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Old 05-20-2008, 09:07 AM
 
3,695 posts, read 11,343,152 times
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pickleswanson, write those 300 words as though you were talking to your friends instead of trying to impress a professor. Use words that you fully understand and that you are absolutely sure are the right ones for what you are trying to say.

Focus on getting your ideas across rather than on using words you think are impressive but that are actually getting in the way of what you are trying to say.
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Old 05-22-2008, 08:37 PM
 
48,505 posts, read 96,563,814 times
Reputation: 18301
I thnik you fail to point out that most humans rely on their senses;experiences and what they hear. If a person is walking dow the street and sees what looks like a gang member ;acts like a gang member and even he will react accordingly. It;s the same as a person walking thru the woods and they see something that looks like a wolf and acts like a wolf and they have heard wolfs have killed peole. They willat accordingly and aviod the wolf and maybe if they have a gun shoot the wolf.Humans learn survival as always.
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Old 05-24-2008, 02:58 AM
 
Location: At my computador
2,057 posts, read 3,404,108 times
Reputation: 510
Quote:
Originally Posted by pickleswanson View Post
Well I'm having to write a statement that is less than 300 words on the cause of humanity's downfall...
Although you're asking about wording, what is the intended lesson of this paper? Is it an English assignment which is to work on grammar and it's a subject you elected to write on? Is this a social studies or history assignment that requires an examination of social failures? It seems peculiar to me that you'd have difficulty getting assistance from your bright friends when the issue isn't philosophical, but wording. For that reason, I'm going to assume your request for advice is actually broader.

The assignment was given to you by a moron-- Either an English teacher who didn't recognize your very normal perspective or a history/social studies teacher who doesn't understand what they're talking about.

The first requirement is to define terms. Does "humanity" mean the existence of humans or acting in a civilized way? Next, what does "downfall" mean? Falling below a certain threshold or total annihilation?

Off the top of my head, the words cover four different questions. Which is the one being asked? The answer could be as simple as lack of sustenance or as complex as an inquiry into the meaning of life. Only a defining of terms will reveal that.


However, let me offer you a warning. My experience has been that teachers are terribly unintelligent (not Charles Wallace that guy seems alright) and are generally advancing a personal agenda (not necessarily consciously.) My suspicion is that this instructor is prompting you to conclude that the destruction of mankind is going to be due to acting in a way inconsistent with that teachers beliefs about how civilization should behave.

Be careful. Believe it or not, their pollution is subtle.

Last edited by One Thousand; 05-24-2008 at 03:16 AM..
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Old 05-26-2008, 09:13 PM
 
Location: Texas
5,068 posts, read 10,104,643 times
Reputation: 1651
Well, Swanson, if you are forced to agree humanity has seen its downfall, it looks as if you may be in a pickle...
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Old 05-26-2008, 09:37 PM
 
8,726 posts, read 7,364,916 times
Reputation: 12612
Looks like someone is attending some agenda indoctrination institute. Cause of humanities downfall? Are you kidding me?

And starting off with bigorty is a definite sign of the indoctrination. "OH yes, all the world's problems comes down to someone not liking someone because of what they are, we would magically solve all problems if everyone just sat down by a fire, hold hands and sing together". What a childish and lame thought that is.

Not insulting you but the question is lame and obviously biased and the answer you put clearly states a lack of real world understanding and experience.
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Old 05-27-2008, 10:33 PM
 
Location: Port Hueneme, CA
283 posts, read 1,190,730 times
Reputation: 97
All of you are great! Thank you very much for the input. I agree with many of you on this topic, thankfully gave me some great advice, and some very humorous responses. I so glad that I'm going to be able to begin posting and reading this forum again. So many wonderful personalities here. Once I re-write this monster I'll have to get it back to all of you to rip it apart again. Fortunately when I re-post it, I can just laugh at the comments and will never have to re-write it again.


Huck - I agree, with you. "Pride" couldn't that be what caused the judgment of someone else in the first place? A person's pride causing them to generate an opinion possibly false against someone else and someone opinion that may be positive in their eyes could be negative in someone else's eyes. It all depends on the beholder.

