U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Pets > Dogs
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-13-2013, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 23,234,835 times
Reputation: 10428

Advertisements

I'm sure other people here have gone through this, so I'm curiouis how it turned out for others.

I had to put down my MinPin last August. We had her from about 8 weeks old until almost 13 years old, when it was time. My heart was/is broken. This dog had a great personality, understood so many words, was so friendly to strangers. I felt like we had a special bond. When I would be coming home from work, all I could think about was how happy I'd be to see her wagging her "nub" and barking as soon as I walked in the door. She slept at my side all those years. We'd go to dog parks or other parks just for fun. Everyone seemed to love her.

So 2 days after she passed, my partner went out and rescued another dog, a 4 year old Chihuahua/Dachshund mix. She is a sweet dog, but doesn't seem to like our kids. I don't get the feeling anyone ever trained her that well, but she's house broken and likes to cuddle a lot. But I don't feel any bond to her at all. I don't think about her while I'm at work, and if someone came along who loved her (and she loved them), I'd be fine with giving her up (although that's not going to happen... she's in her forever home).

So have other people gone through this? Did you eventually bond to another dog, or end up with a dog you just "liked". I still think about getting another MinPin, but maybe that's just because they remind me of the sweet dog I've lost. Having two dogs would be a big commitment, and more work. I think I'll wait at least another 6 months before making any decisions. I wasn't really happy that another dog was broght into our home so soon, but it is what it is. My partner seems to have bonded with her and they play a lot, so she's well-loved.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-13-2013, 10:46 AM
 
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
16,651 posts, read 26,656,601 times
Reputation: 26597
I was never in this situation -- Artie is my first dog, except for the two dogs (at separate times) that I had when I was a kid -- but I can only imagine that this is what's going on: You spent almost 13 years with your MinPin (what was her name?). She was your heart dog. You had a bond that was so strong (and I understand that -- Artie and I are ridiculously bonded). Any other dog -- whether this new one or another -- is not a replacement for your heart dog. And you miss that. Give it time. You might not ever bond with her like you did with your MinPin, but you can develop a warm relationship with her... in time. You only lost your baby not even 6 months ago -- your heart still hurts. Just give this new girl a bit more time. I'm not saying that you shouldn't adopt another one too, but I'm just saying that your heart is still hurting and it will take more time to let another pup in. Does that make sense to you?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2013, 10:51 AM
 
1,286 posts, read 2,964,659 times
Reputation: 2277
Quote:
Originally Posted by denverian View Post
I wasn't really happy that another dog was broght into our home so soon, but it is what it is.
That sentence says a lot. It wasn't fair for your partner to bring another dog into the family without your agreement. That stinks.

Perhaps you have more resentment about this than you realize and that's preventing you from bonding with the dog. Have you had a heart to heart with your partner to discuss how you felt about this dog being adopted without your blessing? Maybe if he/she heard you out and perhaps even apologizes, that would allow your heart to open up to this dog.

I personally never have a problem bonding with a new dog. I know that the dog will be nothing like my former dog AND I don't want them to be that. I want my previous dog to be unique, that way I'll remember her for who she was (not just version 1.0) and I want my new dog to be unique. That's part of what I enjoy about pet ownership...they are all so different and bring their own gifts to my family.

Since you do like dogs, I'll bet if you write back in a year (or even sooner) you'll have good news to report about your relationship with this dog. Good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2013, 10:57 AM
 
1,742 posts, read 2,692,271 times
Reputation: 1925
For things to work out, you don't pick the dog, the dog picks YOU!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2013, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Alaska
5,356 posts, read 16,314,565 times
Reputation: 4023
My wife is more of a little dog person and when we got Kaiser, our GSD rescue, she said he was my dog. Well, unfortunately for her, Kaiser bonded with her. It took him 1-1/2 years before he'd look me in the eye for more than a second. Well, we've had Kaiser for about 4 years and this last year my wife had a dream where Kaiser was hit by a truck and died. For some reason, I wasn't with him when he was put down, so my wife woke up and was mad at me. That's when she realized she did care about him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2013, 12:18 PM
 
1,325 posts, read 2,833,321 times
Reputation: 1975
First I would like to say how sorry I am that you lost your buddy last year. Everyone has a different way and time frame to work through grief and it is not surprising that you still have an empty spot in your soul for what you lost. It does sound as though you were just not ready for a new pet as someone mentioned above, maybe a but resentful you were not part of the decision to adopt a new dog. Someone else mentioned that dogs choose you - perhaps this dog chose your partner and left up to you would not be the dog you adopted under any circumstances. I would not worry that you will not be able to bond with another dog in the future. You had a good 13 years with your dog so give yourself some time to get over your loss.

