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Old 06-19-2018, 03:04 PM
 
5,456 posts, read 3,407,578 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChiGuy2.5 View Post
What does being the executor of the estate have to do with it? Just because you're appointed executor doesn't mean you get to choose who gets what.

Certainly that is the way it's supposed to work. DH is the executor of his mother's estate and has access to all her accounts.


If he wanted to (he doesn't) he could bleed her accounts dry and the only recourse his sister would have would be to sue him. Some executors breach their fiduciary duty and it can be arduous and expensive to get that remedied. Some wronged heirs never get what they were supposed to. It happens more often than one might think.
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Old 06-19-2018, 03:09 PM
 
Location: NJ
22,745 posts, read 28,597,649 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kavalier View Post
I'm wondering how you all feel about that?


I have read a few articles about all the stickiness of this issue regarding wills and inheritance.


It's a divisive issue.
well, ultimately it is the wishes of the deceased that matter.

how i would feel about it would probably depend on a lot of the factors but I am sure i would want to feel like any differences had a fair logic.
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Old 06-19-2018, 03:17 PM
 
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Actually, the parents may not have needed to give extra money in the will for the executor as some states allow a pretty hefty fee to be taken out of the estate for executors.
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Old 06-19-2018, 03:26 PM
 
6,797 posts, read 2,636,042 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
Certainly that is the way it's supposed to work. DH is the executor of his mother's estate and has access to all her accounts.


If he wanted to (he doesn't) he could bleed her accounts dry and the only recourse his sister would have would be to sue him. Some executors breach their fiduciary duty and it can be arduous and expensive to get that remedied. Some wronged heirs never get what they were supposed to. It happens more often than one might think.
A joint signer on an account could do that; legally, an executor is charged with following the wishes of the decedent and can't just run with the goods.

But a joint signer, before the death of the person, could drain the money.

Seen it happen.
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Old 06-19-2018, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
15,645 posts, read 9,683,968 times
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Boy, when someone dies the vultures come out of the woodwork, don't they ?


Any parent knows that you treat each child as an individual in all respects. Some of our children need a little extra help along the way, so we may be more generous with them. Same when we die, we know which child has certain needs, and we try to split up the money and property to be fair to each of them.

Then, there is always the fact that one child may have been closer to that parent and did more for them when they were alive. If I had one child who was always there for me, and another who was never around, guess who would get the bulk of my inheritance ?
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Old 06-19-2018, 03:35 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
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My parents are rich. My dad is a nuclear engineer with quite a few patents in his name.

He and my mother have made it very clear that they are rich and that money is theirs to donate when they pass which they have already made provisions for.

They provided us with college educations (my sister is and oncologist she she went all the way through med school, my brother has an MBA, me a BA) and our kids, their grandchildren, with college educations.

They have always said all the money they have will go to charity and will not go to us.

Growing up and not expecting anything has probably been more of a blessing than we realize.

To the OP, I think it is your mother's right to do whatever she wants.
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Old 06-19-2018, 03:38 PM
 
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my brother took all of my moms ( no will) and half of my dads, he would of took all of it if he could.
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Old 06-19-2018, 03:44 PM
 
15,395 posts, read 8,692,941 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kapikap View Post
In all fairness, it should be distributed equally or given to charity,FI! Parents should realize the affect that doing it any other way will only cause conflict. Sell the House, Split the bank / insurance payment, do it as a team or through an executor. Parents really need to open talks about their wishes.
In all fairness, during life it should be distributed equally as well. But it isn't always.

My MIL has supported, bailed out and loaned-without-payback my SIL her entire life. My SIL and her family live on my MIL's property, and contributes zero to the upkeep of that property. My MIL has given her 2 cars, paid for the grandson's sports expenses, pays for her cell phones, and is currently being guilted into paying for my SIL's mandatory college degree (that she agreed to get as a condition of a promotion at her work).

My husband on the other hand, has never taken a penny from his mom, helped build her house himself, and when we lived near her, did all of the upkeep and repairs to her house.

My MIL has told him that she is leaving the bulk of her estate to him, to "even things out". She doesn't have the guts to cut my SIL off, or tell her no (my SIL has gotten physical when money was discussed in the past), and has admitted she's taking the coward's way out. She feels bad that my husband will bear the brunt of his sister's rage, but figures she'll be dead so it won't affect her.

My husband has resigned himself to the fact that his sister will never speak to him again, after she realizes what has happened. But he also knows that it might just as likely happen if it was distributed evenly, as she only interacts with him when she needs something.

We're hoping that his mom lives a long and decadent life, and spends every penny living it up. I tell her and my own mom that "I want to loan them their last $10".
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Old 06-19-2018, 03:45 PM
 
Location: Minnesovia
2,505 posts, read 640,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
My parents are rich. My dad is a nuclear engineer with quite a few patents in his name.

He and my mother have made it very clear that they are rich and that money is theirs to donate when they pass which they have already made provisions for.

They provided us with college educations (my sister is and oncologist she she went all the way through med school, my brother has an MBA, me a BA) and our kids, their grandchildren, with college educations.

They have always said all the money they have will go to charity and will not go to us.

Growing up and not expecting anything has probably been more of a blessing than we realize.

To the OP, I think it is your mother's right to do whatever she wants.
My mom hanged herself three years ago. My father and I cut her down. My father had a heart attack and died a day after Memorial Day the same week, three years later. I was the one who called the police and got him to the ER.
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Old 06-19-2018, 05:04 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia/South Jersey area
2,293 posts, read 1,043,745 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kavalier View Post
My mom hanged herself three years ago. My father and I cut her down. My father had a heart attack and died a day after Memorial Day the same week, three years later. I was the one who called the police and got him to the ER.
Wow, that was a bit dark. sorry about your parents.
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