FarNorth - Not really trying to say anything, just randomly jump around a subject that cannot be proven correct no matter what someone thinks could cause humanity's downfall. So many different variables to this subject and it will change no matter who you talk to, because everyone has different ideas of what a perfect world would be. I like it the way it is, ever changing and leaves room to rejoice or complain about anything that happens.

shadowfax - You should've been here to discuss this over coffee with my Dad and me. The dark humor surrounding the, ahem, "hippie movement" was absolutely hilarious. Although I personally feel that some good and bad has come from each and every movement that has occurred in the US; but, this was directed to me as humanity's downfall which includes all humans and not just the US. Different morals will the outcome of who thinks what is what as seen in the responses here. Some say things have only improved then others say it is tumbling. My life is pretty darn good; I just hope to share that with as many as possible.

Charles Wallace - I think I'll have to re-write it and explain as I go before I get back to you on this. Thank you very much though for not only trying to grasp the entirety of my statement but each word as well. I'll do my best to answer all of questions and make all of the suggested corrections of yours and everyone else who has commented.

Stepka - LOL! Can't say that I'm all that bright myself; but, everyday is a day for learning. I have a tendency when told what to do with writing an opinion on something that is always going to be unfair to both the writer and the reader to be unclear, wordy, not easily defined and then add a little poetical philosophy in just to confuse the one who makes the final judgment call and grade. I especially appreciate your comments on PhD candidates because I just recently finished my masters in engineering and decided to continue anyway. Well the point there is that many of my classmates are working on PhD's and my instructor is a know-it-all....explicit thoughts. Thanks for picking up on the fact too that this style of writing or any really is unfamiliar to me. I only use technical english or write formal letters to inform residents/customers of events and changes occasionally. Thanks for the advice my new elements of style should be arriving soon. I hope it allows me to have more fun with this class and toy with my instructor's mind.

Fat Freddy - "Iconoclastic terrorist" and I'm incomprehensible. I don't suppose your still destroying Byzantine Empire art in order to overthrow popular beliefs in those woods by the ocean, are you? Those actions could easily be considered unorthodox. Thanks for the wonderful laugh. My neighbors didn't appreciate it at 0230; but, I did.

cpg35223 - "humanity is enjoying a remarkable surge of prosperity, even among the developing world. Free trade, the proliferation of democracy and human rights, and the steady application of science and technology have made the lives of ordinary people throughout the planet much more bearable, not less." Some consider this a bad thing, not me; but, still some do. Ditto on living longer, then some even enjoy seeing people suffer making what we consider improvements a downfall in humanity. "What's more, Bigotry.... now with blacks and whites mingling freely" this goes so far beyond crossing the blurred racial lines of blacks and whites it isn't funny. I grew up in the south and traveled to Birmingham frequently being that Atlanta and Birmingham are constantly trading with each other and for cultural events too. Yes it's great there and I'm sooooooo glad that you have been sheltered from the events that take place else where within your own city, county, state, nation and world; I was at one time too, it still isn't perfect and never will be. Shoes are meant to be worn on both feet but sometimes they get put on backwards. Glad yours are still big enough not to notice. I really rather enjoy your bright outlook on everything though. I find it refreshing. One thought that comes to mind, "history repeats itself" just because it goes by new name and looks different, doesn't mean it is different. Kudos though in romancing such wonderful thoughts. I just think we should never stop trying to improve. Wasn't trying to be negative, it is just a bad subject and a dose of national geographic to help others explore their world always comes in handy.

sean98125 - Thanks I always need a slap on the hand with my words. It'd be edited anyway before going to print anyway. I could use a little editing most of the time.

texdav - Thanks for another reminder of why I do not care to move to TX. I live in an area completely inhabited by gangs and still have no clue what a gang member looks or acts like. While in the military I worked with gang members and had no clue until they pointed it out and showed the tat to prove it. Anyone can function as an average or socially acceptable person in society. Hope I appear nothing like a gang member next time I visit TX and you're nearby. Being shot just for looking the part! Thanks for proving my point without even having to make one. Sarcasm aside, I understand your point and can appreciate it. Thank you very much for pointing this out. Hoping to explain myself as I answer some questions and reply to you wonderful folks. Truce!?!

