son not getting along with kindergarten teacher (long) (IEP, private school, IEPs)

[syracusa]

You do realize that you guys are legitimizing CORRUPTION, right?

No, it is not OK for parents who "work" at school and are not on the payroll - to receive fringe benefits for their children from a public school, even if they donated "money for the wing".
Volunteering means "working without expecting pay"!.
Gee...I wonder what kind of people are in a position to do that? Never mind that they appear TO EXPECT pay nevertheless; and I thought it was just their wonderful citizenship spirit that was pushing them to "volunteer"....nothing to do with gaining more privileges for oneself.

That is called PRIVILEGE - and you are saying it is OK for people with privileges to get even more privileges from the public schools because they are in a position to be able to buy them!!

Then you invoke human nature. It is also human nature for me to want to punch in the face someone who is actually so shameless to say the things you have said here.
And yet, some things called "rules, laws, ethics and conventions related to good taste"...will dictate that I cannot punch X person in the face no matter how much I want to do it.

I will quit this thread before I vomit all over it.

[Zimbochick]

I find it very ironic that people are railing against PTA moms *perhaps* getting any type of perks, and yet this very thread is about parents making demands, and why they should be met! Too funny.

[Mattie]

Originally Posted by syracusa

You do realize that you guys are legitimizing CORRUPTION, right?

No, it is not OK for parents who "work" at school and are not on the payroll - to receive fringe benefits for their children from a public school, even if they donated "money for the wing".
Volunteering means "working without expecting pay"!.
Gee...I wonder what kind of people are in a position to do that? Never mind that they appear TO EXPECT pay nevertheless; and I thought it was just their wonderful citizenship spirit that was pushing them to "volunteer"....nothing to do with gaining more privileges for oneself.

That is called PRIVILEGE - and you are saying it is OK for people with privileges to get even more privileges from the public schools because they are in a position to be able to buy them!!

Then you invoke human nature. It is also human nature for me to want to punch in the face someone who is actually so shameless to say the things you have said here.
And yet, some things called "rules, laws, ethics and conventions related to good taste"...will dictate that I cannot punch X person in the face no matter how much I want to do it.

I will quit this thread before I vomit all over it.

Ummm, not quite. I see nothing unethical about volunteering in the schools. In fact, I see a much bigger problem with parents who can't spend one night a month getting involved for the benefit of their children.

Back to the OP, if you can work it out, and spend some time in the classroom, you may be enlightened. And, I can assure you, your son will be thrilled to see you there.

[ellar]

Originally Posted by syracusa

Families have a life outside of school and advantages should not be distributed based on whether the children have mothers privileged enough not to have to work full-time. Talk about shameless, in-your-face discrimination! The vast majority of women do not work for selfish or frivolous reasons. They work because they have to be co-providers with their husbands.
If they didn't have to, they would be all too happy to stay at home all day and play volunteeristas at school so that snowflake can get ahead based on JUST THAT. Trust me, it's a a ton of times easier than fight with the sharks in the work world.

Last time I checked, when a woman returns from a full-time job and traffic after 6:00 pm (if she's lucky), there is a world of household chores waiting for her at the other end. Why exactly should be considered "oh, so convenient" for such women to make a choice to go to PTA meetings instead of tending to the urgent needs of her household?

Wow! What a way to turn this into a "mommy war." Here is a news flash-- many women who are involved in the PTA work full time. When I worked full time, I considered being involved in school matters more of an "urgent need" than cleaning the toilets at our house.

The other reality I have seen is that parents who are involved at school tend to be the ones who are most likely to request teachers. These parents not only have more knowledge about the teachers' abilities because they are involved, but they also just flat-out care about their kids' welfare more than some other parents who can't bother to pay attention. Many parents I know who are not involved in the school don't request teachers because they don't even realize what a vast difference there can be between the teachers.

Back to the original topic, it seems to me there is a large difference between the two teachers based on the information presented. I think it would definitely be worthwhile to ask for a switch. The formative years of schooling are so important.

