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I guess i'm weird, because i only drink on occasion, which might be b-days, holidays, friends gettig together, on average 1-2 beers a month if even that.
However, i had my share of Vodka in my younger days, when i was in my 20's. I have no desire to drink otherwise.
2 beers a day is not a big deal, unless you have any liver problems, then you don't want to drink any.
Have you asked why his (I'm assuming you're talking about a man) drinking has increased?
Just FTR, I'm a woman, and I love beer. I just love the taste of it, and the smell of it. And I'm a petite, attractive woman, not a big she-man, lol.
As for the OP's question, I don't think two a day is a health issue, that amount is supposed to have health benefits. When you drink more than that you lose the health benefits. And if you suddenly find that two a day is no longer enough, that raises a big red flag.
Here's one: I have an issue with my husband, he is 42, overweight, and drinks whiskey/diet coke, from the time he gets home from work, which is about 3:00 until 8:30-9:00pm. He also smokes 3/4 of a pack of marlboro lights a day. His father use to drink heavily...It seems to have gotten worse as the years go (we've been married 22 years), more and more alcohol every month. He buys the 1.75 liter bottle of whiskey, it's gone in about 6 days. He gets defensive everytime it's brought up in a discussion, so it's not discussed as often as it should. We've gotten into arguments because I will tell him something and he'll say I never told him, or won't remember an activity, discussion, etc...He tends to "lecture" when he's drinking, be too intense about a subject, his moods will change in an instant. And what he agreed upon while drinking, the next day before he starts drinking/while sober, he doesn't like that idea. It's sooooo hard to deal with sometimes, I've even written things down so I can show him. Some days he'll go to his favorite bar after work, come home and drink more. We talked about that and he agreed that he would drink beer when he got home on the days he went to the bar, but that didn't last long. He'll go to bed and within 5 minutes he's out, snoring and making all kinds of noises. He'll frequently grind his teeth also. I recorded him on my cell phone, and had him listen to it, he couldn't believe that was him and told me to wake him when he's doing that. I think he passes out from all the drinking. If he goes to bed at 9:30pm, he's awake at 3am, turns on the tv, falls asleep 30 minutes to an hour later, then the alarm goes off at 6am (sometimes he can't fall back asleep, therefore up since 3 or so in the morning), then he complains the next day he's tired. This happens 6 out of 7 nights. If he doesn't drink liquor he sleeps through the night.
He is not abusive at all, never has been, and has never been unfaithful. We have two boys ages 17 and 15 1/2, they see it too. They know when not to discuss things with him.
When he's not drinking, he's the funnist, sweetest person and I love him so much, we do good together. I do drink, but more in a social setting. He has a great job, makes 6 figures a year, so of course he has stresses, but I need to help him steer into other directions, find hobbies for him, but he goes in with such negativity that it fails most of the time. I do alot of the work around the house, he leaves unfinished projects.
When we've had the discussion about his drinking, he knows that he drinks alot and says he'll cut back, but it's short lived.
I've rambled on long enough. I'm sure everyone will say, go to an Al-Anon meeting for myself and boys and that is what I know I need to do. It is hard to determine what makes someone an alcoholic, guess that's what I'm looking for, but I think that is so individualized that only someone trained can determine that. Guess I wanted to vent and found this subject....so I've vented. I know there are people so much worse off, have more serious problems to deal with, and my issues are minor. I'm a positive person and am usually the one giving and listening, but felt that I wanted to vent on this forum. Thanks.
I wish I could tell you for sure and label your husband as definitely an alcoholic or definitely a hard drinker that may or may not cross the line into alcoholism.
I feel for you, but you claim that you're not being abused, at least not physically... right? But mentally, he's not being too good to himself when he drinks and stuff and he suffers physically and mentally from pains in his body, work stress, life etc. So by association, it couldn't be easy for you.
My wife would laugh at this post, not because it's funny but because she relates. Sober for almost 5 years myself, I suffer from much of that; like having to pause the movie and talk about it- relate it to me.
Us alcoholics are selfish, dishonest, resentful, fearful, immature, slow to learn, easy to forget individuals. We are brutally self-seeking to the core. A nice alcoholic is one you should fear. Why? Because they're up to something. How do you know when an alcoholic is lying? When their lips are moving. You know why they call it AA? Because liars, cheats, and thieves was taken.
But seriously, you sound like you're in it for the long haul. And you have two great children. So what can you do?
Whether he's an alcoholic or not, not much. You can leave him alone with regards to his drinking and let him discover what he's gotta do, maybe let him hit a bottom, and find a way for you and your boys to be OK no matter what. You know what I mean? What can you do? Force him to change his drinking habits? If he's too far along or destined to become a middle or late stage alcoholic, you'll lose that battle every time.
You can, however, set personal limits and be ready for consequences that may result. What if he gets a DUI, hurts himself, hurts others? Don't stand in his way when he's tight, and have an out if necessary. You can still love him through this, but if you don't take care of you, what will you have to offer?
Maybe have one of those blindfold eye patch thingys and some ear plugs for when you try to sleep at night. Maybe he has some sleep apnea or need some kind of mandibular advancement splint for his snoring. I'd seek medical attention on that one. I may need something along those lines myself.
