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Old 10-08-2008, 07:23 AM
 
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My kids go to a Public School but are in Special Ed due to disabilities.

One of them got in trouble with a friend recently and the school called us and expected us to continue his punishment even after he got home, stating we're working together and supporting the school.

I told the school we would take care of it, but was I wrong to not "punish" him, since the school basically already does and will for a few more days?

Home has to be an escape for him. He didn't commit a felony, I see no reason to keep hasseling him about it. We talked about what he did and he knows where we stand as his parents, but I felt that was enough.

I didn't agree with the strong arm tactics the school wants to use
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Old 10-08-2008, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Wethersfield, CT
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What did your child get punished for?
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Old 10-08-2008, 09:37 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Leilani Vasquez View Post
What did your child get punished for?
He was talking about girls in an inappropriate way and using "unacceptable" language to some of the other boys without really thinking about his surroundings and who was around.

I figured I could teach him about selection judgement in what he says and being aware of when to talk about things and when not to, but nothing to keep going on and on about. He's a bit young to talk about that stuff imho, but I can't control what a person thinks or is interested in, but I can school them on keeping things to themselves and having respect for themselves and others.

But ongoing punishment? no.
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Old 10-08-2008, 09:45 AM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
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So you are concerned more with teaching him how not to get caught (selective judgment, consider surroundings/audience before saying inappropriate things?) than reinforcing that it was inappropriate to begin with? I think you need a detention as well.

I would think this is something you would want to address at home as well, to the point of additional consequences if necessary.
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Old 10-08-2008, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackyfrost01 View Post
He was talking about girls in an inappropriate way and using "unacceptable" language to some of the other boys without really thinking about his surroundings and who was around.
Why the quotation marks around unacceptable?
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Old 10-08-2008, 09:54 AM
 
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Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
So you are concerned more with teaching him how not to get caught (selective judgment, consider surroundings/audience before saying inappropriate things?) than reinforcing that it was inappropriate to begin with? I think you need a detention as well.

I would think this is something you would want to address at home as well, to the point of additional consequences if necessary.
No, you misinterpreted what I meant. And lets be honest telling him "You aren't allowed to ever say XXX ever" isn't going to make him stop saying it for the rest of his life. He just won't say it around YOU

There's a time a place to talk about things. And school isn't the place to talk about what you like about the opposite sex beyond "Hey she's pretty".

I can't control what he talks about in private with his friends, but I can instruct him about etiquette and respect for himself and others.

Example: You don't (usually) talk bad about your boss while your at work, but if you go home and vent on your spouse about what a jerk the boss is, well thats more appropriate. Its never right to talk bad about anyone ever, but if you feel the need to do so, then use some discretion and respect other's desires to not want to hear about it.

When I was in the Service we talked about sex and the opposite sex all the time, we were 18-20 yr olds with hormones. But did we talk about it in public or at work? No. We talked about that stuff in private on our own time, because the timing wasn't appropriate and others don't need to hear about it. I don't see the harm in teaching someone that.

Last edited by Jackyfrost01; 10-08-2008 at 10:03 AM..
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Old 10-08-2008, 09:57 AM
 
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Originally Posted by maf763 View Post
Why the quotation marks around unacceptable?
Because unacceptable is a matter of opinion. Its unacceptable to the school, so he needs to stop using those words when he's there. I don't want to hear them at home either. Those are the limits. I can't control what he does at his buddies house, but I can set a limit on it and teach what and why some people find those things unacceptable.

When he starts working, that will be another place to hold his tongue and be more professional and mature.
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Old 10-08-2008, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Right where I want to be.
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I guess my idea of what is acceptable doesn't change that much depending on the circumstances. If you can't say something to a person you probably shouldn't be saying it behind their back either.
That's not to say I don't understand the need to vent or spout off, but those are not my best moments, not moments I think are acceptable....they are moments of weakness mostly.

As for discussing women, I expect women and men feel differently about whether or not those conversations are 'acceptable' even if they are normal or commonplace.
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Old 10-08-2008, 10:15 AM
 
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Originally Posted by NCyank View Post
I guess my idea of what is acceptable doesn't change that much depending on the circumstances. If you can't say something to a person you probably shouldn't be saying it behind their back either.
That's not to say I don't understand the need to vent or spout off, but those are not my best moments, not moments I think are acceptable....they are moments of weakness mostly.

As for discussing women, I expect women and men feel differently about whether or not those conversations are 'acceptable' even if they are normal or commonplace.
lol yes and keep in mind we're not talking about an adult who knows better. I'm talking about a young person still growing and maturing and learning about life. We all made dumb mistakes as kids. Imprtant part is to learn from that and move on. Thats what the parents are for.
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Old 10-08-2008, 10:24 AM
 
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TO THE OP...You stated your son has disabilities? Physical or cognitive delays? If the latter is the issue than I agree with you.
When I was teaching I did my internship in a special ed room with a great mentor! I have found that some children with cognitive delays have very little impulse control and this issue will decrease over time by teachers (kind but assertive) helping them out as well as the parent.
These "Public outbursts" may not be appropriate but they happen the best thing to do is what you did, telling him that he needs to be aware of where he is and this is not something that we say in public but to punish him for an incident that was probably forgotten by the time he came home is unjust.
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