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Old 09-02-2017, 02:19 PM
 
419 posts, read 401,816 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
We've homeschooled all the way through... well, almost. My kids went to a charter school for a year when they were in the 7th and 5th grades, respectively. And my son tried high school his freshman year and was aghast at how much time was wasted, so he came home again. The kids are currently in the 11th and 9th grades. It's been their choice since late elementary school. Before that, we (my husband and I) made the decisions and decided on homeschooling.

I don't know that being afraid of bullying is, on its own, a good reason to homeschool. Especially when the child is 3 and is not even old enough to go to public school. I do think, however, that wishing to avoid the negative influences of poorly behaved children is one good reason, when combined with other reasons.

As for as socialization for homeschooled kids, the main issue I've had is that there are SO many opportunities in my area for elementary-aged homeschoolers that oftentimes the problem was too much socialization. This changes substantially during the middle school and high school years, but for K-5? Tons of socialization. We had park days, field trips, beach days, in-home gatherings, 4-H, homeschool gymnastics, homeschool co-ops, homeschool activities at churches, homeschool PE, homeschool Christmas parties, homeschool roller skating... seriously, it's not a problem. At all. And in between all of that, children who are not in school 30-35 hours per week have lots of time out and about in their communities. So they went to do all sorts of errands and participate in community activities that went on during the week. It's a wonder we got any schoolwork accomplished at all! (In reality, homeschooling really only takes a couple hours per day. This is part of why my son found school to be such a waste of time... even as a high-schooler, he generally gets all of his work done within about 3 hours, sometimes 4 if he's particularly busy.)

From threads I read here, I do assume that bullying is pretty rampant, even if it's not recognized as such. There's a whole thread in the parenting section about how we must make pre-teens wear bras lest they get left out of birthday parties and get made fun of on the playground. Ummm... what? Something like this would never occur to my teenaged daughter. She does not monitor or care about her friends' underwear choices, because she hasn't been socialized with that sort of mentality. I don't experience bullying in my life as an adult, and I don't think it's acceptable to allow it among children. That doesn't mean you should necessarily homeschool, but I'd avoid falling into the mindset of "well, bullying happens to everyone, so my kid will have to learn to deal with it." As an adult, I'd simply remove myself from a situation like that; kids don't have that option if it's happening at school. Just something to keep in mind for if/when it happens and how you decide to handle it.
Some great input thanks for taking the time.

It's great to hear there that you found so many outlets available for your kids.

We were going to home school before hearing the horror stories, hearing them almost solidified it for me. We are keeping an open mind with this co-op school and my fiance will be there 2x a week helping along with 7 other parents. The co-op focusses on exploring arts and crafts and socializing the kids mainly. Nothing too forced so that's good.

Just curious why did you guys decide on charter school? And how did they like the transition? Guessing it was boring for them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot View Post
Up through about fourth grade, not more than an hour of actual sit-down work (math, writing, etc.) After that age, they had outside classes which required extra work, so it went up to two or three hours a day. It's amazing what you can do in a short time when it's one-on-one.

I would caution about making assumptions that your kids think or feel or act a certain way, different from and superior to the rest of society, because they've been homeschooled. There is so much more to it than that: the child's personality, the nature of the family they live in, their church if any, what movies/books/music they have been exposed to and prefer, and on and on.

I can tell you that my 14-year-old is very uncritical of the fashion choices of others. But she has a 16-year-old friend, one of many friends who have been exclusively homeschooled, who could not be more critical. She tells my daughter she shouldn't be wearing a two-piece bathing suit ("immodest"), she disapproves of her distressed jeans, she thinks 14 is far too young to be wearing make-up (which is "unnecessary" anyway), and on and on. If my daughter didn't wear a bra, I'm 100% sure this girl would shun her. Where did she get these attitudes? Not from being "socialized" at school, that's for sure!
Only one hour wow? I guess I figured it'd be 2-3 hours.

Outside classes as in tutors or charter programs?

Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I think bullying goes in private schools, too. Even home schooled kids can be bullied.
No question.. I'd think there's much less exposure and peer pressure though home schooling. Then of course there's the neighborhood kids of different ages. I remember seeing quite a bit for my age having older siblings and lots of older neighborhood kids in our neighborhood.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy View Post
I was including all of the bolded under "socialization." You are right that there can be some judgmental attitudes among homeschoolers, for sure! I don't think too many kids develop those ideas in a vacuum, though. Your daughter's 16-year-old friend was likely socialized to be that way by her parents/church/media choices. We talk a lot about respecting other people's differences and we've gone out of our way to expose our kids to different types of people and different ideas, so we purposely "socialized" them to not be critical of others for fashion choices and cultural differences, special needs, etc. We would have done the same had they gone to school, but we'd have been working against whatever the prevalent mindset in the classroom was, so I think our job could have been harder!

I will say that homeschooled kids can be jerks just like anyone else.
It seems in this day and age the media and internet can play a big role in how a kid is influenced. It seems as if it's very popular to "not" care in this day and age. These kids are almost praised as being cool because of their lack of self consciousness. Like a whole breed of "Jackass" (the show) kids doing things for attention. The word "normal" takes on a whole new meaning when bad behavior is constantly displayed online and not accounted for. At this point in time I can't imagine how I'm going to monitor her online activity. Do I give her a phone? maybe an old style one just for dialing.

 
Old 09-02-2017, 03:19 PM
 
Location: West of Louisiana, East of New Mexico
2,118 posts, read 1,438,821 times
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I don't remember excessive bullying in 1st through 12th grade (1992 - 2004). Generally when kids were bullied a little too much, the fists went flying and the "bullies" ended up getting their butts kicked.

I'm not suggesting that fighting is the answer to everything but sometimes, it's a much easier solution...especially for younger kids pre-high school. I see the 'mean girls' mindset and I wish the bullied girls would just kick the popular girls in the shins.
 
Old 09-03-2017, 01:38 AM
 
2,532 posts, read 2,929,228 times
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OP, where do you live in King County? We're on Seattle Eastside, I have a second grader and from what I can see, bullying is NOT rampant here, it is not generally tolerated in the better schools, and the student population is generally culturally diverse and from highly educated, professional families, many immigrants. Kids are very accepting of diversity and differences, and focus on education and not stupid popularity contests.
However, this is in fairly good suburban schools - I can't speak for more rougher or urban areas.
 
Old 09-03-2017, 01:49 AM
 
419 posts, read 401,816 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EvilCookie View Post
OP, where do you live in King County? We're on Seattle Eastside, I have a second grader and from what I can see, bullying is NOT rampant here, it is not generally tolerated in the better schools, and the student population is generally culturally diverse and from highly educated, professional families, many immigrants. Kids are very accepting of diversity and differences, and focus on education and not stupid popularity contests.
However, this is in fairly good suburban schools - I can't speak for more rougher or urban areas.
I live in Burien and haven't experienced it first hand. The people I spoke about were in a better public school in Olympia and one in Totem Lake.

We are looking at buying a home in Renton, Maple Valley, Covington, or possibly Mill Creek now.

Wish we could afford the east side. Much less everything there!
 
Old 09-03-2017, 07:29 AM
 
Location: Florida
2,669 posts, read 2,250,639 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NorCal77 View Post
Some great input thanks for taking the time.

It's great to hear there that you found so many outlets available for your kids.

We were going to home school before hearing the horror stories, hearing them almost solidified it for me. We are keeping an open mind with this co-op school and my fiance will be there 2x a week helping along with 7 other parents. The co-op focusses on exploring arts and crafts and socializing the kids mainly. Nothing too forced so that's good.

Just curious why did you guys decide on charter school? And how did they like the transition? Guessing it was boring for them.



Only one hour wow? I guess I figured it'd be 2-3 hours.

Outside classes as in tutors or charter programs?



No question.. I'd think there's much less exposure and peer pressure though home schooling. Then of course there's the neighborhood kids of different ages. I remember seeing quite a bit for my age having older siblings and lots of older neighborhood kids in our neighborhood.



It seems in this day and age the media and internet can play a big role in how a kid is influenced. It seems as if it's very popular to "not" care in this day and age. These kids are almost praised as being cool because of their lack of self consciousness. Like a whole breed of "Jackass" (the show) kids doing things for attention. The word "normal" takes on a whole new meaning when bad behavior is constantly displayed online and not accounted for. At this point in time I can't imagine how I'm going to monitor her online activity. Do I give her a phone? maybe an old style one just for dialing.
It was a Montessori charter school and they liked some things about it and disliked others. Because it was a charter, it wasn't true Montessori, and I hated the standardized test prep. My daughter in particular did not care about the practice tests. They both did fine on the FCATS, but none of us were interested in repeating the experience.

