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Old 09-10-2011, 05:19 AM
 
Location: Wasilla, Alaska
17,850 posts, read 19,627,225 times
Reputation: 6480

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Quote:
Originally Posted by springfieldva View Post
I might have my child make a birthday card for the teacher, instead. After all, teachers always recognize our children's birthdays . The request to send in money is just a request, I wouldn't sweat it.
If the teacher goes to the effort to recognize the birthdays of your children, then in good conscience that same consideration should be shown in return. However, if that recognition extended beyond mere acknowledgement, or at most a birthday card, then I would be very concerned as a parent.
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Old 09-10-2011, 09:23 AM
 
2,596 posts, read 4,650,518 times
Reputation: 3949
Quote:
Originally Posted by citychik View Post
You mean the students give their gifts to the teachers in class, front of everyone else???!!! How absurd! No wonder kids feel pressured, and in turn pressure their parents.

I would think that is something to do after school, quietly, one-on-one. To do otherwise is just crass.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MOMdotCOM2011 View Post
Yes it is crass. And rude. And to me, unthinkable. Not everyone can AFFORD a gift of ANY sort, let alone the "perfect one" the teacher "wants".

I think we need to bring back basic etiquette education beginning in elementary school. Educated and smart professionals like teachers should KNOW how crass this really is, and more importantly how potentially, very hurt feelings will emerge doing things this way.
When the gift is delivered has nothing to do with the teacher and everything to do with the child. That's hardly the teacher's fault. We're talking about kids here. Mom gives them a gift to hand to the teacher, with strict instructions not to forget to hand it to the teacher. It's something else to carry. For some kids, especially the boys, it's a drag. So they dump it off on the teacher as fast as they can, as soon as they see them, and get it over with. Often that's in front of everyone because that's the first time they run into the teacher. If it's from a girl, it's often accompanied by, "Here, Mrs. Smith, this is for you." If it's from a boy, it's often accompanied by, "My mom said I had to give you this."

If the parent wants to give the teacher something from their family and wants to do so privately, they could drop it by the office and ask to have it put in their box. Or escort their child in delivering it in private if their work schedule allows. What is the teacher supposed to do once that second grader comes running up with that bottle of hand lotion and a big smile... swat them away and reprimand them for daring to hand it to them in front of others? How warm and caring. A quick hug and a whispered thank you followed by tucking it in a drawer may be the best they can do when put on the spot. Again, if that's not ideal (and I agree it isn't), it might help if the parent dropped it off in the office rather than trusting it to their small child and then complaining that it's somehow the teacher's fault when/how it's delivered.

And for the record, I find organized attempts to collect (read: pressure for) gift money distasteful whether it's at school, at work or anyplace else. People should not be pressured to donate money for birthday gift cards, cake for the baby shower, or anything else. Let work and school be professional places. If someone wants to give a gift on their own, let them. Otherwise, these begs for, "Nancy is due in a few months. Let's all get our $20 in for her shower and don't make Amy come find you to collect your share!" cause a lot of resentment, especially since in an office of any size, you may get them once a month or more.

Last edited by h886; 09-10-2011 at 10:26 AM..
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Old 09-10-2011, 09:50 AM
 
15,797 posts, read 13,225,887 times
Reputation: 19693
I HATE receiving gifts from parents. Despite the bizarre over-generalizations in this thread why would teachers want gifts from their students or their parents? It is begging to be accused of playing favorites.

I encourage my students who really want to give me and their other teachers gifts to find non-tangible gifts or do it outside of school.

Last year one of my seniors had his parents throw a "thanks for educating us party" for the all teachers at their home. All the seniors came, we had a BBQ, got to say good bye to our students, and since we all brought items it was not a huge financial burden on anyone.

One of my other students who I had mentored, taken on academic trips, and basically been his "other mother" as he called it, got us a gift card to use to buy fish for the class tank. Considering he was the one who designed and built the tank (with help) I thought that was a great idea to keep something he had worked so hard on going for everyone else to enjoy. Plus we put a little placard with his name on the tank so everyone knows who made that tank.

