Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
BFs come and go, a well trained dog should be a friend for life. She needs to spend more time training him.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
A pitbull that growls at the landlord, hates the boyfriend, and plays too rough....
This dog needs to be with a specialist owner with a lot of dog training ability and lots of experience with difficult dogs.
While I generally agree to pay attention when a dog dislikes someone, it is worrying that the dog is hostile to too many people. It's too much a coincidence the both the boyfriend and the landlord have bad intentions. I am thinking the more likely scenario is that the dog has bad judgement and that has to be managed carefully.
Stick to your guns. Suggest that she pays for and goes to dog training or makes the decision to give the dog up for adoption. This is her problem and she needs to learn to deal with her own problems.
At one point, my daughter had a loser boyfriend. To be fair, he had bipolar disorder, but he wouldn't take his meds. Eventually my daughter left him. But, when she was still with him, she asked me to help her pay the rent because he couldn't pay his half. I had to assume that they had already burned out his family with asking for help and exhausted all other options before asking me for help. It was really hard, but I had to tell her no. That she was asking me to support him, and I wasn't willing to do that. But, I told her, if she wanted to move back in with me, she could live rent free, if she needed to break her lease, etc.
Nope, she wasn't happy with me. But, choosing to have a boyfriend/roommate who couldn't pay his half of the rent was her problem and not one I was going to encourage by funding it.
It's really hard to say no to your kids, but if we want them to grow into independent adults, we have to say no sometimes. My daughter had to understand the reality of life with this boyfriend and whether or not she wanted to support him. She did choose to support him for several more years. But, eventually, she decided she didn't want to anymore.
The only way I could deal with her having this kind of boyfriend, and be okay continuing to invite him for holidays, etc., was if I had no reason to feel personally affected by her relationship. Hence, if I had given them money, I would have been involved in their problems. By not giving them money, I could separate myself from their problems, and simply treat them as adults who were relatives with their own separate problems. I hope that makes sense.
Last edited by NoMoreSnowForMe; 11-21-2018 at 10:23 PM..
My daughter moved up north(NJ) from Florida. She has a mix Stafford shire Terrier and Boxer(Not positive on the Boxer part). He has grown to be quite a big boy. He lived with my wife and I along with another dog for a year or so after she got her dog. I made the rule that if and when she moved out that she was to take the dog with her. She understood. Well now that she is living with her BF the dog is not happy. He has growled at the landlord, hates the BF and she wants to bring him back down here. I am totally against this. He is a good dog but he is very big and plays very rough. Two dogs is much louder and can be quite annoying. Having one dog is great. Adding him back into the equation makes the whole house very different and I want no part of that. Now I am the bad guy when all along I said when she moved out she was to take him with her. How can I solve this problem without having her mad at me or have the dog brought back down here?
Try your hardest to find someone else who wants the dog.
You're right, it really does change the whole dynamics of the home when a rambunctious and large dog joins the household....it's very unfair that your daughter doesn't seem to want to believe that.
Tell your daughter to start looking as well.....hopefully someone who loves dogs will take him in...good luck.
You know, what I think is the best solution? TAKE THE DOG BACK. Then find it a GOOD HOME. And spend a bit of time to make SURE it is going to a good and proper home.
Do that, and you should have a happy daughter, a happy wife, no problems for yourself, and a happy dog. R-e-s-p-e-c-t all 'round.
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman
Try your hardest to find someone else who wants the dog.
You're right, it really does change the whole dynamics of the home when a rambunctious and large dog joins the household....it's very unfair that your daughter doesn't seem to want to believe that.
Tell your daughter to start looking as well.....hopefully someone who loves dogs will take him in...good luck.
Why is it the OP's responsibility and not the daughter's? Finding a home for an adult male bully breed who growls at male strangers will be very difficult and could be dangerous for an unsuspecting new owner. If the OP takes the dog back, the daughter will most likely head right back out and get another dog. It's HER dog and SHE needs to be responsible for it. She can invest in a good trainer, she can try to rehome it, or she can turn it into the pound where it will likely be euthanized. But the OP should not be on the hook for it.
Why is it the OP's responsibility and not the daughter's? Finding a home for an adult male bully breed who growls at male strangers will be very difficult and could be dangerous for an unsuspecting new owner. If the OP takes the dog back, the daughter will most likely head right back out and get another dog. It's HER dog and SHE needs to be responsible for it. She can invest in a good trainer, she can try to rehome it, or she can turn it into the pound where it will likely be euthanized. But the OP should not be on the hook for it.
