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Yes, I would suggest that the OP get a complete physical from a university research hospital or other non-quack doctor. Also check blood sugar and thyroid levels. If medication is needed, get started on that. After that, consult the hospital dietitian for common-sense meal planning.
If there's not a medical problem, it is possible to lose one-two pounds per week and to keep it off, but it takes a life-style change. Articles from magazines and nagging aren't helpful. There needs to be an overall plan, tailored to the OP's needs.
It will cost some bucks to do this, but it is money well spent.
As for the husband/relationship, deal with that later. Right now, get the medical testing and a personalized meal plan (that will also work for the rest of the family, albeit with different portion sizes).
Most exercise makes you feel like you're going to die the first few times you do it. If it was really easy for your body, it wouldn't be exercise. You have to do it more than once a year. For me it takes about two weeks to get used to an exercise and feel like it's not kicking my butt. I know as long as I can stick it out that long, it will get better.
And don't ask people on the internet if you should keep your husband or not. You have to decide that for yourself. You said you've been married 7 years...some people say the 7th year is the hardest to get through and statistics show that's a common time to divorce. You also had a child not too long ago, and no matter how much you wanted a child, that puts a strain on a marriage and changes your physical relationship with your husband, at least the first few years. One thing that we don't always realize is that it takes work to make a marriage last. Getting along with each other doesn't just come naturally, at least after the first year or two. Try counseling before you just leave him. You both need to learn to communicate with each other better than you are right now.
Your husband is trying, in his own way. He says something nice, then he says the thing he's really wanting to say. If he didn't care about you at all, he'd skip saying the nice thing first. So what you need to figure out is if he's really worried about your health long-term, which is a real concern coming from your partner (as opposed to a stranger, who would be mentioning health because that's more politically correct than just criticizing your appearance would be) because medical expenses and the strain of living with a chronically ill partner can have a huge impact on a person. It would sound better if he said, "I love you and I just want you healthy enough that we can grow old together and live to see our great-grandchildren," but sometimes men just don't know the way to say things that's not going to hurt our feelings. If it's not about your health and it's just about your appearance, then that's more of a cause for concern about how your relationship is.
Very good post.
I also want to reiterate what someone said earlier in the thread. Exercise capacity can be improved no matter what your weight is. Skinny people can have a very low capacity for exercise. Heavy people can have a high capacity for exercise.
I think your husband is being rude but he may not understand what it is like to struggle with weight.
I was always thin in the past and made some comments to my daughter that I deeply regret when she became overweight nothing cruel but I pointed it out to her, as if she didn't know, and was constantly making suggestions on how she could lose weight.
Fast forward 10 years now I'm the one 30 pounds overweight and I know how it feels. I don't need anyone to point it out or give me suggestions on how to lose it. Just treat me like normal and support me when I make attempts to lose it, I'm hard enough on myself don't need your criticism.
I could not see this when I was on the other side I thought I was being helpful maybe he just doesn't get how hard and discouraging it can be when you're overweight.
I can understand how you feel. I have an overweight husband and I have struggled with weight issues all of my life. Been doing Weight watchers on and off all my life since I am 13. I am 44 now. My highest weight was 222 back in 2011, I went down to 169 1 1/2 years later. Since then I have been up and down, I am now 185. I am still a size 14 but was almost a 20 at one point. I still do WW and don't plan on giving it up. What's bothered me most was my stomach and thighs. My mom has always told me to wear clothes that flatter me even when I was heavy. It's only until 3 years ago that I started wearing skirts just above the knee. I always wore dark colored clothing now I wear bright colors. Now my husband needs to loose at least 100 pounds if not a bit more, but I love him in spite of his weight and would never say anything hurtful to him like your husband says to you and he doesn't do that to me either. There are more tactful ways to tell someone that a particular shirt or pants doesn't look good on them. I congratulate you on your weight loss so far. I hate to say it but those that have never been fat or never have a problem gaining weight do not understand those of us who struggle to loose weight. Marriage counseling is a must but you should also sit down and tell your husband that the stuff he is saying to you is hurtful and not appreciated. If he really loved you he would not be so cruel to you. Being concerned is one thing but being cruel and saying hurtful things about your body and weight is just plain mean! You need to take care of yourself. I would ignore him when he says cruel things to you or tell him to mind his own damn business. Your arms are not the problem, it's your husband. I bet he doesn't even realize that what he says hurts you. If you did not have a child together I would divorce him.
