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My parents had a will that divided their estate equally between my brother and myself. My brother was the executor. I was later told by relatives that I was not considered for executorship because I had married an Asian women and they objected to interracial marriages.
Actually, not being considered for the executor was a kindness. It's not some sort of blessing or bragging right, it is a lot of work, responsibility, meticulous documentation and legal procedure, and can lay an immense amount of time on top of your normal busy life. A person named as executor can always decline the "honor".
Regardless whether you feel being the executor is a privilege or a curse, whether you understand or agree with your parent's wishes or not, if you carry out your responsibility honestly, you will know in your heart that YOU did the honorable thing. You'll know this forever no matter what some spiteful relative decides to believe. This is a pretty important realization for people who care about such things.
I was my dad's executor. He explained exactly why I was chosen....he knew I would honor his wishes, lay grudges and resentment aside, and manage probate and the estate assets efficiently. No spite or drama despite a few reasons for those possibilities. He knew one other choice would not do the same.
It's also a lot more than simple money. Many times the bigger emotional upsets come out over heirlooms. There is usually only one of something and it can't be chopped up. So-and-so promised me THIS, promised me THAT. Things have unequal emotional or monetary value even if it's modest.
Last edited by Parnassia; 06-20-2018 at 01:57 PM..
Actually, not being considered for the executor was a kindness. It's not some sort of privilege, it is a lot of work, responsibility, meticulous documentation and legal procedure, and can lay an immense amount of time on top of your normal busy life. A person named as executor can always decline the "honor".
I was my dad's executor. He explained exactly why I was chosen....he knew I would honor his wishes, lay grudges and resentment aside, and manage probate and the estate assets efficiently. No spite or drama despite a few reasons for those possibilities. He knew one other choice would not do the same.
It's also a lot more than simple money. Many times the bigger emotional upsets come out over heirlooms. There is usually only one of something and it can't be chopped up. So-and-so promised me THIS, promised me THAT. Things have unequal emotional or monetary value even if it's modest.
Ha. Well my oldest sister is the person that would have handled it most efficiently, that's for sure.
Moreover, I am glad I'm not the one having to deal with it - maybe it's why she's getting that extra sum, now that I think about it. Plus her brother in law has a degree in finance, so there's that.
My.bio dad believed in giving equally to his 9 kids. We all got nothing .That was his equal mantra. We contested. First time in the history of my siblings we all agreed . 9 kids smiled when the judge ordered our rights to claim. His gf was less pleased. So be it.
My mom's estate...no fighting or eagerness to settle the estate. My sibs said...sis .handle it . If you need waivers we'll sign off. You did a lot for mom. I really did not want her 'things'..I wanted her back ..and healthy. Kinda hard to ask for that to happen. So 5 yrs and a battle with her Roth acct...ongoing. I think I'll pass on any Roth now and in the future. That is the shadiest way to keep a person's earned money and then penalize beneficiaries...
I'll have nothing to leave my kids... maybe a tidbit of memories. Otherwise they'll get a welcoming sigh of relief that I'm gone. It will be a sneeze in their day. A 'Bless you' then they'll move along.....
You can easily read about the probate procedure for your state. That should reassure you about what the executor should and should not be doing. The court and probate attorney should be informing all the heirs about any actions, court filings, or decisions to be made by all the heirs as well. They should also be providing you a copy of the official will, so you can check against that.
My.bio dad believed in giving equally to his 9 kids. We all got nothing .That was his equal mantra. We contested. First time in the history of my siblings we all agreed . 9 kids smiled when the judge ordered our rights to claim. His gf was less pleased. So be it.
My mom's estate...no fighting or eagerness to settle the estate. My sibs said...sis .handle it . If you need waivers we'll sign off. You did a lot for mom. I really did not want her 'things'..I wanted her back ..and healthy. Kinda hard to ask for that to happen. So 5 yrs and a battle with her Roth acct...ongoing. I think I'll pass on any Roth now and in the future. That is the shadiest way to keep a person's earned money and then penalize beneficiaries...
I'll have nothing to leave my kids... maybe a tidbit of memories. Otherwise they'll get a welcoming sigh of relief that I'm gone. It will be a sneeze in their day. A 'Bless you' then they'll move along.....
why was the roth such a problem? who is keeping the earned money?
that is an interesting way to think of how the kids will view your passing.