That being said, I do think there are a few pets that come into your life that you are able to develop a particularly strong relationship with. Sometimes it happens immediately and sometimes it takes you by surprise. I have many dogs in my life ( and hope to have many more) and I have loved them all BUT there are two in particular that really stole my heart. I think when the memories of your minpin more joy then emptiness, you will find a new best friend!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2013, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 23,234,835 times
Reputation: 10428
Quote:
Originally Posted by DandJ View Post
I was never in this situation -- Artie is my first dog, except for the two dogs (at separate times) that I had when I was a kid -- but I can only imagine that this is what's going on: You spent almost 13 years with your MinPin (what was her name?). She was your heart dog. You had a bond that was so strong (and I understand that -- Artie and I are ridiculously bonded). Any other dog -- whether this new one or another -- is not a replacement for your heart dog. And you miss that. Give it time. You might not ever bond with her like you did with your MinPin, but you can develop a warm relationship with her... in time. You only lost your baby not even 6 months ago -- your heart still hurts. Just give this new girl a bit more time. I'm not saying that you shouldn't adopt another one too, but I'm just saying that your heart is still hurting and it will take more time to let another pup in. Does that make sense to you?
Thanks for your response. Yes, this makes sense to me. I think it will just take more time. And I don't want to run out and get another MinPin until the time feels right. I'm afraid I would be looking for a "replacement" anyway, which isn't the right thing to do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2013, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 23,234,835 times
Reputation: 10428
Quote:
Originally Posted by atina33 View Post
That sentence says a lot. It wasn't fair for your partner to bring another dog into the family without your agreement. That stinks.

Perhaps you have more resentment about this than you realize and that's preventing you from bonding with the dog. Have you had a heart to heart with your partner to discuss how you felt about this dog being adopted without your blessing? Maybe if he/she heard you out and perhaps even apologizes, that would allow your heart to open up to this dog.

I personally never have a problem bonding with a new dog. I know that the dog will be nothing like my former dog AND I don't want them to be that. I want my previous dog to be unique, that way I'll remember her for who she was (not just version 1.0) and I want my new dog to be unique. That's part of what I enjoy about pet ownership...they are all so different and bring their own gifts to my family.

Since you do like dogs, I'll bet if you write back in a year (or even sooner) you'll have good news to report about your relationship with this dog. Good luck.
I don't think I'm really resentful. I did let him know when he was considering adopting the new dog that it would be for him, not me. I let him know that I wasn't ready for another dog at all. He's bonded with her and is her primary care-taker. The new dog is sweet and I don't mind when she comes to cuddle against me on the couch in the evenings. Maybe her personality will develop/come through more over time. Who knows what she had to experience in the past... we were told she was taken from a home with too many dogs. I'm sure she was traumatized by the whole experience.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2013, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 23,234,835 times
Reputation: 10428
Quote:
Originally Posted by talloolla View Post
First I would like to say how sorry I am that you lost your buddy last year. Everyone has a different way and time frame to work through grief and it is not surprising that you still have an empty spot in your soul for what you lost. It does sound as though you were just not ready for a new pet as someone mentioned above, maybe a but resentful you were not part of the decision to adopt a new dog. Someone else mentioned that dogs choose you - perhaps this dog chose your partner and left up to you would not be the dog you adopted under any circumstances. I would not worry that you will not be able to bond with another dog in the future. You had a good 13 years with your dog so give yourself some time to get over your loss.

That being said, I do think there are a few pets that come into your life that you are able to develop a particularly strong relationship with. Sometimes it happens immediately and sometimes it takes you by surprise. I have many dogs in my life ( and hope to have many more) and I have loved them all BUT there are two in particular that really stole my heart. I think when the memories of your minpin more joy then emptiness, you will find a new best friend!
Oddly, the new dog seems to prefer being with me lol! I'll just keep open the possibility of finding a new "my dog" in the future. I've never had to deal with the death of anyone close to me, so this is the first time I've had to experience it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2013, 02:02 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
26,480 posts, read 62,739,275 times
Reputation: 30328
Some dogs you grow to love more over time, some you never do. Some just are nto suited to you. We had a dog that was beautiful and a decent dog until we had kids. THe kids freaked him out. We had to find a single guy to sell him to, he just could not live with us. That happens. It is not uncommon to end up with a dog you do not like quite as much as the last. As I mentioned in another thread, it is my theory that everyone ends up with one BDE (Best Dog Ever) all other dogs fall short of your BDE, so you will always like them not quite as much. Nothing wrong with that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Pets > Dogs
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:32 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top