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My son is 6 years old and in kindergarten. He went to a different school last year (pre-k) but we are out of district and they were full this year so they would not allow out of district kids in. So in August 2013 when he started Kindergarten there was a kid during recess that would tell everyone that "Brad"(my son) cant play with us because he has glasses(He is one of the only ones with glasses) He begged me not to tell the teacher and just let it go. I let it go and noticed that he was talking about playing football during recess now so I thought everything was good. Well last night my son and husband had a night together of just them at the movies and my husband came home & asked me about this kid . My son told him that they all play duck duck goose during recess and that specific kid tells everyone to never pick him. I think the reason he does not like him is because they have races and my son is the only one in the 2 classes that can beat him. He has something against him for sure and he is making his 6 year old life miserable! He is also claming that since he is the "champion" he tells everyone what to do and they have to listen. My son let me know that yes mom they let me play football with them now but it is always 6 on their team and me by myself on my team .He said sometimes they tell the new kid to be on my team. I told him he is not alowed to play football with them anymore (he comes home with his jeans tore daily and now I know why--they are all 6 tackling him and he has no chance!).How do I go about telling the teacher about this without sounding like one of "those moms" whos kid does no wrong. My son telling the teacher is out of the question--he will not even consider it because they have drilled into there heads that they will have to wear a tattle tale if they tattle on people. Also they have a color chart and my son is ALWAYS the only child on the top good behavior chart so he is convinved that he will have to move down a color if he tells on the kid. I am at a loss of what to do...my husband is considering selling our house and moving to our old school district just to get away from this bully! Thank you.....(oh and also, this is a TINY school --11 kids in my sons class and 12 in the other kindergarten class)
Sounds like a really bad, bad teacher. Stop worrying about being one of "those moms." I am a teacher, for me you already are one of "those" moms - the ones whose kids have a crap teacher and who are having a miserable school experience, but who are too timid to stand up for their own kids. I saw a lot of things happen to kids like yours, and was always amazed at how parents would let these things go because they were so afraid of the school, when actually the school was much more afraid of the parent. I'd not only talk to the teacher, I'd put it in writing. All of it. Don't give her deniability. I'd also speak to the principal and forward my letter/email to him/her. The color chart shows poor classroom management, the tattling rule is another proven-poor practice from 50 years ago (and a dangerous one). It's not the bully you need to get away from, it's the school.
Last edited by toobusytoday; 04-02-2014 at 11:46 AM..
Reason: removed last sentence.
My son is 6 years old and in kindergarten. He went to a different school last year (pre-k) but we are out of district and they were full this year so they would not allow out of district kids in. So in August 2013 when he started Kindergarten there was a kid during recess that would tell everyone that "Brad"(my son) cant play with us because he has glasses(He is one of the only ones with glasses) He begged me not to tell the teacher and just let it go.
Since when does a 6 year old know what's good for him? He doesn't. It's your JOB as a parent to protect him. Start doing so and the first step is to address the teacher.
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I let it go and noticed that he was talking about playing football during recess now so I thought everything was good. Well last night my son and husband had a night together of just them at the movies and my husband came home & asked me about this kid . My son told him that they all play duck duck goose during recess and that specific kid tells everyone to never pick him.
I think the reason he does not like him is because they have races and my son is the only one in the 2 classes that can beat him. He has something against him for sure and he is making his 6 year old life miserable! He is also claming that since he is the "champion" he tells everyone what to do and they have to listen. My son let me know that yes mom they let me play football with them now but it is always 6 on their team and me by myself on my team .
It doesn't matter what you think or are trying to put together to understand why this is happening to your child. It needs to stop immediately. If the teacher won't help, your next step is to address the principal of the school.
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He said sometimes they tell the new kid to be on my team. I told him he is not alowed to play football with them anymore (he comes home with his jeans tore daily and now I know why--they are all 6 tackling him and he has no chance!).
Where are the recess "teachers"? When my now 15 year old was in kindergarten, the Catholic school we had him in had PARENT volunteers for the 30 minutes of every day recess.
What they did was watch themselves talk to each other and gossip. Kids got hurt, bullied, etc. My son was one of them, and when I pitched a fit that would not stop ( I had back-up from other parents about the lousy recess proctoring ), no more parent volunteers to oversee recess. Teachers had to go back to doing it. They know the kids, their names, who to watch because they are trouble. Children feel safer reporting or "tattling" on a classmate to someone they know, as in their teacher...not some stranger (that isn't always the same stranger) and is too busy chatting with her girlfriends.
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How do I go about telling the teacher about this without sounding like one of "those moms" whos kid does no wrong.
