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Old 10-09-2009, 04:07 AM
 
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The economy is so bad now that whenever the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call and ask them if they meant you or them.
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Old 10-09-2009, 12:00 PM
 
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LOL!..Now see, thats funny.
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Old 10-09-2009, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
17,032 posts, read 26,045,203 times
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and they'll add a fee to it as well.
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Old 10-09-2009, 02:13 PM
 
1,340 posts, read 2,432,454 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by floridasandy View Post
The economy is so bad now that whenever the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call and ask them if they meant you or them.
Whats the joke?
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Old 10-09-2009, 07:02 PM
 
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You get a canadian quarter in your change and wonder if you have to declare the windfall to the IRS.
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Old 10-09-2009, 08:05 PM
 
Location: Great State of Texas
86,093 posts, read 69,937,493 times
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Good one flori..had me chuckling.
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Old 10-10-2009, 04:42 AM
 
12,870 posts, read 12,780,036 times
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joke of the day: economic models explained by cows

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the sh*t out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

A WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You had 2 cows. The Government sold them to their mates who milked them dry and now the government wants you to buy them back.

LINUX COWS: You get 2 cows for free with promise of free veterinary support. The cows get sick, your family starts to get hungry. You contact your local veterinary community for free support and find out there is no fix for your problem, if there is you will have to wait and that maybe too late. The remedy is to pay the breeder of your free cows a fee. It would have been cheaper to buy two cows from a breeder who includes veterinary support in the price you can call any time. You are disappointed as the media said free cows are the future and you find out the hype is not what people made it out to be, you nearly starved for the experience.

IBM GSA or EDS Cows: You have two cows. One has a calf. The outsourcer sends an Account Representative with an SLA Variation. The calf gets sick. The outsourcer sends two lawyers to dispute the SLA covers the calf. You demand that the SLA cover both original cows and the calf. The outsourcer returns with two Account Representatives, an Account Manager, a Business Analyst, a Software Architect, a Support Engineer, and a Project Manager. You are required to hire the rest of the project team. At the end of the project, the team produces an SLA Variation with a 400-page Appendix. The Executive Summary says "We know what's wrong. It's your fault, and you owe us more money." You give up and go to milk the two cows: but it's been six months since you last milked them so they long since dried up. Nobody has any use for the now-healthy calf that's running around eating its head off.

UNISYS COWS: You have no cows. You hear about someone else making two cows, and construct a bogus claim for how the cow was your idea. Whenever anyone milks a cow, even if they don't sell the milk, they have to give you money. As a result, everyone starts drinking sheeps milk.
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Old 10-10-2009, 09:15 AM
 
1,340 posts, read 2,432,454 times
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Wink Good one

Quote:
Originally Posted by Icy Tea View Post
You get a canadian quarter in your change and wonder if you have to declare the windfall to the IRS.
Now, thats funny!
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Old 10-10-2009, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Miami
284 posts, read 978,458 times
Reputation: 251
Default State of the Economy

The Economy, How Bad Is It?

The economy is so bad...that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

The economy is so bad...I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

The economy is so bad...that CEO 's are now playing miniature golf.

The economy is so bad...if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

The economy is so bad...Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

The economy is so bad...McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

The economy is so bad...parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

The economy is so bad...a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

The economy is so bad...Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

The economy is so bad...Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The economy is so bad...the Mafia is laying off judges.

The economy is so bad...Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

And finally...

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
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Old 10-11-2009, 04:48 AM
 
12,870 posts, read 12,780,036 times
Reputation: 4446
Quote:
Originally Posted by induhvidual View Post
The Economy, How Bad Is It?

The economy is so bad...that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

The economy is so bad...I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

The economy is so bad...that CEO 's are now playing miniature golf.

The economy is so bad...if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

The economy is so bad...Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

The economy is so bad...McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

The economy is so bad...parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

The economy is so bad...a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

The economy is so bad...Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

The economy is so bad...Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The economy is so bad...the Mafia is laying off judges.

The economy is so bad...Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

And finally...

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
now that's funny!
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