Favoritism by a parent, whether before or after death, ruins sibling relationships. This I know from personal experience. Just another reason we will be 100% equitable with our kids.
It may not be favoritism, but rather fairness. And fairness isn't always a 50/50 inheritance split.
As in the case of my SIL, she's already gotten far more during her life than my husband ever has from their mother. My MIL has indicated that she's going to use the inheritance to even things up.
It will be the end of my husband's relationship with his sister, however, because she WILL look at it as favoritism.
It may not be favoritism, but rather fairness. And fairness isn't always a 50/50 inheritance split.
As in the case of my SIL, she's already gotten far more during her life than my husband ever has from their mother. My MIL has indicated that she's going to use the inheritance to even things up.
It will be the end of my husband's relationship with his sister, however, because she WILL look at it as favoritism.
I think the ideal is an even split, but in the case where there is good reason for uneven splits, the parent should explain it ahead of time or at least leave a note.
NOT giving any explanation for the difference is going to leave the sibling who got less feeling LESS LOVED. In the absence of a given reason, their imagination is going to go to negative places like "My parents loved me less."
It may not be favoritism, but rather fairness. And fairness isn't always a 50/50 inheritance split.
As in the case of my SIL, she's already gotten far more during her life than my husband ever has from their mother. My MIL has indicated that she's going to use the inheritance to even things up.
It will be the end of my husband's relationship with his sister, however, because she WILL look at it as favoritism.
I get that. If things were fair I’d be getting a hefty chunk of change from my mother. As it stands however, I’ll get nothing since my worthless brother and his equally worthless wife got it all out of her in the last couple decades leaving her to subsist on SS when she should have a worry free retirement.
IMO it’s risky to give one child money before you die while intending to make it up to the other when you’re gone. I’ve seen too many people left without anything to leave due to nursing home or medical costs. If we ever decide to give one money, the other will be getting a check for the same amount.
My.bio dad believed in giving equally to his 9 kids. We all got nothing .That was his equal mantra. We contested. First time in the history of my siblings we all agreed . 9 kids smiled when the judge ordered our rights to claim. His gf was less pleased. So be it.
I find it hard to believe a judge threw out a Will, unless there were extraordinary circumstances. I can think of no State that mandates inheritance for children when a valid Will exists.
Quote:
Originally Posted by msgsing
My parents had a will that divided their estate equally between my brother and myself. My brother was the executor. I was later told by relatives that I was not considered for executorship because I had married an Asian women and they objected to interracial marriages.
Did you ever consider what they say may not be true? Perhaps they're projecting their own views on your parents.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyrallnamestaken
To me, the problem is when parents leave money unequally to their children. To them, this says you love one kid more than the other.
If that's what they want to believe, then there's not much you can do about it.
Anyone who equates love with money has serious mental and emotional issues.
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
This is true, so that's why there is a lot of legal accountability built into the law. The heirs need to demand accountability of the executor early in the game so that he or she realizes her movements will be monitored.
Yes, I know of an instance where one of the children as executor went on numerous extravagant vacations with his wife over the course of the 3 years he acted as executor and billed the estate. He claimed it was a legitimate expense, because he was "fact-finding."
As an example, he and his wife spent a month in the Florida Keys. He claimed he suspected his parents bought land there, when all he had to do was search the Monroe County Auditor's website from his home to find the answer (which was "no"). Naturally, the probate judge disallowed those expenses in the end.
He might have gotten away with it if family members weren't vigilant.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
Yes, it does create a problem when a will is legally contested. It creates a problem for the person who stands to inherit most or all of the money, as their right to inherit is now jeopardized and they may incur significant legal expenses in fighting the person who wants their share.
No child has a right to inherit under any State law when a Will exists, except under very narrow certain special circumstances, and that is when a child is born after a Will is executed, but before the is updated.
Spouses in community-property States automatically inherit everything classified as joint-property. In non-community-property States, there are State laws that protect the surviving spouse.
Let them sue. Your attorney will seek reasonable legal fees and court costs when you win, so in the end you pay nothing or very little for legal expenses.
No child has a right to inherit under any State law when a Will exists, ..
I never said otherwise.
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