U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Education
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-03-2011, 06:09 AM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
346 posts, read 428,160 times
Reputation: 506

Advertisements

A few years ago I decided to home school my son. He was struggling to complete his work in 4th grade (daily battle) and when I asked his teacher what he actually was doing during the day, she said she didn't know. This was the breaking point for me after several disappointing years in the best schools in the best zone in my city..at least where my son was concerned. This turned out to be a great decision for my son.

Now my daughter had a very different experience in these same public schools, and she was motivated to do the work. She was a great student, scoring very high on standardized tests and getting great grades. But after a year of home schooling one child and having one in public school, we decided it was best for the family to home school them both. Even though it wasn't necessarily the best thing for my daughter.

So we just completed our first year of home schooling both kids, a combo of 5th and 6th grade. My daughter took her standardized test as required by our state, and whereas last year she scored advanced in every subject and almost every sub category, this year she only scored advanced in one category and simply proficient & basic in the rest. I am assuming those two levels are similar to average or on grade level.

So now I feel horrible, EVEN though I did not teach to the test, I did base our curriculum around the state's recommended outline of what would be taught in public schools.

I realize that the standardized tests is not the be all and end all of measuring, however it is one way of measuring academic success of both the teacher and student. I keep wondering if I have somehow ruined my daughter's future by derailing what was a wonderful track in public school? (I am thinking down the line, high school &college).

On the flip side, I do have a lot of issues with our public schools locally, and I keep asking myself, why does the state get to dictate to me what I chose to teach my daughter.

Plus, both she and I were feeling a huge disconnect because I was bonding with my son and not her for hours each day. We are definitely closer, and we love the flexibility of home schooling, both for WHAT we can study, HOW we do lessons, and our actual schedule.

Yesterday my daughter asked to go back to school (I haven't told her about her test scores) and she said it was because she missed her friends. Keep in mind earlier this year she said she loved home schooling, so I know she goes back and forth on the issue. Not to mention that the kids go once a week to a co-op and have friends there, they continue to go to all their extra curricular activities, and they continue to get together with their friends "play dates" from public school.

I am willing to put her back in school next year, her 7th grade but my husband is actually the one who has reservations.....he says he doesn't like "boys" ha ha! we haven't discussed it seriously, so I am not sure what all his reasons are.

I do know that I am NOT teaching high school, so the kids would either go back to public school or have to sign up for a distance learning high school or umbrella school.....

Anyway, I don't really have much of a question, just looking for opinions, advice or reassurance that my Mom guilt over our schooling decisions for my daughter is normal and not necessarily something I need to act on......
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-03-2011, 07:38 AM
 
2,612 posts, read 4,590,733 times
Reputation: 3937
Well, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I think you did the wrong thing. I understand homeschooling your son - I would do the same if my child were suffering in public school. But your daughter was doing great. She had friends, she was good academically, and then for your own convenience you yanked her out. Clearly your homeschooling had nothing to offer her - she didn't learn as much and she is missing valuable years of socialization and fun with friends. Why are you doing this? And keeping her out so your husband doesn't have to worry about 12 year old boys? That's even worse. Sorry to be so judgmental, but from what you've written you are homeschooling your daughter for all the wrong reasons, and to continue is just plain selfish. You wanted an opinion - that's how it looks from here.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2011, 07:53 AM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
346 posts, read 428,160 times
Reputation: 506
Quote:
Originally Posted by marie5v View Post
Well, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I think you did the wrong thing. I understand homeschooling your son - I would do the same if my child were suffering in public school. But your daughter was doing great. She had friends, she was good academically, and then for your own convenience you yanked her out. Clearly your homeschooling had nothing to offer her - she didn't learn as much and she is missing valuable years of socialization and fun with friends. Why are you doing this? And keeping her out so your husband doesn't have to worry about 12 year old boys? That's even worse. Sorry to be so judgmental, but from what you've written you are homeschooling your daughter for all the wrong reasons, and to continue is just plain selfish. You wanted an opinion - that's how it looks from here.

I appreciate your honesty.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2011, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,084 posts, read 3,067,695 times
Reputation: 8617
We have homeschooled since the beginning (the kids are currently 10 and 8), and this year they'll be going to a small democratic school. I think it will be wonderful for both of them (as well as for me), but if it's not, I'll simply pull them out and homeschool again. The great thing about homeschooling is that if something does not work, you can change it. If it's not working for your daughter, then you can put her back in school.

I don't think you did the wrong thing... I'm sure she (and you) had experiences this past year that she would not have had if she had been in school. I also wouldn't worry about her standardized test scores... presumably you did not "teach to the test" all year as is done in many schools, so naturally she would not be as test-prepped as her peers.

