New Diet for the Holidays (pounds, buying, hungry, food)

[DTexas85]

The Purina Diet

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dogs and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.
I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

[CelticLady1]

This was just too funny! What a laugh you gave me. Thank you. I'll be sharing this with my husband and son. I know they will appreciate it, as well.

[jkmewright]

DTexas STOP IT!! ROFL!!!!!! I can't wait to try this out! *hoot*

[MoMark]

Originally Posted by DTexas85

The Purina Diet

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dogs and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.
I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

I am SO glad I didn't have my mouth full of soda when I read this...I just laughed so hard that my lower sphincter involuntarily contracted!!! Finally....finally...I've found someone more evil than I am when it comes to dealing with gullible nitwits who can't see the obvious! That was absolutely hilarious!!! Thank you for sharing!

[LoveBoating]

That was absolutely GREAT and FUNNY!!! Sounds like something I would say.

[momof2dfw]

OMG, I just got that one in an email the other day. I SPEWED when I read it. Total greatness.

Here's a true one that happened at one of our business locations VERY recently. An idiot brought their dog in (and no, we do not deal in ANYTHING that remotely has to do w/ animals, well, other than the ja's that sometimes work there ). It was a rott. Okay, I know some of them can be nice but ya don't bring it into a business. My hubby saw it and pondered for a bit about what to do and thought maybe the guy will hurry up and get what he needs and leave. Well, he didn't. Then more people started coming in and the dog started getting agitated and barking at someone. The nitwit owner said, "he just wants your cookie in your hand". Finally my dearest beloved had enough and went and asked the guy to take the dog out of the store. The moron had the gumption to tell him he did not see a sign posted that did not allow dogs. My husbands response, "Here's your sign". LMAO!!!

[exhdo1]

Originally Posted by DTexas85

The Purina Diet

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dogs and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.
I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

Outstanding..............

[Adream]

Right now it is very difficult to type with these tears in my eyes. Man oh man, that was a good one!

[MoonlightMadness]

I loved it!!!!! Gotta show my hubby this one!!!

[CelticLady1]

I was right! I printed this and put it on the table. When my husband came in, he took off his shoes, then picked up the paper. He almost fell out of the chair, he started laughing so hard! He said he was going to have to remember it, so he could tell the guys at work. I'm sure they will continue to pass this one around!