8th to 9th grade, but stalling for a year...How to? (kindergarten, private schools)
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The Harvard grad I taught in 3rd still talks about going to high school and always being "young" in his group. This guy well educated and just got picked up by SnapChat with a big contract, yet, when he visits home, he still brings it up as a sore point. Emotions can last a long time...
I've seen this 4 times in my teaching experience (I teach younger kids). It's emotional readiness..
Just a thought, but it may not be his "emotional readiness" as much as something else going on at school or at home.
For example, our son loved school up until 8th grade when he suddenly hated it and started acting very immature at home. After much prodding, we discovered that he was the target of some pretty intense bullying at school. Once we identified what the real issue was, we were able to work with the school administration to get our son's schedule changed so that he was not around the bullies as much. We also arranged for our son to get some counseling from a LCSW who specialized in child therapy. She helped him overcome the anger and fear he was feeling about having gone through this and they also worked on his social skills and developing strategies for coping in uncomfortable situations. The following year our son started high school, eassily made new friends, and never had any major social issues after that.
So, you might suggest to your friends that they consider a few sessions with a child therapist to help this young man develop his "emotional readiness" and social skills. A child therapist would also be able to help the family assess whether his "emotional readiness" warrants delaying high school for a year as the best course of action. If the best course is to delay high school, a letter from a child therapist recommending it might convince the school to approve it as well. Or, the parents can decide if a homeschool year would be a better course of action.
It might also be useful to have an assessment done by a learning specialist, just to rule out any undiagnosed learning differences that might be adding to his anxiety about school. As a teacher, I'm sure you understand that some kids with undiagnosed LDs can hide them pretty successfully up until a certain point when the stress/anxiety of coping with them can overwhelm them. They can be "doing OK" academically but really struggling with the material or falling behind due to an undiagnosed LD. Or, they just hit a level of academic challenge (and in 8th grade, the academic challenges really do notch up) where it becomes much harder to hide their LD.
Delaying high school for a year is no guarantee that a child will be any more "emotionally ready" to cope with high school. Time alone may not resolve some issues. Some kids need more than just time to "develop"-- they need some professional support. So, if I was friends with this family, before I'd arm chair guess what their kid needs, I'd encourage them to consult with professionals who can take a more nuanced look at every part of the equation and help them figure out a plan of action.
The Harvard grad I taught in 3rd still talks about going to high school and always being "young" in his group. This guy well educated and just got picked up by SnapChat with a big contract, yet, when he visits home, he still brings it up as a sore point. Emotions can last a long time...
That's really too bad. I don't know of any cases like this, but I'll have to take your word for it that it happens. I was one of those kids who was started a year early in K, and eventually I came to have a couple of classmates who skipped a grade, so they were my age. 2 classes ahead of me, there was a girl my age who had skipped two grades. None of these people had any of the problems you mention. The driver's license issue is one that comes up a lot in these discussions, but it was irrelevant to all of us. I really don't know how that would even come up as an issue, unless everyone in the class was gifted with a car when they turned 16.
But it does sound like some kids struggle, for whatever reason. I think if some parents who keep kids back not out of the kids' emotional or academic needs, but just to give their kids an advantage, stopped doing that, there would be less of a problem for the youngest kids. A 2-year gap is extreme, and it sounds like it's becoming more and more common, due to parents trying to give their kids an (unfair) advantage. But they're also risking having bored kids who get turned off to academics because everything's too easy for them. So it can be a double-edged sword.
Don't know if they're doing it around there, but schools here are separating 9th grade from high school to create a transition year. Our school it's a different wing, with a different class schedule even (which does have a big negative later one in fitting all the high school grad requirements in because they lose one period for each semester). Other schools are physically in a different building/location.
Supposedly it helps the transition from middle to high school by keeping them among their peers for an extra year before they enter the general high school population. I know for my kids they felt like it just put the actual transition to high school off a year and they just had another year to worry about it.
We had kids in our middle school who would spend the morning with us and then go back to the elementary school in the afternoon. It was a mess, and I think it accomplished little except adding to adjustment confusion.
My hunch is to leave the situation alone. You might cause more problems than you're solving.
