At Times I can't stand my dog - am I a bad person? (shepherd, labrador)

[beatlecrazy]

I will start off with the backstory...I'm kind of miserable at myself for this but here we go:

My husband and I adopted two kittens in May, and we had a blast playing with them and cuddling them. As they got older they slept more and played with each other more, so 6 months later I was thinking about getting a dog. A mutt, I love mutts, and we'd go to the shelter or an adoption even to find one.

Well, we went to an adoption event close by and there were SO many dogs there. Most of them were mutts, and so friendly. I wanted a dog that was about 3 years or older, my husband didn't care. We went around and looked at the dogs, took some for short walks, etc.

I LOVED this one Husky/Shepherd mix who was about 6 years old, she was so friendly and had no health problems. Still a spunky girl, I loved her. But my husband saw this dog, a medium sized dog sitting next to his foster family. My husband loves small dogs and I like big ones, so it's a nice compromise, but I am so picky sometimes when it comes to doggies.

Anyway, the dog's name is Chase, and he's a boxer/beagle mix. He's a nice dog, he's been house trained, but argh...I don't like him. My husband made the decision to adopt him, he LOVED this dog and I didn't want to ruin his pleasure. The adoption fee wasn't that bad, and we have a big yard for him to run around.

Maybe it's because I love certain dogs (Shepherds, Collies, Huskies...furry dogs like that) or something. I do not think my dog is cute, but everyone else thinks he is. I think he barks too much, he doesn't listen to us, he bites our cats hard (he thinks he's playing lol).

I think he's a really ugly dog. I really don't like him. My husband knows this and demands that I pay more attention to him and treat him like I treat the cats.

This post probably makes no sense, I just need to get it off my shoulders. Our family members love our dog, they praise him to no end even when he does something wrong (they say "oh but he's too cute you shouldn't scold him"), they think he's so great in all these ways but I can't stand him. Is this a bigger issue than me simply not liking the two breeds he was combined with? I don't know, it's frustrating.

I take care of him...feed him, take him for walks, give him baths but I do that out of necessity, not out of love. My husband loves on him but doesn't do any of the 'chores' other than feeding him at night and buying him loads of bones and rawhides.

Oh gosh, I'm very sorry to rant. Am I a bad person? I do like dogs but what is wrong here? What can I do to change it?

[Viralmd]

I work in dog rescue. We REQUIRE that EVERYONE in the household WANT the dog in question. If there's ANY DOUBT, the dog is placed elsewhere. Did you ask whether the dog was good with cats before you got him? Please don't take your frustration out on the dog. He can't help what he is. He only wanted a home where he would be loved and cared for.

I have favorite breeds of dog, but I wouldn't NOT love a dog who's not one of those breeds. It's kind of shallow not to even LIKE him because he's not one of your favorite breeds - you asked.

[beatlecrazy]

Originally Posted by Viralmd

I work in dog rescue. We REQUIRE that EVERYONE in the household WANT the dog in question. If there's ANY DOUBT, the dog is placed elsewhere. Did you ask whether the dog was good with cats before you got him? Please don't take your frustration out on the dog. He can't help what he is. He only wanted a home where he would be loved and cared for.

I have favorite breeds of dog, but I wouldn't NOT love a dog who's not one of those breeds. It's kind of shallow not to even LIKE him because he's not one of your favorite breeds - you asked.

Thanks for your reply. Yes, they said he was good with cats. He is, but he bites too hard for them I guess.

I know it's shallow, that's why I want to change, and the reason for my post.

[njkate]

Originally Posted by beatlecrazy

Thanks for your reply. Yes, they said he was good with cats. He is, but he bites too hard for them I guess.
I know it's shallow, that's why I want to change, and the reason for my post.