[DewDropInn]

Ummm... Why is only Mom going to the PTA meetings? We both went. (And DH left work so he could attend then went back to work when it was over). And since I quit working to raise my kids I was the mom who drove all the kids of the working mothers who needed a lift (who lived in much better houses then we did, BTW) and went to Michaels to buy massive quantities of felt and glue and glitter so all the kids of two working parents could make an ornament to take home to Mom (who drove a much better car than I did) because they said, "I just don't have the time" but I did it for the kids. I figured they shouldn't be penalized because of the choices their parents made. Which they were free to make. That's the way these things work in this country.

Whether or not the teachers and administration looked at me with sparkles in their eyes and promoted my kids to Room Monitor because they knew me by my first name I have no idea. I didn't much care about getting adoring looks from the art teacher.

Where's my "Martyr Medal" dang it! I want it right after the "Kiss-Up Mother" and "She Doesn't Work So She Has The Time" medal. Hung on ribbed blue ribbons. From the good stuff you have to ask the clerk to cut for you at Michaels.

[Ellen Pitts]

Originally Posted by Pupmom

When you went to class parents allowed teachers to teach and do what was needed to have full control. In today's world no one wants their child singled out, everyone wants everything perfect because all children are perfect or so we all think so.

No, the kids aren't what they were when we were kids, but let's be honest, neither is the school system. In this age, you MUST advocate for your child or they will be bulldozed by the system.

[cpg35223]

Having raised three children of wildly different personality types, I have this bit of advice: Deal with it.

The child has to understand that, every year, there's going to be different teachers with different styles of teaching. Unless the teacher in question is an outright incompetent (Which she doesn't appear to be) then the child just needs to learn to adapt. Hey, I'm no fan of all the children marching in lockstep. In fact I've railed against that kind of culture. But just because he liked the first teacher and behaved for her doesn't mean that it's the fault of the second teacher because he doesn't behave for her. And with 15-20 children in the classroom, she likely doesn't have the time to deal with a misbehaving child or a helicopter parent.

[germaine2626]

Originally Posted by pegotty

And this is the epitome of what is wrong with the public education system. The individual needs of the students are scoffed at. Disgusting.

Yes, I do believe that every child matters and that each child's need should be met. And I think this mom should push for the needs of her child.

Originally Posted by Razz2525

...

Our son is highly verbal, great imagination, but needs things a certain way sometimes: he gets into these modes when he's playing (and has been this way since he was 2), where he'll play with matchbox cars and line about 50 of them up in certain patterns; arrange his toothpaste and toothbrush; have the sudden desire to clean the bathroom before going to school, and if interrupted in any of these tasks either by me or his little brother, he will have a tantrum. I've been a little concerned that he hasn't grown out of these tantrums or at least had an older version of them. He will literally jump up and down for minutes in excitement or in upset/anger. He needs to walk around while talking. With respect to the library incident, the teacher mentioned one day that the library area was a mess. He started organizing it alphabetically and couldn't stop until the whole thing was done... He kept going back to it throughout the day, she told me, and would make the stacks neat as children were trying to take out books, and he got upset when kids would mess it up again. These incidents don't happen every day, but we've learned that stopping him on a dime doesn't work. His brain can't handle it. You have to find a new task to give him so he focuses on that. That's when he is best; when you give him a series of challenges and tasks.
...

Of course, every child matters. But, think of the other children in the kindergarten.

One child "needs" to walk around while he is talking, how does that affect the other 24 children sitting on the carpet while the teacher is discussing a story and asking questions to various students?

One child decides to put the classroom library in alphabetical order and "will have a tantrum" "if interrupted" while doing that task. What about the needs of the children who wanted to look at books but found a classmate getting upset when they tried to take a book?

One child "jumps up and down for minutes in excitement or in upset/anger". I wonder how a child who "needs" a very quiet, very low key classroom reacts to that situation?

I do not think that "educators scoff at the individual needs of the students" it is more that we are required to work within a general classroom framework and do what is best for the entire group as a whole.

I am a retired early childhood special education teacher. Some years I team taught in a regular education Junior Kindergarten or Senior Kindergarten classroom. Until you actually spend time in a classroom it is difficult to understand the wide variety of children and their "needs" in one classroom.


