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You're in it just like the others, in a passive agressive way.
I really don't think mothers sit and think about these things then push their kids because of them.There are plenty of well-to-do parents who don't read to their kids. There are plenty of very, very poor parents who read every day to their kids. Any parent these days who doesn't know how to read, or doesn't know how to read english, is more than likely an illegal anyway, so they should be back home with their kids in the schools they belong in. MOST immigrants learn how to speak AND read english.
For some reason this doesn't ring true.
Spanish is offered in almost every high school. Anyone who wishes to learn the language can take the classes. There are very few hispanics who cannot speak spanish.
French is the same. What french speaking student wants to learn to speak french?
If your daughter is in school with mostly hispanics and europeans, I'd have to wonder what kind of school it is.
This thread isn't about that.
A 'superior' student/child is a trophy for a mother who works tirelessly controlling every aspect of her children's lives. It's hard work exercising that much control day in and day out for 30+ years (That's how old the 'children' will be when they move out on their own.) and her reward is having that child or children to put in everybody elses face to show how good a mother she is.
Right here on CD.. right here in THIS THREAD are mothers who brag about how superior her child or children are. It has nothing to do with how the world is working in this century, or what they will be up against when they finally grow up; it has everything to do with personal accomplishment for the mother: 'See everyone, I produced the perfect child. I painstakingly erased every bit of who my child would have been, and replaced it with all of what I want for him to be.'
It IS a competition between mothers; who can mold the most perfect children.
No, I'm not in it. I'm just surprised why one child's ability should have anything to do with another child's ability. I have two kids and what one can do has nothing to do with what the other can do and I would never expect it to. My dd who is gifted was born that way. It has, absolutely, nothing to do with my parenting ability.
Parenting is now a competitive sport and the winners are the parents of the children at the top. The losers are the children.
Agreed.
I blame the mommy wars. In order to justify staying home in a day and age when women can have careers, you have to produce something that working moms don't so mom's push. This leaves the working moms pushing too because if they don't, their children will be seen as having an inferior upbringing. Unfortunately, NONE of our kids ever needed to be pushed but they are stuck in the mommy olympics.
I don't blame the mothers as much as I blame the near-constant statistical blather about how dumb our kids are in comparison to other countries. It's sort of a self fulfilling prophecy to me. At least in my area, the majority of mothers aren't 'stay-at-home' yet there is still a giant push to make kids far more than they are mature enough to be IMHO. Plus, there's plenty of dough to be made on various 'curriculums' and fads, and everyone's an "expert" or a "professional" except the parent who typically knows their child the best.
I have one normal child and one gifted child. It amazes me how threatened other mothers are by my daughter's abilities. I really don't get it. I don't give a rats arse what your kid does. I worry about mine. I'm kind of old school and think my kids will be what my kids will be. I'm about to the unthinkable for most parents out there. I'm going to let my very gifted 13 year old have her wish of a normal high school experience. She's decided she doesn't want to get her associates degree and high school diploma at the same time and she doesn't want her classmates to know she's smart. She wants regular classes and to just be a regular kid. We're meeting with her counselor on Monday to set her schedule for 9th grade. She'll be taking mostly electives because she's entering high school with 6 credits.
We live in a "Joneses" society. Pretty sad and small wonder so many kids are medicated to cope.
Why are we doing this? Because this isn't about us. It's about her. She wants the experience of being a normal high school kid. I figure that 10 years from now, exactly, no one will care how old she was when she graduated or how many college credits she'd completed before graduation. It's really bugging her dad that we're doing this but it is her life. The year of electives will allow her to drop back into the same classes of the kids in her grade for all of her subjects except math.
It's funny how many people I grew up with who were 'flunkies' in school are now highly successful people now. How short-sighted some parents are. Competition is too cut throat in the business sector today. It's all about the money and little more IMHO.
Parents really need to get a life. We need to do what is best for our kids not what results in us having bragging rights.
Agreed. I'd rather have my kids live a happy life and make enough to pay their bills then to live in a McMansion and the latest 'bling.'
