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Old 12-18-2020, 04:16 AM
 
17,292 posts, read 13,579,146 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by naturenurture View Post
To me, how you accomplish something is even more important than the accomplishment itself. Success really isn't anything to be proud of if you had to cheat to do it.

One example that pertains to our family right now is Redshirting. This is when the parents of a child born between October and December wait until their child is almost 6 to send them to Kindergarten, so that they will be older than their classmates and have an unfair advantage over them.

This is clearly cheating, as it's almost inevitable a child is going to come out on top when being compared to children a year younger than them. However, this is exactly what my husband wants to do. In 2021, our son will turn 5 in the first week of October, which means that he should be starting Kindergarten next Fall. However, he is insisting that we wait until the Fall of 2022, as this means he will consistently perform better than all of his classmates instead of performing worse than 3 quarters of his classmates, as would probably be the case if we sent him on time.

I'm not trying to deny that he'll do much better in school if we wait a year. Indeed, there are countless studies out there that prove that kids who are older almost always do better.

I have no doubt that if we redshirt our son, he'll get straight A's and be in gifted programs all through school, win every class competition, be valedictorian, go off to one of HYP, and have a 6-figure-salary by his mid-twenties.

However, the reason I don't want to redshirt is simply because it's morally wrong. It would give him an unfair advantage over the rest of his classmates. I couldn't genuinely feel proud of my son for outperforming kids a year younger than him. I would feel much happier if he did okay playing by the rules than excel by cheating.

I've tried telling my husband this, but he doesn't seem to think there's anything unethical about this. He's also the breadwinner of the family, so what he says pretty much goes. How do I make him see that you sometimes have to give up what you desire in order to do what's right? Thank you in advance!
Life is not all about competition and school is not an Olympic sport. Kids should start school at the time that benefits them, not based on some notion about "fair competition" .

Last edited by toobusytoday; 12-18-2020 at 03:10 PM..
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Old 12-18-2020, 06:16 AM
 
69,269 posts, read 52,138,462 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lillie767 View Post
"I have no doubt that if we redshirt our son, he'll get straight A's and be in gifted programs all through school, win every class competition, be valedictorian, go off to one of HYP, and have a 6-figure-salary by his mid-twenties."

WOW! You have very high expectations for your poor son. I hope he doesn't disappoint you by being average.



BTW, I entered kindergarten at age 4 and received my BA at age 19. Never had any problems being the youngest, rather than the oldest.
Good post. I would note that the experience is profoundly different for boys vs. girls though as they develop differently.
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Old 12-18-2020, 06:21 AM
 
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OP, I "redshirted" a kid, the gap period is there for a reason. Each kid is different and you should be making the decision that you think is best for them.

How is it "morally wrong" to follow the rules and make a choice as presented to you? It's not.

Is there something else going on here in the dynamic? Are you not wanting them to go to school and leave you alone or something similar? I'd stop and consider if this is about your personal psychology around the situation. Please don't take this negatively, it's entirely understandable.
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Old 12-18-2020, 08:10 AM
 
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OP - Have your child tested for kindergarten readiness. Let the results guide you. You want to do what’s best for your child RIGHT NOW. Don’t worry about what ifs years in the future. Saying holding a child back is unethical is not reality.
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Old 12-18-2020, 01:03 PM
 
Location: Bloomington IN
8,304 posts, read 10,831,486 times
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I don't think redshirting for Kindergarten is morally wrong or cheating.

Different states have different cut off dates for Kindergarten. My son's birthday was early October, but the cut off was late August/early September in our state where he started school. Same with our daughter--early November birthday. We didn't have to make a decision to keep them back an extra year. The state did it for us as do many states.

They didn't receive good grades or do well because of the extra year in preschool. They did well because of their natural abilities and parents that read to them and provided learning opportunities in the toys we selected, etc.

The decision should be made based on the child's emotional maturity, etc. Morality should be part of the equation. Your husband is right.
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Old 12-18-2020, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Shawnee-on-Delaware, PA
6,519 posts, read 5,724,871 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by naturenurture View Post
To me, how you accomplish something is even more important than the accomplishment itself. Success really isn't anything to be proud of if you had to cheat to do it.
I think you are engaging in ludicrous virtue-signaling and you are trying to make us believe you would sacrifice your own child on that altar.

You blandly assert that "Trump" cheated but you don't give any evidence. It's well known that 22-year-old Donald got a million-dollar load from his father Fred and turned that into the multi-billion dollar Trump Organization we know today. How is that "cheating"? Most 22 year-olds would turn a million dollars into zero in nothing flat. If you could give your kid a leg up in a business venture, why wouldn't you?

If you are afraid of giving your own flesh and blood "unfair advantages" in life then why not give away all your possessions and move into a homeless shelter? Or drop him off at an orphanage and see if he sinks or swims? Go on vacation to the Redneck Riviera (Florida panhandle) in the summer instead of the Turks & Caicos in January. Drive a Ford instead of a Range Rover. Send him to public school.

Last edited by toobusytoday; 12-18-2020 at 03:14 PM..
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Old 12-18-2020, 06:58 PM
 
4,653 posts, read 2,175,517 times
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I can't help thinking that those who redshirt a child are also those who argue SUVs are safer cars because they'll be the bigger piece of metal that wins the collision.

I'm with you OP. Parents trying to give their children every advantage in the book is out of hand, and more importantly in the regime of diminishing returns.
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Old 12-18-2020, 07:20 PM
 
15,282 posts, read 14,072,901 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Avondalist View Post
I can't help thinking that those who redshirt a child are also those who argue SUVs are safer cars because they'll be the bigger piece of metal that wins the collision.

I'm with you OP. Parents trying to give their children every advantage in the book is out of hand, and more importantly in the regime of diminishing returns.
Redshirting can be good or bad given individual circumstances.....I'm generally against redshirting tho. FWIIW. In the aggregate greater mass is your friend in auto collisions it's got nothing to do with winning.
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Old 12-18-2020, 07:36 PM
 
Location: USA
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If your child cannot hold scissors properly and cannot use paste without eating it, they're not ready for school. Hold them back. That's what Ray and Debra Barone decided to do.
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Old 12-18-2020, 07:44 PM
 
4,755 posts, read 2,397,534 times
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Typically we started 1st grade at 6 yrs old not kindergarten. My parents send me to 1st grade at 5 yrs old because my 6th bday was Oct and school started a month earlier. The got permission.



The earlier kids begin learning at school the better it is. Think of your kid's future and don't argue about it with Dad.
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