joke of the day

[floridasandy]

Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948

what do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes
nothing, i already told her twice

tsk-tsk.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
- You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.



What is the difference between the government and the Mafia?
-One of them is organized.

[floridasandy]

Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"

[floridasandy]

n Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return her Father cussed her.

"Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?"

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff.... Dad.... I became a prostitute.. ."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family."

"OK, Dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a £5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club........ ......... ....... (takes a breath)..... ........ and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and... ..."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says Dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff.... a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff."

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug."

[mkfarnam]

THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house a
nd went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. ?
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box,
opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'
To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'


(Are you ready? This is a beauty...)


'My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'

[70Ford]

(Pub joke) What goes in long and hard and comes out soft and sticky?

Chewing gum.

[dougie86]

Thanks for posting the jokes. Some are real funny.
Here is one that's been circulating for a while.

A joke making the rounds in China:
1949: Only socialism could save China
1979: Only capitalism could save China
1989: Only China could save socialism
2009: Only China could save capitalism