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Old 09-02-2011, 10:26 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read 11,689,977 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lauramc27 View Post
Not so. However, when I asked what would you do, I did not expect people to come on here and tell me my daughter is a whiner, complainer and I am teaching her to be this way. I do not have a chip on my shoulder, but when a simple question is asked then people start attacking you peronnally saying you are teaching your daughter to be unforgiving of other peoples faults I have a problem with that.
Perhaps one of the reasons some of us have responded to your question that way is that we have some experience with children (and parents), blowing things out of proportion. As you've clearly stated, this is your daughter's second year in coming home and telling you negative things about her teachers. I feel you've made it clear that you want to DO something about this teacher. We've given you options and among those options are getting to know this teacher a bit more. I believe it DOES need to be brought to her attention that children are going home and telling their parents things that could cause her problems, but I also feel as if she probably needs a support system. If her students' parents are not supportive of her, their children will learn NOTHING from her.

So many parents have no problem talking about their kids' teachers, in a negative way, within ear shot of their children. All that does is undermine that teacher's authority and creates MORE problems in the classroom. If every child, who went home with that same information for their parents, was told by their parents, "Be quiet and do you work like you're told. Remember to raise your hand and wait to be called on. Respect your teacher, or there will be consequences for your actions here at home." You can bet that your daughter's classroom would be a whole lot better place to be, and that her teacher would be a heck of a lot less stressed out.
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Old 09-02-2011, 10:51 AM
 
Location: Arizona
1,204 posts, read 2,519,790 times
Reputation: 1551
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Perhaps one of the reasons some of us have responded to your question that way is that we have some experience with children (and parents), blowing things out of proportion. As you've clearly stated, this is your daughter's second year in coming home and telling you negative things about her teachers. I feel you've made it clear that you want to DO something about this teacher. We've given you options and among those options are getting to know this teacher a bit more. I believe it DOES need to be brought to her attention that children are going home and telling their parents things that could cause her problems, but I also feel as if she probably needs a support system. If her students' parents are not supportive of her, their children will learn NOTHING from her.

So many parents have no problem talking about their kids' teachers, in a negative way, within ear shot of their children. All that does is undermine that teacher's authority and creates MORE problems in the classroom. If every child, who went home with that same information for their parents, was told by their parents, "Be quiet and do you work like you're told. Remember to raise your hand and wait to be called on. Respect your teacher, or there will be consequences for your actions here at home." You can bet that your daughter's classroom would be a whole lot better place to be, and that her teacher would be a heck of a lot less stressed out.
I understand where you are coming from. I have offered to volunteer and she told my daughter to let me know that she will be calling me after the Labor Day holiday to set something up. I fully intend to support this teacher any way I can. This will also give me the opportunity to see her teaching style and how she interacts with the kids.

I did say this to my daughter, just not in those exact words. I told her she better not be one of the kids talking out of turn, because that is not the kind of behavior we will tollerate. The teacher did let me know my daughter was blurting out answers to questions without being called on and I let my daughter know that this was not ok. She knows the class rules of raising your hand. I also let her know that it was rude of her to answer a question that the teacher asked someone else to answer. I haven't heard anything else from the teacher on this issue.
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Old 09-02-2011, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read 11,689,977 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lauramc27 View Post
I understand where you are coming from. I have offered to volunteer and she told my daughter to let me know that she will be calling me after the Labor Day holiday to set something up. I fully intend to support this teacher any way I can. This will also give me the opportunity to see her teaching style and how she interacts with the kids.

I did say this to my daughter, just not in those exact words. I told her she better not be one of the kids talking out of turn, because that is not the kind of behavior we will tollerate. The teacher did let me know my daughter was blurting out answers to questions without being called on and I let my daughter know that this was not ok. She knows the class rules of raising your hand. I also let her know that it was rude of her to answer a question that the teacher asked someone else to answer. I haven't heard anything else from the teacher on this issue.
I'll just bet the teacher wishes a whole lot more parents would attempt to teach their children appropriate manners. Good job. I do hope that she will see that you are one of the parents who IS trying to stay on top of your daughter's behavior. Perhaps after the holidays, you will hear from her. Truly, these poor teachers NEED help. Even in my day there were a few unruly kids. It is so much worse now than it's ever been for teachers. Can you imagine having a dream of teaching children...wanting so much to be a good and understanding teacher who really cares about children and wants to make learning fun, only to hit the job and end up with a bunch of disrespectful, out of hand kids who treat you with absolutely no respect, whatsoever? Now imagine that you're dealing with a bunch of kids like that, you try to reign them in and you get major flak from the parents for doing so. What a nightmare. I could never be a teacher. I just don't have what it takes to handle such disrespect and abuse on a daily basis.
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Old 09-02-2011, 04:14 PM
 
