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Old 07-01-2010, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
22,376 posts, read 17,153,891 times
Reputation: 11770

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Quote:
Originally Posted by bowian View Post
Here's a thought. Are people so intimidated by "exceptional brightness" that they have to question it, doubt it and dispute it? This is an interesting discussion that rears its head periodically on this forum and then degenerates into "your child's not so smart, get over it." But I am wondering why people care so much that so many parents think their chidlren are exceptionally bright. I am concerned if a parent is placing too much pressure on a kid (or too little). But in this society, we are so eager to dumb things down and embrace mediocrity. When someone attempts to rise higher or be more, we pull them back. Why the heck we are so obssessed with intelligence and the degree of intelligence is beyond me. Our children have various gifts, talents and positive attributes. See them for what they are and nuture them. And stop worrying about the intelligence level of someone else's child. It's someone. else's. child.
In case you haven't noticed, parenting has become a competitive sport. I blame the mommy wars. The working moms are out to prove they can work and raise kids successfully so they push their kids and the stay at home moms are out to prove they are needed at home so they push their kids. In either case, the only proof is that your child is excelling so we're stuck with "MY KID IS BETTER THAN YOUR KID". Because every parent wants to say their child excels, we dummy down education so every kid gets the "My child is on the honor roll at _____________ school" bumper sticker. In short, successful students are the proof of successful parenting.

It's really sad.

Last edited by Ivorytickler; 07-01-2010 at 11:04 AM.. Reason: spelling error
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Old 07-01-2010, 10:43 AM
 
Location: Niceville, FL
4,682 posts, read 8,682,600 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Even kids who are exeptionally bright seem to be more average as adults. Maybe there's just a bigger difference in IQ ratings as children than adults. Maybe the difference of an IQ of 140 vs an IQ of 120 matters more as a child than as an adult. (140 being exceptionally bright and 120 being high average)
As you gain social skills, there's also a tendency to dumb yourself down to the level of people around you in order to better fit in with group dynamics. So unless you're in a situation with intellectual peers, or circumstances require it, there's a tendency to hide one's opinion or thought process in the name of group harmony.
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Old 07-01-2010, 11:28 AM
 
Location: On a Slow-Sinking Granite Rock Up North
3,518 posts, read 3,521,688 times
Reputation: 2354
Quote:
Originally Posted by bowian View Post
Here's a thought. Are people so intimidated by "exceptional brightness" that they have to question it, doubt it and dispute it? This is an interesting discussion that rears its head periodically on this forum and then degenerates into "your child's not so smart, get over it." But I am wondering why people care so much that so many parents think their chidlren are exceptionally bright. I am concerned if a parent is placing too much pressure on a kid (or too little). But in this society, we are so eager to dumb things down and embrace mediocrity. When someone attempts to rise higher or be more, we pull them back. Why the heck we are so obssessed with intelligence and the degree of intelligence is beyond me. Our children have various gifts, talents and positive attributes. See them for what they are and nuture them. And stop worrying about the intelligence level of someone else's child. It's someone. else's. child.
I think it's insecurity/competition and ego. Well, that and the fact that people really don't want to listen to other people brag about anything IMHO - I know I don't.

I don't want the world to be full of strictly "brainy" types - I want a nice rich diversity of everything from brainy, creative, hilarious, musical etc. people. It's less boring that way.

Not that someone who's brainy can't be all those other things, but I know a lot of really great people who don't fit the mold of "bright" but are nonetheless people with whom I wouldn't hesitate to work, socialize, and/or be friends with.
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Old 07-01-2010, 12:00 PM
 
Location: florida
314 posts, read 238,300 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I had a student, last year, who got grounded for a B. Although, I'd consider it with my younger dd. When you have a child capable of all A's, is it really wrong to expect that?
alot of the time i see parents at sports screaming at there kids other kids are enjoying it but the other kid are really pushing themselfs even if they can doesnt mean the student is perfect i have heard students afraid to tell there parents saying im going to get grounded and get in trouble because they cant have straght a,s kids get worn out and some classs
like the english class for senior year is mostly old english and really hard
or spanish class so even a students sometimes slip the thing is how you deal with it if they are just never doing there work thats different goodluck with that
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Old 07-01-2010, 12:01 PM
 
5,089 posts, read 5,145,279 times
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There's different types of intelligence. Book intelligence, art intelligence, musical intelligence, mechanical intelligence. Western society/culture is into comparisons and quotients and competitiveness. But, everyone has a niche somewhere.
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Old 07-01-2010, 12:44 PM
 
2,197 posts, read 1,485,467 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
If they really thought it was their "responsiblity" to bring home good grades, you wouldn't have needed to bribe them to get them to do so. You had to bribe them because they don't think it's their responsibility to bring home good grades. You've just made good grades something they do to get something else not something they do because it's the right thing to do.