Alanon sure couldn't hurt you, but go into it with an open mind and realize that some of these people are sick too and they don't all "recover" at the same rate. What I guess I mean by this is that you're not a victim. You are responsible for you. You have to be. If he needs to change in order for you to be ok, you're doomed. See what I mean? Ask yourself why you were attracted to this guy in the first place. Did he really change drastically over the years (he perhaps and probably did in your case)? Why weren't his other family members a warning sign to you? Surely there are worse cases than him, but what's he gonna be like in a few years when your kids are through college and married and starting families of their own and you two have total freedom to live and be happy? You want your husband to be well. But it's not all up to you, right?
Take care and I hope my ramblings help on some level.
Add: If you're really lucky, he's not an alcoholic. If he's not, he should be able to stop or moderate his drinking given a sufficient reason. If he can say, drink two drinks no more no less every evening for a month, he's probably not an alcoholic. If he can quit on his own power for a year with no help, he's probably not an alcoholic. But even these are not hard and fast rules. In the book Alcoholics Anonymous, there are suggestions to step up to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Have a couple and stop. Try this more than once. If he's honest about his condition, he'll soon find out what he is. There's a story of a poor individual who had problems with control and decided to get his career in order and he quit for about 25 years. Once he retired, "out came his slippers and the bottle". He was dead in four years.
It's a book you can check out for yourself, if not for him as well. They cost about 5 to 7 bucks at your local AA Central Office.
PS: One last thing; for me, my craving for alcohol in my youthful and fairly healthy and athletic years was hard to see until I was abruptly separated from alcohol. Like when I was getting my hand stitched up in the emergency room at about 3:00am. The doctor couldn't do it because my blood wouldn't coagulate or something, so he was bandaging my finger very tightly. I thought he was being rough with me, so we got into a fight. I got the better of him and threw him on the ground. The next thing I knew, I had 6 cops on me with a knee in my ear, a shotgun in my face, and both of my arms pulled as high as they could get. I didn't feel no pain either. Just the sense that I'd better calm down.
It's the stopping that's dangerous for an alcoholic.
Last edited by McGowdog; 09-24-2008 at 10:43 AM..
Reason: add
Thank you so much for your kind words. I will re-read your comments to remind me of what I need to do and questions to ask myself and him. Thank you for taking the time to comment, it is all taken to heart, the humor in it keeps it real!!
His family's drinking did pose a concern for me, but I said what everyone says, "Oh he won't be like that". His dad didn't do or say nice things when he was drinking (before I knew him)....a very mean man in his younger days, he's 82 now. He's changed alot the last 3 years, he hardly drinks now, less than 3 drinks a month unless there is a family gathering, he may have more. As for my husband, what attracted me to him, was that he was funny/great sense of humor, didn't hurt that he was "hot" either. We got married young, I was 19 he just turned 20, we kind of grew up together. It's great to be loved by him for all these years.
Good luck to you in your continued success of sobriety!!
Thank you! I don't know much, but I do know alcohol. I've studied it a great deal since I was 5 and I've done alot of field work and lab work. I think more about alcohol now since I quit! How pathetic is that?
But sobriety for me is a way of life. Now I get to try to do what normal people do and try not to ask for credit for doing the next right thing. I'm still sinfully ornery and mischievious. I'm sometimes brutally honest and selfish, but I pay for it.
I have a conscience and every year, I've got to clean house. In my ammends, I ask people what I've done to harm them and ask what I can do to set it right. Then if it's fair and moral, I do what's on "the list". It does me a bit of good to do this. These are the "few simple rules" that I have to live by. I go to a small closed meeting and this is what we do... every year. I know a guy whose been doing this for going on 30 years! He "still goes to those darn meetings!" But because he wants to. I can go to 1 a week. Or I can go to more. That 90 meetings in 90 days is middle of the road treatment center garbage too, but... I've done that before too.
I have a wife whose selfish and like to spend time with me once in awhile. She don't want me hiding out in meetings, so I don't. It's a pretty neat deal. I go to the best meeting in the world because I'm there! If it wasn't the best meeting, I'd make it that way or find another one!
That's the attitude that recovery gives you. Hey, we can't get well overnight, right? I hear that my arrogance won't kill me...but my Pride of it will.
I was commended on this post here which describes why some are alkies and some are not. That isn't the post I was looking for, but it touches on it.
Some europeans have a slightly higher than normal percentage of alcoholics, depending on how long their race has crushed grapes. Italians and Jewish people are relatively low, unless they mix with others who have a high rate. Native Americans and American Eskimos have a very high percentage because they've only been around it for 300+ years! They will die off until in time, they get down to 10%. Under The Influence is a book that has influenced my opinion on this and it seems to make sense.
Now having wine and beer in you culture is great. It tells me nothing about whether you'll become an alky or not. The amount has nothing to do with it. Either you'll become an alky or you will not. You can't make yourself alcoholic just by drinking alot. Most non-alkies don't like to get drunk, but hard drinkers do!
Wine is good for you. If you can pull off drinking a glass or two a night, that would be great. But I can't stop at two.
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), then I'll quit for weeks. Big deal. 
