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Old 09-27-2023, 12:51 AM
 
11,502 posts, read 12,508,183 times
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This is a private school that has a good reputation for 2e students.
https://www.quadprep.org/
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Old 09-27-2023, 04:42 AM
 
Location: Inland Levy County, FL
8,793 posts, read 6,038,847 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Redfish07 View Post
We work remotely and can live anywhere. Currently my child is a second grader in NC (Lincoln county, NW of Charlotte) and we are having a terrible experience with the local public schools. Daughter has a 504 plan and is incurring in school suspensions. She has diagnoses of mild autism, ADHD, and anxiety. She is extremely argumentative/oppositional with the teacher and will kick other students. However, she is far above grade level academically. I understand this disparity between intellectual and social/emotional function is not uncommon in gifted kids (she has a 135 IQ).
School district is at a loss. Traditional methods of discipline are what they use.

ISO a better school district that will be of better help to my daughter. I read that NJ schools are excellent. Any recommendations for specific districts there that could help someone like her?

I looked heavily in TX, AZ, CO, MO where we have family or other interests but concerned that things wouldn’t go well there either.

Thank you for any lessons learned/words of wisdom!!
Is there a reason you could not homeschool? You work from home, she is not having her intellectual needs met by the school, and she is endangering other students at the school. Discipline there is not working. It would seem to me that the obvious solution is to handle these things yourself. I realize not everyone feels up to the task but parents do hard things for their kids when necessary. There are tons of groups/opportunities for socialization and I’ve seen many kids with various issues (developmental, behavioral) who participate and nobody thinks anything of it bc homeschoolers are a quirky bunch to begin with. It could be a good fit if you are committed to providing what she needs.
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Old 09-27-2023, 04:50 AM
 
Location: Inland Levy County, FL
8,793 posts, read 6,038,847 times
Reputation: 2925
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redfish07 View Post
We bring her to psychiatry regularly. We have done a full course of parent child interaction therapy. We have been bringing her to individual therapists since she was 2 years old. We did a stint of OT but closest OT is 1 hour away so could not continue. We are in an under resourced area so even the above is a stretch. We just need more from the school than what they are giving
I don’t think it’s fair to put that burden on a school system. They are there to educate a bunch of kids, not have that time derailed by a kid who is acting out. I would suggest not psychiatry but maybe some kind of play therapy or something by a psychologist. Psychiatrists are not the same and focus on meds more than anything. Most of all, my opinion is a child needs her parents. Are there siblings involved? The entire family dynamic might be affected so actually, a marriage and family therapist might even be best. The family is a system and her disruptions to the system are impacting all of you.
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Old 09-27-2023, 08:47 AM
 
7,031 posts, read 3,883,411 times
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I saw your question about Montessori K-12. Montessori is a cooperative environment. Independent and verbal children do better. An aggressive child would not do well.

I really think New Day and Andrea3821 is correct. Homeschool until your daughter's mature and self control catches up is the best solution.

Sheen12, a teacher with 20 to 25 students has limited resources to deal with one child. A time out, by way of in school detention, might be the teacher's only option here.
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Old 09-27-2023, 10:17 AM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,497 posts, read 57,246,361 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
I saw your question about Montessori K-12. Montessori is a cooperative environment. Independent and verbal children do better. An aggressive child would not do well.

I really think New Day and Andrea3821 is correct. Homeschool until your daughter's mature and self control catches up is the best solution.

Sheen12, a teacher with 20 to 25 students has limited resources to deal with one child. A time out, by way of in school detention, might be the teacher's only option here.
A local group with similar needs for thier students created a Montessori K-12 'cooperative' that was a hybrid Homeschool / private / special needs / Montessori. They were well funded (many high paid professionals), so they could hire special staff and specialized teachers to coordinate the environment and learnings for the students.

Look around, as this will be an individual search and validation. I would agree to arrange to be near family, so that you could receive adequate help along the way for school / life disruptions while holding a job and family together.