I know you probably just came on here to get some "atta boy (atta girl)" support just to make you feel better, but you need to understand that soliciting advice from strange people on the internet isnt going to help you. Especially when you have people with their crazy "leave him" comments. Your husband is right, do what you need to do to lose weight and to get healthy. NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER put the ridiculous ramblings of stangers on the internet over what your spouse is telling/advising you to do. And it definitely doesnt help if you are just soliciting positive comments to make you feel better.
Just try to eat right, exercise and you will lose the weight. Disregard the people who say "lose him" or "divorce him" because they are acting from emotion instead of acting from intellect.
Her husband is being rude and insensitive. He could encourage her to lose weight or insult her about losing weight. He is choosing the latter, which is not the sign of a supportive husband. If she doesn't get the emotional support she needs in her marriage, that is a problem.
It is a lot easier to lose weight when you value yourself. Her husband is not adding to her self-worth. That is why people are telling her to ditch her husband.
She needs to decide to lose weight on her own. Her husband can't make her do it or do it for her. When she is ready, she will. Sh shouldn't lose her self-worth along the way.
I hope you aren't seriously thinking of ditching your husband because some people on the internet say he's a jerk. I agree that his comments are insensitive but I personally cannot believe you would break up your family over a few internet posts.
No, I was being sarcastic. We already had a talk last night and he already said he was unaware of the effect he put on me through his words and he's gonna give me back my space to do my own thing. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and go on with my journey. We have 2 kids together and he's a good dad to them, if it really is unintentional like he insist then I think I can forget about it and see how he behaves going forward.
I'm not really trying to seek positive encouragement, being fat is nothing to pat myself on the back about. I have tried everything in the past - through my husband's hard earned money of course. Hired a personal trainer for half a year (I lost 5 lbs but gained it back), even my personal trainer gave up and said straight to my face "I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do for you anymore. I've shown you all the tricks and its UP TO YOU to help yourself, because to sweat so hard only to gain it back...you make yourself look bad and me look bad as your personal trainer" Tried diets, and could never stick to one, went to the doctor had labs done everything came back normal. The primary doctor checked my A1c and it was elevated but not enough to consider diabetic. My gyn doctor gave me an exam and did another A1c test for me again, and this time it came back normal, so I dont even know what the deal is anymore, doctor gave me advice, sent me to a nutritionist, but for the most part nothing is hindering me from losing weight, it is me who is hindering myself. I am not motivated enough. I am not a couch potato since I have to take care of 2 small kids, but just that alone is not enough.
When we first got married, my husband spent money to try everything on the market when I couldnt do it the natural way. In the end, everyone just gave up and shook their head in exasperation, but now 5 years later, and 30 lbs heavier, my husband realized that if he doesnt step in I'm going to be like this for another 10 years or for the rest of my life.
Anyway, I need to change the way others look at me, because I know that I am the typical image of a slacker, and how I look at myself.
No, I was being sarcastic. We already had a talk last night and he already said he was unaware of the effect he put on me through his words and he's gonna give me back my space to do my own thing. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and go on with my journey. We have 2 kids together and he's a good dad to them, if it really is unintentional like he insist then I think I can forget about it and see how he behaves going forward.
I'm not really trying to seek positive encouragement, being fat is nothing to pat myself on the back about. I have tried everything in the past - through my husband's hard earned money of course. Hired a personal trainer for half a year (I lost 5 lbs but gained it back), even my personal trainer gave up and said straight to my face "I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do for you anymore. I've shown you all the tricks and its UP TO YOU to help yourself, because to sweat so hard only to gain it back...you make yourself look bad and me look bad as your personal trainer" Tried diets, and could never stick to one, went to the doctor had labs done everything came back normal. The primary doctor checked my A1c and it was elevated but not enough to consider diabetic. My gyn doctor gave me an exam and did another A1c test for me again, and this time it came back normal, so I dont even know what the deal is anymore, doctor gave me advice, sent me to a nutritionist, but for the most part nothing is hindering me from losing weight, it is me who is hindering myself. I am not motivated enough. I am not a couch potato since I have to take care of 2 small kids, but just that alone is not enough.
