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I did not read through every post, but here's my take on children. We only had one and she's in grad school now, so I've been through just about every age and stage...
Daycare now runs $800-1200/month = 9600 - 14,400/year = net pay perhaps for one parent after including that adult's clothing and transportation needs for a job. Back in the day where we live there were very few choices and it was about $300 (potty trained toddler) to $500/month for an infant...back in the dark ages. Those days are long gone. And with more families having to move around the country to find jobs the days of offsetting your daycare expense with extended families filling in are long gone as well.
Diapers and food...$0.12- $0.35 cents each for disposable diapers. Depending on the age of the infant/toddler That could be $1.50 - 2.50 per day, taking the middle road there. I used to budget $40/month, it's more like $80/month now and that's being pretty conservative. My daughter was breastfed until 6 months of age but even then mom needs additional calories to maintain a healthy supply. If the Federal SNAP program allows $189/month for a meager food existence I'm going to guess the average adult spends a bit more to eat a reasonable diet. Once our daughter started eating food she ate almost everything the same as us, we just took her portion out before seasoning, etc and put it through a food mill to serve. But as children are learning to eat table food there is quite a bit of waste as they try out things to find if they like them and then just the general messy waste of learning to control the food from the plate to the mouth! I'm guessing by the time they are on full table food you are looking at 1/2 the cost of a full grown adult, if you are not buying any extra kid-only style foods. I believe by the time our daughter went to college we were up to $500-600 per month for groceries. We cook most of our meals at home, do our own baking, grow our own vergetable garden, have chickens for eggs (and fertilizer for veggie garden). The college dorm here charges an average of $9/meal. Seems high...but when you factor in the labor and materials to produce, serve, and clean up a meal...it's probably pretty standard. Usually by the time you have kids in your life you have acquired most of the kitchen tools. But throw in the baby bottles (even breastfeeding moms have backups), sippy cups, small eating utensils, food mills (or the cost of commercial baby food) and the first few years can be an eye opener in the food department.
Food leads to laundry. Yes it does. What goes in must come out or be expended as energy used. So, I don't remember a day when I didn't come home and do at least one load of laundry during the week and had the washer/dryer running most of the day on Saturday...and there's only the three of us. Once our daughter was about 10 we taught her to do her own laundry and I resumed doing our own laundry on Saturdays with occasional loads during the week. The number of loads decreases once they are out of infant/toddler stage. But as teenagers they wear something to school, have sports uniforms, and the usual stuff they wear to go out with friends. But the number of loads is more equivalent to an additional adult vs the enormity of laundry with an infant or toddler. Also by expecting her to do her own laundry, I found that it resulted in far less waste. No longer did she throw aside what she decided not to wear that day only to lay on the floor until it was laundry day. Now she learned to hang it back up to reduce her time doing her own laundry.
Health care is pretty pricey when you have kids. A normal vaginal delivery here now is probably in the $5000-7000 range with one night stay. Back in the dark ages the surgical delivery and 5 day stay for my daughter was over $35,000. Imagine what it is now. Once you bring them home they see the pediatrician a lot for the first year...initial newborn checkups and screenings, then the vaccinations begin. After that you can get by with a yearly wellness visit if they don't get sick too much. We didn't have a lot of sick child visits but some kids get ear infections and need surgery, there can be all kinds of food/digestive problems, toddlers are well known for injuring themselves, etc. We slid buy with a handful of urgent care visits when the pediatrician was closed on weekends and a few minor things like sinus infections. We got off cheap. But adding a child to your health care insurance, if you're lucky enough to have one at work, runs about $200/month/child on our plan that is well-subsidized by my employer. So up until having a child, my husband was covered for free with his employer, I was covered for free with my employer. Along comes kiddo and one of us has to add her to a plan. Then if either parent ends up leaving their job to parent full time, then the costs really go up for insurance. Our current plan, and it's certainly not a gold-level plan, runs about $600/month for a family.
Education...as school districts tighten the belt the parents are asked to provide more of the supplies. Everyone I know easily drops $100 to start the school year for each child, not including clothes. They need a new lunch box, back pack, and a list of supplies dictated by the teacher. Add into that a new pair of mid-price shoes (good enough to offer support and last a while but no name-brand stuff at our house), 5-7 pair jean/pants ($75 on sale free tax day), 8-10 tops (another $75), underwear and socks ($50?) and you're looking at $250 in clothes. And that will last them maybe til Christmas, when you pray that some of grandma's gifts under the tree include PJ's and a couple of outfits. Do that again in January, and you may have additional items for climate like parkas, boots, hats, and gloves even if you don't have to replace eveything you bought in the Fall...again you're dropping $200-300 for clothes. When the weather warms up you're looking at summer clothes and sandals, more shoes. And don't forget the bottles of sunscreen that it will take to get through the summer. During the school year there are expenses for the book club, musical instrument rental, fundraisers, activities, field trips, money jar for emergency lunch money, days lost at work because someone has to stay home with a sick child, and many more things I know I have forgotten about.