While rewards work, you are getting good grades for the wrong reasons. You have not taught them that good grades are their responsibility. You do that by expecting good grades without rewards.

My kids know that doing their best is expected of them. There are no rewards for doing what they were supposed to. There are consequences if they don't do what they are supposed to. While I do the same things you do (books and camps) it's turned around. Those things are givens unless my kids fail to live up to their responsibilities. Then they lose perks. My kids are learning that good grades are their responsibility. Yours are learning that good grades get you rewards.
In the business world there are often rewards or bonuses for meeting or exceeding goals, for example, sales quotas or construction timelines. Managers know that incentives can help an employee perform at a higher-than-expected level.

I don't believe that children should be bribed, but a pre-planned bonus system does not sound like a bribe to me. In my mind, a bribe is more like "if you don't throw a tantrum in the store, I'll buy you a toy."
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Old 07-01-2010, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
22,376 posts, read 17,153,891 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lhpartridge View Post
In the business world there are often rewards or bonuses for meeting or exceeding goals, for example, sales quotas or construction timelines. Managers know that incentives can help an employee perform at a higher-than-expected level.

I don't believe that children should be bribed, but a pre-planned bonus system does not sound like a bribe to me. In my mind, a bribe is more like "if you don't throw a tantrum in the store, I'll buy you a toy."
Yes, there are incentives for exceeding goals. For meeting them you get to keep your job. Meeting them is expected. I find it sad when companies have to reserve part of your pay in order to get employees to meet goals when the goals aren't a stretch (if they are a stretch then it's really the employee exceeding expectations not meeting them). IMO, this is the result of too many parents rewarding children for doing what they should do.

It's a bribe any time you tell a child, if you do this, I'll buy you that. It teaches children to do things for the reward.
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Old 07-01-2010, 01:41 PM
 
1,831 posts, read 2,397,569 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reloop View Post
I think it's insecurity/competition and ego. Well, that and the fact that people really don't want to listen to other people brag about anything IMHO - I know I don't.

I don't want the world to be full of strictly "brainy" types - I want a nice rich diversity of everything from brainy, creative, hilarious, musical etc. people. It's less boring that way.

Not that someone who's brainy can't be all those other things, but I know a lot of really great people who don't fit the mold of "bright" but are nonetheless people with whom I wouldn't hesitate to work, socialize, and/or be friends with.
Yes, that's the great thing about human minds -- all different kinds can enrich a life.
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Old 07-01-2010, 01:57 PM
 
1,831 posts, read 2,397,569 times
Reputation: 1165
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
In case you haven't noticed, parenting has become a competitive sport. I blame the mommy wars. The working moms are out to prove they can work and raise kids successfully so they push their kids and the stay at home moms are out to prove they are needed at home so they push their kids. In either case, the only proof is that your child is excelling so we're stuck with "MY KID IS BETTER THAN YOUR KID". Because every parent wants to say their child excels, we dummy down education so every kid gets the "My child is on the honor roll at _____________ school" bumper sticker. In short, successful students are the proof of successful parenting.

It's really sad.
Yes, it is. I've been on the receiving end of numerous comments from other parents. My faviorite is "My child doesn't have THOSE problems." I've concluded that it boils down to insecurity. I remember one mother telling me that she didn't get into making comments like the above because the next thing you know your child is doing the same thing (or something else nutty).
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Old 07-01-2010, 02:26 PM
 
2,137 posts, read 5,469,333 times
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Of course all children rank somewhere on a sliding scale of talent and intelligence - both high and low in different areas.

I think it is most common to not hear anything from parents who's children show little to no gifted ability, while those parents who do have children with it may be proud and talk about it. Then you have the parents and non-parents who just get annoyed by those who discuss how great their own children are.

In any case, the reality is that "generally" smart people produce smart children. Additionally, and "in general" not so bright people produce not so bright children. We are of the genetic makeup of our parents and other ancestors. Not everyone is created with the same amount of gray matter in their skull... it's just a fact.

I've noticed that there are people out there who claim everyone should be lumped together in public schools and classes regardless of IQ or other test results and all should be treated the same. Honestly, as someone who has taught classes, and as someone with several educators in my family, I just don't see that as reasonable. I believe everyone should be given the same opportunities to succeed, but that considered, those who test above and beyond the ability levels of others in various subjects ought to be encouraged to be the best they can or want to be.

Now regarding the OP being proud of being average or having average children, I think that's not very well thought out. As parents we should instead encourage our children to be the best they can be - and happy as that. If it's average or above average, it matters not; all that matters is that you give it your all in everything you do.
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