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Old 10-14-2011, 01:32 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,206 posts, read 2,097,468 times
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I honestly think she is being a bit harsh, considering they have only been in school for what, a couple of months. Sometimes it takes kids a bit longer to adjust to the school environment. Is this not the reason for Kinder? To prepare kids for school? I would keep on top of any issues that may come up. If need be, e-mail the teacher every day at the end of the day and ask if there were any issues that day. I think it's a bit hasty to be recommending a D-K at this point.

My daughter also requested a lot of teacher time, for her it was just until she felt comfortable with the class and teacher. Her teachers knew this and adjusted, it isn't that big a deal.
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Old 10-14-2011, 03:04 PM
 
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I have been wondering, too, if perhaps your son is not an auditory learner. When directions are given verbally, a person who is *not* an auditory learner may have a difficult time processing all the directions.

For examply, my son is a visual learner and a visual thinker. If I want him to hurry and brush his teeth, I mime brushing teeth. It is more effective than *saying* "go brush your teeth."

Just something to think about!

I hate when kids who are really bright get labeled and tracked simply because they do not fit into the school's preconceived notions of how children should behave and think and learn.
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Old 10-14-2011, 07:13 PM
 
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I really feel for you. I know this is your first child in kindergarten and therefore you are alarmed and were taken off guard by the teacher's unexpected report. I assure you, this too shall pass. If you talk to parents who have had 3 or 4 children, by the time the last one starts school, they are so mellow about it. There is a saying, small children small problems, big children big problems and this is so true. From your description, it does not sound like there is anything "abnormal" with your child. He is young, he is a boy, and he is inexperienced with this type of social setting.

He isn't breaking any "rules" when he leaves his seat to hug his teacher. You can't punish a child for that. But it can be disruptive when it becomes continuous while a teacher is trying to do something else. He just has to learn the appropriate social cues, when he can give his teacher a hug. It must be so confusing to him when he gets negative reinforcement for giving a hug.

I don't think there was anything wrong with the teacher's timing about informing you about your child's behavior. It takes time for a new class to adjust to a new routine and before speaking to a parent, the teacher needs to make certain that the inappropriate behavior is not a temporary adjustment issue. She may have wanted to see if she could rectify the problems in the classroom first before alarming you. The teacher needs to document, not just for a committee, but to see a record of progress, not only for the child, but to self-assess her own methods. Now that there has been a formal discussion, you should certainly keep in close communication with the teacher. If you do decide to observe, make sure you will be viewing from an area where your son cannot see you. Otherwise, you will not get an accurate picture of how your son behaves. If he is aware that you are in the classroom, he may keep going over to you.

Another suggestion is to arrange some playdates for your child with other children from the class. It will help hiim with his socialization and to feel more comfortable in the class if he has some special friends." They may also provide some modeling for appropriate class behavior. Playdates are even more important if your child is an only child in the family. Also, it can't hurt and he may enjoy himself.
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Old 10-15-2011, 08:56 AM
 
275 posts, read 646,835 times
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I am well aware of my shortcomings in this issue. I should have made sure he had more contact with other children but things had been so crazy in the last few years it just wasn't possible. Interestingly, last spring when I took him for a check-up, his pediatrician warned me about this. His daughter didn't go to pre-school either and when she started K, she had initially had some issues. His advice to me was, there is nothing wrong with your son, don't let them label him or put him in some special class etc... I see now how right he was. I honestly don't believe there is anything wrong with him other than he is not used to this type of structured environment and being with so many kids. He is a very loving child and just gets very happy when he sees other kids. I just need to tell them to give him some more time. I will try to correct any other negative issue he might have but if she is only seeing the negative in him, I am not sure what I can do about it. As I said before, it was the negative tone of the meeting that bothered me the most. I have been to other teacher meetings for my nieces, cousins etc...there are usually negative things brought up but also positive things about the child. Every explanation I made for his behavior, she came up with a negative reply. For example, I told her it is possible, he doesn't understand complicated directions. If you give him 1 step direction he'll be fine but he will not understand a 3-step direction unless it is repeated. Well, she said she e-mailed the teacher who gave him his ESL test and he said his English is fine. I had to take a breath to calm myself. This kid has been in the US for 3 years and he never had contact with any English speakers. I was there when he took his ESL test, the test involved school work - things like numbers, letters, colors, shapes etc...He knows about these things because I thought him these things at home. It doesn't mean he can hold a conversation with the teacher and understand everything she is saying. But I don't think she was convinced.
I do want to thank everyone here for your suggestions. It just showed me how little I know about the schools. I will stay on top of it. Yesterday, I got upset and was acting like a mother. Today, I am calmer and thinking like an advocate. I will correct his negative behavior but I will not tolerate them treating him unfairly.
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Old 10-15-2011, 10:32 AM
 