And the first year is very expensive, especially your first child. Siblings can re-use many of the items you buy for the first. But that first year, first kid is astronomical even for those of us who are very frugal. You have to at least have a crib for the child to sleep in. And safety and common sense dictate that you do not go into grandma's attic and retrieve something you slept in as a child...unless you want to risk your child getting their head stuck between the rails. Most babies need a small dresser to keep their clothes and at least it gives the parent an additional surface to change diapers or keep supplies. We managed just fine without a baby monitor or any of the other stuff. We did find a rocking chair at a garage sale so that I had a convenient place to nurse my daughter in the middle of the night without waking my husband. You also need a car seat (multiple different sizes over the course of a childhood by law), bath supplies, usually a gentler laundry soap, and lots of little things like thermometers, teeny nail clippers, things you didn't know existed until you need them for your child. My husband dismissed the idea of a diaper bag, just throwing a few diapers in a backpack on the way out the door to do errands. Well ya, til you need those baby wipes or a change of clothes. That now requires a trip back home...and we bought a diaper bag. Clothing in the first 5 years was literally a constant shopping expedition. We were grateful for every gift given. But I remember shoes only lasting for 3 months due to growth (not wearing out) and she changed clothing sizes about every 3-5 months. Even though I sewed many of her clothes and received many gifts we still spent a fair amount of money at our local thrift stores to fill in the gaps. I also do not buy underwear, socks, or shoes at thrift stores.
Toys and books cost money. We always asked family to buy good classic toys as gifts so our end of it was mainly for reading material. At first you are reading to them. But buy one year old, our daughter wanted her own books. Then by 5 years old she was reading as many books per week as we do and that can be costly. We utilized the library heavily (she asked the librarian how many books she could check out at once and the woman told her "as many as you can carry" and then we needed a backpack!) and swapped books with other families.
Higher education...you might think that you can get plenty of scholarships with good grades, extracurricular activities, and great test scores. Well I'm here to tell you it just doesn't work that way. Our daughter has been in the 99th percentile since the day she started school and she has gotten very little scholarship money. A state program for the "best and the brightest" payed about 40% of her in-state public university tuition, no books or fees. She had another private scholarship that provided about $1000/year which she used for books. There was no money for dorms so she lived at home and commuted on public transportation at our expense. Students do get a reduced-fare bus pass but nothing is free. If you are spending long hours commuting then you need to carry a lunch and possibly dinner for your day, every day. So in-state, so-so academically public university ran us about $4000/year for just tuition and books after scholarships payed their share. That's $16,000 living at home and using public transportation (I think we payed another $150/year for the bus pass vs the $400/year to park on campus...NOT!) Now she is in grad school. She was accepted academically at all of the 5 schools she applied to but only one offered any funding. She followed the money. Don't get too excited. Her stipend is so low that it qualifies her for food stamps (SNAP) and they do not cover and tuition or fees. This is not for a liberal arts degree. She is a science major. Just don't believe all the buzz about STEM fields. There is no scholarship help or any high paying jobs when you get there, even if it is your passion. In the US you are far better off going into a business major or something related to healthcare (aging population with baby boomers for the next 20 years) since our country has a lot of jobs pushing paper and very few jobs creating or caring for anything. I really do not recommend professional law or MD degrees as the student will be burdened for almost all of their adult years to pay off student loan debts. I work in the medical field and know nurses who net more monthly income than the doctors they work with after you figure in practice overhead and loan debt payments.
Activities...I really don't know what it costs these days for ballet, gymnastics, sports, and music lessons. All children should have some exposure to these things as they are not offered in school curriculumn any more. In our state they are only required to "have physical activitiy breaks" for 20 minutes in a school day. That is usually referred to as "recess after lunch" while the teachers have 20 minutes to wolf down their own lunch or assist in the clean up of the multi-purpose room. But I'm guessing any 6-8 week activity is going to cost $200+ for just the activity fee and then another bit for the supplies, uniforms, travel expense. Multiply that over an 18 year childhood and it all adds up fast.
How did we pay for all of this? From Day 1 any monetary gift was deposited into a savings account that eventually morphed into a small investment account that remains fairly liquid if needed. As a pre-teen our daughter started petsitting in the neighborhood, then babysitting. Every dime went into savings. No $75 jeans that her friends were spending their money on, no spa days for hair and nails. We gave her a small allowance to manage for her needs such as haircuts, movies, fast food. Once she was 16 she started working summers in addition to the pet/babysitting stuff. No, she didn't get to buy a car or even have the time to go to the beach or camping with her friends much. Every dime went into savings. She wasn't deprived though. There were days at the beach, camping trips, days at the mall with the girls, concerts with friends. But those were special activities that she had to save for and not daily/weekly activites. She first borrowed one of our cars until she started college (having to work her needs around our work schedules and her school or work schedule) and then we gave her our oldest car when we acquired a newer used car for ourselves. The older car we gave her afforded us a lower insurance expense for a teen driver. It still was new enought to have safety features but it certainly wasn't the newer SUV that her friends had been given. She was expected to be responsible, pay for her own gas, and let us know when the vehicle needed routine maintenance. She learned how to change her own oil, rotate tires, and keep it clean. It helps to have a husband who was an auto mechanic and then a shop teacher. To this day she keeps a journal for her car care needs and knows when to take it for regular maintennce. Before leaving for grad school she spent a bit of her savings to buy a dependable vehicle with enough room to move her belongings for the next 5-8 years as she goes to grad school and then into the working world of an adult. This also requires her to keep a minimalist amount of personal belongings. If it doesn't fit in the vehicle then it's not going to the next adventure destination.