Your kid isn't being accused of being a bully or causing an issue - so you aren't going to be one of "those moms" who will say, "not my kid!" because it is HAPPENING TO YOUR KID. You need to protect him.
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My son telling the teacher is out of the question--he will not even consider it because they have drilled into there heads that they will have to wear a tattle tale if they tattle on people.
Your son is 6 years old. Why are you listening to him?
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Also they have a color chart and my son is ALWAYS the only child on the top good behavior chart so he is convinved that he will have to move down a color if he tells on the kid.
If that color chart incorporates "keeping your mouth shut while being bullied", I'd have a huge issue with that color chart.
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I am at a loss of what to do...my husband is considering selling our house and moving to our old school district just to get away from this bully! Thank you.....(oh and also, this is a TINY school --11 kids in my sons class and 12 in the other kindergarten class)
It doesn't matter.
Walk your kid (drive your kid) over to the offenders house and have a one on one with the parent and the kid. Maybe the parents of the 6 year old bully aren't aware of his bad behavior due to the fact that no one has ever brought his bad behavior to their attention before.
It's not easy to do, but I've done it about 3 times now. And the bully ALWAYS caves...but the school(s) (and all private) have policies about bully behavior, physical touching, etc. The parents don't want their kid kicked out.
It's the school's responsibility to protect your child while he is in their care, so you might want to start with the school.
I've always gone to the parents first, and if the behavior continued, the school was next. The parents were left with the warning that if their kid doesn't knock it off, the school will be notified. 3x you are out policy, and could lose bussing.
Never had a problem after the initial contact with the parents.
My son is 6 years old and in kindergarten. He went to a different school last year (pre-k) but we are out of district and they were full this year so they would not allow out of district kids in. So in August 2013 when he started Kindergarten there was a kid during recess that would tell everyone that "Brad"(my son) cant play with us because he has glasses(He is one of the only ones with glasses) He begged me not to tell the teacher and just let it go.
It's been a long time since I have seen a child being bullied for wearing glasses. Are you sure this was the reason the bully gave?
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Originally Posted by okiemomof3
I let it go and noticed that he was talking about playing football during recess now so I thought everything was good. Well last night my son and husband had a night together of just them at the movies and my husband came home & asked me about this kid. My son told him that they all play duck duck goose during recess and that specific kid tells everyone to never pick him. I think the reason he does not like him is because they have races and my son is the only one in the 2 classes that can beat him.
It is certainly possible that there is an element of competition since your son can beat him in a race, but that is just an assumption on your part.
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Originally Posted by okiemomof3
He has something against him for sure and he is making his 6 year old life miserable! He is also claiming that since he is the "champion" he tells everyone what to do and they have to listen. My son let me know that yes mom they let me play football with them now but it is always 6 on their team and me by myself on my team. He said sometimes they tell the new kid to be on my team. I told him he is not allowed to play football with them anymore (he comes home with his jeans tore daily and now I know why--they are all 6 tackling him and he has no chance!).
Who is outside supervising the recess? There should be an aide or teacher who actually sees this and if s/he does, then s/he has a responsibility to stop it. Does he want to play football? If so, then a teacher needs to decide to make the teams fair so that the same number of kids is on each team even if one person chooses a team. If he doesn't care about football, perhaps he can start his own game with a few kids who he likes. Basketball or soccer could be a good choice (soccer since he is quick might work out well). You will need to get the recess aide or teacher involved though.
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Originally Posted by okiemomof3
How do I go about telling the teacher about this without sounding like one of "those moms" whose kid does no wrong. My son telling the teacher is out of the question--he will not even consider it because they have drilled into there heads that they will have to wear a tattle tale if they tattle on people. Also they have a color chart and my son is ALWAYS the only child on the top good behavior chart so he is convinced that he will have to move down a color if he tells on the kid. I am at a loss of what to do...my husband is considering selling our house and moving to our old school district just to get away from this bully! Thank you.....(oh and also, this is a TINY school --11 kids in my sons class and 12 in the other kindergarten class)
When teaching this age, it is important not to be a *tattle tale,* but most teachers will want to hear of situations where children are not safe. Part of the problem may also be that as the *good kid on the top of the behavior chart,* he is perceived as a teachers pet. Does the school have a handbook and discipline policy which spells out what is acceptable behavior on the playground? Do you know the parents of the children at all? Is there a child who your child would like to play with who could be invited over for a playdate. Once a few children get to know him, they might be more welcoming. You will have to have a meeting with the teacher, I suspect, to let her know what is happening, but you will need to approach it carefully so that you are not blaming the teacher for the problem.