Let go of your guilt and do the next thing, whether it's putting her back in school, finding a homeschool co-op and meeting lots of other homeschooled kids, finding a different type of school for her, etc. You need to do what's best for your daughter and your family, and if it means homeschooling one and sending another to school, then so be it. Good for you for thinking outside the box and trying something new, even if it did not work out. That's a great lesson in risk-taking for both of your kids!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2011, 08:31 AM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
346 posts, read 428,160 times
Reputation: 506
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
We have homeschooled since the beginning (the kids are currently 10 and 8), and this year they'll be going to a small democratic school. I think it will be wonderful for both of them (as well as for me), but if it's not, I'll simply pull them out and homeschool again. The great thing about homeschooling is that if something does not work, you can change it. If it's not working for your daughter, then you can put her back in school.

I don't think you did the wrong thing... I'm sure she (and you) had experiences this past year that she would not have had if she had been in school. I also wouldn't worry about her standardized test scores... presumably you did not "teach to the test" all year as is done in many schools, so naturally she would not be as test-prepped as her peers.

Let go of your guilt and do the next thing, whether it's putting her back in school, finding a homeschool co-op and meeting lots of other homeschooled kids, finding a different type of school for her, etc. You need to do what's best for your daughter and your family, and if it means homeschooling one and sending another to school, then so be it. Good for you for thinking outside the box and trying something new, even if it did not work out. That's a great lesson in risk-taking for both of your kids!
Thank you for your input. I am a risk taker, however, I do not usually think outside the box, which is why I am struggling with the whole standardized test issue. It has been ingrained in my own experiences that grades, tests, etc. are THE measuring stick that will lead you towards a life of success, even though logically I know many people are successful at life and were not great academics and/or students.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2011, 08:42 AM
 
Location: NW Montana
6,258 posts, read 12,592,590 times
Reputation: 3422
Just wondering how your kids non school activities are going?
My initial thought is that each kid is an individual and the same thing working for one may not work for both.
Also your husband may just be tired of the constant conversation....why not just ask the kid and tell them that the decision once made is made for the school year?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2011, 09:23 AM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
346 posts, read 428,160 times
Reputation: 506
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mt-7 View Post
Just wondering how your kids non school activities are going?
My initial thought is that each kid is an individual and the same thing working for one may not work for both.
Also your husband may just be tired of the constant conversation....why not just ask the kid and tell them that the decision once made is made for the school year?
I agree, each kid is an individual and the same thing does not work for both, obviously and hence my dilemma.

I am not sure where you are going with "how are the non school activities going?" Do my kids enjoy them, YES, do they have friends there, YES.

Extra curricular activities are going well in a general sense...my son is about to take his 2nd degree black belt test in TKDO (he goes twice a week, and two Saturdays a month). He also takes golf lessons once a week and two Sat. a month)

My daughter continues to take weekly piano lessons, and weekly tumbling lessons, and also takes golf lessons once a week & two saturdays a month.

ALL these activities are with public schooled children, and many of the friends they have in these activities are the same ones they knew when they too were publicly schooled.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2011, 09:41 AM
 
Location: Eastern time zone
4,469 posts, read 6,163,534 times
Reputation: 3481
Quote:
Originally Posted by addicted2helping View Post
A few years ago I decided to home school my son. He was struggling to complete his work in 4th grade (daily battle) and when I asked his teacher what he actually was doing during the day, she said she didn't know. This was the breaking point for me after several disappointing years in the best schools in the best zone in my city..at least where my son was concerned. This turned out to be a great decision for my son.

Now my daughter had a very different experience in these same public schools, and she was motivated to do the work. She was a great student, scoring very high on standardized tests and getting great grades. But after a year of home schooling one child and having one in public school, we decided it was best for the family to home school them both. Even though it wasn't necessarily the best thing for my daughter.

So we just completed our first year of home schooling both kids, a combo of 5th and 6th grade. My daughter took her standardized test as required by our state, and whereas last year she scored advanced in every subject and almost every sub category, this year she only scored advanced in one category and simply proficient & basic in the rest. I am assuming those two levels are similar to average or on grade level.

So now I feel horrible, EVEN though I did not teach to the test, I did base our curriculum around the state's recommended outline of what would be taught in public schools.

I realize that the standardized tests is not the be all and end all of measuring, however it is one way of measuring academic success of both the teacher and student. I keep wondering if I have somehow ruined my daughter's future by derailing what was a wonderful track in public school? (I am thinking down the line, high school &college).

On the flip side, I do have a lot of issues with our public schools locally, and I keep asking myself, why does the state get to dictate to me what I chose to teach my daughter.

Plus, both she and I were feeling a huge disconnect because I was bonding with my son and not her for hours each day. We are definitely closer, and we love the flexibility of home schooling, both for WHAT we can study, HOW we do lessons, and our actual schedule.

Yesterday my daughter asked to go back to school (I haven't told her about her test scores) and she said it was because she missed her friends. Keep in mind earlier this year she said she loved home schooling, so I know she goes back and forth on the issue. Not to mention that the kids go once a week to a co-op and have friends there, they continue to go to all their extra curricular activities, and they continue to get together with their friends "play dates" from public school.

I am willing to put her back in school next year, her 7th grade but my husband is actually the one who has reservations.....he says he doesn't like "boys" ha ha! we haven't discussed it seriously, so I am not sure what all his reasons are.