All of this being said, at 23 years old and still in school, her stipend covers her tiny apartment that she shares with another starving grad student, utilities, and most of her daily expenses. It does not cover her tuition. So here's where the savings/investment account comes in handy. She left undergrad with no debt. But now she is dipping into her precious savings every semester. Her average semester costs about $4000. And remember, her stipend is so small that she qualifies for food stamps. She has been too proud to apply for those food stamps until recently. She was very ill for about 3 months this Spring and realized that she really wasn't eating a sound diet on her little budget of $100/month for groceries. SNAP allows an adult $189/month for groceries. She recently told us that she went to an informational presentation at the university to hear more about the SNAP program. Sad but true. I send a care package every month with the things that don't fit in her grocery budget like basic toiletries. We also cover her car insurance and any medical co-pays. As a grad student she receives medical insurance at no cost. But when she was sick there were expenses for the doctor visit co-pays and prescriptions. Once she graduates next Spring, she is probably back on our insurance. If she is lucky enough to find a job she will have to wait the usual 90 days to qualify for benefits, and if she doesn't find a job then I can put her back on our insurance until she is 26.
That's my experience for the first 23 years of raising a child debt-free, for both her and us. I will also say that I heeded my grandfather's advice...never *********rself out of a place at the dinner table. We decided early on that we would never buy anything or have more kids than we could afford on one income. That has served us well as accidents, illness, and unforeseen expenses happen to all of us in a lifetime.
Really?
We had a Honda Civic 5 Speed and fit 3 children and 2 adults in it just fine and one of the children was in a car seat.
Life experience is the absolute key to this entire scenario, without it you have nothing useful or logical to add to the thread and statistics do nothing to help your cause.
So to recap, do you still think having & raising a child is not expensive?
*And I don't mean doing the bare minimum to keep them alive until they are 18, but raising them so that they are prepared for the world.
I think someone can raise a perfectly normal child for a reasonable amount of money. In the south, I'm thinking they would average something like $6-7k/year (assuming no family help) if they cut out a lot of the fluff people spend money on. Where it gets expensive is when people want to constantly go the extra mile...
I need the $60k Suburban with 14 airbags
I need my child to attend the best school in the county
I need a 2900 sq ft home
I need my child to attend the absolute best child care facility within 50 miles
I need my child to be involved in every hobby/music lesson/sport/after school program going
I need my child to eat 100% organic foods
etc.
Really?
We had a Honda Civic 5 Speed and fit 3 children and 2 adults in it just fine and one of the children was in a car seat.
Life experience is the absolute key to this entire scenario, without it you have nothing useful or logical to add to the thread and statistics do nothing to help your cause.
Absolutely on the last part.
On the first part, if you have 2, let alone 3 kids in car seats at the same time, which is highly likely considering boosters are required until age 8, it is difficult, if not impossible to fit 3 people in the back seat. I'm sure you know this. I'm sure the OP does not.
I think someone can raise a perfectly normal child for a reasonable amount of money. In the south, I'm thinking they would average something like $6-7k/year if they cut out a lot of the fluff people spend money on. Where it gets expensive is when people want to constantly go the extra mile...
I need the $60k Suburban with 14 airbags
I need my child to attend the best school in the county
I need a 2900 sq ft home
I need my child to attend the absolute best child care facility within 50 miles
I need my child to be involved in every hobby/music lesson/sport/after school program going
I need my child to eat 100% organic foods
etc.
Well, both my car with 3 rows of seats, and my husband's SUV were purchased used for less than a new Corolla, so I'm not sure why the obsession with a corolla. Why struggle when you don't have to? That's my question for this entire thread? If you are an able-bodied person, get a $%^ job.
The Corolla is just used in place of "small, cheap, economical car". Do you feel a Corolla is struggling with one or two children?
(is this the mindset that has drove many Americans into debt....they're struggling if they have a Corolla/Civic?)
You forgot about the tax credit/deductions and the fact that it can get cheaper as the child gets older (i.e. child can ride the bus home at 11 or 12 instead of going to daycare).
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It is?! Please tell me where it states that it is impossible to drive a small car with children. 