1000 - You know I have asked myself some of these very questions. I really should have read up more on the class before I decided to take it. It's a literature class of all things and instead of studying a great piece literature I feel as though my very first assignment for the class is more like a journalist class on political upsets and how to **** off the senate. I and several other students have asked our teacher to give a better explanation of what they want the statement to include and/or a basis behind the writing. The resounding response has been to take the subject and do what you feel. Ummm I feel it is ignorant to write about something so vague. In reaction to your thoughts about teachers: I agree for the most part, teachers are generally numb to their uses that could bring any good to the students. Their pollution being subtle though, maybe in comparison to say, air pollution. No one really notices till people start dying. My family has really bad allergies and I thankfully just moved out of Bakersfield, CA after being there for 7 months and the pollution there is just horrible. Sorry if my comparison made absolutely no sense. It did to me.

Brain.Pearson - HAHAHA! I'm in a pickle it appears.

k350 - kum bah yah, kum bah yah. Peace, love and chicken grease! Huh? Welcome to college my dear friend. Thanks for your world renowned experiences and real world understanding. "Indoctrination", doesn't that require a prescription these days? It does come in the form of a pill now you know.
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Old 05-28-2008, 06:25 AM
 
28,896 posts, read 53,983,212 times
Reputation: 46662
Quote:
Originally Posted by pickleswanson View Post
All of you are great! Thank you very much for the input. I agree with many of you on this topic, thankfully gave me some great advice, and some very humorous responses. I so glad that I'm going to be able to begin posting and reading this forum again. So many wonderful personalities here. Once I re-write this monster I'll have to get it back to all of you to rip it apart again. Fortunately when I re-post it, I can just laugh at the comments and will never have to re-write it again.


Huck - I agree, with you. "Pride" couldn't that be what caused the judgment of someone else in the first place? A person's pride causing them to generate an opinion possibly false against someone else and someone opinion that may be positive in their eyes could be negative in someone else's eyes. It all depends on the beholder.

FarNorth - Not really trying to say anything, just randomly jump around a subject that cannot be proven correct no matter what someone thinks could cause humanity's downfall. So many different variables to this subject and it will change no matter who you talk to, because everyone has different ideas of what a perfect world would be. I like it the way it is, ever changing and leaves room to rejoice or complain about anything that happens.

shadowfax - You should've been here to discuss this over coffee with my Dad and me. The dark humor surrounding the, ahem, "hippie movement" was absolutely hilarious. Although I personally feel that some good and bad has come from each and every movement that has occurred in the US; but, this was directed to me as humanity's downfall which includes all humans and not just the US. Different morals will the outcome of who thinks what is what as seen in the responses here. Some say things have only improved then others say it is tumbling. My life is pretty darn good; I just hope to share that with as many as possible.

Charles Wallace - I think I'll have to re-write it and explain as I go before I get back to you on this. Thank you very much though for not only trying to grasp the entirety of my statement but each word as well. I'll do my best to answer all of questions and make all of the suggested corrections of yours and everyone else who has commented.

Stepka - LOL! Can't say that I'm all that bright myself; but, everyday is a day for learning. I have a tendency when told what to do with writing an opinion on something that is always going to be unfair to both the writer and the reader to be unclear, wordy, not easily defined and then add a little poetical philosophy in just to confuse the one who makes the final judgment call and grade. I especially appreciate your comments on PhD candidates because I just recently finished my masters in engineering and decided to continue anyway. Well the point there is that many of my classmates are working on PhD's and my instructor is a know-it-all....explicit thoughts. Thanks for picking up on the fact too that this style of writing or any really is unfamiliar to me. I only use technical english or write formal letters to inform residents/customers of events and changes occasionally. Thanks for the advice my new elements of style should be arriving soon. I hope it allows me to have more fun with this class and toy with my instructor's mind.

