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I see a number of potential difficulties with your last few posts, Darrell. Let's look at three of them:
1) If you'll pay for college only if your kid majors in a field you approve of (which seems to mean a field you believe puts the kid on an obvious path to a well-paying job), what happens if one of your children so badly wants that college degree that the kid majors in, say, engineering so you will pay for college . . . but has a low aptitude for math, and turns out to be a lousy engineer? Wouldn't he/she be more likely to succeed in the long run by choosing a major that fit with his/her abilities, even if there wasn't an obvious job that major clearly led to?
2) Charles Wallace makes several excellent points in post 84. Let's consider his point about how your kids may end up despising you if you refuse to finance college. If you go with this idea that you'll pay for college, but only if they choose majors you approve of, you could find yourself with a situation where it works one way for some of your kids and another way for others. If you refuse to pay Johnny's way through college because you disapprove of his career plans, then when you're willing to pay for his sister Suzy to go to college because you're okay with her intended major, Johnny not only has a problem with you, but also may severely resent his sister. You could be setting your family up for discord that may create problems in your family for the rest of your children's lives.
3) Do you expect your children to have careers at the professional level? Have you given them any reason to feel that college is expected of them? If so, there is a big problem if you then refuse to pay for college if you're able (which it sounds as if you are), or you refuse to fund them unless they choose majors that have your approval. That would be sending the message that you expected them to live their lives for you, not themselves. You would be telling them that not only would they be expected to choose careers at a certain level of employment (white collar, basically) to satisfy your desires, but that they didn't even have a choice of which field to enter at that level. That is a bad way for them to gain true independence.
Thanks for your post. They are good points. There will be no basis treatment towards my kids if one choosing a major I don't like vs the other chooses a major I do like. I prefer them to pick majors I want of course. But if their mind is set on another major and they are passionate about it, I can be bribed. I am not an unreasonable parent. But like I said, if they are not achieving, then I am not paying. I want even pay for the college application, if they are goofing around and not putting forth effort. And that is being instilled into them now. I love them all the same, but there will be a finical cut off if laziness and lack and effort is shown.
My daughter is 19, going to college, she was majoring in Special Education, then she changed her major to -- Photography -- I have decided to say nothing. At that age they want to do things to push your buttons. She says she is an "artist". Okay. Whatever.
I am still paying her tuition. And supporting her. No doubt she will change her mind again...
I am just glad she is not unmarried and pregnant. Going to college is a major win here. If I was not paying for her college, she would be home now, working a dead end job. No thanks. I want my kids out of my house and supporting themselves...I have three kids in their 20's, all self supporting with excellent careers. 2 college grads, one Army.
Now, I like this options. Stay with me, if GPA dropped below below 3.4, no more assistance. You guys just don't realize the number of student I knew that purely wasted their mom and dad hard earns money while playing around in college.
I will help my kids in college with tuition provided they major in what I choose and keep their grades good. PERIOD.
Darrell, I think you said in an earlier post that your oldest child is currently in 6th grade. Why don't you get back to us when that child is a senior in HS?
It would be so nice if we could guarantee our kids good future by just telling them what to do and them happily acquiescing. By choosing their major, you must realize that you are dictating a huge part of their future. I can't imagine agreeing to that when I was 18. As another poster mentioned, our job as parents is to raise children that will make their own good choices. It's scary as a parent to let them make that big of a decision, but after all, it is their life.
I am not opposed to restrictions. We've put two kids through college and one is going now. We're paying the bulk of their education but we told them when they first started the college search how much we could afford to pay. After that amount they would have to take out loans. We also walked them through the cost of loans after their graduation so they wouldn't go crazy and they didn't even look at colleges where they would have incurred massive debt. We allowed them to apply anywhere but reiterated our financial restraints pretty often.
My older two kids attended colleges at a cost similar to Penn State because of substantial merit aid. My youngest is attending a college that does not give as much merit aid (has about $12,000 a year in merit) but his major is a technical one that is all but guaranteed a job with a substantial salary.
All three kids worked very hard in college and have worked since they were teens. Two also held down jobs in college. The reason they worked hard in college was because they realized their future depended on it and they knew that we were sacrificing for them to go.
There are many children fresh out of high school, some even a little older, who have a sense of entitlement. I see it every day when my classmates talk amongst themselves, saying things like, "I've been thinking of dropping this course because the professor is failing me. He must not like me. It's the professor's fault that I'm failing, so I'll just drop. I'm not paying for it anyway, so it doesn't matter."
This mindset really annoys me.
I sort of agree with the OP in that students who pay for their own college education appreciate it more and will take more responsibility. I'm sure a student would think twice about dropping a class if he/she had to pay for it out of his/her own pocket.
However, if parents are affluent enough and can help in any way for their child to go to college, I think they should. I disagree with paying the full tuition. That way, the student will begin to learn financial responsibility. This may prevent him/her from choosing expensive schools that are way beyond his/her price range and opting for more affordable state schools.