15,767 posts, read 13,199,215 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyvictoria View Post
ikb0714, why do you see something wrong with his behavior last evening? I was an only child, I used to go sit in the closet when I was upset. He usually does that when he does something bad or he thinks we are mad at him for whatever reason. He was with adults all his life, he is very tuned to our emotions. He obviously knew we were upset about talking to his teacher. And there was really nothing positive I could tell him that his teacher said about him so he is probably all confused. He loves his teacher and the other kids in the school.
I am not concerned that he was upset, or even that he isolated himself, what concerns me is that he did it for the entire rest of the evening.

It suggests a lack of coping skills. Most 5 year olds will move on from a negative experience fairly quickly. For example, once a time out is over and a hug given, most children move into a much more positive mind set. You stated he sat behind the couch for the rest of evening, this seems like a potential issue to me.
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Old 10-15-2011, 10:55 AM
 
15,308 posts, read 16,867,859 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
I am not concerned that he was upset, or even that he isolated himself, what concerns me is that he did it for the entire rest of the evening.

It suggests a lack of coping skills. Most 5 year olds will move on from a negative experience fairly quickly. For example, once a time out is over and a hug given, most children move into a much more positive mind set. You stated he sat behind the couch for the rest of evening, this seems like a potential issue to me.
I agree. OP, you may have a very sensitive child. There is nothing wrong with that, but he needs to develop coping skills that don't involve staying in the negative mindset.

This book may help:

http://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensiti.../dp/0767908724
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Old 10-15-2011, 12:12 PM
 
Location: California
178 posts, read 283,247 times
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I think the teacher is being very unreasonable. She should have communicated her concerns to you in the first couple of weeks. She had your email, she has no excuse. What blows my mind is the fact that Kinder is not even required. It is an option.

My oldest is 12 and when she started Kinder she was in the afternoon class that started at 11:00 and went till 2:40. On the first day I noticed there were 20 kids (age 5 kinders) running around the playground with no adult. I asked some of the other parents who these children were. They informed me they were kinders but were dropped off by the bus. I asked who is watching them? They said no one. They get dropped off at 10:40 and the teacher comes out at 10:55 to switch classes. This didn't sound right so I saw the bus driver and asked who was suppose to watch these kids. They said it was the schools responsibility and they try to stay as long as they can but can not stay the whole 20 min. This concerned me because my daughter was going to have to take the bus next week. So I went to the principal and asked why no one was watching these children. She said that there are parents out here everyday with there own children and that is sufficient. I explained these parents don't even know there names how are they going to be able to keep track of them plus they don't even know of the responsibility. If a child wonders of they wouldn't even know. She then told me that kinder is not required and if I have a problem with it I can pull my child out of school and holder her back until first grade. I was shocked she told me this. I went to the District Office and they told her that either herself or staff member needs to be supervising these children.