No, I'm not in it. I'm just surprised why one child's ability should have anything to do with another child's ability. I have two kids and what one can do has nothing to do with what the other can do and I would never expect it to. My dd who is gifted was born that way. It has, absolutely, nothing to do with my parenting ability.
Most children who end up doing well are not GIFTED (unless you use the word "gifted" in a vary lax manner). They are children whose parents STAYED ON THEM.
The question is why an increasing number of parents STAY ON their kids.
Yes, it is partially narcissism; but it is not the ONLY thing.
I realized you used the word "most" so conveniently in your initial sentence to give yourself some room to respond here but as someone who was adopted by 2 teachers basically from birth (I don't have any recollection of anything prior to being with my adopted parents) I'd say my environment trumped my biology. since i have no way of knowing how i would've turned out growing up in a single parent home to a woman who had me at age 16 i can only assume the worst. but again with the use of the word most i know none of this will matter as you will be able to come and say "i said most of not all".
No, I never said she is in a school with mostly spanish and europeans, you completely missed my point. She attends a private school, and since its international bacclareuate, there are a few europeans as well as hispanics. She speaks fluent spanish, therefore she is in a bilingual spanish/english class, and she is the only caucasian who speaks at the level in the school. The funny thing is, she is the highest in her class, when it comes to grades and abilities. Even though the other kids in her spanish class were either born in spanish speaking countries or to spanish speaking parents. The reason why? Because she pushes herself. And she pushed herself because we have always pushed and encouraged her as well. The same rings true in her French class, there are Germans, Austrians, Swiss there that have been taking french in their own countries for longer than her, but again, she has the highest grades/abilities in the class because she tries harder.
It is not about a competition. It is about doing one's best in anything and everything. Why not put 100% effort into everything? That lesson only will help both now and in the future.
Quote:
Originally Posted by standupandbecounted
You're in it just like the others, in a passive agressive way.
I really don't think mothers sit and think about these things then push their kids because of them.There are plenty of well-to-do parents who don't read to their kids. There are plenty of very, very poor parents who read every day to their kids. Any parent these days who doesn't know how to read, or doesn't know how to read english, is more than likely an illegal anyway, so they should be back home with their kids in the schools they belong in. MOST immigrants learn how to speak AND read english.
For some reason this doesn't ring true.
Spanish is offered in almost every high school. Anyone who wishes to learn the language can take the classes. There are very few hispanics who cannot speak spanish.
French is the same. What french speaking student wants to learn to speak french?
If your daughter is in school with mostly hispanics and europeans, I'd have to wonder what kind of school it is.
This thread isn't about that.
A 'superior' student/child is a trophy for a mother who works tirelessly controlling every aspect of her children's lives. It's hard work exercising that much control day in and day out for 30+ years (That's how old the 'children' will be when they move out on their own.) and her reward is having that child or children to put in everybody elses face to show how good a mother she is.
Right here on CD.. right here in THIS THREAD are mothers who brag about how superior her child or children are. It has nothing to do with how the world is working in this century, or what they will be up against when they finally grow up; it has everything to do with personal accomplishment for the mother: 'See everyone, I produced the perfect child. I painstakingly erased every bit of who my child would have been, and replaced it with all of what I want for him to be.'
It IS a competition between mothers; who can mold the most perfect children.
[quote=Davachka;18676545]No, I never said she is in a school with mostly spanish and europeans, you completely missed my point. She attends a private school, and since its international bacclareuate, there are a few europeans as well as hispanics. She speaks fluent spanish, therefore she is in a bilingual spanish/english class, and she is the only caucasian who speaks at QUOTE]
You do realize that Hispanics can be Caucasian, right? Caucasian refers to a racial group, and Hispanic refers to a cultural group.
I'm sure your daughter is a hard worker, but her language abilities are just as impressive as that recent immigrant who speaks another language at home and makes As in English. Happens all the time.
And your comparison is completely invalid...and I would know since I was an immigrant who came to the US as a child and had A's in english. But every class is in English, everything around is in English. A child who is completely fluent in Spanish and is #1 in her class, though she is the only one who is not of a latin background, AND who is #1 in her French class, AND who is also learning Russian on her own time with a private tutor, and who is at the top of every other Honors IB course she is in as well, A+ in english, history, biology, etc....this happens all the time? LOL
Yes, you are right, she is just average. I guess everyone who is not at her level must be quite below average then, is that what you are saying?