And, of course realize that traditional 'school' is not the only path, or solution. Some kids and situations do not fit 'The Clone mode' of USA Public EDU. (Unschooler here)
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Old 09-27-2023, 11:12 AM
 
Location: My beloved Bluegrass
20,098 posts, read 15,960,329 times
Reputation: 28262
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redfish07 View Post
We work remotely and can live anywhere. Currently my child is a second grader in NC (Lincoln county, NW of Charlotte) and we are having a terrible experience with the local public schools. Daughter has a 504 plan and is incurring in school suspensions. She has diagnoses of mild autism, ADHD, and anxiety. She is extremely argumentative/oppositional with the teacher and will kick other students. However, she is far above grade level academically. I understand this disparity between intellectual and social/emotional function is not uncommon in gifted kids (she has a 135 IQ).
School district is at a loss. Traditional methods of discipline are what they use.

ISO a better school district that will be of better help to my daughter. I read that NJ schools are excellent. Any recommendations for specific districts there that could help someone like her?

I looked heavily in TX, AZ, CO, MO where we have family or other interests but concerned that things wouldn’t go well there either.

Thank you for any lessons learned/words of wisdom!!
Why is your child on a 504 plan and not an IEP? What you are describing certainly fits under the category of OHI (other health impaired). An actual IEP will allow your child to have access to more appropriate services. Has your school started either the MTSS (multiple tier system of supports) process or some other process they refer to as part RTI (response to intervention)?

Contrary to what people believe, special education designation does not prevent students from incurring suspensions, if they are appropriate. What you are describing is a nightmare for a classroom teacher, an out of control child who terrifies all the other children. As much as that teacher may care about your child, watching her other 20-28 other children dive underneath their desks or cry uncontrollably due to the behavior of another student is just heartbreaking. Realistically, it is highly doubtful that the regular classroom teacher has the training or ability to deal with your child. It does not sound like the appropriate support services to help out are in place, either. The inappropriate total inclusion of children with a diagnosis and/or behavior like your child’s is one of the things that is driving teachers permanently out of the classrooms. Speaking from experience, the guilt you feel as a teacher when you are literally helpless to protect your students is devastating. A situation like you are describing leads to high teacher and student absenteeism in a classroom, negatively impacting the education of 20+ students. I’m not saying this stuff to try to make you feel bad, I just want you to understand the other side of the equation, which parents of the child with special needs often minimize or outright dismiss.

On another note, has anyone discussed ABA therapy for your daughter with you? Many insurance companies will now cover it if your school system does not have it in place. There are some people who have issues with it but for the majority of kids who display behaviors like you are describing it is excellent in allowing them to function better and experience greater success in a regular classroom.
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Old 09-27-2023, 12:51 PM
 
7,031 posts, read 3,883,411 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StealthRabbit View Post
And, of course realize that traditional 'school' is not the only path, or solution. Some kids and situations do not fit 'The Clone mode' of USA Public EDU. (Unschooler here)
When my kids were young - twenty years ago, homeschool was looked on unfavorable. Today, it's gone mainstream. There are all sorts of playgroups/activities for homeschool children.

https://www.thehomeschoolmom.com/hom...hment-classes/

https://charlotte.kidsoutandabout.co...ound-charlotte

Start to reach out to these groups. It couldn't hurt to ask for references to appropriate private schools. I would think that non-traditional educational organizations/parents would know more about special needs opportunities than an insular traditional school.
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Old 09-27-2023, 07:17 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
9,512 posts, read 5,981,182 times
Reputation: 28830
Quote:
Originally Posted by Redfish07 View Post
We work remotely and can live anywhere. Currently my child is a second grader in NC (Lincoln county, NW of Charlotte) and we are having a terrible experience with the local public schools. Daughter has a 504 plan and is incurring in school suspensions. She has diagnoses of mild autism, ADHD, and anxiety. She is extremely argumentative/oppositional with the teacher and will kick other students. However, she is far above grade level academically. I understand this disparity between intellectual and social/emotional function is not uncommon in gifted kids (she has a 135 IQ).
School district is at a loss. Traditional methods of discipline are what they use.

