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Your child isn't a baby and shouldn't be treated as such. It's his JOB to make sure his work is done. No excuses. I'd show my extreme disapproval to my child and tell him how disappointed I was in him that he wasn't doing what he was supposed to. I remember when I was younger when my parents said they were disappointed in me it felt awful and made me embarrassed my parents were shamed by my behavior (and I'm not that old! I'm only 24, so I was your kid's age 12-13 years ago).
I honestly think your child needs more tough love.
I also agree with everyone else. It's not the teacher's fault he's not doing his work. It's his.
Your child isn't a baby and shouldn't be treated as such. It's his JOB to make sure his work is done. No excuses. I'd show my extreme disapproval to my child and tell him how disappointed I was in him that he wasn't doing what he was supposed to. I remember when I was younger when my parents said they were disappointed in me it felt awful and made me embarrassed my parents were shamed by my behavior (and I'm not that old! I'm only 24, so I was your kid's age 12-13 years ago).
I honestly think your child needs more tough love.
I also agree with everyone else. It's not the teacher's fault he's not doing his work. It's his.
Oh I got that so much and with my ADD it didn't make a bit of difference in whether the work done. However I still carry a burden of shame and hopelessness. It was very damaging. What really hurts is that I was smart enough to do the work--incidentally, I was a very angry teenager b/c of this and you can say that I was a spoiled brat or you can say that there might have been better ways to help me. In high school I just gave up and dropped out b/c I figured what's the use.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tony22
Just sit down with him and make sure he does all his homework and that he studies.
This is something I would recommend b/c you can sit down and get some clues as to what the problem might be. Is he having trouble focusing on the work? How are his reading skills? Are there concepts he doesn't understand so he can't move on till he does? Is it just a case of organizational skills? Help him order his notebooks then. I used to get yelled at so much for my poor grades and organization but not once did my folks ever sit down with me and show me how to get and stay organized. They just assumed it was something that everyone should know how to do but I didn't have a clue.
If you do this, go with him to the school and help him empty out his locker and then have him gather up every last piece of paper from his room and play areas and even check sports bags--I remember that I would just tuck stray pieces of paper into any handy pocket on anything without thinking about what I was doing! Sometimes those papers were study guides to the next test.
You might also talk to his teachers about getting lists of missing assignments and then set up rewards along the way for work that is done. Chunking is really handy for any kid that has a big job to do. Give him a finite amount of work to do and then set a reward. Then more work and another reward. Doesn't have to be big--could be petting the dog. I've even set a timer for 3 minutes for some kids that really had problems focusing and they loved it b/c they saw 3 minutes as a small amount of time but they were amazed by how much they got done.
My son's 7th and 8th yr were nightmares! We moved to a new state so that didn't help but he did not do well with the transition from elementary to jr high. The first time I got called in by the teachers they were not pleasant. Once they saw I actually cared we started working together on what his issue was. It drove me nuts. "Got homework?" "Nope" sure enough I look at the school website and he has several missing assignments. He forgot his books, his assignments, lost papers...it was endless. I felt like I had to micromanage every thing. I felt like a complete failure as a parent. By 8th grade he started showing some depression where the teachers called me at home about it. They were awesome in this regard because out of all the students they had, they could have just ignored it. I felt something was wrong to begin with and their comments confirmed my thoughts.
I took him to counseling (which he was pissed about at first). He admitted he wasn't liking school, this area and so forth. That helped but we found out he is ADD inattentive type. I had him tested when he was younger but was told there were no issues. He was just "immature". I heard this for years. I got so sick of the immature label because most people that know him well find him quite mature for his age. UGH. He was an average student in elementary but jr high was a whole different ball of wax. He just didn't seem to care. He would get upset when he was in trouble, next day same crap all over again. The ADD testing wasn't cheap but its more involved vs the observation type that schools do. So anyway, he is now in 9th grade. He currently has all A's. I'm just in a fog of amazement after 2 yrs of hell. He still slips up every now and then so I keep an eye on stuff. I am just taking it day by day to see how he will average out with assignments and so forth. Im pleased he has A's but I'm sure he might slip a little as the work gets harder. Over all though, his attitude is completely different this year. I would suggest counseling, its a rough age and ADD inattentive type goes unnoticed quite a bit. Obviously I do not know your child but it might be something to consider.
Kids are not being taught to read proficiently. They are learning "sight reading", instead of phonics and sounds. Kids who sight read cannot comprehend and cannot read with as much facility as those who have phonics training. Reading is a real chore for them.
I'm undecided about ADD. Something tells me it is caused by a variety of things all coming together into critical mass of inability to focus. ADD is a subject of wide disagreement among experts.
I can tell you one thing; my wife will not let her students make up work that they've failed to turn in on time, after 5 days. It's too late, and it gives kids an unreasonable expectation about how irresponsible they can be. The real world is very tough on tardiness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka
Oh I got that so much and with my ADD it didn't make a bit of difference in whether the work done. However I still carry a burden of shame and hopelessness. It was very damaging. What really hurts is that I was smart enough to do the work--incidentally, I was a very angry teenager b/c of this and you can say that I was a spoiled brat or you can say that there might have been better ways to help me. In high school I just gave up and dropped out b/c I figured what's the use.
This is something I would recommend b/c you can sit down and get some clues as to what the problem might be. Is he having trouble focusing on the work? How are his reading skills? Are there concepts he doesn't understand so he can't move on till he does? Is it just a case of organizational skills? Help him order his notebooks then. I used to get yelled at so much for my poor grades and organization but not once did my folks ever sit down with me and show me how to get and stay organized. They just assumed it was something that everyone should know how to do but I didn't have a clue.
If you do this, go with him to the school and help him empty out his locker and then have him gather up every last piece of paper from his room and play areas and even check sports bags--I remember that I would just tuck stray pieces of paper into any handy pocket on anything without thinking about what I was doing! Sometimes those papers were study guides to the next test.
You might also talk to his teachers about getting lists of missing assignments and then set up rewards along the way for work that is done. Chunking is really handy for any kid that has a big job to do. Give him a finite amount of work to do and then set a reward. Then more work and another reward. Doesn't have to be big--could be petting the dog. I've even set a timer for 3 minutes for some kids that really had problems focusing and they loved it b/c they saw 3 minutes as a small amount of time but they were amazed by how much they got done.
Your child isn't a baby and shouldn't be treated as such. It's his JOB to make sure his work is done. No excuses. I'd show my extreme disapproval to my child and tell him how disappointed I was in him that he wasn't doing what he was supposed to. I remember when I was younger when my parents said they were disappointed in me it felt awful and made me embarrassed my parents were shamed by my behavior (and I'm not that old! I'm only 24, so I was your kid's age 12-13 years ago).
I honestly think your child needs more tough love.
I also agree with everyone else. It's not the teacher's fault he's not doing his work. It's his.
Wow! Every parent used to be like this in America! I miss it. You are like a breath of fresh air!
Moving from elementary to middle school is a major transition to any child and it hits boys especially hard.
I know that. Boy, do I know that. I'd still try and make sure something else isn't going on. It's the "not caring" part. What's he found that's better than school, grades, Pokemon league? What would make him "not care"? Who is he running with? Has he got a new set of friends?
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