I'm wondering if any of you have had my experience....the realization that, no matter how much you want to deny it, no matter how otherwise healthy your life is, and no matter how sensible and normal you are, you cannot deny the fact that you have a very unhealthy relationship with food. In a word, you are addicted.
I remember Oprah Winfrey once saying to millions of people that she was certain she was addicted to food, and that she'd had this problem since she was a teenager. I think there are a lot of people like Oprah and me.
For myself, after years of struggling and battling my all-consuming desire to eat junk food (believe me, I wasn't addicted to broccoli), I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted my life back. I wanted to be able to think about something else for once. I wanted to feel in control.
So I had to admit to myself that it was hopeless....I was never going to be able to eat just small, dainty amounts of my favorite foods. Like a smoker after that first cigarette, who then craves another, or an alcoholic after that first drink, who then wants another, I couldn't stop at just a half a cookie, or two potato chips.
But on the other hand, nor could I force yogurt and apples down my throat. I'm a junk-food junkie (and I use that term quite literally) so eating foods such as salads with low-fat dressing, or broiled fish with spinach, was just plain punishment. And it only made me crave the junk food more.
It's a daunting way to live one's life...to be so consumed with food. But it was my life for a long time. Until I decided to face and battle my addiction.
Today, I don't eat much at all. But I'm healthier than I've ever been. And finally, after a long battle, I feel more peaceful and in control. It was hard, and it took a long time, but I don't miss the junk food lifestyle I used to lead.
I like to think of myself as a recovering food addict. And as such, I'm very careful about too much interaction with, or thoughts of food. I mostly subsist on liquid meal replacement shakes (my two favorites are "Ensure" and "Boost"). These two little drinks have saved my sanity! They keep me healthy and full, without spurring any cravings, and without tasting bad (they taste like thick chocolate milk). I drink one in the morning, one for lunch, and one for dinner. Only on occasion do I actually eat...and that's only special occasions if I go out to a restaurant with my husband or my family. And even then, I only order a cup of soup with crackers or bread. Then I go home and drink my Boost.
As a food addict, I have to be very careful that I don't immerse myself in eating "situations" more than I have to. For instance, when we have pot-lucks at work, I don't participate. When I go to the movies, my husband goes to the concession stand and buys me a diet coke. I don't go near the concession stand.
I don't go to the grocery store...ever. My husband buys my Boosts, and if I need to buy them, I get them at the pharmacy.
I don't cook or prepare meals at all. And I only go in my kitchen to get water or to get my Boost out of the refrigerator.
Unlike any other addiction, with a food addiction, you cannot completely abstain. You can completely abstain from cigarettes, heroin, alcohol, etc. But you have to eat to live. Also, with most recovering addicts, they eventually overcome their cravings for their drug. But with food, you never eliminate hunger. You will always experience hunger when your body needs nourishment. So that's what makes food addiction so hard to overcome.
In my recovery, I think my biggest revelation has been how truly unimportant food really is in one's daily comings and goings, outside of the very simple need to nourish our bodies and give us energy. But most Americans eat waaaaaay more than our bodie's actually need...especially sedentary adults. For myself, as long as I feel satiated (and believe me, Ensure and Boost are filling...they're not weigh-loss drinks, they're actually for people who need extra nourishment), then I feel fine. I'm never hungry.
Probably many of you are thinking that I went from one extreme to another...from overeating large amounts of junk food, to a sparse diet of enrichment shakes. You're probably wondering why I couldn't strike a chord with moderation. Well, like any addiction, how do you find moderation? How do you become a moderate cigarette addict, or a moderate cocaine addict?
This is the way I have to do it, and while it might seem harsh and punishing, it's actually the best thing I've ever done, and I feel healthy.
For those of you who are like me, where food is your downfall (dare I even say, your "enemy"), I just wanted to share with you how I overcame my problem, and how easy it is for me now (it wasn't easy at first, I admit).
If you're addicted to food, then the peace you'll get from not having to think about it, resist it, feel guilty after you've eaten too much of it, etc., is well worth the lifestyle I lead.
For most of you here, this sort of extreme is unnecessary. But there are probably some of you who can identify with me, and you know that you too are addicted to food. And it's for you that I made this post.
P.S. No, I don't work for the companies who make Boost or Ensure
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Overeating as an Addiction
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