One of my good friends has a daughter whose birthday is in November. Under the old California guidelines, she was able to start K at 4, and my friend was naturally quite proud that her daughter was ready for school. Come Middle School, she changed her tune. Many parents these days hold their kids back a year for K, so they are old 5s or even 6 when they start. It's not a big deal in elementary, but when you're 11, haven't reached puberty yet, and are going off to Junior High Camp with a bunch of 13-year-old girls, there is a big maturity gap there. My friend told me more than once that if she could do it over again, she'd wait--there was no reason for her daughter to start K at 4 other than her pride.
Another friend has kids two years apart, and she homeschools. She accelerated her son--the younger one--so they would only be one grade apart. It was easier for her to teach that way. But now he's in 8th grade and she realized he is no way ready for high school. She decided to let him take two years to finish 8th, and start 9th at age 14, not 13. She can do this because of the flexible homeschooling situation.
So, in the OP's buddy's case, it's certainly possible to pull the boy from school and let him do online classes and sports for a year, then enroll back in traditional school. I have homeschooled in CA, so if this friend is also a CA resident, I can say that it is completely legal and there are many online school options.
Whether that would work would depend on whether there is a parent who can stay home with him and take him to sports and activities, and whether the boy himself would be on board with that. If everything is favorable, that would be a great solution. But I wouldn't recommend just leaving him home alone every day to work online, or pulling him from school when he really wants to be with his social group.
Don't know if they're doing it around there, but schools here are separating 9th grade from high school to create a transition year. Our school it's a different wing, with a different class schedule even (which does have a big negative later one in fitting all the high school grad requirements in because they lose one period for each semester). Other schools are physically in a different building/location.
Supposedly it helps the transition from middle to high school by keeping them among their peers for an extra year before they enter the general high school population. I know for my kids they felt like it just put the actual transition to high school off a year and they just had another year to worry about it.
I was in one school system where middle school was 7,8,9. I couldn't see that it helped much.
By the way, I was not saying that it's necessarily OK for parents to hold their kids back from K (red-shirting) so that they will be bigger and older for sports, etc. later down the road. I'm just saying that since it IS the case that many parents do this, it makes it even harder for kids who are already on the young side (4, or barely 5) at the start of K.
Just a thought, but it may not be his "emotional readiness" as much as something else going on at school or at home.
For example, our son loved school up until 8th grade when he suddenly hated it and started acting very immature at home. After much prodding, we discovered that he was the target of some pretty intense bullying at school. Once we identified what the real issue was, we were able to work with the school administration to get our son's schedule changed so that he was not around the bullies as much. We also arranged for our son to get some counseling from a LCSW who specialized in child therapy. She helped him overcome the anger and fear he was feeling about having gone through this and they also worked on his social skills and developing strategies for coping in uncomfortable situations. The following year our son started high school, eassily made new friends, and never had any major social issues after that.
So, you might suggest to your friends that they consider a few sessions with a child therapist to help this young man develop his "emotional readiness" and social skills. A child therapist would also be able to help the family assess whether his "emotional readiness" warrants delaying high school for a year as the best course of action. If the best course is to delay high school, a letter from a child therapist recommending it might convince the school to approve it as well. Or, the parents can decide if a homeschool year would be a better course of action.
It might also be useful to have an assessment done by a learning specialist, just to rule out any undiagnosed learning differences that might be adding to his anxiety about school. As a teacher, I'm sure you understand that some kids with undiagnosed LDs can hide them pretty successfully up until a certain point when the stress/anxiety of coping with them can overwhelm them. They can be "doing OK" academically but really struggling with the material or falling behind due to an undiagnosed LD. Or, they just hit a level of academic challenge (and in 8th grade, the academic challenges really do notch up) where it becomes much harder to hide their LD.
Delaying high school for a year is no guarantee that a child will be any more "emotionally ready" to cope with high school. Time alone may not resolve some issues. Some kids need more than just time to "develop"-- they need some professional support. So, if I was friends with this family, before I'd arm chair guess what their kid needs, I'd encourage them to consult with professionals who can take a more nuanced look at every part of the equation and help them figure out a plan of action.
Good points.
I know someone who was not diagnosed with a learning disability until she was a freshman in college. She was able to hide it until she faced the challenges of large, college level courses. She needed a few minor adjustments such as taking exams in a quiet setting rather than among 300 to 400 classmates in giant lecture halls and did well.
So, while it is somewhat unusual to have undiagnosed learning difficulties at the HS level (or even older) it does happen.
Around here they will NOT let a child start K until they are 5
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