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I totally agree. I have two boys ; one gets resource reading ; he is just going into 6th grade, but works very hard and his teachers know how hard he works ; they never inflate his grades because thats not what I want. I never correct his homework as I feel the teacher needs to know if he knows and understands somethings. He is an average student but excels on social studies and reads the newspaper every day so he tells the other kids what is going on in the world.
My other son is very bright ; he is 10 and reads a lot, I feel he is not challenged enough in school and once he understands something, he wants to move on. Again, I never correct his homework and understand that he is a bright kid. Neither have had any issues with teachers or discipline.
My friends sons ; oh well they are so so smart. One is always getting this award and that award in school. However, his mother corrects all their homework so they go to school with perfect homework. Both are deeply involved in sports etc.
But neither get along with eachother, are very physical with eachother and have bad attitudes as they think they are the princes.
Which do I prefer ; of course my children. They are kids. The go for walks in the woods behind our house, they make up games, they get along with eachother(most of the time) and many people have complemented us.
In talking with other parents, online or in real life, it is interesting to me how many parents speak of their children as being exceptionally bright. If they have 3 kids, they are all exceptionally bright.
Does anyone have 'average' kids anymore? Why is it a bad thing to have a child who is in the middle of the pack? We have one who tends to do very well in school (not exceptionally bright, just a very good student who also works hard), another who is not great but gets by just fine and one who struggles to stay in the middle of the pack.
There are multiple reasons, I think. The first one is that people with average or low average kids tend not to be as vocal in discussions about education. Either they don't want to get involved in a discussion of AP vs. honors classes since their little Jason is barely getting Cs in gen ed math, or they just aren't interested enough in the subject to begin with (which may or may not be connected to Jason's Cs).
The second is that, in discussions about school and education, people tend to speak from their personal frame of reference. If you have a kid who is smarter than the average bear, that's simply your frame of reference. It's not necessarily intended as "bragging"-- it's not like I did something during pregnancy or early childhood specifically to make them that way; it's not a reflection on my accomplishments. But that's how it's perceived by others.
And honestly, people with kids who are athletes or the social queen of middle school or who win pageants tend to speak up in those discussions, as well. But I think the academic discussions tend to incite more commentary for some reason. I've no idea why.
Far too many parents think their children are exceptionally bright thanks to the school districts often not challenging the kids. Put up a red flag when 1/3 of every class is on the A honor role. Too many schools do the grade inflation thing, thus keeping any parental pressure to a minimum.
If little Johnny is getting A's all thru school and never brings a book home some parents think he's "brilliant". The reality is that most likely, he's an average student in a very poor school. If ANY kid is pulling nearly straight A's while doing little or no homework, speaking from experience, be EXTREMELY worried.
All this sliding through school with little effort thanks to a school with an administration who likes to keep every parent happy will catch up with these kids big time when they hit college.
If you want a good barometer on how well your school really is doing, check ACT's/SAT's and the percentage of college freshmen from your school who have to take remedial courses due to testing below college minimums.
This is really what I was think of when I wrote the OP. It seems to be that people THINK their kids are super, super smart (for the reason listed above and for many reasons expressed on this thread). In fact, there are a lot of bright kids who are talented in many ways and most of us have kids who fall into THAT pack. However, there are not as many exceptionally bright kids...but most seem to want to label their children as such. That is what I believe is happening.
Why does everyone seemed to have an "exceptionally bright' child?!?!?
But... my mommy told me the whole time I was growing up that I was sooo smart, special and good at everything!
Ah, being a kid in the 80's was special... your teachers couldn't hit you but they could still hug you, He-man and Octimus Prime told me how important I was at the end of each cartoon and I could play outside alone and only fear devil worshippers would abduct me or maybe fall and get trapped in a uncapped oil well pipe.
I had a wall full of trophies and ribbons for "effort" and "participant" growing up and when I flunked the test to get into a "gifted student" school my mom said it was because the test wasn't fair, not that I wasn't good enough.
