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"Yes, classroom behavior can be a problem too. He is not disruptive to other children, but he is to himself. The teacher reports he needs constant reminders to stay on task, he dazes off, he blurts out answers but he fails to raise the hand when he should often because he dazes off, he has a very disorganized desk, etc."
Speaking as a parent of an 11 year old boy with a dx of ADHD who does medicate their child, I think you should schedule an appointment with his Ped and discuss in depth what ADHD medication is designed for. It is not simply to calm a child down, all the classroom behavior you illustrated above says to me your child could benefit from medication. Impulse control and concentration is greatly enhanced by my sons medication. He never misbehaved and caused problems for others in the classroom. You stated your son dazes off, which demonstrates a lack of concentration to complete classroom tasks. Children with ADD/ADHD can not be trained to pay more attention or make themselves focus. Their brain simply does not allow them to focus, hence the need for a substance to assist them in focusing. I do not medicate my child on weekends or during the summer. My son does very well in school, it was a difficult decision to make to medicate him, until I dealt with my own feelings regarding medication, if it were any other illness, would you be so hesitant? That is the question I asked myself and what lead up to deciding to medicate him.
...In a manner that is absolutely crucial for any child to develop the kind of curiosity, vocabulary, fluency, and knowledge that would lead to being truly educated in adulthood.
Yes, the love of reading starts early, and yes, it is something that I hope he acquires.
I know many will disagree with me, but no person - no matter how successful, how moneyed, and how well-positioned in the social hierarchy - is truly educated and aware if they have not been serious readers-for-pleasure throughout their life.
It is not "success in life" I am going for with my insistence on reading.
It is becoming an aware, educated person (should not be confused with "degreed")- this what I care for, much more than being "successful".
Whether he will end up rich, poor or somewhere in between ---I hope he will have eyes wide open to understand life in all of its complexity. I am yet to know one single such person, who has attained this level of education and wisdom, without having been a serious reader throughout his/her life.
I have met high-school drop-outs who have it and I have met double PhD-ed individuals who don't.
Most people just want "success" for their kid (as in money).
If some good fairy predicted their kid would become completely aliterate doctors, with enough cash in their pockets (I know one such man, personally), they could not care less about one little inch in addition to that.
I do. I consider love of reading extremely important, regardless of the occupation you have, and I am simply trying to find out what exactly might explain his disinclination to grab a book and immerse himself in it when he is SO capable of reading, after all.
Does he "sense" that I "push" reading by inviting him to do it here and there?
Well...too bad if he "senses" that, because if I didn't make him do even the little that he does, he wouldn't do it at all. Is that even a viable option?
I think that the part you are missing is that no matter what your opinion is on this matter you simply cannot control what another person enjoys. He will either enjoy reading or he won't.
Sorry....I have to chime in here.....I can support many of your posts, theoretically....But there does not seem to be an understanding, or even empathy by many of you about how a disability such as ADD/ADHD interferes w/ the normal reasoning of a child, even a young child. I'm hoping some parents who have had experiences parenting a special needs child will chime in for this OP. There are some life decisions being made that may effect this child's whole future....and telling a Mom that a child should just wing it is not even close to helpful advice imo
OP, rather than risk your losing your enthusiasm amidst some of these rather unhelpful posts you should contact your local parent support group for children w/ similar disabilities as your son's. Experience is the best teacher...and using the things that have been learned by those parents that have gone before is critical to you at this point. I too am an experienced parent of a child that struggled w/ disabilities, I'm sure I made plenty of mistakes because I had very few opportunities to compare w/ other parents. Get onto a few helpful websites and make some local contacts, utilize the ADA links I posted earlier...Get the support you need to best support and nurture your child in the learning environment. Good luck to you.
Woah. I never said anything about a child "winging it". Far from it. A parent has the job of communicating and facilitating expectations, but the ultimate decision for learning is the child's.
My six-year old daughter is also at the top of her first grade class for reading. She also does not really read for pleasure. She is very high energy and at times has trouble sitting still. However, she does not have any disorders. She is just a happy six year old, who happens to learn quickly.
My youngest daughter's personality is quite different from my middle child, who loves to read. My reader is more of a philosophical child. My middle child is described as being "thoughtful" and "academic." My youngest daughter is described as being "fun," "high energy" and bright. I think they will both do well in life whether they read novels or not.
I'm glad my middle child enjoyed all the Harry Potter books etc. This is not a make or break requirement in life though. You can be quite successful in life without knowing what happened to Harry Potter or reading similar novels for pleasure. Reading of course is important for academic subjects. However, you can just read what is required and learn quite a lot in school--assuming your schools are assigning enough high quality reading material.
I agree with those who say to back off. Your son is young--give him some time and enjoy him for who he is rather than who you wish he would be.
"Yes, classroom behavior can be a problem too. He is not disruptive to other children, but he is to himself. The teacher reports he needs constant reminders to stay on task, he dazes off, he blurts out answers but he fails to raise the hand when he should often because he dazes off, he has a very disorganized desk, etc."