Fat Freddy - "Iconoclastic terrorist" and I'm incomprehensible. I don't suppose your still destroying Byzantine Empire art in order to overthrow popular beliefs in those woods by the ocean, are you? Those actions could easily be considered unorthodox. Thanks for the wonderful laugh. My neighbors didn't appreciate it at 0230; but, I did.

cpg35223 - "humanity is enjoying a remarkable surge of prosperity, even among the developing world. Free trade, the proliferation of democracy and human rights, and the steady application of science and technology have made the lives of ordinary people throughout the planet much more bearable, not less." Some consider this a bad thing, not me; but, still some do. Ditto on living longer, then some even enjoy seeing people suffer making what we consider improvements a downfall in humanity. "What's more, Bigotry.... now with blacks and whites mingling freely" this goes so far beyond crossing the blurred racial lines of blacks and whites it isn't funny. I grew up in the south and traveled to Birmingham frequently being that Atlanta and Birmingham are constantly trading with each other and for cultural events too. Yes it's great there and I'm sooooooo glad that you have been sheltered from the events that take place else where within your own city, county, state, nation and world; I was at one time too, it still isn't perfect and never will be. Shoes are meant to be worn on both feet but sometimes they get put on backwards. Glad yours are still big enough not to notice. I really rather enjoy your bright outlook on everything though. I find it refreshing. One thought that comes to mind, "history repeats itself" just because it goes by new name and looks different, doesn't mean it is different. Kudos though in romancing such wonderful thoughts. I just think we should never stop trying to improve. Wasn't trying to be negative, it is just a bad subject and a dose of national geographic to help others explore their world always comes in handy.

sean98125 - Thanks I always need a slap on the hand with my words. It'd be edited anyway before going to print anyway. I could use a little editing most of the time.

texdav - Thanks for another reminder of why I do not care to move to TX. I live in an area completely inhabited by gangs and still have no clue what a gang member looks or acts like. While in the military I worked with gang members and had no clue until they pointed it out and showed the tat to prove it. Anyone can function as an average or socially acceptable person in society. Hope I appear nothing like a gang member next time I visit TX and you're nearby. Being shot just for looking the part! Thanks for proving my point without even having to make one. Sarcasm aside, I understand your point and can appreciate it. Thank you very much for pointing this out. Hoping to explain myself as I answer some questions and reply to you wonderful folks. Truce!?!

1000 - You know I have asked myself some of these very questions. I really should have read up more on the class before I decided to take it. It's a literature class of all things and instead of studying a great piece literature I feel as though my very first assignment for the class is more like a journalist class on political upsets and how to **** off the senate. I and several other students have asked our teacher to give a better explanation of what they want the statement to include and/or a basis behind the writing. The resounding response has been to take the subject and do what you feel. Ummm I feel it is ignorant to write about something so vague. In reaction to your thoughts about teachers: I agree for the most part, teachers are generally numb to their uses that could bring any good to the students. Their pollution being subtle though, maybe in comparison to say, air pollution. No one really notices till people start dying. My family has really bad allergies and I thankfully just moved out of Bakersfield, CA after being there for 7 months and the pollution there is just horrible. Sorry if my comparison made absolutely no sense. It did to me.

Brain.Pearson - HAHAHA! I'm in a pickle it appears.

k350 - kum bah yah, kum bah yah. Peace, love and chicken grease! Huh? Welcome to college my dear friend. Thanks for your world renowned experiences and real world understanding. "Indoctrination", doesn't that require a prescription these days? It does come in the form of a pill now you know.
Okay, how old are you anyway? Given the fact that you're needing help with a introductory writing class, I'm guessing you couldn't be any older than 21. That being said, what do you know about life? About history? About human experience beyond the insular little world of academia? Thus far in life, you've scuttled from your home to your classroom and back again, with maybe a brief, predictable foray to the underside of life to show that you've had a broad array of experiences.