I graduated High School without ever doing homework, reading a book, being able to write or do any algebra and got an A in history just for bringing my dad's real AK-47 to school for my Vietnam report. Yay Me!
It was one night a few years later and far away from home, with blood all over the ground and bullets wizzing by my head that I suddenly realized it was all B.S. Not just normal everyday B.S. ...but a serious heaping mound of stinking, steaming horseshI!.
As it turned out, I wasn't particularly special... pretty much everyone looked the same on the inside (literally), there were no guarantees in life and I realized I certainly wasn't particularly smart, being that I put myself in that situation willingly.
Dammit mom, why didn't you just tell me the truth?
I think you're hitting a very important nail on the head.
Speaking as a teacher myself, the pressure is absolutely there to give students (the majority of students) As or Bs. In all my years of teaching, I have NEVER been called on the carpet for handing out too many As and Bs -- only for the reverse. I have never been pressured by parents, students, and administrators to lower a grade -- only to raise them.
Historically, most of the students in my classes make from a D+ to a B-. I try very hard to avoid grade inflation and to value those assignments which accurately demonstrate those skills students can prove they have mastered. You'd be surprised -- or maybe not -- to hear how often I'm told, "But I've always gotten As," often from students whose skills are not on grade level.
I'm not surprised at all, and perhaps I'm just a "weirdo parent" but one of my biggest beefs is the ability to redo work until a so-called "A" is achieved (K-5) only to find out in 6th, that any redo work will be given a 75 period (unless the grade will clearly be less than D- in which case, a redone 95 or two will be factored in). What also flames me is the fact that if I show them perhaps a less-complicated way of solving a problem ("Oh yeah - I get it now!") they aren't able to use the same method in the classroom, or nobody else does it that way, so they go back to doing it the confusing way and then fail.
Talk about defeating the purpose and lowering self-esteem. What a conundrum to be in. On one hand, you want kids to feel good for getting something correct, and on the other, if one chronically has difficulty learning, you don't want to continually shoot them down. While raising the bar is good in some cases, I think there is a limit.
I consider part of that (in the lower grades anyway) the result of trying to push too many concepts at once (most of which are over their heads too early in development) in hopes to make kids "smarter."
I blame ego (and not just teachers, but parents as well).
IMHO, it doesn't take a whole lot of observation to see which kids are gifted, really (mine are wonderfully "average" for now). I feel equally frustrated at watching a kid who yawns through class because they're so bored.
I totally agree. I have two boys ; one gets resource reading ; he is just going into 6th grade, but works very hard and his teachers know how hard he works ; they never inflate his grades because thats not what I want. I never correct his homework as I feel the teacher needs to know if he knows and understands somethings. He is an average student but excels on social studies and reads the newspaper every day so he tells the other kids what is going on in the world.
My other son is very bright ; he is 10 and reads a lot, I feel he is not challenged enough in school and once he understands something, he wants to move on. Again, I never correct his homework and understand that he is a bright kid. Neither have had any issues with teachers or discipline.
My friends sons ; oh well they are so so smart. One is always getting this award and that award in school. However, his mother corrects all their homework so they go to school with perfect homework. Both are deeply involved in sports etc.
But neither get along with eachother, are very physical with eachother and have bad attitudes as they think they are the princes.
Which do I prefer ; of course my children. They are kids. The go for walks in the woods behind our house, they make up games, they get along with eachother(most of the time) and many people have complemented us.
I live up North, but as far as this goes, I could live right next door to you because I see (and go through) the very same thing.
In the end 'tho, I take solace in the fact that even if they don't end up going to some Ivy League College, they'll be able to take care of themselves and become decent human beings in the process.
In talking with other parents, online or in real life, it is interesting to me how many parents speak of their children as being exceptionally bright. If they have 3 kids, they are all exceptionally bright.
Does anyone have 'average' kids anymore? Why is it a bad thing to have a child who is in the middle of the pack? We have one who tends to do very well in school (not exceptionally bright, just a very good student who also works hard), another who is not great but gets by just fine and one who struggles to stay in the middle of the pack.