Here is just one example. A few years ago I team taught in a Junior Kindergarten classroom where the parents claimed that their child was extremely sensitive to noise. The parents told the teacher that their son should never be exposed to singing, or music or even loud voices, loud laughing or loud sounds at playtime or recess. They requested that the Fire Alarm, Tornado Alarm & Public Address system be turned off in the classroom.

The parents expected (actually demanded) the teacher abide by their wishes. Should the teacher have met that child's "needs"? No singing of the alphabet song or other learning songs? No cute musical lessons on the Smartboard? Require the entire class to whisper during outside recess or free choice play time? No singing motor games & activities like "Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes" or "Shake Your Sillies Out", etc If the teacher met this one child's "needs" what would happen to the "needs" of the other twentysome four year old students? And, how could a parent even think for a second that a school should "turn off the fire alarm" so that their child doesn't ever hear the loud noise?

BTW This was not part of a handicapping condition or a religious belief his parents just had a very quiet house, no TV, no music, no video games, no singing, no loud voices at any time.

A compromise was worked out where the child could go to the far side of the room and/or wear sound cancelling head phones when the teacher sang with rest of the class, he could go to the library or another quiet room if the noise was "bothering him" during play time or recess. The principal told the parents in advance when a fire drill was planned so they could keep him home. All of you probably guessed what happened next. Within a few days he started coming closer and closer to where his classmates were singing, within a week or two he would "forget" to put on the special head phones. And within a month he was loudly (appropriately) laughing, singing and joining in all of the activities of Junior Kindergarten. He continued to cover his ears during fire drills but that isn't unusual for younger students.

Remember his parents demanded that his kindergarten teacher change the entire kindergarten curriculum and classroom schedule to meet his "need". Hmmm, I wonder what happened to his "extreme sensitivity to noise" that is disappeared within a very short time?

I also wonder what would have happened if the teacher and school would have changed everything for that one child? What if your child had been in that 4K room without any singing, music, announcements from the office, loud laughing while playing at recess, toys that made noise, would you have been happy that the other child's "needs" were met?

.

[num1baby]

Just a little background: I am a Full-time working mom. My schedule is crazy and I work overtime. My husband travels for work for months at a time. It is exhausting.

My school's PTA meetings are during the day. There is no way for me to attend. I just cannot do that and keep a roof over my head.

That being said, DD is in second grade. All 3 of her teachers have been teachers I have requested by April of the year before school starts. For Kindergarten, I did a lot of research. For 1st and 2nd, I have asked the current year teacher what teacher I should request for the following year. I ask them what teacher will work best for my child. Not who the best teacher is, but what teacher will best be able to teach MY child.

Even though I cannot volunteer in the classroom, I ask what I can do to help. I send in snacks for the upcoming class party. I send in Clorox wipes or tissues during cold season. I do what I can to be able to help my daughter's teacher, so that she can focus on teaching.

I think attending PTA meetings is great if you are able to do it. I think volunteering in the classroom is great if you can do it. I think sending in supplies is great if you can do it. I also think that working with your child at home is very important to the learning process. If DD is having an issue with something, we discuss it and then I let her figure out what she can do to make it better. I am not going to expect the teacher and all of the other kids change for my child and my child's "needs". Especially when many times what my child needs is to learn to adjust and adapt to the situation.

Requesting a teacher is my way of trying to make things go as smoothly as possible for my child, but sometimes smooth just doesn't happen and you have to learn how to adjust.

[Cloudwalker]

To the OP, have you talked to his original teacher? Not so much about changing classes, but maybe she has some insights to offer and suggestions of things you could do to help his transition? She obviously "got" him, so would seem like another good resource in the school. And has the sensei's change in approach helped to raise his confidence in that arena?

I also wondered about Aspergers from some of the things you have mentioned. We have an appointment to have our son assessed in the new year. He has matured a lot in the last 18 months and that has made a difference, but there's still some things that make us think he's wired just a bit differently and we want to make sure we aren't missing something. We are not interested in medication, but frankly we could do with some fresh ideas. At this point we are keeping it quite separate from school, as for the most part he does ok there.