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This year we made a deal with our boys after they came home with a few 3's ; they are in elementary school and their grades are marked from 5 to 1 (5 being above and beyond). One son is mainly a 4 student and had two threes on his march report card. The other son is a 3, works hard to come home with 4's but had one two on his march report card.
The deal was that the child who is a 4, if he brought home all 4's, he would get a gift card for barnes & Nobles(he is a big reader and its his fav place to go). He got all 4's and on Tuesday we went to the book store.
The other son was told if the brought home mainly 4's and some 3's he could go to baseball camp for an extra week ( he lives and breathes baseball). Well wouldnt you know it he brought home 4 4's and he did not bring home any 2.
I see nothing wrong in giving them rewards for their hard work. This way they were learning and had an incentive that was decent for both. They also knew it was their responsiblity to bring home the good grades.
The vast majority of kids are "average" (get over it parents) and turn into average adults. Most will have one or two areas such as sports or languages where they are above average. Very few kids are "exceptionally bright" just as very few adults are "exceptionally bright".
I get them when they come out of University. Our company only hires GPA 3.4 upwards so they are all fairly smart. But very very few are "exceptionally bright". Very few have something that marks them out as different from their peers. Even fewer have genuine creativity or are truly insightful.
This year we made a deal with our boys after they came home with a few 3's ; they are in elementary school and their grades are marked from 5 to 1 (5 being above and beyond). One son is mainly a 4 student and had two threes on his march report card. The other son is a 3, works hard to come home with 4's but had one two on his march report card.
The deal was that the child who is a 4, if he brought home all 4's, he would get a gift card for barnes & Nobles(he is a big reader and its his fav place to go). He got all 4's and on Tuesday we went to the book store.
The other son was told if the brought home mainly 4's and some 3's he could go to baseball camp for an extra week ( he lives and breathes baseball). Well wouldnt you know it he brought home 4 4's and he did not bring home any 2.
I see nothing wrong in giving them rewards for their hard work. This way they were learning and had an incentive that was decent for both. They also knew it was their responsiblity to bring home the good grades.
If they really thought it was their "responsiblity" to bring home good grades, you wouldn't have needed to bribe them to get them to do so. You had to bribe them because they don't think it's their responsibility to bring home good grades. You've just made good grades something they do to get something else not something they do because it's the right thing to do.
While rewards work, you are getting good grades for the wrong reasons. You have not taught them that good grades are their responsibility. You do that by expecting good grades without rewards.
My kids know that doing their best is expected of them. There are no rewards for doing what they were supposed to. There are consequences if they don't do what they are supposed to. While I do the same things you do (books and camps) it's turned around. Those things are givens unless my kids fail to live up to their responsibilities. Then they lose perks. My kids are learning that good grades are their responsibility. Yours are learning that good grades get you rewards.
In talking with other parents, online or in real life, it is interesting to me how many parents speak of their children as being exceptionally bright. If they have 3 kids, they are all exceptionally bright.
Does anyone have 'average' kids anymore? Why is it a bad thing to have a child who is in the middle of the pack? We have one who tends to do very well in school (not exceptionally bright, just a very good student who also works hard), another who is not great but gets by just fine and one who struggles to stay in the middle of the pack.
I find myself, constantly, surrounded by folks fighting to have their children in advanced classes (one mom who knew our oldest was placed in honors English for the fall actually called and asked about her grades and test scores from 8th grade so she could fight to get her 'exceptionally bright' child moved up to that class!). Others seem to look at me with pity or awe when I say how proud we were of our youngest for passing his math final and not having to go to summer school, as he worked really hard all year.
I'm sorry, but is the day of being proud of kids who do their best, even when that best does not eqaul exceptionally bright, done and gone? I find the same with sports, music, etc. It does not seem okay for your child to be in recreational soccer AND be proud of that. Most seem to think their exceptionally athletic child must be in elite soccer and that playing piano is no accomplishment...they have to be in a rated program. UGH!
The American middle class is very competitive and very few people want to admit that their child is average or *gasp* below average.
My parents were the opposite with me when I was growing up; they always talked me down and diminished my intellectual abilities. I did not realize I was intelligent until after I graduated from college. It was pretty damaging.
The vast majority of kids are "average" (get over it parents) and turn into average adults. Most will have one or two areas such as sports or languages where they are above average. Very few kids are "exceptionally bright" just as very few adults are "exceptionally bright".
I get them when they come out of University. Our company only hires GPA 3.4 upwards so they are all fairly smart. But very very few are "exceptionally bright". Very few have something that marks them out as different from their peers. Even fewer have genuine creativity or are truly insightful.
Even kids who are exeptionally bright seem to be more average as adults. Maybe there's just a bigger difference in IQ ratings as children than adults. Maybe the difference of an IQ of 140 vs an IQ of 120 matters more as a child than as an adult. (140 being exceptionally bright and 120 being high average)
My daughter is exceptionally bright now but I wonder if she won't be just on the smart side as an adult. I've known people who were really bright as children but are simply on the smart side as adults. While they're still smart, they're no longer the stand outs they were as children. Which makes me wonder why we even want to single kids out because they're smart. For most, nothing much seems to come of it as adults. Which begs the question "Why do parents think having an exceptionally bright child is such a big deal?".
My daughter will grow up to be who she will grow up to be. It's her choice and very little of a reflection on me. My biggest contribution was her genes and that was luck of the draw.