I wouldn't worry about how you'll monitor the online activities of a child who is now 3. Who knows what will be available in 10 years or so (when most kids get phones)? Your ideals will change a lot over time, so you'll just make those decisions when the time comes.
 
Old 09-03-2017, 08:42 AM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
6,487 posts, read 1,531,790 times
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Our school system has a strict anti bullying policy. They have several rally's that talk about what bullying is and what to do about it as well as what it means to be a good person overall. They extensively talk about it in class too. It's basically no tolerance and can lead up to expulsion.

I know many who home school and not one family does it because they had a problem with bullying. Most do it because they don't like the schools curriculum. However, that's another topic for another thread!

Last edited by CGab; 09-03-2017 at 08:58 AM..
 
Old 09-03-2017, 01:48 PM
 
3,763 posts, read 2,122,350 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NorCal77 View Post
Outside classes as in tutors or charter programs?
We mostly sought out small classes held privately. For instance, a woman who has published several books on teaching writing through readings in history lives in our area, and teaches weekly writing/history classes. We found an art teacher who taught small classes in her home, and a swimming instructor who came to our community pool to teach a small group. In this way we were able to have classes NOT taught by us, the parents, while still keeping the same group of kids together.

I will say though that since I started homeschooling, the popularity of charter programs has exploded. We never used one, but at this point I would say 80% of the homeschoolers we know, do. At least in California, these offer families a significant amount of money (over $2000/year per child, to be used at the family's discretion for school supplies, educational classes, field trips, etc.) and require minimal supervision.
 
Old 09-03-2017, 02:59 PM
 
481 posts, read 195,032 times
Reputation: 910
If you have the personal wealth, extensive free time, personal knowledge and resources to home school good for you. Personally I am a huge believer in public school for a large variety of reasons. (Some of which are the exact things that scare people into homeschooling.) I believe in the idea of children not being the center of attention, having to deal with less than friendly kids on occasion, learning to succeed in a group environment even if that means they get less individualized instruction etc. But... That is a matter of personal philosophy.

If your main reason for homeschooling is bullying I would say to save your money/time/resources as bullying is on the decline from when we were kids... and we all turned out alright, right? I understand much better the parents who feel as though they can do a better job academically than their neighborhood school, or have fringe beliefs they want to instill, or have unique philosophical beliefs around what education should look like. (even if I disagree with them on these issues)
 
Old 09-03-2017, 03:07 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, Nor Cal
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There's still plenty of time to decide whether homeschooling is the preferred route for your daughter. She's still pretty young. My second daughter is extremely shy, introverted and we suspect she may be on the spectrum (Aspie). This is something I've known and observed since she was a very young toddler. She's also very bright and "nerdy," as some peers have said. I think I worried some as she progressed in grade school because that's when their personalities really come out and other peers start to notice differences in how other kids socialize. She and her best friend were targets of a bully in third grade. I believe that student was moved to another class mid-year. Both she and her friend are the quiet and studious types.

We have considered homeschooling her (or going through K-12) on a number of occasions. The main reason she wanted to wait and see this year is because she was hoping to get one of her favorite teachers. She has very few friends because she tends to keep to her self and prefers solitary activities (reading, drawing, etc.) to group activities. She finds most of the students in her class obnoxious.

I don't put a lot of stock into the notion that school is necessary to socialize with peers. Considering my older kids don't socialize much in class as they're introverts and quiet (also, the class environment in dd1's classes is more academic with little socializing), and have a few friends that hang out during breaks, they're not spending *that* much time socializing. (Dd1 transferred to a new middle school this year and spends lunchtime reading or listening to music)

This is something you'll have to observe as your daughter ages. My older two daughters are INFP introverts. They don't need to socialize with a lot of people. They find it exhausting, and they're also selective about the people they do interact with. My son is extroverted. He tends to be indiscriminate at his age, but that's typical for a lot of 2nd graders. If they're more extroverted, they just like socializing with a lot of people.

If you choose to homeschool eventually, you can join co-ops and communities. We live in a large city and with a lot of different groups, and because we're secular, we tend to stick with secular homeschooling groups.