The idea that teachers WANT gifts is silly. I know that it is a radical notion for those who are teacher haters on this thread but some children actually LOVE their teachers and want to give them a gift because of how well they have been treated by those same teachers. In those instances we like to guide the students to giving gifts that benefit others and not the teacher personally, for all the reasons stated. What is wrong with that?
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Old 09-10-2011, 10:28 AM
 
11,151 posts, read 13,816,926 times
Reputation: 18791
Yesterday, a student who has an incredibly difficult living situation and had said he was dropping out at the end of last year, came by my classroom to let me know he was staying in school.

I told him how glad I was, and he gave me a big hug.

THAT was the best gift ever .....
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Old 09-10-2011, 11:54 AM
 
Location: State of INSANITY
183 posts, read 208,634 times
Reputation: 397
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
My dd brought in a homemade card once, like everyone says to do---its the thought that counts. she was mortified when everyone else presented their "real" gifts, she wouldn't even give the card she worked so hard on making. Instead of being a happy party, a little 8-year old girl left in tears. she might forgert that, but I never did. I bought expensive gifts from then on, not for the teacher, but for my child to save face. BTW, I paid for "teacher's gifts" by taking back my gifts, I'd rather do without than see my baby in tears. so, hope I made a lot of teachers happy, I know they hurt my dd.

And, BTW, why are others attacking ME on this thread? I didn't start it, and many have the same opinion I do. Look around, feel the love!

Look, dear teachers, many parents, us included, are hard-pressed to put food on the table, and dress and supply our own kids, then we have to give you "goodies" so our kid won't be s**t on! hey, its just budgeted!

Not only do teachers open their gifts in front of everyone, my cousin teaches, she says they pile their gifts in the teachers' lounge every day, it becomes a competetion, and yes, they do make comparisions, especially if you have more than one kid. They say things like oh, you got whatever from them, I got yadda, etc. Like I say, feel the love!
Now THAT is crass.
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Old 09-10-2011, 12:29 PM
 
8,240 posts, read 14,918,267 times
Reputation: 3656
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
My dd brought in a homemade card once, like everyone says to do---its the thought that counts. she was mortified when everyone else presented their "real" gifts, she wouldn't even give the card she worked so hard on making. Instead of being a happy party, a little 8-year old girl left in tears. she might forgert that, but I never did. I bought expensive gifts from then on, not for the teacher, but for my child to save face. BTW, I paid for "teacher's gifts" by taking back my gifts, I'd rather do without than see my baby in tears. so, hope I made a lot of teachers happy, I know they hurt my dd.

And, BTW, why are others attacking ME on this thread? I didn't start it, and many have the same opinion I do. Look around, feel the love!

Look, dear teachers, many parents, us included, are hard-pressed to put food on the table, and dress and supply our own kids, then we have to give you "goodies" so our kid won't be s**t on! hey, its just budgeted!

Not only do teachers open their gifts in front of everyone, my cousin teaches, she says they pile their gifts in the teachers' lounge every day, it becomes a competetion, and yes, they do make comparisions, especially if you have more than one kid. They say things like oh, you got whatever from them, I got yadda, etc. Like I say, feel the love!
1) Did the teacher criticize your child for making a card and not bringing her a gift?? I'm sure if she had, you'd have said so. How sad that you haven't taught your child to be proud of who she is.

2)While some teachers MAY open their gifts in front of everyone, not all do. How can you base your rather vehement opinion on what one person says?

You have some pretty serious issues, and you are passing those right on to your child.
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Old 09-10-2011, 12:50 PM
 