4,356 posts, read 4,198,327 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
I'll just bet the teacher wishes a whole lot more parents would attempt to teach their children appropriate manners. Good job. I do hope that she will see that you are one of the parents who IS trying to stay on top of your daughter's behavior. Perhaps after the holidays, you will hear from her. Truly, these poor teachers NEED help. Even in my day there were a few unruly kids. It is so much worse now than it's ever been for teachers. Can you imagine having a dream of teaching children...wanting so much to be a good and understanding teacher who really cares about children and wants to make learning fun, only to hit the job and end up with a bunch of disrespectful, out of hand kids who treat you with absolutely no respect, whatsoever? Now imagine that you're dealing with a bunch of kids like that, you try to reign them in and you get major flak from the parents for doing so. What a nightmare. I could never be a teacher. I just don't have what it takes to handle such disrespect and abuse on a daily basis.
I will second this.

Here is what a typical lesson is like, even after calling parents about behavior:

Hello class, teach teach teach teach teach, Donnie, get your papers out. Teach teach teach teach teach. Respect rule--Don't touch other people. Teach teach teach teach teach teach. Paul, Paul, PAUL, wake up. Teach teach teach teach . No, Courtney, you may not go to the restroom. Teach teach teach teach ...

... and so on for 94 minutes. These are high school students who have chaotic home lives where all those things we learned in kindergarten were not ingrained. I'm trying to help them get ready to do well in college, because they do have dreams. They just don't yet have the social skills that are expected of adult learners. I would imagine that these issues are rare at high-achieving senior high schools. Or maybe not, if the parents are the "my child would never do something like that!"

(Sometimes we have to gently dash a dream. Another teacher had to tell a girl who wanted to go to Yale that she wouldn't be able to study cosmetology there. I've had to tell several boys that while they may be able to study automotive engineering at a particular university, they will have to go to a vocational program to study auto mechanics. Even with Career Discovery in seventh grade, they have somehow gotten to their junior year of high school without knowing the basics about higher education.)
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Old 09-02-2011, 04:22 PM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,646,586 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lhpartridge View Post
I will second this.

Here is what a typical lesson is like, even after calling parents about behavior:

Hello class, teach teach teach teach teach, Donnie, get your papers out. Teach teach teach teach teach. Respect rule--Don't touch other people. Teach teach teach teach teach teach. Paul, Paul, PAUL, wake up. Teach teach teach teach . No, Courtney, you may not go to the restroom. Teach teach teach teach ...

... and so on for 94 minutes. These are high school students who have chaotic home lives where all those things we learned in kindergarten were not ingrained. I'm trying to help them get ready to do well in college, because they do have dreams. They just don't yet have the social skills that are expected of adult learners. I would imagine that these issues are rare at high-achieving senior high schools. Or maybe not, if the parents are the "my child would never do something like that!"
I used to teach in an Abbott district (that is the definition of the type of schools you described here in NJ) and now teach in a school for the gifted at the other end of the spectrum. Surprisingly those same issues still happen the only difference being I only have to tell my current students once and less of them are doing it.
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Old 09-02-2011, 05:50 PM
 
4,356 posts, read 4,198,327 times
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Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
I used to teach in an Abbott district (that is the definition of the type of schools you described here in NJ) and now teach in a school for the gifted at the other end of the spectrum. Surprisingly those same issues still happen the only difference being I only have to tell my current students once and less of them are doing it.
And I imagine that you probably don't get cussed out for getting on to them.

I don't exactly know how I do it, because I can't really recall ever getting cussed out by a student or a parent. It does happen quite frequently at my school, though. We have several students suspended already for cussing out the assistant principals.

/sigh/ I've always wondered what it was like to teach in a school where well-rested, well-fed children arrive at school with all their materials and homework completed eager to spend the day learning as much as they can. That really exists, doesn't it?
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Old 09-02-2011, 06:28 PM
 
16,825 posts, read 17,646,586 times
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Originally Posted by lhpartridge View Post
And I imagine that you probably don't get cussed out for getting on to them.

I don't exactly know how I do it, because I can't really recall ever getting cussed out by a student or a parent. It does happen quite frequently at my school, though. We have several students suspended already for cussing out the assistant principals.
Yup cursing doesn't happen. I would like to say that fighting doesn't happen either but I got to break up the only fight on campus in 15 years. Basically one kid flipped a smaller kid during some lunch time football game. Small kid comes up swinging. He never actually made contact because I stepped in the middle (weird how male students will never swing near a female teacher). The kids all freaked out and talked about "the fight" for a year.

