 pounds overweight...all I hear about are her carbs....yummy bread hot from the bakery,
all her soups with pasta tossed in, gravies, biscuits...there is no changing her
and she is a fabulous cook!

My overweight friends I talk into ''2 weeks, nothing white''. Then eat all the white
stuff you want...
they get stuffed, constipated, bloated...feel awful putting that stuff back into them....
white means potatoes, corn, flours, wh rice, donuts, pancakes, pasta, tortillas, pizza....

Rambled a bit...
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Old 12-05-2014, 07:29 AM
Location: Southwestern, USA
15,012 posts, read 11,958,186 times
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I have this photo book comparing foods and calories....it is shocking
that one scone = 15 raisin toasts with sugarless jam.
I believe in substitutions....never starving.....trading this for that....

I googled 'photos of calorie comparisons'...here's one, but there were more...

What Do 300-Calorie Meals Really Look Like? | SparkPeople

The 300 calorie photo is on the left...wow, compare to the right side photo!
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Old 12-06-2014, 05:24 AM
Location: USA Los Angeles
88 posts, read 170,596 times
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Loosing weight is not easy, you should have some patience while following some weight loosing plan and diet. You need to join some fitness center, walk long distance, have low calorie diet plan, It can really help you to loose some pounds.
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Old 12-06-2014, 10:46 AM
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As a married man trying to lose 6 stone (84 lbs), I have some insight. I have been overweight most of my life. I have been in the obese category for the last decade at least. I started skipping a few snacks for a while but still ate a lot. I decided to set some realistic goals and finally weighed myself to get a starting point. I fully expected to be 20 stone but was surprised that I was 19. My food wasn't any more healthful than before, yet I lost a stone over several months (1 stone is 14 lbs by the way). To lose weight I always had the mindset that I had to eat food I don't enjoy as much. This is one of the reasons I never wanted to diet. All the whole-wheat this, and the low-fat that, unrefined, etc. Add in all the exercise that everyone says you need. None of this appealed to me and seemed like a major sacrifice. Yet I had lost weight.

I started researching and found that all of this other stuff is great for your health, but is not needed for weight loss. I am not saying that it doesn't help with overall health and is not one way to lose weight, just that it is not necessary. This is especially true when you are really overweight. The only way to lose weight is from a calorie deficit. Where the calories come from is irrelevant at this point in your husband's life. The more you weigh, the more calories you can eat and still lose weight. If you are cutting the calories down at home let him have his burger at lunch. Or give him an lunch that he will enjoy that you know has less calories. A turkey breast sandwich on white bread with mayonnaise is better than the local burger barn. Sneak in some light mayo and the calories are even less.

Don't expect the weight to come off fast. As "they" say, it didn't come on fast either. A 3500 calorie deficit is a 1 lb weight loss. A cheat weekend can easily undo everything from the week. It is possible to eat more on the weekends than during the week, but not in that way. First thing to do is find out how many calories it takes to maintain his weight. This will be incredibly high and you will be surprised. Then during the week cut out 700 calories a day. On the weekend let him eat the extra 700 calories each day that he was skipping (not an extra 700). He will have lost a pound and not gained it back. Or figure out the math any way you want. Don't do cheat days, but maybe a cheat meal instead. I cut out 1200 a day and still eat a lot. If you do that and on the weekends only cut out 800 calories, then 2 lbs are gone. That's an extra 400 calories each day on the weekend. That could be cookies, cake, an extra burger, an extra slice of pizza etc.

What I am getting at is that you shouldn't try to make him eat healthful food all the time. You can cook that way to help cut some calories, but don't try to change that part of his life yet. Instead take the food he likes and cut some calories out of them. Either portion size or other things. For instance, mix whole eggs with several egg whites but keep the salt the same. Instead of 6 cookies have him eat 3. One of the best thing is to make sure that no calories come from drinks (except some milk, but not too much). Diet sodas might not be the best thing for your body, but that is not the point right now. Cherry Coke zero is pretty good and I like diet ginger ale too. Heck, that tip alone could be hundreds of calories a day and be a good place to start.

This is getting long, but let me address exercise. For those of us that have been obese for a long time, this is way over promoted. Everyone suggests going to the gym or taking classes, etc. Remember at this point it is not about being healthy. It is about losing calories. A 15 minute walk can be fine to cut an extra 100 calories (yes if you weigh enough it will burn this much depending on speed), but don't expect him to do a lot of cardio.

The main take away here should be that you are not trying to change his life. Just adding in some small steps that will allow him to lose weight. The beginning is both the easiest and the hardest. It is easy because you can lose more weight with a lot less effort. It is hard because you have to do it. I have been steadily losing 2 lbs a week with all this in mind. I am down 1 stone so far.
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Old 12-06-2014, 12:27 PM
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2 things I forgot to mention. First is goals. It is fine to have long term goals, but smaller goals are more important. For instance, 5 pounds by new year's or 1 stone by valentine's day. I use birthdays. Keep the goals realistic.

Second is that the rate of weight loss will normally slow over time. Remember that as you at goals. My 1 year goal is 80 lbs. The first 23 lb loss goal is 2.5 months. The second 20 is 3 months . . . I know the last 7 will be 1.5 months if my goals are met, but working on the first one now. The point is that expect it to take longer the less you weigh.
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Old 12-06-2014, 02:29 PM
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
5,630 posts, read 2,835,439 times
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Originally Posted by mysteriousjane View Post
What supplements can I get him? He agreed to take something as long as it is natural (no phen-phen type fads) and safe.
I'd suggest zinc and magnesium with B6, a high potency B group, Omega 3, A, D, E and K. Add to that a multi-mineral supplement.

