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Old 09-30-2023, 08:06 AM
 
Location: My beloved Bluegrass
20,098 posts, read 15,960,329 times
Reputation: 28262

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Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
I've seen your other threads in education and in New Jersey forums.

It's expensive to move. You'll pay the real estate agent commission. Moving supplies and the movers have increased in price. Never mind, prices up north from gas, supermarkets/food, therapists, taxes and housing are significantly higher.

You are betting all that money on another school district. When its the therapy, working with your school district and discipline at home which will help. In fact, the stress of moving may make your daughter's issues worse during her adjustment to a new house and a new school. I know that changing school districts seems like a solution, but it's not a magic bullet.

Honestly, see if you could live on 1 paycheck. Your daughter's school day is probably too long for her. Overstimulation could create extra stress for her. If you could pick her up halfway through the day, it might help. Ask her teacher what she thinks. Are her meltdowns at a particular time - like after lunch? Does she have problems with transition times - waiting in lines or anticipating changes? Are her meltdowns during particular activities - like group activities or during silent reading ? Perhaps take her out of the school during stressful actives.

You need to find out what triggers outbursts. See if you could become a classroom monitor for a couple months and work with her teacher.
The bolded is spot on. I want to caution you that the “perfect” district or school for one special need student may not be that perfect school for your child. Additionally, without an actual IEP whatever school you place her in will not be restricted on suspensions. 504s are limited by the concept of ‘reasonable accommodation’, and it is not a reasonable accommodation for teachers or students to be physically assaulted. Private schools, unless they specialize in such students, will go one step further when they have a persistently aggressive or violent child, they will essentially expel them. Aside from the fact their teachers are less likely to have the necessary experience, skills, or training, they cannot afford other students being withdrawn from the school by parents angry their child was hurt by another student.

However, if you are going to do school shopping for your child, what you should be looking for is a school that specializes in autistic kids. Those types of schools do exist, just not where you are or in the size of community where you live. Mega sized school districts, such as Fairfax County or Prince William in Northern Virginia, do have select schools in their systems where they can serve their high IQ kids on the spectrum. In my state, students on the spectrum are better served in either Jefferson County (Louisville) or Fayette County (Lexington) simply because the schools have the resources to specialize in programs and enough students who qualify for those programs to justify hiring specially trained personnel. The thing about these schools though, that you ought to be aware of, is when they dig in their heels and tell you “blah, blah…. is best for your child,” they are not going to back down so you will either have to live with it or withdraw your child from the school.

I again highly encourage you to look into ABA therapy. Helping your child learn how she should function in larger society, including in a classroom of peers, is much more important than the academics right now. The longer you wait to have this addressed the more difficult it is going to be to fix, while as intelligent as she is she can easily catch up with whatever academic material she has missed. Not only that, but the further she gets in school the more her inability to control her anger is going to negatively impact her ability to access intellectually appropriate academic accelerated classes.
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Old 09-30-2023, 12:20 PM
 
7,031 posts, read 3,883,411 times
Reputation: 16068
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oldhag1 View Post
The bolded is spot on. I want to caution you that the “perfect” district or school for one special need student may not be that perfect school for your child. Additionally, without an actual IEP whatever school you place her in will not be restricted on suspensions. 504s are limited by the concept of ‘reasonable accommodation’, and it is not a reasonable accommodation for teachers or students to be physically assaulted. Private schools, unless they specialize in such students, will go one step further when they have a persistently aggressive or violent child, they will essentially expel them. Aside from the fact their teachers are less likely to have the necessary experience, skills, or training, they cannot afford other students being withdrawn from the school by parents angry their child was hurt by another student.

However, if you are going to do school shopping for your child, what you should be looking for is a school that specializes in autistic kids. Those types of schools do exist, just not where you are or in the size of community where you live. Mega sized school districts, such as Fairfax County or Prince William in Northern Virginia, do have select schools in their systems where they can serve their high IQ kids on the spectrum. In my state, students on the spectrum are better served in either Jefferson County (Louisville) or Fayette County (Lexington) simply because the schools have the resources to specialize in programs and enough students who qualify for those programs to justify hiring specially trained personnel. The thing about these schools though, that you ought to be aware of, is when they dig in their heels and tell you “blah, blah…. is best for your child,” they are not going to back down so you will either have to live with it or withdraw your child from the school.

I again highly encourage you to look into ABA therapy. Helping your child learn how she should function in larger society, including in a classroom of peers, is much more important than the academics right now. The longer you wait to have this addressed the more difficult it is going to be to fix, while as intelligent as she is she can easily catch up with whatever academic material she has missed. Not only that, but the further she gets in school the more her inability to control her anger is going to negatively impact her ability to access intellectually appropriate academic accelerated classes.
Even my in great Westchester, NY School district, the principal and teachers cared about the top students going to Ivy League schools and the sports players recruited by colleges - because it brought prestige to the school district. Schools are businesses which protect the school's reputation and their teachers/staff before students. All the other kids were just clogs in the machine.

One of my kiddos had an IEP. I still had to pay for a specialized math tutor! The tutor was 40 minutes away from home so I spent one afternoon a week as a chauffeur. On the other hand, my kid was exceptional in language/writing - testing in the 99 percentile from first grade all the way to the SAT's. As my kid had an IEP (for math), my kid wasn't not allowed in AP or honors English courses. This was with a well-behaved, social kid without any personality/aggression issues or any autism issues.

As the saying goes "you can't fight city hall." It's equally true for school districts!

Edit - I sent my kid to school, but never expected the school to educate any child. I taught phonics after school. I provided higher level of reading material than the schools provided. I read every book my kids read so we could have spirited discussions about literature. We covered what was missing without the AP or honors courses - that was easy to do.

Last edited by YorktownGal; 09-30-2023 at 12:47 PM..
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Old 09-30-2023, 03:42 PM
 
Location: On the Chesapeake
44,726 posts, read 59,606,344 times
Reputation: 60250
Going back to a couple things. Why is your daughter on a 504, which is typically for medical reasons like carrying a rescue inhaler, instead of an IEP?

First thing you do on Monday and call the school to get an IEP review going. Getting on an IEP is a lot easier and cleaner than uprooting your entire family to move to a school district which someone on the internet recommended.

Your daughter is not getting services for the issues because the 504 doesn't cover them, an IEP would.
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