Even kids who are exeptionally bright seem to be more average as adults. Maybe there's just a bigger difference in IQ ratings as children than adults. Maybe the difference of an IQ of 140 vs an IQ of 120 matters more as a child than as an adult. (140 being exceptionally bright and 120 being high average)
My daughter is exceptionally bright now but I wonder if she won't be just on the smart side as an adult. I've known people who were really bright as children but are simply on the smart side as adults. While they're still smart, they're no longer the stand outs they were as children. Which makes me wonder why we even want to single kids out because they're smart. For most, nothing much seems to come of it as adults. Which begs the question "Why do parents think having an exceptionally bright child is such a big deal?".
My daughter will grow up to be who she will grow up to be. It's her choice and very little of a reflection on me. My biggest contribution was her genes and that was luck of the draw.
That's why I don't put a lot of faith into IQ stats. Learning is a life-long process, and no two children are capable of learning the same things at the same time. I don't care what the "experts in pedagogy" say. Sure, there's a "standard measure" which appear to some people/parents be some sort of prophetic and magical assessment of a child's intelligence, but I really don't put much stock in it.
Sometimes, we have to accept the fact that things are unknown at various points during a lifetime, and experience and types of exposures also play a large part in our supposed "intelligence."
Let's face it: IMHO, it's an ADHD society in that everything is "bigger, better, faster, more." It amazes me sometimes really. We cram, cram, cram things into our children in order to "compete" and then we seem to become agog at the fact that some misbehave, develop self-destructing behaviors (often resulting in medication lists as long as their arm) or just stop trying.
Perhaps that sounds "old-fashioned," but IMHO, basic childhood development hasn't changed all that much over the years no matter how much "smarter" we try to make them.
Even kids who are exeptionally bright seem to be more average as adults. Maybe there's just a bigger difference in IQ ratings as children than adults. Maybe the difference of an IQ of 140 vs an IQ of 120 matters more as a child than as an adult. (140 being exceptionally bright and 120 being high average)
My daughter is exceptionally bright now but I wonder if she won't be just on the smart side as an adult. I've known people who were really bright as children but are simply on the smart side as adults. While they're still smart, they're no longer the stand outs they were as children. Which makes me wonder why we even want to single kids out because they're smart. For most, nothing much seems to come of it as adults. Which begs the question "Why do parents think having an exceptionally bright child is such a big deal?".
My daughter will grow up to be who she will grow up to be. It's her choice and very little of a reflection on me. My biggest contribution was her genes and that was luck of the draw.
Why don't you do something to help your "exceptionally bright" daughter become an "exceptionally bright" adult, instead of having this stupid fatalistic attitude that life is just a dice game, and your daughter's intelligence is just some quirk that she'll grow out of?
That's why I don't put a lot of faith into IQ stats. Learning is a life-long process, and no two children are capable of learning the same things at the same time. I don't care what the "experts in pedagogy" say. Sure, there's a "standard measure" which appear to some people/parents be some sort of prophetic and magical assessment of a child's intelligence, but I really don't put much stock in it.
Sometimes, we have to accept the fact that things are unknown at various points during a lifetime, and experience and types of exposures also play a large part in our supposed "intelligence."
Let's face it: IMHO, it's an ADHD society in that everything is "bigger, better, faster, more." It amazes me sometimes really. We cram, cram, cram things into our children in order to "compete" and then we seem to become agog at the fact that some misbehave, develop self-destructing behaviors (often resulting in medication lists as long as their arm) or just stop trying.
Perhaps that sounds "old-fashioned," but IMHO, basic childhood development hasn't changed all that much over the years no matter how much "smarter" we try to make them.
I so agree with this. Whenever people complain that teaching hasn't changed in 100 years, I want to counter with children haven't changed in 100 years either. While what we teach has changed, how we teach really doesn't need to until human beings change. Just because the world/society is faster paced doesn't mean children can learn at a faster pace. We're finding that out the hard way.
Seriously, instead of cramming more into the school year, perhaps we need to extend the school year to accomodate all we have to teach now. Just because we want our children to learn more, in the same time they learned less in the past, doesn't mean they are up to the task and new teaching methods aren't what's needed here. There is only so much children can learn in the time allotted.
Why don't you do something to help your "exceptionally bright" daughter become an "exceptionally bright" adult, instead of having this stupid fatalistic attitude that life is just a dice game, and your daughter's intelligence is just some quirk that she'll grow out of?
Because what to do with her intelligence is her choice not mine. Yes, because bright children seem to grow up to be simply on the smart side as adults, that's what I expect to see from her and, most likely, that's what will happen. If she chooses more, more power to her but if she chooses less, more power to her too. It's her life not mine. I provide opportunities. She decides which ones she wants to take, with one exception and that is piano. While she has made it clear that she doesn't want a music career, she does understand that if she walks away now and regrets it later there will be no going back so she'll continue until her teacher is done with her. If all she ever does is play for fun, that's fine but just in case she decides to do more, she'll have the training. She frustrates her teacher because if the bug ever bit her, she could soar but she just doesn't want to.
Here's a thought. Are people so intimidated by "exceptional brightness" that they have to question it, doubt it and dispute it? This is an interesting discussion that rears its head periodically on this forum and then degenerates into "your child's not so smart, get over it." But I am wondering why people care so much that so many parents think their chidlren are exceptionally bright. I am concerned if a parent is placing too much pressure on a kid (or too little). But in this society, we are so eager to dumb things down and embrace mediocrity. When someone attempts to rise higher or be more, we pull them back. Why the heck we are so obssessed with intelligence and the degree of intelligence is beyond me. Our children have various gifts, talents and positive attributes. See them for what they are and nuture them. And stop worrying about the intelligence level of someone else's child. It's someone. else's. child.
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Maybe the difference of an IQ of 140 vs an IQ of 120 matters more as a child than as an adult. (140 being exceptionally bright and 120 being high average)