I find myself, constantly, surrounded by folks fighting to have their children in advanced classes (one mom who knew our oldest was placed in honors English for the fall actually called and asked about her grades and test scores from 8th grade so she could fight to get her 'exceptionally bright' child moved up to that class!). Others seem to look at me with pity or awe when I say how proud we were of our youngest for passing his math final and not having to go to summer school, as he worked really hard all year.
I'm sorry, but is the day of being proud of kids who do their best, even when that best does not eqaul exceptionally bright, done and gone? I find the same with sports, music, etc. It does not seem okay for your child to be in recreational soccer AND be proud of that. Most seem to think their exceptionally athletic child must be in elite soccer and that playing piano is no accomplishment...they have to be in a rated program. UGH!
I don't have an answer for the "why?" but I can sympathize having observed this phenomenon many times. I did my student teaching at a private school that I began to call Lake Wobegone because of all of the supposedly above average children. We had a policy of teaching math and reading in very small (<10) student groupings based on ability. Though we never advertised which groups were high, average, or slow, parents spent considerable energy figuring out what group their child was in. The beginning of the year was full of requests to move children into the advanced groups. Yet, only a couple of parents would politely ask for their overwhelmed children to be moved to a slower-paced math or reading group. Even our coaches received angry phone calls for placing students on the "B" team or for not giving certain children enough playing time. In the mean time, many of these children were exhausted. I taught a first grade girl who had after school activities every day, including a gymnastics class that prevented her from coming home until 9 p.m. on a school night.
The corollary to students being perceived as positively brilliant by their parents is that, should they fail at something, the parents can't let their kids live with the consequences. I saw very young children coached into believing that hardly anything was their fault, from not bringing completed homework to school, to failing a test, to losing a basketball game.
its horrible and takes the fun out of things and stress,s kids out. some of the kids are afraid to tell there parents they got a c on something because they will get grounded or yelled at . parents are just going to have some rebel against them when there older and wonder why maybe because you made everything stressful and they have not been able to let go and have fun
its horrible and takes the fun out of things and stress,s kids out. some of the kids are afraid to tell there parents they got a c on something because they will get grounded or yelled at . parents are just going to have some rebel against them when there older and wonder why maybe because you made everything stressful and they have not been able to let go and have fun
I had a student, last year, who got grounded for a B. Although, I'd consider it with my younger dd. When you have a child capable of all A's, is it really wrong to expect that?
In talking with other parents, online or in real life, it is interesting to me how many parents speak of their children as being exceptionally bright. If they have 3 kids, they are all exceptionally bright.
Does anyone have 'average' kids anymore? Why is it a bad thing to have a child who is in the middle of the pack? We have one who tends to do very well in school (not exceptionally bright, just a very good student who also works hard), another who is not great but gets by just fine and one who struggles to stay in the middle of the pack.
I find myself, constantly, surrounded by folks fighting to have their children in advanced classes (one mom who knew our oldest was placed in honors English for the fall actually called and asked about her grades and test scores from 8th grade so she could fight to get her 'exceptionally bright' child moved up to that class!). Others seem to look at me with pity or awe when I say how proud we were of our youngest for passing his math final and not having to go to summer school, as he worked really hard all year.
I'm sorry, but is the day of being proud of kids who do their best, even when that best does not eqaul exceptionally bright, done and gone? I find the same with sports, music, etc. It does not seem okay for your child to be in recreational soccer AND be proud of that. Most seem to think their exceptionally athletic child must be in elite soccer and that playing piano is no accomplishment...they have to be in a rated program. UGH!
Do you really think the parents of average and below average kids go around proclaiming that? It your kid scores the winning goal you share that if he gives up the winning goal you might not even mention the game. All parents need to know is that their kid is smarter or better than yours and who are you to argue with them?
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Why does everyone seemed to have an "exceptionally bright' child?!?!?