When we first got married, my husband spent money to try everything on the market when I couldnt do it the natural way. In the end, everyone just gave up and shook their head in exasperation, but now 5 years later, and 30 lbs heavier, my husband realized that if he doesnt step in I'm going to be like this for another 10 years or for the rest of my life.
Anyway, I need to change the way others look at me, because I know that I am the typical image of a slacker, and how I look at myself.
I'm glad to hear you weren't really serious!
I don't think there is anything wrong with seeking positive affirmation that what you are doing is right. We all need to feel good about what we are doing to achieve our goals.
Hiring a trainer will not really help you lose weight. Weight loss is really a function of what you eat, and how much of it. Exercise may help weight loss go a tiny bit faster but if you want to lose weight you need to change the way you eat and you need to maintain that way of eating to keep the weight off.
You are making positive changes in your diet. That is good. Someone should encourage you when you make progress. Please make sure to reward yourself (not with food) when you lose some weight. Buy yourself something new in a smaller size, or a pretty hair accessory, or makeup, or jewelery.....
I don't think there is anything wrong with seeking positive affirmation that what you are doing is right. We all need to feel good about what we are doing to achieve our goals.
Hiring a trainer will not really help you lose weight. Weight loss is really a function of what you eat, and how much of it. Exercise may help weight loss go a tiny bit faster but if you want to lose weight you need to change the way you eat and you need to maintain that way of eating to keep the weight off.
You are making positive changes in your diet. That is good. Someone should encourage you when you make progress. Please make sure to reward yourself (not with food) when you lose some weight. Buy yourself something new in a smaller size, or a pretty hair accessory, or makeup, or jewelery.....
Remember-limit your carbs. Eat meat and veggies.
Thanks momma_bear, I always enjoy getting advice from you. Its very straight forward and filled with so much positivity. Yea, I limit a lot of my carbs now and mostly eat proteins, fruit (although not too much either due to sugar), and veggies, and drinking plain water. Its really paying off, but I still have a long road ahead of me.
I couldnt believe how much I lost because I have always been struggling to go below the 230 range. I am 224 now (its been over a year since I last saw that number) and when I first started I was around 234. I kept rechecking my weight multiple times to make sure my eyes werent playing tricks on me. I even had my husband come in and hop on the scale to make sure the scale wasnt crazy
Granted, I've never been super-heavy, but when I moved to Southern CA, I went into "party/vacation mode" and packed the LB's on with frozen margaritas and fish tacos. We did a bet at work on who could lose 10 lbs. by a certain date, and I actually lost 20. This is how I did it and the ONLY way I think can work, and if you do it this way, there's no way it CAN'T work:
Strict calorie-counting. Go on a calorie counter website to figure out how many calories you're eating now to maintain your current weight. By my quick calculations, it's about 2800 cal/daily. If you went down to 1600 cal/day, you would start losing 1.5 lbs/wk. and could reach 115 lbs. by Feb. 2017. (I just guessed 115 as a good weight for you.) This means you have to religiously count or guess-timate the calories of everything you eat or drink, including the little spoonful of creamer for coffee or a pat of butter....these are all fatty calories that add up. If you stick to it and don't go over 1600 (which is not starvation, BTW), you WILL lose.
The other thing I did was buy myself a treadmill. I walked briskly for at least a mile every night, and gradually started upping the incline so I was really giving myself a workout. This will help burn EXTRA calories so you reach your goal weight sooner.
I also recommend weighing yourself every day, maybe not in the beginning, but certainly after you get towards your goal. It is MUCH easier to nip 1-2 lbs. in the bud that way. If you don't do that, you run the risk of getting on the scale and realizing you've gained 10 lbs.!
Anyway, my diet above is guaranteed to make you lose weight, so I hope you consider it.
Divorce him if there are no kids yet. You deserve a kind supportive guy who loves you for who you are.
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