ISO a better school district that will be of better help to my daughter. I read that NJ schools are excellent. Any recommendations for specific districts there that could help someone like her?

I looked heavily in TX, AZ, CO, MO where we have family or other interests but concerned that things wouldn’t go well there either.

Thank you for any lessons learned/words of wisdom!!
I agree with OldHag that your daughter needs an IEP vs a 504 to receive the appropriate support at ANY school, in any district. This will force the school to construct a behavioral plan to protect her from multiple suspensions & expulsions.

Note that a child CAN still be suspended with an IEP if they cause injury or property destruction; my son was suspended multiple times but the IEP meant that if he was suspended too many times it was on the district to pay for accommodations & placements; anything he required to maintain his right to a FAPE (free & appropriate education).

Schools sometimes balk at transitioning a child from a 504 to an IEP. In that case, an educational advocate will help. I didn't have the income to afford one but the ARC provides them for free. My son's ARC advocate was amazing.

However, a school, any school; will not have the resources to help your child with the autistic aggression, specifically. They can provide a behavior plan, OT, support staff & para's but most schools do not provide ABA; which is the only therapy that help with the aggressive outbursts. Luckily, ABA is paid for now by many insurances (it was not when my 19 year old was in the 2nd grade).

I'd encourage you to retain ABA therapy to help your daughter. I did not soon enough & trying to UNDO years of patterned behavior is very hard but he's in a great program now that specializes in older kids with aggression. I fully regret not getting him help sooner. It's one thing when a 2nd grader is "attacking" classmates. My son is now a 6'5", 350 lb grown man & he's extremely vulnerable to adverse law enforcement contact & reactions from the public who might think they are "helping".

And no, my son doesn't have any ODD diagnosis. He's autistic. In autism, a part of the brain called the amygdala can be damaged which causes a disruption in fight or flight response & he goes into "fight" mode.

As far as states with the best schools; IDK. I live in Colorado & we are known for having some of the best supports for autistic children in the country but the schools are hit or miss. Every SPED department in the country is overwhelmed & understaffed, it seems.

Good luck with your efforts. My son is NOT high functioning. I've been through the nonverbval & in diapers (until age 11) but I can honestly say that autistic aggression has been the hardest part of it all.
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Old 09-28-2023, 07:06 AM
 
74 posts, read 171,668 times
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Thanks all for your replies!
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Old 09-29-2023, 10:09 PM
 
7,031 posts, read 3,883,411 times
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I've seen your other threads in education and in New Jersey forums.

It's expensive to move. You'll pay the real estate agent commission. Moving supplies and the movers have increased in price. Never mind, prices up north from gas, supermarkets/food, therapists, taxes and housing are significantly higher.

You are betting all that money on another school district. When its the therapy, working with your school district and discipline at home which will help. In fact, the stress of moving may make your daughter's issues worse during her adjustment to a new house and a new school. I know that changing school districts seems like a solution, but it's not a magic bullet.

Honestly, see if you could live on 1 paycheck. Your daughter's school day is probably too long for her. Overstimulation could create extra stress for her. If you could pick her up halfway through the day, it might help. Ask her teacher what she thinks. Are her meltdowns at a particular time - like after lunch? Does she have problems with transition times - waiting in lines or anticipating changes? Are her meltdowns during particular activities - like group activities or during silent reading ? Perhaps take her out of the school during stressful actives.

You need to find out what triggers outbursts. See if you could become a classroom monitor for a couple months and work with her teacher.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Coney View Post
This is a private school that has a good reputation for 2e students.https://www.quadprep.org/
Quote:
We are unable to support children who are persistently aggressive.

Last edited by YorktownGal; 09-29-2023 at 10:20 PM..
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