I also suggest calling the principal voicing your concerns. If you don't get a good feeling (hopefully you will) go higher. I would never suggest pulling your child out of kinder, but thought I would share. Good luck!
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Old 10-15-2011, 12:21 PM
 
8,240 posts, read 14,908,909 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jess72 View Post
I think the teacher is being very unreasonable. She should have communicated her concerns to you in the first couple of weeks. She had your email, she has no excuse. What blows my mind is the fact that Kinder is not even required. It is an option.

My oldest is 12 and when she started Kinder she was in the afternoon class that started at 11:00 and went till 2:40. On the first day I noticed there were 20 kids (age 5 kinders) running around the playground with no adult. I asked some of the other parents who these children were. They informed me they were kinders but were dropped off by the bus. I asked who is watching them? They said no one. They get dropped off at 10:40 and the teacher comes out at 10:55 to switch classes. This didn't sound right so I saw the bus driver and asked who was suppose to watch these kids. They said it was the schools responsibility and they try to stay as long as they can but can not stay the whole 20 min. This concerned me because my daughter was going to have to take the bus next week. So I went to the principal and asked why no one was watching these children. She said that there are parents out here everyday with there own children and that is sufficient. I explained these parents don't even know there names how are they going to be able to keep track of them plus they don't even know of the responsibility. If a child wonders of they wouldn't even know. She then told me that kinder is not required and if I have a problem with it I can pull my child out of school and holder her back until first grade. I was shocked she told me this. I went to the District Office and they told her that either herself or staff member needs to be supervising these children.
I also suggest calling the principal voicing your concerns. If you don't get a good feeling (hopefully you will) go higher. I would never suggest pulling your child out of kinder, but thought I would share. Good luck!
Who is the 'herself' that you are talking about who should be watching these children?

Also, I think that going to the principal is a TERRIBLE idea. What exactly the OP's teacher do wrong? She gave the parent her opinion, and really, it's dammed if you do, damned if you don't. Had the teacher said the same thing the first 2 weeks of school, she'd be criticized for not giving the kid a chance to 'warm up' to the routine of K. It's a teacher's job to point out issues and problems, and the parents job to consider them carefully and then work TOGHETHER with the teacher to tackle them.
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Old 10-15-2011, 12:39 PM
 
Location: California
178 posts, read 283,247 times
Reputation: 133
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimimomx3 View Post
Who is the 'herself' that you are talking about who should be watching these children?

Also, I think that going to the principal is a TERRIBLE idea. What exactly the OP's teacher do wrong? She gave the parent her opinion, and really, it's dammed if you do, damned if you don't. Had the teacher said the same thing the first 2 weeks of school, she'd be criticized for not giving the kid a chance to 'warm up' to the routine of K. It's a teacher's job to point out issues and problems, and the parents job to consider them carefully and then work TOGHETHER with the teacher to tackle them.
Herself (the Principal) is responsible for the safety of the children.

If she was told two weeks after school started she wouldn't be upset.

She should work with the teacher, THAT'S WHY THE PARENT EMAILED HER THE FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL! To receive this information eight weeks later is crazy...
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Old 10-15-2011, 02:32 PM
 
275 posts, read 646,835 times
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As I mentioned before, my main issue is not that she let me know late - granted I would have been more prepared had she let me know 4 weeks ago but my issue is writing him up for a committee evaluation. We are already in middle of October, how am I suppose to make any changes in his behavior in two weeks?? I also have a problem with the negative tone of the meeting.
Ikb0714, he usually gets over things pretty fast too. I can give him a time out in his room and once it is over, he'll hug and kiss and be on his way. When I said entire evening, his evening is obviously pretty short. He was hiding perhaps 20 minutes and probably playing with a toy or something while doing it. I mentioned that because it is not something he generally does. He knew we were upset.
I would not go the principal (at this point) and I certainly do not want to pick a fight with the teacher. I understand, my child is not used to the school environment and he needs work on his behavior. I will work with the teacher on it and I am hoping we can cooperate on this. I am just getting the feeling she doesn't want to deal with it.
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