Bullies in school- who should be held responsible? (high school, pay, bullying)

[politically_correct]

There has been alot of talk recently about bullies in school. I hear that in most cases if a kid is beat up by his peers in school, officals do little about it unless an adult sees the whole thing. School Administration assumes both kids are at fault and boys will be boys. In the Adult world if someone in the office beats me up, I can get them arrested and I can also sue him in civil court and collect money. What are your experiences with bullies in your kids school? Were school officals helpful?

[austinsmom]

I honestly believe teachers and staff need to be trained better in how to handle these issues especially in light of all the school violence where bullying has been sited as the reason for it. The child and parents need to be brought in to discuss b/c parents have got to reinforce behavior at home.

Thankfully, my son has not had an issue with this and we have taught him that picking on others is totally unacceptable and will result in major punishment.

[metropolistraffic]

I, personally, do not believe there are such things as bullies.

Therefore, I fail to see why the school officials should be at blame.

[tkdmom]

When I was in school I was picked on and bullied, when I did fight back I was in just as much trouble as the rabble rouser who started it.

I personally went to the principal of my high school, who I thought was going to help me, I told him that if the bullying continued I would have no choice but to defend myself by whatever means, he made me transfer to a different school. Nice huh, I got punished instead of the gang of girls that were tormenting me.

The officials will never do anything to stop it they think it is all part of socialization, go figure.

[ItsAllAboutTheCat]

the staff does nothing about it.. and i think the bullies parents should be held responsible. its not in someones "blood" or "genes", if youd like, to be mean.. i also dont believe that anyone could get affected by games or movies.. well, maybe, but not if theyve got just a slightly bit of intelligense.. and with the right upbringing that shouldnt be possible anyway, so yeah.. its all on the parents. and of course, if they live in a bad neighbourhood with other bullies. but then again, parents decide where they live.. get it?

[RDSLOTS]

Uh, how about the bullies?

I think many school districts are making a concerted effort to try to stop it. Any good classroom teacher can tell you which children are the most aggressive ones in a class, and who they would define as a 'bully.' Adults are the ones in charge, and best able to stop the bullying, at least while the kids are in the room, or in their charge. Some teachers, I know, choose, for whatever reason to turn a blind eye, and in the case of older kids, it is probably the idea that 'kids will be kids,' and they need to work it out for themselves. Sometimes, if the bullying is addressed in the school, it doesn't keep it from occurring elsewhere.

When I was a child, most took their 'issues' off-campus or school grounds, just to avoid getting into trouble at school. Kids either don't think that far ahead today, or they just don't care.

With a particularly aggressive child, that the school has had little luck in addressing (and there are those few kids that mean), I think an adult really needs to step-in, even if unorthodox. When a much bigger, slightly older boy (he had failed several grades) continued to punch and threaten my daughter, I sidled up to him as the children were unpacking their bookbags one morning, greeted him with "Good Morning," and proceeded to whisper to him that anything he chose to do to my daughter, hereafter, he could count on my doing to him tenfold, and I made sure he could see that while he might be bigger than what she was, I was bigger than him.

He never touched her again.

[Haaziq]

They are responsible for themselves. Everybody should be responsible when it comes to things they do of their own accord. I was always told that if somebody messes with you in school, knock them out. I've never had to get in that situation, but I would definitely do it. Telling the teachers/staff is a waste of time.

[johnrex62]

My daughter had an issue with bullies at a high school in Alabama. It was very short and we resolved it surprisingly easily.

She was jumped and harrassed by a group of older girls who are all related to each other (sisters and cousins) coming out of PE. This repeated for a couple days when a teacher finally saw my daughter slap one of girls hands off her arm. The teacher investigated what appeared to be a fight starting and the group of girls claimed my daughter tried to jump one of them and they were just defending their friend. All of them were sent to the office and a note was sent home to us telling us that if my daughter's behavior continued she would be expelled.

My wife went to the school and asked to talk to the principal about the issue. My daughter had told us the story by this time and she has never been a troublemaker at school, unlike these other girls.

The principal refused to see her and she spoke to the assistant principal. He made the unfortunate comment that my daughter must have made some comment to these girls or they would have have jumped her, so she should have just kept her mouth shut. This incensed my wife that the school would think that being jumped by a group of people was justifiable if some comment might have been made, (which was not the case in any event).