2,596 posts, read 4,650,518 times
Reputation: 3949
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
My dd brought in a homemade card once, like everyone says to do---its the thought that counts. she was mortified when everyone else presented their "real" gifts, she wouldn't even give the card she worked so hard on making. Instead of being a happy party, a little 8-year old girl left in tears. she might forgert that, but I never did. I bought expensive gifts from then on, not for the teacher, but for my child to save face. BTW, I paid for "teacher's gifts" by taking back my gifts, I'd rather do without than see my baby in tears. so, hope I made a lot of teachers happy, I know they hurt my dd.
Um, this is so illogical, I'm not even sure where to start. No one "hurt your daughter," certainly not the teacher. The teacher did nothing. Your daughter decided on her own not to give the card to the teacher. How is the teacher possibly to blame for that, or are you merely looking for anything to be indignant over? The teacher was never given the opportunity to respond because your daughter never even showed her the card! I feel very sorry for your daughter, being raised in a home where she feels so badly about herself that she would react this way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Not only do teachers open their gifts in front of everyone, my cousin teaches, she says they pile their gifts in the teachers' lounge every day, it becomes a competetion, and yes, they do make comparisions, especially if you have more than one kid.
Just because your cousin has no class, it doesn't mean she represents the majority of teachers. Perhaps it's a regional difference, but I've never witnessed or heard of anything like what you're describing.
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Old 09-10-2011, 02:16 PM
 
102 posts, read 144,326 times
Reputation: 89
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark of the Moon View Post
Yesterday, a student who has an incredibly difficult living situation and had said he was dropping out at the end of last year, came by my classroom to let me know he was staying in school.

I told him how glad I was, and he gave me a big hug.

THAT was the best gift ever .....
One day after school a young man came in and asked if I remembered him. I did! He had been in my first grade 15 years earlier, didn't speak a word of English at the time, and was now in college. He said I had been really kind then and wanted to thank me. Yeah, we're in it for those gift cards, all right.
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Old 09-10-2011, 02:40 PM
 
Location: San Francisco, CA
12,894 posts, read 10,236,719 times
Reputation: 11524
Quote:
Originally Posted by FueledByBlueBell View Post
...and by the way, not to knock teachers at all, why would a highly skilled person teach at the current salary level when they can take that same skill set and go to work in corp america with a salary around market value with a bonus, and possibly other compensation (stock, etc.) and an ability to see pay increases as their performance increases as well? Wouldn't it be great if your kid had a teacher that studied their respective subject at a top university? But at the current salary level it would be very difficult to pay back the cost of that education. It is a shame that we can't attract a high level of talent to teaching-- think of the impact they could make to this country.

Soapbox.
Easy - because for a long time, lower level teaching was much safer and required less stringent performance standards than the increasingly competitive corporate world. Of course it is an important service to society, but it has also been well-suited to people who prefer to make this kind of risk/reward tradeoff in an uncertain world. The salary was lower, but you could comfortably hold on to that job for life if you didn't rock the boat too much - and you got excellent benefits in the end. That's all changing now.

Last edited by ambient; 09-10-2011 at 02:50 PM..
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Old 09-10-2011, 10:19 PM
 
9,482 posts, read 15,071,454 times
Reputation: 15502
Quote:
Originally Posted by h886 View Post
Um, this is so illogical, I'm not even sure where to start. No one "hurt your daughter," certainly not the teacher. The teacher did nothing. Your daughter decided on her own not to give the card to the teacher. How is the teacher possibly to blame for that, or are you merely looking for anything to be indignant over? The teacher was never given the opportunity to respond because your daughter never even showed her the card! I feel very sorry for your daughter, being raised in a home where she feels so badly about herself that she would react this way.



Just because your cousin has no class, it doesn't mean she represents the majority of teachers. Perhaps it's a regional difference, but I've never witnessed or heard of anything like what you're describing.

How we can twist things around----did I say my cousin was the only one comparing her gifts? I SAID the whole teacher lounge piled their gifts and compared them----so, do you understand the word 'compare'? You must have more than one item to compare items, or more than one person to make comparisions.

And no, its not that I have "taught my dd wrong" for "not being proud of who she is" everything I've read on these perfect parent forums says oh, its the thought that counts, yadda, yadda---so I actually bought that bull****. I was the only one who sent in a "crappy card" instead of a "real present". Well, I learned from that, and since have taught my kids, its the GIFT not the thought that counts. Get real---do like others, say one thing and do another, then criticize the other for looking and feeling like a fool following that inept advice!

And if teachers really don't want gifts, why don't they send out a notice at the beginning of the school year, gifts not accepted?
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