One good swat from one of the cats should cure this and hopefully his play bites will be just that play bites.

~~~~~SIGH~~~~~~ are you a bad person...NOPE just made a bad choice. If EVERYONE isn't happy with the dog it will present problems and it sounds like this is hubbies love but he doesn't step up to the plate as far as responsibilities towards the dog and you are becoming resentful....I understand your frustration but it isn't the dogs fault

Maybe you can work out some compromise with hubbie as far as walking, bathing etc...

Good luck

[katie73]

Poor poor dog, I just cannot imagine you have taken a dislike to an animal. I would suggest you do nice things with him to connect, like playing ball or something.

[njkate]

Originally Posted by katie73

Poor poor dog, I just cannot imagine you have taken a dislike to an animal. I would suggest you do nice things with him to connect, like playing ball or something.

I think it is more veiled resentment against hubbie, this was his choice but he really doesn't help out with the dog...jmo

But yes poor doggie it isn't his fault

[beatlecrazy]

Originally Posted by katie73

Poor poor dog, I just cannot imagine you have taken a dislike to an animal. I would suggest you do nice things with him to connect, like playing ball or something.

Good idea, I will have to do that. When it snowed here last weekend, I took out a frisbee and went out to play with him but he hated the snow, just kinda laid there in it lol. So I shoveled out a little maze for him and tried to throw the frisbee, but right as I was about to throw it, my husband wanted me to come in for lunch

I will try more and more!!

[beatlecrazy]

Originally Posted by njkate

One good swat from one of the cats should cure this and hopefully his play bites will be just that play bites.

~~~~~SIGH~~~~~~ are you a bad person...NOPE just made a bad choice. If EVERYONE isn't happy with the dog it will present problems and it sounds like this is hubbies love but he doesn't step up to the plate as far as responsibilities towards the dog and you are becoming resentful....I understand your frustration but it isn't the dogs fault

Maybe you can work out some compromise with hubbie as far as walking, bathing etc...

Good luck

Thank you for the reply! I will have to talk to him to see if he can also take on some of the responsibilities. I also clean the cat's litterbox, feed them, I made a little bed for them myself, I squeeze the dog's butt etc.

Like someone said too, I will try to find time to play with him instead of resent everything.

[groar]

things would probably be better if the family instituted a training regimen. rewarding him for undesirable behavior just brings more of that behavior. they say that you are always training your dog, you just may not be training them to do what you want. if he's better behaved, i'm sure you will be able to get past the looks. my husband strongly dislikes our dog's physical type (scruffy), but she's a wonderful dog and he got over it quickly. he even points out dogs like that as cute now.

find a local trainer certified by the apdt (link here: Dog Trainer Search) and take a class, or check out the book "the power of positive dog training" by pat miller for a basic 6-week obedience course based on positive reinforcement. everyone in your family has to be consistent with the dog for best results, though, and training is a lifelong commitment. training a dog to misbehave (which is what they are doing when they praise unwanted behaviors) is not doing the dog any favors. and his rough play with the cats could end up seriously hurting them someday unless he's taught to be more gentle (or not play with them at all). my cats taught the dog what the boundaries are themselves, but if your cats don't do that, you need to step in.

i'll echo the sentiment that you shouldn't take out your frustration with your husband and family on the dog, and next time you need to make sure that everyone is truly happy with the adoption decision.

[Hopes]

I agree that it's more likely misplaced resentment towards your husband.

I sure hope the dog adores your husband. I hope your husband plays with the dog and gives it lots of attention even though he's not doing the chores.

It's not uncommon for pets to become the ideal of one spouse or family member. My sister and her husband each have THEIR pet. They banter back and forth about the wonders of THEIR pet.

Fourteen years ago, we got a labrador. He's a nice dog. But he attached himself to my husband. The rest of the family felt left out and weren't feeling like the dog LOVED us. LOL As a result, we decided to get another dog, which ended up being a beagle/basset rescue. OMG, he became the love of my life!

Interestingly, my husband took a job where he's not home very often. I ended up having to do most of the chores for the labrador and the labrador started adoring me like he used to adore my husband. I appreciate his attention. As I said, he's a great dog. I have a lot of compassion for him. He is getting very old and needs lots of assurance. He gives us lots of laughs because his behavior is so bizzare sometimes. I think he's losing his mind. shhhhhh....don't tell him that.

But I LOVE the beagle/basset. It's like I have lust for the beagle/basset and motherly affection for the labrador.

What I'm saying is that it might not be a bad idea to add another dog to the household that you like. It's totally normal for couples to have different dogs for each other. BUT only do this if your current dog and your husband have a strong loving relationship. There's simply no sense adding another dog to the household if the current dog isn't feeling any love from anyone. But if you're the only one who doesn't feel the love, I don't think it's a crazy idea for you to get another dog just for yourself, one that you absolutely adore. And only do this if you train the current dog very well and plan to devote yourself to training both dogs.