I do know that I am NOT teaching high school, so the kids would either go back to public school or have to sign up for a distance learning high school or umbrella school.....

Anyway, I don't really have much of a question, just looking for opinions, advice or reassurance that my Mom guilt over our schooling decisions for my daughter is normal and not necessarily something I need to act on......
Couple of questions:

Are you teaching the same things she'd be tested on? Schools teach to the test; homeschoolers, IME, generally do not.

Even consistently schooled or consistently homeschooled kids often have a year or two of discontinuity in their scores. There's no way of knowing how she'd've done if she'd been in school. And just to further muddy things, the state sometimes throws a curve ball by changing the test somewhat. Florida did that this year, and consequently most kids had suppressed math FCATs.

Is she the kind of kid who needs the regimented interaction and competition with peers to do well? These kids generally do far better in a school setting of some kind than in a kitchen table homeschool. Siblings, IME, are not the same sort of competition as unrelated peers.

Different kids do better in different settings. She may need school, parttime school, a co-op, or a different way to homeschool-- or a combination.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2011, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Eastern time zone
4,469 posts, read 6,163,534 times
Reputation: 3481
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mt-7 View Post
why not just ask the kid and tell them that the decision once made is made for the school year?
This one. We contract at the beginning of the public school year for our education plan for the next year. Sometimes it's homeschooling, sometimes it's a combination of a number of things, depending on the kid and the circumstances. (It probably drives the county nuts, but oh well.)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-03-2011, 10:09 AM
 
11,614 posts, read 19,724,832 times
Reputation: 12046
Quote:
Originally Posted by addicted2helping View Post
Now my daughter had a very different experience in these same public schools, and she was motivated to do the work. She was a great student, scoring very high on standardized tests and getting great grades. But after a year of home schooling one child and having one in public school, we decided it was best for the family to home school them both. Even though it wasn't necessarily the best thing for my daughter.
What exactly was it that motivated you to say that homeschooling your daughter was better for the family but not as good for her as an individual? I think that is important to assess whether that is true or not. Not to make you feel guilty, but to determine whether the reasons you made the decision are still valid. Things change. Sometimes you realize that you made the wrong decision. If that is the case you cannot undo the time that has past but you can correct the future.

Quote:
Originally Posted by addicted2helping View Post
So we just completed our first year of home schooling both kids, a combo of 5th and 6th grade. My daughter took her standardized test as required by our state, and whereas last year she scored advanced in every subject and almost every sub category, this year she only scored advanced in one category and simply proficient & basic in the rest. I am assuming those two levels are similar to average or on grade level.

So now I feel horrible, EVEN though I did not teach to the test, I did base our curriculum around the state's recommended outline of what would be taught in public schools.

I realize that the standardized tests is not the be all and end all of measuring, however it is one way of measuring academic success of both the teacher and student. I keep wondering if I have somehow ruined my daughter's future by derailing what was a wonderful track in public school? (I am thinking down the line, high school &college).
I am not a big fan of standardized tests as the ONLY measuring stick of academic progress but it is ONE measuring stick. If your daughter is falling behind on that measuring stick are there are other indications that she is doing well academically?

You say that you will put them in public school for high school. Does the public school use standardized test scores to place incoming HS students in their classes? If so, then low standardized test scores might be an indication that she needs to go to public middle school so that she can improve those test scores and be placed in higher level classes in high school. This can be pretty important if she intends to be college bound. Standardized tests are not everything, but they are something.

Quote:
Originally Posted by addicted2helping View Post
Yesterday my daughter asked to go back to school (I haven't told her about her test scores) and she said it was because she missed her friends.
To me this is a big red flag that she does not LOVE homeschooling. She may very well love certain aspects of it, but not love it entirely. I do not think this is a rejection of you, I am sure that she can tell that you only want the best for her. Even I can tell that and I am a stranger on an internet forum.

Quote:
Originally Posted by addicted2helping View Post
I am willing to put her back in school next year, her 7th grade but my husband is actually the one who has reservations.....he says he doesn't like "boys" ha ha! we haven't discussed it seriously, so I am not sure what all his reasons are.
I doubt that your husband actually wants to keep her out of school just to keep her away from 12 year old boys. I assume he is kidding. I have a 12 year old son and I assure you that at 12 the girls are far more interested in the boys than the boys are in the girls.

Quote:
Originally Posted by addicted2helping View Post
I do know that I am NOT teaching high school, so the kids would either go back to public school or have to sign up for a distance learning high school or umbrella school.....
If you are not teaching them high school and they may need to go to public school this is a reason to put your daughter back into public school. If she is smart she will regain whatever ground she lost. She has time before high school.

Quote:
Originally Posted by addicted2helping View Post
Anyway, I don't really have much of a question, just looking for opinions, advice or reassurance that my Mom guilt over our schooling decisions for my daughter is normal and not necessarily something I need to act on......
Don't feel guilty. You did what you thought was right. Now you are re-thinking it. IMO that is very healthy. We all want the best for our kids and we all do the best we can.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Education
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top