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Marriage isn't for the timid. You sometimes end up with someone who wants to behave financially as though he's still single but with all the comforts of wedlock. (I suppose this could apply to a "she" as well.)
Indeed, I had this problem initially. So I didn't give him a choice. I took my beloved down to his bank and told the accounts person I needed to be added to his checking account, which already had his mother as an additional signer. DH found that it worked well for him; with me on the account I could set up online banking and do all the bill-paying.
Since I opened all the mail that came to the house, the next task was making myself sole beneficiary on all of his insurance policies, annuities, etc. which he darned well wasn't going to do on his own initiative. All of these institutions had online portals, so all I had to do was set a username and password for each. I kept track of each username/password combo and taped them to the file folder holding the monthly statements.
That's another thing the friend should check on: Beneficiaries. Since the friend's husband was previously married, he may still have his ex-wife listed as beneficiary on some document. A divorce does not negate that.
There could be life insurance policies, savings accounts, bank accounts, his pension or other things that still list his former wife (or his children) as beneficiaries or are Payable on Death accounts. As his wife, she needs to be aware of that and not end up being blindsided when he passes away (hopefully years in the future).
Your friend needs to check with a lawyer for inheritance laws in your state, which may be an issue with little money available to her. Maybe she can look into help from Legal Aid.
A wife in NY cannot be completely written out of the will and would receive at least some some assets, but the children can also inherit. Depends on what she jointly owns with her spouse. As the wife, she can dictate how the remains will be handled. Usually in NY, the money for funerals/burials comes out of the estate before any funds are distributed.
And, yes, she should definitely check with the human resources department at the fire department for future benefits.
Surely she signs tax returns. If he is signing for her, it is fraud. Your friend needs to protect herself and start to quietly gather financial information as it is also HER information. I certainly would not want to be in her shoes, nor would I tolerate that sort of treatment, but maybe some legal and financial advice will wise her up. What a sad situation.
There could be life insurance policies, savings accounts, bank accounts, his pension or other things that still list his former wife (or his children) as beneficiaries or are Payable on Death accounts. As his wife, she needs to be aware of that and not end up being blindsided when he passes away (hopefully years in the future).
I would have looked through all his papers by this time when he wasn't home.
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Your friend needs to visit her husband's former HR department to determine if she is a 'survivor' on his pension.
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She needs to find a non profit help. This is abusive. If they are legally married, he can NOT hold money for his children. Everything is owned jointly in New York state. She needs to know her rights now before a crisis happens.
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There could be life insurance policies, savings accounts, bank accounts, his pension or other things that still list his former wife (or his children) as beneficiaries or are Payable on Death accounts. As his wife, she needs to be aware of that and not end up being blindsided when he passes away (hopefully years in the future).
ALL good points.
How old is this woman? has she ever worked? WHY is she even in this position? Anyway.....
This woman/wife/your friend needs to get savvy about her own future.
As a wife she needs to try to find out what she will have in her own right -- AND what will come her way eventually when he dies.
--Does he have a will? What does the will say? Without a will state law determines what she gets. (Some places the wife might get everything and the kids are left out; other places the wife gets most --say 1/3, 1/2, 2/3 -- whatever -- and the kids split the rest.
Also as his wife, she might by law have the legal responsibility to take care of his remains and disposal. KIDS do NOT have to take care of that. But a spouse might be legally required to.
I'd guess that donating his body to a medical school is the cheapest route, then cremation.
In any event, how much she decides to spend on this husband who left her out in the cold financially is up to her.
I wouldn't spend a dime on his behind.
Is this a second marriage? Are the kids you're talking about adults? If they want dear-old-dad to have a service, THEY can pay for it.
She needs to find a non profit help. This is abusive. If they are legally married, he can NOT hold money for his children. Everything is owned jointly in New York state. She needs to know her rights now before a crisis happens.
A ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. It is easy to keep you money and rights than to taken them back.
My mother was cremated. The Cremation was about $6,000. She was buried in a family plot so we didn't have purchase a plot or tombstone. In total it came to $7,000 with prayer cards, newspaper obituary, urn. I prepaid. I think many people charge these expenses and pay off their credit cards later.
$6000 for a cremation?! I was quoted $1350 for my father. So I mentioned they had cremated his wife, and I asked for a multi-cremation discount like the multi-car discount I get with my auto insurance. They knocked 10 percent off.
A big thing is to make sure that the deceased mail is sent to the person handling the estate for at least a year. When my daughter died (divorced single woman with no children), I kept her post office box for a year. Near tax report time, got statements from 3 different retirement accounts, that she had with former employers. About $400,000 I did not knew about. $90,000 in taxes to pay, I had not expected.
I believe in ny the spouse is entitled to half of the estate even if will says otherwise, unless there is a prenup in place. Too bad for kids, ex wife or whomever. Not sure about pension survivor benefits but worth checking out.
Agree with asking for IRS transcript for joint return if one has been filed. Agree to monitor all mail for bank and other financial statements. If mortgage and loans are in both names no need to be clandestine.
FYI, funeral insurance is usually a ripoff product.
i don't see how the state or anyone could make her pay for a burial.is there some law saying you have to bury people?
personally when i die take all my organs and after that throw me in the river for all i care, i don't want anyone wasting money on dead me and don't see how anyone can make them.
My friend is married to a very secretive man. He gives her money but does not allow access to bank accounts, etc., and she doesn't even know what money he has in the bank. She is interested in getting burial insurance for him (he has prostate cancer), but was told that he has to sign the contract, and he won't do it. Here is my question: she has a very small pension. Less than $500 a month. She is not yet 65. What if he dies and she cannot afford to bury him? Is she still liable for burial cost or can the state bury him and not charge her because she literally has very little income?
I can't even imagine being married to someone like this, is he abusing her? In a normal marriage, the couple can sit down and go over all their accounts. If he won't, maybe she should get an attorney and file for divorce. What if he is buried in debts that he's put in her name and that's why he's being secretive? Maybe she should get her half now.
It's very strange she's concerned about burial insurance, of all things.
She could discuss pre paying for the funeral and final costs directly to a funeral home.
I suggest she take a hard look at the tax returns, if he is declaring capitol gains, interest that will lead her to here the money is, and maybe some idea of how much.
And if he won't cooperate, leave the body for the kids to claim or the county/state.
She can also set up a meeting with human resources at the fire department. That person can explain what, if any spousal support there is post a disability retirement. Generally its good.
I could mention this to her, but at this point I am inclined to let the matter rest. I will phrase it to her about asking the fire dept. I just spoke to her and she said he retired, not on a disability thing, but took retirement. My husband worked for Transit Auth. NYC and took early retirement. But they generally are very closed about discussing anything with anyone but the person himself. I got one very mean and nasty person, it happens in government type offices a while back, but I will ask my friend if she wants to call the retirees dept. Thanks for suggestion. Which reminds me I have to file POA with the Transit Auth. for myself regarding my husband.
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