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Here's our situation. Our son is in a G/T magnet program in 5th grade. The magnet program continues on in a school that is in a rough neighborhood (there's room for the program since no one that can choose where to live due to school district chooses this area) and is far from our house. The program has been a great fit for our son. He's done very well academically. However, he has not really connected with many of the kids in the school. He's had maybe 3 kids from the program over in a 3 year time period. He has neighborhood kids that he primarily plays with. Our other option for middle school is our neighborhood school. He would attend with neighbors and the social network would be much stronger. Here's the downside; the school doesn't offer any advanced classes. Basically the G/T program is a grade ahead so he would potentially repeat a lot of what he's taking now. We are having a tough time deciding which school to send him to. He is torn as well. He realizes that his academic needs are currently being met but would like to be able to ride his bike to school and hang out with his friends.
Any insight or suggestions on how we can figure this out would be much appreciated!
If he has neighborhood friends, he is getting plenty of socialization so I wouldn't worry about the lack thereof at the school. It sounds like he does have some friends at his current school, they just don't happen to come over to your house very often. Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
I'd say focus on the academic aspects. I would have killed me to have to repeat what I had learned- though luckily all of our middle schools had gifted pull outs so I was really only in my "team" for homeroom and in gifted for everything else.
In elementary school, most kids aren't really thinking about socializing the same way an older kid would. Not having kids over? No big deal. Heck- when I was in elementary school, my parents tended to discourage that sort of thing because that time was family time. Many families are like that until middle school.
Also, by the time you hit middle school, neighborhood friends start to hit different cliques. I stayed friends with my neighborhood friends who went to private school much better than the ones who went to my school. Middle school is rough too. My brother's best neighborhood friend became one of the "popular kids" in middle school and shunned him. It got better in high school when most kids move past it, but oy was that a bad time.
I would focus on academics. My kids go to a school other than the local school and I would never take their quality of education away just because they can socialize with neighborhood kids in the local school.
As a 5th grade teacher, I think they are both equally important. I focus on both in my classroom. When a child is not happy and lacks friends, I try my best to pair them up with a buddy.
Have you spoke to the teacher? I know your son is doing well academically, but maybe he doesn't know how to be "social". Often times, very bright kids have difficulty with social situations. Sometimes, in my experience they are more mature in some areas than others.
I think by speaking to the teacher directly, you will be able to see how he is doing socially. What would be great is trying to find him a "buddy" that will be going to the same school next year.
Also, I think it is very important if he isn't close to his peers at school that he does have some outlet with kids his own age and same interests. Even in GT classes, some of the kids vary with their interests and maturity level. ALL GT students are NOT the same.
I do think that eventually, it all evens out. Who knows your son might just be the social butterfly
when he gets a older.
Just curious- Does he seem happy at his school? Does he like it or is it a struggle each day with him?
I think both are equally important but it is possible to get them in different places. If he has neighborhood friends and fits in socially that's great. If he is happy in school and thriving I think it's perfectly ok getting his socialization in the neighborhood.
My oldest son plays football and when he was in elementary school most of his socialization happened with his football friends. He had a few buddies in school but nobody he was close to. He was happy in school but his primary outlet for socialization was outside of school. Now he is in high school it's a bit different. I just think he "clicked" with one group and not the other. My middle son is the opposite. He has been playing lacrosse on the same team for years and he is friendly with the other players. But his buddies are all from school. He is happy in lacrosse but that's not his primary outlet for socialization.
There is a difference between your son not connecting to most children and him being unpopular. If he sticks to himself, but is not picked on, I would not worry. How bad is it? Does he talk to other children at lunch and recess? I would not panic unless he were being bullied.
I agree the most with raising3boys. If a child is not happy socially, it can affect their academics. One of the biggest reason kids transfer out of colleges is because the social fit is not a good one. I like the idea of talking to his teacher to see what he/she feels. Thinking back to my kids elementary school years, it seems that the most remembered moments had nothing to do with academics - all were A students.
Thanks for your feedback. I have spoken with is teacher and she said he seems to get along with most everyone and seems happy in class. I guess our biggest concern is that middle school seems to be a time when more of the social activities occur around school events. If he isn't connecting on a social level with his class mates, and is with his neighbors, what if the neighbors disappear into their school network? Will this leave him alone and lonely?
Let me say that he is a very social kid. That's what perplexes us about school and his lack of connection there. He is active in his church youth group, is in a scout troop, is on a lacrosse team, and attends a 3 week camp where he knew no one to begin with.
The other piece of the puzzle is that the magnet program will feed into a magnet within the districted high school. I don't know if high school will be too late to reconnect with the neighborhood group.
I don't know if high school will be too late to reconnect with the neighborhood group.
Personally, you may be jumping the gun a little. Right now he is in fifth grade. I wouldn't worry about the friends he may make in high school. You say he is social and involved in a lot of activities. He will make friends wherever he is. In fact, he will have different groups of friends (neighborhood, school, outside sports). And to be realistic, you don't know exactly who is going to be living in your neighborhood 4-5 years from now. So, don't stress it.
In my city, the high school kids have to apply to h.s. Where you live has nothing to do with where you go to high school. Still, I see many students on the buses and trains interacting. I think kids will make friends wherever they are.
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