I am currently paying for my own college education and doing extremely well. My parents do help by allowing me to live at home rent-free, even though I am 29 years old. However, just because I live rent-free doesn't mean I don't pay my own expenses. I do offer my father money, but he won't take it from me. I have learned a great deal about financial responsbility by paying my own tuition.
Yes, college is expensive...but not all colleges are astronomically expensive. There are many state schools out there that are easily affordable.
Also, before anybody picks on me, saying English is a useless major and I will never do anything with it...I will be getting certified to become a teacher, so I do have a clear career path.
Very good to read. You continue to do your best in college and you are on the right path. My kids can live with me as they attend school as well. That is a better option in my opinion. It doesn't matter to me the major, but what counts is the effort and passion. Now, on the flip side, they want be staying with me if they are failing in college and goofing around with a bad GPA. They don't even have to work, if they choose not to. But that GPA better be good. Or they out!
My ex-girlfriend in college completely blew her parent money while they paid her tuition. She changed majors like 2 times and colleges. That want be me!
Knowing that college was on my dime (and my lenders' dimes, ultimately to become my dime) played a BIG part in my crystal clear understanding that if I screwed off, slept in, partied all night, blew off classes, dropped courses, made questionable/irresponsible choices, I was ripping myself off. When you know YOU'RE the one on the hook for your own education, financially, you tend to take it fairly seriously, if you have even the slightest modicum of maturity.
Again, my parents wish DAILY that they could have helped, financially, with all their children's college expenses (and all four of us went and finished with honors, two of us on full rides). It simply wasn't possible in the economic climate where we were at the time. Hell, my parents also wish daily that they themselves could retire at their present ages of 60 and 65, but that's not really an option for them, either...again, the economic climate.
That may be true for your individual case, but I know my kids felt the same way and we paid for their educations. I remember one time my younger daughter relating a conversation she had with some college friends about some trouble someone had gotten into. (I don't remember if it was grades, drinking, or what.) She told her friends, "If I did that, I'd be on the next plane back to Colorado!" You can have expectations for your kids, no matter what the pay source of the college expenses is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by darrell2525
Now, I like this options. Stay with me, if GPA dropped below below 3.4, no more assistance. You guys just don't realize the number of student I knew that purely wasted their mom and dad hard earns money while playing around in college.
I will help my kids in college with tuition provided they major in what I choose and keep their grades good. PERIOD.
You're right. I don't know that. Most of the people I went to college with worked very hard, regardless of who was paying. So did my kids and their friends whose parents paid for their educations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by darrell2525
Very good to read. You continue to do your best in college and you are on the right path. My kids can live with me as they attend school as well. That is a better option in my opinion. It doesn't matter to me the major, but what counts is the effort and passion. Now, on the flip side, they want be staying with me if they are failing in college and goofing around with a bad GPA. They don't even have to work, if they choose not to. But that GPA better be good. Or they out!
My ex-girlfriend in college completely blew her parent money while they paid her tuition. She changed majors like 2 times and colleges. That want be me!
Why restrict their college choices to those where they can live at home?
Finances mainly. Wanting to keep student loan debt to a minimum would be a big reason I would think.
This family has a combined income of $123K, and the oldest is 7 years from college! I don't think it's a money issue.
What I don't understand about this theory is that this guy doesn't want to pay for education, but it's OK with him to basically give the kid $1000/mo (about what it costs to live in an apt. w/roommates), and probably a car to get to classes.
I don't have children, and one of the reasons I don't have them is I think it would be too expensive for me to raise them and give them at least as much as what my parents gave me. One of the main reasons for this is the price of college.
My parents paid for me to go to college and I am enormously, eternally grateful for the tremendous gift I was given. Some people may feel entitled. I don't. My parents also do not guilt me about it either; they considered it their duty. I would consider it my duty as well, if I had children. But I don't take it for granted. I think not a month goes by that I don't thank my parents for the gift they gave me, and I graduated from college over 15 years ago.
This family has a combined income of $123K, and the oldest is 7 years from college! I don't think it's a money issue.
What I don't understand about this theory is that this guy doesn't want to pay for education, but it's OK with him to basically give the kid $1000/mo (about what it costs to live in an apt. w/roommates), and probably a car to get to classes.
Their oldest child is a 6th grader and the family has not yet begun to save. Let's assume they have a 2nd child 2 years younger than their first.
According to the college calculator that I'm using (please do your own calculations - as I'm just rushing with these), they will need to come up with over 250K to put both of their kids through 4 years of college (living on campus/in state rate). Their first daughter will be starting college in 7 years...
250K! So over the next 13 years they will have to put away close to 20K each year...on a combined gross income of 123K. All while supporting two kids and saving for their own retirements....
That is why many families consider less expensive options to the traditional 4 year, live at school plan.
11-27-2012, 09:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by springfieldva
Finances mainly. Wanting to keep student loan debt to a minimum would be a big reason I would think.
It seems more like huge control issues to me.
Have them live at home and choose their major for them...a sure route to raising independent, responsible adults
That sounds about as likely to work out as supporting your kids with free money in perpetuity, with the added bonus that your kids will also end up hating you.
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