In addition, you might put him on L-Theanine and L-Tryptophan supplements. Tryptophan can be obtained from foods like cashews, turkey and pumpkin seeds or in capsules. One can take 5HTP instead of tryptophan. Those two are what the brain uses to produce GABA (Gamma Aminobutyric Acid) and serotonin. Both theanine and tryptophan are naturally occurring in tea and other foods. The idea is to reduce cravings by ensuring an adequate level of GABA and serotonin. I'm still working on dopamine which may also be involved in cravings. I suggest you Google them.

I see many diets say simply "bread". That should be whole grain bread. Whole grain breads have 27% fewer carbs, have 13% protein and so on and have a lower glycemic index.

Last edited by 303Guy; 12-06-2014 at 02:52 PM..
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Old 12-06-2014, 03:07 PM
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Oh yeah, supplements. I would say stay simple for now with a multivitamin and maybe fish oil (oderless). Beyond that protein powder can be used to get extra protein. It does have calories though. Protein is important to help keep the lean muscle when shedding pounds. This can be from food. A protein shake is a nice snack though (especially a chocolate milk or rocky road flavored one).

You can expand on this with recommendations from others but don't expect anything to help with weight loss.
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Old 12-06-2014, 04:08 PM
Location: Las Vegas
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I think food is worse than quitting smoking. You can walk away from the ciggies for life. But you can't do that with food. You still have to eat. And when you are used to hamburgers, pizza, and fries, a typical diet lunch of yogurt and green salad tastes like crap! And it's definitely not 'man food'.

There is a good chance he is diabetic. Have one of his diabetic relatives test him if he won't go to the doc. And BTW it's very common for heavy people to avoid doctors because they will be told to lose weight. Something they believe is not possible. Heavy people are stuck in a pattern of hopelessness because they keep looking for an immediate, painless way to make progress with no long term changes. And those of us who have successfully lost weight know that diets don't work. You have to change your lifestyle for ever.

He is lucky to have you. But you can't force anyone to diet. Ever. What you can do is have only healthy food at home and those are his choices. And don't be surprised if he goes out every now and then but most people will just eat what is put in front of them. It's easier.

Serving courses is a good idea. Start with soup. Then salad. Then the main course. Make dinner last longer and try to get him engaged in conversation, not just shoveling in the food as fast as possible. You will still have to have something for dessert every now and then. Check out sf pudding and jello. Another way you might be able to make things like plain greek yogurt palatable is by mixing it with sf pudding. I love greek yogurt with sf cream cheese pudding.

Avoid everything carbohydrate. Try to stick with mostly protein and natural fats. Use only low carb veggies like green beans and broccoli. Cabbage is great too. And if adding a little butter will make it palatable to him, do it. Use more spices when you cook and learn about spices. A well spiced dish doesn't need as much sugar, fat, and salt to taste really good. And beware of low fat products. They take out the fat, yes, but they replace it with sugar and salt. For me, I would rather have a little of the real thing than a lot of the fat free stuff.

I bet he loves sandwiches. Google oopsie bread and make some. No flour and no carbs. It really doesn't taste like much of anything but it's a great carrier for sandwich stuff. Mission low carb tortillas are really good too. I do my sandwiches on romaine lettuce leaves or just put everything on a plate and eat it with a knife and fork. It still tastes just like a cheeseburger but I do miss the bread. Odd because most of the bread we eat really doesn't have much flavor at all. I probably miss the convenience!

You will still have to have snacks. There has to be something available to just eat. I usually keep jerky, nuts, and sf popsicles in the house all the time. Plus there is usually chicken or tuna salad in the fridge. I buy those humongous cans of tuna from Costco. Beware the large economy size of anything 'good'. If I am dying for oreos, I buy 1 single serving package. Same thing with chips! I know if I get the economy size I can and will eat the whole darn thing while sitting in front of the TV watching a movie. And it's unconscious, just a habit. If the cookies are right in front of me, I will eat them!

Make it easier to choose beverages with no sugar. Keep water and plain tea in the fridge. I always have those little 10 calorie sleeves of Crush I can mix in water easily available. I do drink diet soda but I'm trying to think of it as a treat. Not something I drink all the time. I drink a lot because it does make you less hungry.

Evenings are the worst time for people who are trying to lose weight. Have something to do. Work on a home repair project, build a book case. Go for a walk, ride your bike. Just do something that's not sitting in front of the TV or computer. That's when the worst snacking happens! Working out together is great too.

Men are lucky. It's usually easier for them to lose and keep it off than it is for women. The key is to help him get to the point where he sees progress. Once he sees it's working, chances are he will embrace the program. And he needs to know it's OK not to be perfect. But the difference between just being human and self sabotage is that you go back to the program immediately after the indulgence.

For me, the worst diet to stick to is low cal, low fat, and low carb. I will rebel against this one because the choices are too limited and you never get enough to eat. And most people will not stick to any diet that leaves them hungry all time. I also won't work out if I am hungry and miserable. What works for me is close to paleo, high fat, high protein, and low carb. There is always something I can eat. Sure I would love to have some, or a lot, of chocolate. But I don't have it in the house so a slice of cheese or a hard boiled egg will do! Some folks worry about cholesterol on my diet. But my cholesterol dropped over 100 points once I started eating the real thing and forgot about low fat. And I don't take any cholesterol meds either. I do take vitamins every day. And an aspirin.

Lots of purists out there who insist on everything organic who live on kale and yogurt they make themselves from fat free milk. And never, ever, an artificial sweetener. And they spend 6 hours a day at the gym. Yes, they are probably healthier than me and I applaud them. But I had to learn my own limits and find something that would work I would be willing to accept forever. Not just until I was happy with my weight. All or nothing doesn't work for me!

I hope your H finds something that's right for him.
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