My old school I had a fight a week just in my classroom.

Quote:
/sigh/ I've always wondered what it was like to teach in a school where well-rested, well-fed children arrive at school with all their materials and homework completed eager to spend the day learning as much as they can. That really exists, doesn't it?
Its lovely but still not easy. Thesekids are sharp, inventive and some of them are very motivated to try and get over on their teachers. Most of them are only tiring in so far as they want more knowledge all the time. The science fair circuit is actually exhausting and we do not get paid to take them on these trips but they get a lot out of it at least.
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Old 09-02-2011, 06:38 PM
 
553 posts, read 1,023,713 times
Reputation: 289
Quote:
Originally Posted by lauramc27 View Post
This is not the first time we have had to deal with a teacher saying inappropriate things, we had to have our daughter switch teachers last year because her teacher did not know how to sensor herself. It got so bad my daughter didn't want to go to school anymore and would call herself stupid if she didn't understand something. I do not want this happening again this year, so I am concerned.
You say, you have unlimited time to offer? Why not just help your daughter with her learning if she calls herself stupid and does not understand something?
I understand that children may fail to understand something and they look for reasons to avoid studying. They look for ways to divert their (and their parents' energy into something else).
My advice - cut that all complaining stuff out. For the sake of your own daughter.
Do not encourage this kind of behavior (by raising non-existent problems, going around talking to other parents, talking to the principal - I am sure your daughter knows all about)


. One day she will go to college, your daughter (well let's hope so).
She will be unhappy with her professors, I promiss.
One of my university first year students went to complain about me in the very beginning of the year when I asked her to stop playing music on her cell phone that everyone could hear (lol, yes she did that). She went to complain!
They moved her to another section. He next professor passed her with a D or failed he, not sure. I saw her many times hangig around administration office, very upset and crying. Now who is she going to complain and what about? Hell, I do not know. but that kind of strategy does not help her in life.
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Old 09-02-2011, 07:10 PM
 
Location: In the north country fair
4,935 posts, read 10,611,256 times
Reputation: 7713
Quote:
Originally Posted by lauramc27 View Post
I understand where you are coming from. I have offered to volunteer and she told my daughter to let me know that she will be calling me after the Labor Day holiday to set something up. I fully intend to support this teacher any way I can. This will also give me the opportunity to see her teaching style and how she interacts with the kids.

I did say this to my daughter, just not in those exact words. I told her she better not be one of the kids talking out of turn, because that is not the kind of behavior we will tollerate. The teacher did let me know my daughter was blurting out answers to questions without being called on and I let my daughter know that this was not ok. She knows the class rules of raising your hand. I also let her know that it was rude of her to answer a question that the teacher asked someone else to answer. I haven't heard anything else from the teacher on this issue.
Volunteering sounds like it will be really helpful; just remember that you're there to help and support the teacher, not spy on her; believe me, she'll know--teachers are attuned to and can be very sensitive to comments and/or body language, especially when they are stressed out. Treat her like a friend and ally and that's exactly what she will be (and you to her ).

I would actually discuss with the teacher exactly what she wishes you to help with when you are there; it's important to be on the same page and work together as a team b/c even the slightest miscommunication/blunder will undermine the authority of you both and get the kids riled up.

Also, a little teacher tip: any student that is not paying attention or is goofing around, walk over to his/her desk and stand behind it (or directly off to the side); it will get them back on track in no time
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Old 09-02-2011, 08:12 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,204 posts, read 2,519,790 times
Reputation: 1551
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarlaJane View Post
Volunteering sounds like it will be really helpful; just remember that you're there to help and support the teacher, not spy on her; believe me, she'll know--teachers are attuned to and can be very sensitive to comments and/or body language, especially when they are stressed out. Treat her like a friend and ally and that's exactly what she will be (and you to her ).

I would actually discuss with the teacher exactly what she wishes you to help with when you are there; it's important to be on the same page and work together as a team b/c even the slightest miscommunication/blunder will undermine the authority of you both and get the kids riled up.

Also, a little teacher tip: any student that is not paying attention or is goofing around, walk over to his/her desk and stand behind it (or directly off to the side); it will get them back on track in no time
Thanks for the advise. My offer to volunteer is geniunely to help the teacher not to spy on her.

Last edited by lauramc27; 09-02-2011 at 08:22 PM..
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