But again, we do not encourage her so she is better than others, but so she is the best that she can be. Competition should be against one's self. We travel often, she loves to travel and learn about cultures, and she is highly gifted when it comes to languages, as well as other subjects. This will only enhance her future adult life, to be able to communicate with others.
[quote=mimimomx3;18677624]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Davachka
No, I never said she is in a school with mostly spanish and europeans, you completely missed my point. She attends a private school, and since its international bacclareuate, there are a few europeans as well as hispanics. She speaks fluent spanish, therefore she is in a bilingual spanish/english class, and she is the only caucasian who speaks at QUOTE]
You do realize that Hispanics can be Caucasian, right? Caucasian refers to a racial group, and Hispanic refers to a cultural group.
I'm sure your daughter is a hard worker, but her language abilities are just as impressive as that recent immigrant who speaks another language at home and makes As in English. Happens all the time.
[QUOTE=Davachka;18677764]Latinos, latinas, is that better??
And your comparison is completely invalid...and I would know since I was an immigrant who came to the US as a child and had A's in english. But every class is in English, everything around is in English. A child who is completely fluent in Spanish and is #1 in her class, though she is the only one who is not of a latin background, AND who is #1 in her French class, AND who is also learning Russian on her own time with a private tutor, and who is at the top of every other Honors IB course she is in as well, A+ in english, history, biology, etc....this happens all the time? LOL
Yes, you are right, she is just average. I guess everyone who is not at her level must be quite below average then, is that what you are saying?
But again, we do not encourage her so she is better than others, but so she is the best that she can be. Competition should be against one's self. We travel often, she loves to travel and learn about cultures, and she is highly gifted when it comes to languages, as well as other subjects. This will only enhance her future adult life, to be able to communicate with others.
You are welcome to say Latino, but Hispanic is fine, too. Just don't confuse ethnicity and race. I'm glad I was able to teach you something today.
I don't think the comparison is invalid. I find it just as impressive for your daughter to be #1 in her Spanish, French, and Russian class as it is for a recent immigrant to the US from a non-English speaking class to be valedectorian or excel in English. There's room for everyone to be successful, you know. It's not a zero-sum situation.
Most children who end up doing well are not GIFTED (unless you use the word "gifted" in a vary lax manner). They are children whose parents STAYED ON THEM.
The question is why an increasing number of parents STAY ON their kids.
Yes, it is partially narcissism; but it is not the ONLY thing.
Agreed. Interestingly, most of the, truely, gifted people I know decided they had better things to do with their lives. I'm not surprised that my youngest daughter has decided it's just too much work and not much fun being smart. She's decided that she'd rather have an enjoyable life. I'm ok with that. IMO, there is little sense in pushing her. Yes, the sky's the limit for her but she doesn't want it. I'd only create an unhappy adult if I push her. I gave her what I needed to. The opportunity to reach the sky. The choice to reach it or not is hers.
I still don't get staying on kids to make them perform like circus monkeys. Does that really do them any good? I can see it if they're borderline and bettering their skills will better their lives but that's not the case for most kids who are just different shades of average.
when you mentioned the part about others kids being "friends for life" with my hypothetical kids and how the other kids' parents would never encourage that, but instead to win over my hypothetical kids, it reminded about my parents and how naive they were when they would tell me that the friends I made in college could be "friends for life" when in reality as time went on, they certainly were NOT friends you would have for life because they were self-absorbed
their parents raised them with the "I me mine" philosophy whereas I was raised to be a people pleaser
although i have let it go, i used to fight with my folks about the way they brought me up which was always to be "too nice". dad passed away 3 years ago and now i have mom left. we no longer quarrel but there is still a huge pain in my heart about love marriage and relationships
both my folks did the best they could in hindsight but those bad memories still linger
wish i could stop thinking about them
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The losers are the children. 
syracusa