My wife went straight to the police dept and filed a complaint against the girls. The police told her that they had a number of complaints against the girls both in and out of school and were willing to arrent them and prosecute them for assault. My wife declined to press charges at that time and just wanted a copy of the report to give to the school. Her intention was that if the school did not clean up it's act she would prosecute at the next incident.

She went back to demanded to talk to the principal. He still refused to see her and made her schedule an appt for the following week. I was able to attend that meeting and discovered the asst principal had not filled him in on any of the incident details. We advised him of the story as we knew it and he called in the asst principal and the teacher initially involved. It seems the asst principal had not questioned her on the issue either so only knew the groups story, which did not match my daughters or the teachers account of what she saw.

We provided the principal with a copy of the police report and told him that he needed to take action to keep these girls separated from my daughter or at least properly supervised so they could not retaliate against her for getting caught. If they did not and the incident repeated we would prosecute for assault and name the school as a contributor to any future incidents.

They removed the girls from my daughter's PE class and moved them to another schedule where they would not come into contact with her during lunch or 'free periods'. Their mother's were called to the school and advised of the revised schedules and why. This made some impression on their mothers because they all kept their distance from my daughter even after school waiting for pickup. The story spread to the other kids at school and my daughter got a lot of support from the other children and suffered no further issues as a result of her 'taking a stand' against the school bullies.

She, of course, wanted to ignore the whole issue and hoped it would just fade away. The police and the other kids behaved much more supportivly than I would have imagined. I expected the police to be annoyed at a report without prosecution and that some of the kids would have sided with the bullies out of fear or simply because they knew them better than my daughter. This was not the case. Only the school tried to sweep it under the carpet.

[laysayfair]

Originally Posted by RDSLOTS

Uh, how about the bullies?

I think many school districts are making a concerted effort to try to stop it. Any good classroom teacher can tell you which children are the most aggressive ones in a class, and who they would define as a 'bully.' Adults are the ones in charge, and best able to stop the bullying, at least while the kids are in the room, or in their charge. Some teachers, I know, choose, for whatever reason to turn a blind eye, and in the case of older kids, it is probably the idea that 'kids will be kids,' and they need to work it out for themselves. Sometimes, if the bullying is addressed in the school, it doesn't keep it from occurring elsewhere.

When I was a child, most took their 'issues' off-campus or school grounds, just to avoid getting into trouble at school. Kids either don't think that far ahead today, or they just don't care.

With a particularly aggressive child, that the school has had little luck in addressing (and there are those few kids that mean), I think an adult really needs to step-in, even if unorthodox. When a much bigger, slightly older boy (he had failed several grades) continued to punch and threaten my daughter, I sidled up to him as the children were unpacking their bookbags one morning, greeted him with "Good Morning," and proceeded to whisper to him that anything he chose to do to my daughter, hereafter, he could count on my doing to him tenfold, and I made sure he could see that while he might be bigger than what she was, I was bigger than him.

He never touched her again.

Oh, I can't help but laugh. I have such a soft spot for parents who don't p***yfoot around.
I did something like that but I didn't threaten the kid. I said that if my son was doing something to aggravate him or make his life miserable that he could tell me and be sure that I would make him apologize and stop. The kid looked sheepish, said OK and not only stopped bullying my son but became friends with him. He even told my son that he thought
his mother was "cool". What a trip kids are!

[maf763]

Schools should adopt a policy regarding aggressive behavior - defining what constitutes an aggressive behavior (which can be verbal as well as physical) and laying out the consequences. Schools should also try to create an atmosphere where people feel empowered to help kids who are being victimized instead of turning the other way and thanking heaven it's not them in the firing line. Kids need to learn the difference between tattling (telling on somebody who isn't bothering somebody else) and telling (reporting when a person is endangered physically or emotionally). And schools should be absolutely clear that "We were only kidding around" will never be tolerated as an excuse for one's actions. A clear policy helps close the loopholes kids often use to get away with behaviors.

There is a time investment involved in tackling school atmosphere issues up front, but well-planned and executed efforts to do so pay off in the long term.