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Old 09-13-2017, 03:50 PM
Status: "Social Darwinism: Society's Autoimmune Disorder" (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Dallas, TX
1,534 posts, read 1,254,784 times
Reputation: 1928

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Why not change the culture so that it severely disapproves of the bully as much as it disapproves of racists, homophobes, misogynists, transphobes and other bigots? Sometimes bullies are so strong (individually or socially) that the bullied simply cannot win. In fact, that's a large part of why they're targeted in the first place. The culture has to be on their side to begin with in order for a successful fight to take place (i.e. even if they lose the physical or verbal fight, they still win in the "hearts and minds" way - similar to how a racist bigot may overpower a minority member, but the minority member is still favored despite losing their fight).

Therefore, this popular admonition to fight back leads to a neverending treadmill, and worse will give the bully a false legitimacy if the bullied would clearly be out of his league taking him or her on. This is especially true of the bullied would get ridiculed and scorned for losing a fight when he or she defended himself. In short, the prevailing cultural attitudes stack the deck against the bullied.

So when is mainstream society gonna start taking responsibility for defending those too unable to defend themselves? This question goes especially for these "personal responsibility on steroids" types.


As for social interactions - sometimes people are better off alone than they are in a hostile environment. Finding a few good friends will teach them much more about social skills than going to school with dozens to hundreds of people they have no connections to. It also helps if that person has common interests with that select social group. THAT is how social skills are learned, not from throwing a kid into a deep pool and say "sink or swim".

 
Old 09-13-2017, 05:20 PM
 
7,649 posts, read 4,262,734 times
Reputation: 7984
I've never understood the thinking that kids need to be bullied in order to learn how to deal with bullies. I think that people in general who have high self esteem are best equipped at dealing with bullying. Being bullied can wear down some kids self esteem, particularly if they are sensitive. People who have had their self esteem worn down because of bullying are going to be less equipped to deal with bullies then they would be if they were never bullied to begin with.

I also don't agree that homeschoolers are less socialized as a whole then school kids. There really isn't any other time in our lives besides when in school when we are surrounded only be people of our exact age. Homeschooling parents who make an effort to involve their kids in extracurricular activities, homeschool groups and even better if they have neighborhood friends have just as many opportunities to socialize with their peers then kids who are in school. In my experience as a parent, social time is very limited during school hours anyway.
 
Old 09-13-2017, 07:09 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
6,487 posts, read 1,531,790 times
Reputation: 6377
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayCT View Post
I agree. Homeschooling does not prepare kids to function in the real world IMHO. At some point the kids are going to have to go out and face the world and that would include bullies. If the school can't control the problem then I would suggest in enrolling your child in a self defense class. It can help build confidence and stop the issue. Good luck, Jay
I agree that you can't shelter your children their whole lives. At some point they will need to associate with others.
 
Old 09-13-2017, 09:27 PM
 
Location: Forest bathing
723 posts, read 373,824 times
Reputation: 1624
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
No. Parents are often the worst bullies of all.
My stepdad was. Belts about the bare buttocks. Hate is too gentle a word for how I felt about him. And, the verbal abuse? Oh, yeah. The best revenge for me was that I was smarter, more talented, married better and am financially better off. Oh, and his last ten years were hell due to health issues. Yes, they can be horrendous.
 
Old 09-13-2017, 10:09 PM
 
15 posts, read 15,323 times
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There are many factors involved in bullying. Homeschooling could be part of the solution.
 
Old 09-14-2017, 12:16 AM
 
27 posts, read 4,041 times
Reputation: 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayCT View Post
I agree. Homeschooling does not prepare kids to function in the real world IMHO. At some point the kids are going to have to go out and face the world and that would include bullies. If the school can't control the problem then I would suggest in enrolling your child in a self defense class. It can help build confidence and stop the issue. Good luck, Jay
I couldn't disagree with you more. I homeschooled mine and they each have three honors college degrees with 4.0 gpa for all of them. They are admired by their peers, get along with their coworkers, and are both famous. They are happy, healthy, and treat others with respect. They have values, something you don't find in public school. That is taught by parents.

Before I homeschooled them:
--one witnessed a girl having sex with two boys in the girls locker room.
--one was forced to put a condom on a banana and was told if she refused the teacher could call the police on her.
--one was stalked by a boy who "liked her" and when she told him to leave her alone, he threatened her.
--one was forced to participate in an "intervention" held by three teachers who thought she was too thin and must, of course, be anorexic. (All three teachers were old obese white women.)

This was an upper class all white neighborhood where most of the parents were high tech company owners, professional athletes, lawyers, and judges. Not a farming commmunity or ghetto by any means.

Perhaps you should rethink your biases.
 
Old 09-14-2017, 12:20 AM
 
27 posts, read 4,041 times
Reputation: 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissTerri View Post
I've never understood the thinking that kids need to be bullied in order to learn how to deal with bullies. I think that people in general who have high self esteem are best equipped at dealing with bullying. Being bullied can wear down some kids self esteem, particularly if they are sensitive. People who have had their self esteem worn down because of bullying are going to be less equipped to deal with bullies then they would be if they were never bullied to begin with.

I also don't agree that homeschoolers are less socialized as a whole then school kids. There really isn't any other time in our lives besides when in school when we are surrounded only be people of our exact age. Homeschooling parents who make an effort to involve their kids in extracurricular activities, homeschool groups and even better if they have neighborhood friends have just as many opportunities to socialize with their peers then kids who are in school. In my experience as a parent, social time is very limited during school hours anyway.
Ditto.

Homeschooled children deal with adults and children of all ages on a daily basis. Therefore, they learn quickly to deal with adult issues like an adult and not throw temper tantrums and treat people like garbage when they don't get their way. That's only played out in public school where their peers accept it because then they too can behave that way. There are graduate school program advisors who actively seek out homeschooled undergrads because they excel at everything, including research. They are self-driven problem-solvers, something you rarely find in public schooled children.

They also exhibit values and compassion, a rare commodity these days.
 
Old 09-14-2017, 05:20 AM
 
Location: North Dakota
5,643 posts, read 6,737,762 times
Reputation: 6505
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I am curious to know if anyone here homeschooled due to bullying in public or private school, and did it stop the problem altogether or not.
As long as you don't invite them to your house and stay off the internet you should be fine.
 
Old 09-14-2017, 09:47 AM
 
3,791 posts, read 9,297,153 times
Reputation: 1610
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coloradomom22 View Post
In the case of severe bullying homeschooling can give a temporary respite. But I agree that it doesn't always solve the problem permanently. Eventually bullied kids have to enter the world either with college or a job and those same bullies are there only now they are co-workers and bosses. Learning how to effectively fight a bully is a skill that needs to be honed.
Where did you go to college or work where you saw bullying? I have never experienced bullying in college and certainly not in a professional work environment.

So far from any reality I have experienced or even heard of.
 
Old 09-14-2017, 10:15 AM
 
1,364 posts, read 1,705,182 times
Reputation: 1425
Quote:
Originally Posted by DawnW View Post
Where did you go to college or work where you saw bullying? I have never experienced bullying in college and certainly not in a professional work environment.

So far from any reality I have experienced or even heard of.
With the every expanding definition of bullying, you can probably fit it into just about every college and work environment.

BUT, I do agree with your intent.
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