The simple truth is that, by just about any measure you care to name, the problems you cite are on the wane, not the rise. Don't take my word for it. Ask any civil rights warrior from the 60s.

In other words, you really haven't earned the right to condescend to anybody.
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Old 05-31-2008, 04:45 AM
 
Location: Port Hueneme, CA
283 posts, read 1,190,730 times
Reputation: 97
3, 21, 45 like you (it's called research) or 121, being born earned me that right; then fought for yours, mine and ours. Life comes at everyone differently, knowing that is enough. History, we all have one and make it what we want it to be. Academia is far from insular unless you want it to be; you only gain what you want out of it. Every moment of every day, every person I affect no matter how brief we know each other or how we meet (physically, by phone, internet etc., etc.) This transforms not only my human experiences; but, those of every member of society they encounter after me. Nothing about me is predictable, neither is the underside, topside or somewhere in the middle for that matter. You want a broader array than that then seek it out. I'll cheer you on all the way!

Just a personal preference of mine not to knock on the door of persons who have fought one predominant war of the 60s or any decade; they tend think the wars waged were only about the matters subjective to their "time". I'll get a grasp on my life and those of others by meeting as many as possible. All of their opinions, experiences and rights matter, whether it is the civil rights warrior you speak of or the 1 yr old who can only communicate by gesture.

Have you ever heard about the butterfly that flapped its wings in Africa yesterday delaying your wine shipment today? Same goes for each one us. Our thoughts becoming words, our words becoming actions and so on. The whole point of this statement has been well proven by your judgments of someone you don't know. I did the same thing in my responses to each personality that showed in the comments to my original post. Thanks for being that guinea pig and falling for the bait. So sorry this game show doesn't have any real cash value prizes to hand out but you're the winner!


Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Okay, how old are you anyway? Given the fact that you're needing help with a introductory writing class, I'm guessing you couldn't be any older than 21. That being said, what do you know about life? About history? About human experience beyond the insular little world of academia? Thus far in life, you've scuttled from your home to your classroom and back again, with maybe a brief, predictable foray to the underside of life to show that you've had a broad array of experiences.

The simple truth is that, by just about any measure you care to name, the problems you cite are on the wane, not the rise. Don't take my word for it. Ask any civil rights warrior from the 60s.

In other words, you really haven't earned the right to condescend to anybody.

Last edited by pickleswanson; 05-31-2008 at 04:50 AM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 06-03-2008, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Southern Illinois
10,364 posts, read 20,732,542 times
Reputation: 15642
Ah pickles, I'm glad you came back. I was afraid we'd all been too hard on you--it must be rough to have your theme taken apart and shredded. But you took it like a trooper. And no, I didn't feel condescended to--I simply noticed that you are an engineer type. Got a joke for you. How do you torture an engineer? Answer: You tie him to a chair and unfold a map and then slowly fold it back--the wrong way.
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Old 06-03-2008, 11:26 PM
 
Location: Port Hueneme, CA
283 posts, read 1,190,730 times
Reputation: 97
LOL!!! HAHAHA That is sooooooo true. My Dad lives with and travels with me every where I go now that he is retired and sometimes I think he does it on purpose. Of course after these past 2 years he's begun to notice the look on my face when he gets little things wrong like that and even though he still gets it wrong, I see him try Can't ask for a better parent than that; no matter how irritating he gets! Of course I can't wait til next year gets here; I get to swap parents with my middle sister for 3 months or so. My Mom doesn't like the west coast near as much as my Dad; but, it will be so nice to have her around for a change. I have no clue how they ever married and stayed together for 28 yrs. Complete opposites!!! Separated for 26 yrs now, thank God!

No it wasn't bad at all to have my work torn to shreads. I asked for it, thankfully many replied and no one was particularly rude about it. Even with the varied opinions. I love everyone's feed back on anything I do. Without it, how am I to become a better person or at least more understanding.

Last edited by pickleswanson; 06-03-2008 at 11:31 PM.. Reason: missing words
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