Interestingly, my kids' school district just opened up a school called Unschool for 9th and 10th grade. We align with this philosophy and hope the school will expand to include middle school grades. The way the school is structured is said to promote cooperative learning in a mixed grade setting. This, coupled with the type of students it attracts, can be a great place for the self-directed and introverted learner.
 
Old 09-03-2017, 04:49 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
2,386 posts, read 909,622 times
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11 kids; 7 boys, 4 girls. Currently range in age from 13 to 31.

1 high-functioning ASD & 1 severe ASD. My kids have ranged from AP/Honor students to severe needs in SPED & everywhere inbetween.

All Colorado public schools. 5 received "supplemental" homeschooling for anywhere from 1 semester to 3 years. I still have 3 at home & attending public schools: 2 in 11th grade & 1 in the 8th grade.

I will add that I did not actually teach the homeschool program. That would have been a disaster.Some people have an inate ability to communicate in a way that teaches & I do not have that ability; despite being college educated with a degree. My mom is the one who taught the curriculum, as she was the one with degrees in education & had taught everything from elementary grades to the university level. I was skeptical at first. She wanted to do it & each child that she taught excelled in academics at least 2 grades ahead by the time they returned to public schools.

I will add that our school district does have a significant population of low-income & ESL students, with several schools having received Title 1 designation. It is the only district in our area that covers urban (inner-city) regions as well as suburban or rural. It suffers the inattention of aging resident voters regarding mill-levy opportunities, while the districts serving areas of suburban sprawl benefit from the younger families they attract.

In the end; none of this has mattered. As with everything else in life; you get out of it what you put into it.

For families that insist on education as a priority, there can be some benefits in attending public schools with disadvantaged demographics. Many are eligible for & have received grants & funding for programs that are proven to boost student success & enrichment. This is money that cannot go to the football team, remodeling projects or into general-use accounts. Instead; a district may opt for hiring highly qualified teachers for early childhood education & offer the community free preschool for all children ages 3-5, including special needs. It may provide technology advantages typically found only in private or high-income district schools; such as free cellular wi-fi enabled iPads for every student or scholarships for enrichment programs.

Regarding bullying? My 3 oldest did attend school for a couple of years in the district that serves the highest-income households in our area. My impression was that students were at a HIGHER risk of bullying there, than in the disadvantaged districts. There is more potential for the bar to be set impossibly high in wealthy schools vs a lower-income school; where not having the latest iPhone & social media accounts at age 10 is the norm rather than the status quo.

It was very rare that any of mine either witnessed or experienced bullying in elementary school. All of mine witnessed bullying in middle school & then in high school those incidents dropped back to a "rarely" status. It was probably about 10 years ago when the online bullying started to surpass the in-school incidents & almost exclusively this happened in the girls' social circle vs the boys.

My experience with socialization? My personal feeling is that highly structured activities where a parent remains in the same room watching a child like a hawk; is not really adequate social interaction. it's just another venue for a controlled environment & constant parental presence.

Our school district allows for homeschooled students to particopate in all extra-curricular & athletics & arts programs. My 15 yr old twins have homeschool students in the music program, cross-country track & on their Robotics Team. My now 21 yr old daughter was on the swim team at this same school during her homeschooled years.

You don't need to feel helpless to ensure her safety if she attends school. I am the "unannounced dropped in to observe" parent. My kids are never surprised to see me at school & neither are their peers & teachers. They would be surprised to know how many times I was observing without them having seen me.

I NEVER stay long enough to be a distraction; it's literally a "drop in" visit, at random times that allows me to note the dynamics & supervision provided in the classroom, during gym, or on the playground.
If I saw something alarming (which I never have) I would say something to the principal immediately but I just keep my eyes open & my mouth shut otherwise.

This is your right as a parent. Any school your child attends is "your" school. I used to think teachers thought I was a helicopter parent but just recently I was complimented by several teachers & a lead district social worker who told me they wished "more parents were as interested in what/how we do for our students". I also monitor at random times all social media apps.

And the rest of the time; they are free to make mistakes & get themselves in & out of awkward situations. To navigate disagreements. To be offended & sometimes offend. To struggle or problem solve on their own ... That's part of growing up too.

This has just been my experience & others may have experienced these things differently!
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