Have you ever tried to make a grown child (or even not grown) accept responsibility that THEY REFUSE TO ACCEPT? Talk about impossible tasks! It can be extremely hard when they are 2 (but not usually). Then, when they hit about 9 or 10, and the pre-teen and teen stuff gets started. And once they've left the house? Mostly the best description of that is fuggetaboudit!
OP could spend years dickering with their grown child, and in the meantime all sorts of bad possibilities are real risks.
The REAL question is not who SHOULD be responsible, but who WILL be responsible to get anything done. We can tell from here that it won't be the daughter! No matter HOW MANY "shoulds" you toss out there. Sometimes, if you want something done, you have to do it yourself! (Gee, that's a great saying! Wonder if anybody has ever said that before! )
BTW, as for finding a home - same "should" rules apply as for any find-a-home scenario - be honest and transparent. Especially about the limitations of the dog.
Another thought occurs to me - the OP could enlist the aid of a breed-specific rescue org. That way the OP doesn't have to do the heavy lifting for finding an appropriate home.
A pitbull that growls at the landlord, hates the boyfriend, and plays too rough....
This dog needs to be with a specialist owner with a lot of dog training ability and lots of experience with difficult dogs.
While I generally agree to pay attention when a dog dislikes someone, it is worrying that the dog is hostile to too many people. It's too much a coincidence the both the boyfriend and the landlord have bad intentions. I am thinking the more likely scenario is that the dog has bad judgement and that has to be managed carefully.
Oregon posted this since I last visited the thread. I have to say, I think this is a real consideration, and should be thought about very carefully. When I read the OP, I mentally glossed over the landlord part, but it could be indicative of a deeper general hostility in the dog. It could even be that this is a warning sign of the possibility of the sort of consequences Ottor projects. Dogs who cause problems that get in the news are not dogs who are hostile to everybody. If they were, they would get put down. They are occasionally, or selectively hostile. Which leaves the owner saying "But they are a good dog!".
Stick to your guns. Suggest that she pays for and goes to dog training or makes the decision to give the dog up for adoption. This is her problem and she needs to learn to deal with her own problems.
At one point, my daughter had a loser boyfriend. To be fair, he had bipolar disorder, but he wouldn't take his meds. Eventually my daughter left him. But, when she was still with him, she asked me to help her pay the rent because he couldn't pay his half. I had to assume that they had already burned out his family with asking for help and exhausted all other options before asking me for help. It was really hard, but I had to tell her no. That she was asking me to support him, and I wasn't willing to do that. But, I told her, if she wanted to move back in with me, she could live rent free, if she needed to break her lease, etc.
Nope, she wasn't happy with me. But, choosing to have a boyfriend/roommate who couldn't pay his half of the rent was her problem and not one I was going to encourage by funding it.
It's really hard to say no to your kids, but if we want them to grow into independent adults, we have to say no sometimes. My daughter had to understand the reality of life with this boyfriend and whether or not she wanted to support him. She did choose to support him for several more years. But, eventually, she decided she didn't want to anymore.
The only way I could deal with her having this kind of boyfriend, and be okay continuing to invite him for holidays, etc., was if I had no reason to feel personally affected by her relationship. Hence, if I had given them money, I would have been involved in their problems. By not giving them money, I could separate myself from their problems, and simply treat them as adults who were relatives with their own separate problems. I hope that makes sense.
Have you ever tried to make a grown child (or even not grown) accept responsibility that THEY REFUSE TO ACCEPT? Talk about impossible tasks! It can be extremely hard when they are 2 (but not usually). Then, when they hit about 9 or 10, and the pre-teen and teen stuff gets started. And once they've left the house? Mostly the best description of that is fuggetaboudit!
OP could spend years dickering with their grown child, and in the meantime all sorts of bad possibilities are real risks.
The REAL question is not who SHOULD be responsible, but who WILL be responsible to get anything done. We can tell from here that it won't be the daughter! No matter HOW MANY "shoulds" you toss out there. Sometimes, if you want something done, you have to do it yourself! (Gee, that's a great saying! Wonder if anybody has ever said that before! )
BTW, as for finding a home - same "should" rules apply as for any find-a-home scenario - be honest and transparent. Especially about the limitations of the dog.
Another thought occurs to me - the OP could enlist the aid of a breed-specific rescue org. That way the OP doesn't have to do the heavy lifting for finding an appropriate home.
This is NOT the OP’s problem - the end. Hopefully, they won’t allow it to become their problem.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
)
