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I wouldn't say that people that know you are judgmental but people who don't know you are definitely judgemental because they have nothing else to go off. I tend to not judge people because I know how I live. I'm part of the millennial generation that is really superficial on how you dress, what you drive, and what you do. I drive a 25 year old car and my close friends know what I'm doing and they have no questions or concerns. However when I tell family members that I rent an apartment because it makes more financial sense than owning they look at me like I'm speaking another language since that's the only way to wealth, and I'm throwing away money every month.
Bottom line I think we should all be proud if the way we live and try not to think about what others think.
I'm not frugal or cheap, but I don't pay for crap. My philosophy is to buy something very nice and keep it a long time. After my 11 year old Suburban started having problems at 215k, I traded it in for a Q7. Will keep 15+ years.
Trading in a perfectly good car every couple years seems dumb to me. I actually like my cars more after they get broken in.
Who are these people, and why are you associating with them? If they're people in your neighborhood, aren't they living in similar housing? If they're workmates, I think perhaps you should dial back what you share about your personal life.
I live in an area that was mostly middle to middle lower income for many years. As NYC real estate and COL rises, more of the affluent are making their way to my area as we have easy access to NYC bound trains. There is a cultural push and pull between the original residence and the high income families that use this area as a bedroom community. Many still associate themselves with the city even though live in Jersey. Median sales went from 190k to 465k in a matter of 5 years at the beginning of 2000s (its now settled at around $400k)
These attitudes are part of this disparity. We have high end luxury cars wit large newly constructed homes on one street that runs along water front property. One street over, we have basically the original 1920-30s built bungalows with the original blue collar residents.
I probably do share more than I should.... but its not hard to see 5 people exiting a 2 bedroom bungalow. Because I don't share... they don't realize that I choose to live this way. Some of my coworkers think I am too stingy with money... but that's the extent of it. For the most part, they assume my salary is on par with their own... as far as I can tell I'm probably earning a little bit more.
for example, i have a car that's nearly 10 years old and it's fine for me, but sometimes i see people my age or younger with brand new/newer cars and sometimes i think to myself "maybe i should replace it for something new" even though i don't particularly have a strong need or want to get a new car.
i think a lot of people end up paying their car off on finance and paying a car off monthly is not my idea of smart, especially as you don't know what can happen one month to the next.
i also like finding deals in stores and looking to shop for groceries at cheaper places, but you get some people saying "i no, i would never shop there i don't think their quality is good" and then you explain that the quality is just as good as the more expensive stores, but they tend to continue shopping at pricier places.
i try not to care, but sometimes i feel that society deems frugal people as "cheap" and looks down on those people. i think there's a lot of pressure from society for everyone to follow the crowd, get into debt, struggle to pay their bills and fall into that revolving pit of darkness that the banks want for the general population.
what are your thoughts?
You would very much enjoy reading the book, "Millionaire Next Door" by Thomas Stanley and William Danko. They looked at people with over $1M in assets, what the book revealed is that there are people who have high accumulated wealth and those with perceived wealth. The true millionaires don't live like millionaires, the ones with the mansions, yachts, sports cars, live fast and furious, have a lot of debt vs. the conservative and frugal high net worth millionaire who owns almost everything they have. I read that book probably 15 years ago, I consider it my Bible. BTW- I'm no millionaire, but I owe nothing on any of my assets.
I make a great salary but still get most of my clothes at 2nd hand stores...do some of my grocery shopping at Aldi's and love Trader Joe's. Some people get squicked out at the idea of me buying pre-owned shoes on ebay....of course they wouldn't know if I didn't tell them!
People have different ideas of what they're willing to spend money on and what they don't care about...I'd rather spend my money on travel and funding my retirement (with lots more travel!). I don't want to spend my money on big car payments and expensive clothes.
Definitely. I still have my 12 year old car and others have hinted to me I'm cheap and not living life by not upgrading. Then others get upset with me for not travelling and seeing the world. I'm not a travel bug and don't have anyone I want to go with.
People enjoy it more when others are in financial debt that way they feel better about themselves.
My own experience tells me that most people are too wrapped up in their own lives to pay much attention to what I drive, what I wear, or where I live. I think some of you are looking for issues, so you can defend your lifestyle choices hoping that someone will jump in and give you a pat on the back. Seriously, folks, stop inviting others into your personal business, and just be happy.
when you cheapen your own life that is being frugal. but when you negatively effect others around you by cheapening your life that can be cheapness and frowned upon.
as an example a co-worker will not buy an air conditioner for the bedroom because he does not want to pay to run it and makes his wife suffer through the heat and thast is wrong is wrong . she told me she is soooo tired of fighting with him.
others go out to eat with friends and when it comes to splitting the check they pay their share to the penny and cut the tip to less than it should be on their share even though they can well afford it.
there are endless examples of where frugality a good thing turns into cheapness , a bad thing.
This. There's a fine line between being frugal and just being a cheap bastard.
My brother-in-law is just cheap. He refuses to pay for his daughter's college tuition, has never taken her on vacation anywhere, and lives in his parent's basement at the age of 49 even though he owns a successful engineering firm with international contracts.
Here's the thing. Money is nothing more than a means to an end, that end being a happy and fulfilling life. When the accumulation of money means missing out on life's joys, then you are penny wise and pound foolish.
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