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Old 05-11-2012, 10:47 AM
 
3 posts, read 11,174 times
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I know a similar thread on this was posted over two years ago but the circumstances are a bit different and a lot of time has passed since that thread was posted. I'd appreciate your thoughts.

Today I attended a Mother's Day breakfast at my son's preschool. He is finishing pre-K (this is a private one, not public, because we didn't win the pre-K lottery in our school system). We were hardly finished eating when we suddenly learned that "diplomas" were being handed out along with "awards".

I was rather dismayed at this because first, it was never mentioned. Second, it's freakin' pre-K! What can you get an award in for pre-K? I'm thinking, okay, simple stuff like perfect attendance, most polite, etc. Fine, whatever.

So they get started with the awards and they are in actual categories. Best in penmanship, best in math, best in science, best in art, most helpful, turned in homework every day. In the subject awards, they call out about 10 names per category. There are probably 30 kids total in the pre-K. Some kids got several awards and went up many times.

My little boy sat there, slowly realizing his friends were getting all these awards and he wasn't. It broke my heart.

Finally, the last award was given for "most improved". He and another little girl both won this award. He was just thrilled to finally hear his name being called and ran up with excitement.

Before I continue, I am not one of those moms who thinks every single kid should get an award, no matter what. I don't think my child is a genius by any means. But when a THIRD to half of his pals are winning several awards, it's hard to watch.

I guess I always thought an award went to the best achievers. I was thinking, okay, two kids for math, two kids for penmanship, etc. But that many? And the "completed all homework" one killed me because my kid did all his homework, every single night.

My other beef is that at the one parent/teacher conference I had with his teacher, she never said he could work on his math skills a little more or his handwriting was bad. Heck, when he started, he couldn't even hold a pencil and now he's writing entire words without help. Why am I finding out now that he needs to work much harder?

I know I am going overboard and am being overly emotional. I am and always will be very proud of him no matter what awards he does or doesn't get. But I'm not sure what to say to him when he gets home today. I want him to be aware that you have to work really hard to win an award, that they are given for those who truly go above and beyond the norm.

But after today, I am concerned he's going to think he's not very smart because so many of his pals got several awards and he only got one, and even that one seemed like a consolation prize.
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Old 05-11-2012, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Great State of Texas
86,052 posts, read 84,118,875 times
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Sounds more like 5th grade then pre-K.
No sound words of advice though. I was sorry to read that this is happening at such young ages now.
4 years old and "best in Math" ? Really ?
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Old 05-11-2012, 01:12 PM
 
1,406 posts, read 2,713,995 times
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Wow. You're stronger than me...I would have wanted to confront the teachers about the situation right then and there (in my mind at least) .
I like the idea of giving all the young students diplomas, but giving more awards to some students than others in a Pre-K is just bad taste and inappropriate. Those educators obviously should have realized that those young students weren't overly honored to be named 'best in math, handwriting, etc' but were more focused on the number of times they were called, the number of certificates, etc.
Now that he's almost done with the school, maybe contact the teacher and in an appropriate manner, offer suggestions for the next years ceremony based on your experience as a parent and what your son has said to you.
What did the other parents have to say about what happened?
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Old 05-11-2012, 05:53 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 24,954,964 times
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I agree that sounds like a bad situation. Perhaps they should have made sure that every student received one award for something special about that child. Or no more than 2 or 3 best handwriting, best math, etc awards. I can think back to my early childhood classes and be able to make up off the top of my head two dozen meaningful awards such as Most Curious, Best Fish Care-Giver, Most Creative Art Projects, Best Friend to Others, Best Creativity in Dress-up Play, Most Creative Hider in Hide and Seek, etc.

Now something personal about each child would have been a lot better if they had really felt it necessary to have awards.

I really don't think that it was necessary to have awards like that at your son's "graduation". In fact, i think it was down right silly and inappropriate.
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Old 05-11-2012, 06:52 PM
 
2,612 posts, read 5,562,796 times
Reputation: 3965
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlswan View Post
I know a similar thread on this was posted over two years ago but the circumstances are a bit different and a lot of time has passed since that thread was posted. I'd appreciate your thoughts.

Today I attended a Mother's Day breakfast at my son's preschool. He is finishing pre-K (this is a private one, not public, because we didn't win the pre-K lottery in our school system). We were hardly finished eating when we suddenly learned that "diplomas" were being handed out along with "awards".

I was rather dismayed at this because first, it was never mentioned. Second, it's freakin' pre-K! What can you get an award in for pre-K? I'm thinking, okay, simple stuff like perfect attendance, most polite, etc. Fine, whatever.

So they get started with the awards and they are in actual categories. Best in penmanship, best in math, best in science, best in art, most helpful, turned in homework every day. In the subject awards, they call out about 10 names per category. There are probably 30 kids total in the pre-K. Some kids got several awards and went up many times.

My little boy sat there, slowly realizing his friends were getting all these awards and he wasn't. It broke my heart.

Finally, the last award was given for "most improved". He and another little girl both won this award. He was just thrilled to finally hear his name being called and ran up with excitement.