Also, someone who gets picked on in one school is going to get picked on in another school. The important lesson to teach here is basic self confidence and how to stand up for themselves. If a kid cannot do that, he's going to be getting teased no matter which city, state or country he's in.
The difference between being a cool kid and being the geek usually comes down to self confidence and how the parents raised their kids.
I would like to change your last sentence............the difference between being a bully and being a normal kid comes down to how the parents raised their kids, also.
I also don't understand you using the words............."cool kid "....... to define a bully and "geek" to describe a kid getting picked on.
My son is 6 years old and in kindergarten. He went to a different school last year (pre-k) but we are out of district and they were full this year so they would not allow out of district kids in. So in August 2013 when he started Kindergarten there was a kid during recess that would tell everyone that "Brad"(my son) cant play with us because he has glasses(He is one of the only ones with glasses) He begged me not to tell the teacher and just let it go. I let it go and noticed that he was talking about playing football during recess now so I thought everything was good. Well last night my son and husband had a night together of just them at the movies and my husband came home & asked me about this kid . My son told him that they all play duck duck goose during recess and that specific kid tells everyone to never pick him. I think the reason he does not like him is because they have races and my son is the only one in the 2 classes that can beat him. He has something against him for sure and he is making his 6 year old life miserable! He is also claming that since he is the "champion" he tells everyone what to do and they have to listen. My son let me know that yes mom they let me play football with them now but it is always 6 on their team and me by myself on my team .He said sometimes they tell the new kid to be on my team. I told him he is not alowed to play football with them anymore (he comes home with his jeans tore daily and now I know why--they are all 6 tackling him and he has no chance!).How do I go about telling the teacher about this without sounding like one of "those moms" whos kid does no wrong. My son telling the teacher is out of the question--he will not even consider it because they have drilled into there heads that they will have to wear a tattle tale if they tattle on people. Also they have a color chart and my son is ALWAYS the only child on the top good behavior chart so he is convinved that he will have to move down a color if he tells on the kid. I am at a loss of what to do...my husband is considering selling our house and moving to our old school district just to get away from this bully! Thank you.....(oh and also, this is a TINY school --11 kids in my sons class and 12 in the other kindergarten class)
This may not be PC, but the above bolded could be a problem. Why does your son feel he needs to be the very best behaved in the class? Is this coming from you or the teacher? Is your son overly focused on rules and fairness?
Also, does your son participate in any team sports outside of school? I know he's only 6 but you can introduce him to soccer, t-ball, etc. at this age. This will give him more experience with groups of boys and sport team dynamics.
Your son should also be having playdates with some of the boys so they can get to know him and perhaps not alienate him as much.
Also, there are bullies everywhere (and a 6 y.o. one is pretty mild) - work on addressing issues on how your son interacts/stands up for himself before moving and running away from the problem - that will send the wrong message to your son.
I was neither the bully nor the picked on as a kid.
Remembering back and reflecting on who were the bullies and who were the kids getting picked on..................In every case, the kid getting picked on was able to move on and lead a successful life in both his career and his personal life.
Not so for the bullies.
Everyone I remember had lots of problems with the law, many low paying jobs, domestic assault charges, multiple marriages/relationship and genuine losers.
That isn't much consolation for parents of kids getting picked on, but maybe karma eventually does enter.
Not so for the bullies.
Everyone I remember had lots of problems with the law, many low paying jobs, domestic assault charges, multiple marriages/relationship and genuine losers.
Or they ended up becoming successful hedge fund managers, CEO's, or politicians.... kidding.... kind of
I'm amazed and kind of sad at how many people are victim-blaming here and discussing physical fighting strategies -for kindergarteners!!
What's wrong with you people?? At 6 years old this should be handled by the school and the parents - the bully's parents need to be involved, why is there no mention of them?? Why is the bully not being given consequences, or at least told that his behaviour is unacceptable?
If we're advocating tackling and punching at 6, what are they gonna be doing by 15?? Shooting and stabbing each other??
And you wonder how gang and other violence problems originate. SMH.
It has been my experience when trying to deal with the parents of bullies ( regardless of age) that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
One parent's son had a lengthy rap sheet by his JR year in high school and had been expelled many times ( small, rural school)
The dad sounded sympathetic and concerned but then would state............" however, he is just like any other normal boy his age "
( I was serving on a school board when the issue got bad enough the principal brought it to the school board )
How can you be expelled many times??
Do you mean suspended? Suspension is temporary...expulsion is permanent, and should've been the case after a number of suspensions didn't stop the behaviour.
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