Speaking as a parent of an 11 year old boy with a dx of ADHD who does medicate their child, I think you should schedule an appointment with his Ped and discuss in depth what ADHD medication is designed for. It is not simply to calm a child down, all the classroom behavior you illustrated above says to me your child could benefit from medication. Impulse control and concentration is greatly enhanced by my sons medication. He never misbehaved and caused problems for others in the classroom. You stated your son dazes off, which demonstrates a lack of concentration to complete classroom tasks. Children with ADD/ADHD can not be trained to pay more attention or make themselves focus. Their brain simply does not allow them to focus, hence the need for a substance to assist them in focusing. I do not medicate my child on weekends or during the summer. My son does very well in school, it was a difficult decision to make to medicate him, until I dealt with my own feelings regarding medication, if it were any other illness, would you be so hesitant? That is the question I asked myself and what lead up to deciding to medicate him.
Do you feel the meds really work? What kind of clear, before-after changes do you see?
If you ask me honestly, after all the reading I have done (and I have done a lot), and after all the eyes I have opened (and I have opened them very wide), meds for ADD (a ghost disorder, after all) are nothing but a way to force these different children to adapt to the rigors of the modern world: regimented, organized, academically-focused at younger and younger ages, rule-oriented, space-constraint, chemicals-ridden, etc.
No one under the Sun would be able to convince me otherwise.
God maybe, but even in that case I might have a few tough questions for Him.
That being said, I am sadly aware that these are the times and the world he was born in and that this world will not change, regardless of how many wholes in the system we will point to and denounce.
The world will not suddenly turn pastoral, slow-paced, low-stimuli, natural, frolicky, full of flower buds and lazy creeks...just to accommodate such kids' different-ness.
This world is now looking for survivors. Individuals who can step up and adapt to the Brave New World, regardless of how not-OK some of us consider it to be (and I am one of those who do).
This is why I am torn about medicating him. Part of me knows he SHOULDN'T be, and part of me knows he MUST be.
In an ideal world, a child like him would have no business being medicated in any way, shape or form. After all, at 6-7 he should have hardly done much beyond frolicking in rivers, run up and down hills and valleys, etc; and later on...if he still wasn't into sitting still and deciphering text...then he could have simply become a farmer - barely able so sign his name but darn good at milking cows nevertheless.
Obviously a world where such trajectory would still be a perfectly reasonable option no longer exists. Then what does a caring parent do? Medicate - what else?
Something's gotta give - so that the child can do well in the world that he actually exists in, as opposed to the world we wish we still had.
Again, we have not decided on medication yet, but I fear the day when I will see no other option but medicate, just to make him MAKE IT in THIS world.
I think that the part you are missing is that no matter what your opinion is on this matter you simply cannot control what another person enjoys. He will either enjoy reading or he won't.
You are right about that. I was just trying to understand what might hide behind this behavior and whether it might be related to his ADD-type of brain.
I have seen some good advice here from people about backing off the *push to read.* As others have said, you cannot make anyone love something they don't care for.
Now, that said, given what you have said, I would do some testing specifically for dyslexia. Dyslexia is not reversing letters and words though that can be part of it.
My adult son who has always been successful at school hated to read and rarely picked up a book unless it was assigned. He still does not read for pleasure. Since his daughter came along, we have noticed more signs similar to his.
These two are his worst symptoms
Quote:
Reads and rereads with little comprehension.
Spells phonetically and inconsistently.
My granddaughter has that, but also
Quote:
Trouble with writing or copying; pencil grip is unusual; handwriting varies or is illegible.
Clumsy, uncoordinated, poor at ball or team sports; difficulties with fine and/or gross motor skills and tasks; prone to motion-sickness.
We are going to a vision specialist who can see whether or not her eyes work together properly. There are many tests of vision that won't be picked up by the regular eye doctor. Since my husband's brother had to do eye exercises for a similar problem, we are thinking that she might have inherited this and it could contribute to not liking to read for her.
I have seen some good advice here from people about backing off the *push to read.* As others have said, you cannot make anyone love something they don't care for.
Now, that said, given what you have said, I would do some testing specifically for dyslexia. Dyslexia is not reversing letters and words though that can be part of it.
My adult son who has always been successful at school hated to read and rarely picked up a book unless it was assigned. He still does not read for pleasure. Since his daughter came along, we have noticed more signs similar to his.
These two are his worst symptoms
My granddaughter has that, but also
We are going to a vision specialist who can see whether or not her eyes work together properly. There are many tests of vision that won't be picked up by the regular eye doctor. Since my husband's brother had to do eye exercises for a similar problem, we are thinking that she might have inherited this and it could contribute to not liking to read for her.
He has all of those symptoms you mentioned.
His vision was tested though many times and came out fine. I don't know other extra tests I can put him through.
Speaking as a person who has always loved to read, I would rather have all of my fingernails pulled out with pliers than be forced to read fiction. It simply does not interest me in the least. In school I was forced to read some fiction short stories, and I did not enjoy it at all.
That having been said, I must have more than 1,000 books in my library at home which I love reading. But they are all non-fiction. Subjects that I am very interested in. And I cannot find enough time to read all the wonderful volumes that I have.
The point I am making is that perhaps your son just does not like the crap they want him to read. If you want him to read, find out what he is passionate about (cars, military history, dogs, swimming, etc), and buy him books about that subject. I would wager a months salary that you will find him with his nose in those books every single chance you get.
You are right about that. I was just trying to understand what might hide behind this behavior and whether it might be related to his ADD-type of brain.
I don't think it is anything other than just not liking to read. Some people don't.
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