Before I continue, I am not one of those moms who thinks every single kid should get an award, no matter what. I don't think my child is a genius by any means. But when a THIRD to half of his pals are winning several awards, it's hard to watch.

I guess I always thought an award went to the best achievers. I was thinking, okay, two kids for math, two kids for penmanship, etc. But that many? And the "completed all homework" one killed me because my kid did all his homework, every single night.

My other beef is that at the one parent/teacher conference I had with his teacher, she never said he could work on his math skills a little more or his handwriting was bad. Heck, when he started, he couldn't even hold a pencil and now he's writing entire words without help. Why am I finding out now that he needs to work much harder?

I know I am going overboard and am being overly emotional. I am and always will be very proud of him no matter what awards he does or doesn't get. But I'm not sure what to say to him when he gets home today. I want him to be aware that you have to work really hard to win an award, that they are given for those who truly go above and beyond the norm.

But after today, I am concerned he's going to think he's not very smart because so many of his pals got several awards and he only got one, and even that one seemed like a consolation prize.
I would be totally pissed off too, especially since you actually paid for this school. I would expect preschool awards to be done so that everyone won one or at least about the same amount. I just don't see the point of it at that level. The kids are all developing at different paces, and a few months age difference can make a big difference. It just seems like something that would award age and developmental speed more than anything else, and sounds like an all around bad idea. Anyway, I'd be mad, too.
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Old 05-11-2012, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Moon Over Palmettos
5,978 posts, read 19,830,040 times
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I would be pissed too when they don't consider how these very young kids would feel. And to think some schools encourage parents to invite everyone in the class to their birthday parties, mail invites to home instead of distributing in school, to avoid having some kids feel left out. And Math, at that! Gimme a break!
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Old 05-12-2012, 09:46 AM
 
8,231 posts, read 17,250,736 times
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I'm sorry. What your school did was very age in-appropriate and not in keeping with current educational trends. I good news is that your child probably won't remember a thing. Don't overreact with him, but remember this so you can choose a school in the future that doesn't do things like this. Since you paid tuition, I would definitely ask for an end of year conference and ask what the requirements were for the awards. I would frame it as "what could he have done to have one one". Sorry.
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Old 05-15-2012, 03:00 AM
 
10,629 posts, read 26,625,056 times
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That sounds terrible. I don't think there's any need for awards at that age, and it does run the risk of sending the message to a kid that because he didn't win the "best at math" award, then therefore he was not good at math. And "most improved"?!? At what? Sitting still for stories? And who gets to be the art critic who decides which four year old is "best" at art?

Then again, this is exactly why I prefer play-based preschools, and am so wary of the "academic" preschool trend that seems to be so common these days. At least you didn't know about these awards in advance; kids at that age don't need to be worrying about working hard to win external rewards. They should be free to simply enjoy themselves and enjoy the process of learning about the world around them. There's plenty of time for pressure later in life. No need to get kids stressed out and burned out on learning before they even hit elementary school!

In any case, I'd be outraged. I'm outraged on your behalf! I think you should definitely voice your concerns to the school on behalf of future students. I'm sure this is bothering you far, far more than your child. But even if it didn't hurt your child's feelings, you can see how this is making you think about your son: it sounds like you're questioning whether or not he could have worked harder (if you'd been made aware that he had a "problem") or done something differently to be "better." In effect, the school is pressuring you to put (unnecessary) pressure on your son. That's not healthy for anyone.
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Old 05-16-2012, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Cary NC
1,056 posts, read 1,729,470 times
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I am a preschool teacher 3 year olds, I have given out award certificates at the end of the year that were sent home not presented publicly and they were always for things like puzzle master, kind friend, animal lover, monkey bar champ, songbird etc. Nothing that states best this or that just a recognition of their particular gift. These years are suppose to be all about nurturing and making preschool a great first school experience. The competition and feelings of not being good enough will come all too soon.
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Old 05-29-2012, 09:08 PM
 
3 posts, read 11,174 times
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Just got a moment to come back to post an update. My son bounced back from the "awards ceremony" just fine. When I went to pick him up later that day, I asked him what he thought of it all. His reply was, "It was okay. But I should get the award for being the best Sean and you should get an award for being the best Mommy!". I almost cried, he was so sweet in how he said it. That told me he was moving past it and so should I.

I did run into the other pre-K teacher that afternoon and she asked how I liked the breakfast. I frankly told her the breakfast itself was great but that I did not care for the awards portion. She was very surprised. In a very non-heated way, I expressed a few thoughts and left it at that. I didn't want to get into it at that moment when my son was nearby.

My son will be attending some weeks of summer daycamp there before moving on to kindergarten in public school. When he's completely done, I plan on writing a frank, detailed letter to the director expressing my thoughts on the whole matter. I don't want to write anything until he's completely out of there. I think she needs to know that this was not appropriate and should not be repeated next year.

I agree that any award, if any at all, should have been personality based like "best with Legos" or "does the coolest stuff with Play Doh".

Thanks for all of your encouragement. It means a great deal to me to know that I'm not off my rocker for being upset by this.
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