Help! My 4 year old does NOT want to learn!!! (elementary school, course, teachers)

[golfgal]

Most kindergarten's around here want the kids to be able to tie their shoes, recognize their name on a name tag and be able to follow 2 step directions (put your bag in your cubby and go sit on the carpet) to start kindergarten. By the END of kindergarten they expect kids to count to 100, recognize upper and lower case letters, recite the alphabet, write their name and know basic shapes and colors. He has over a YEAR to learn all that and most kids know that by 1/2 way through the year.

Yes, there are plenty of kids that are WAY beyond that when they start kindergarten but most studies show that by 3rd grade the differences between the kids that started kindergarten way ahead and those that did not are gone. Parents are actually doing a disservice to their kids by pushing them to do way more then they are developmentally prepared to handle. They then complain that the kids are "bored" in school and want them moved up-then by 3rd grade, they are struggling to keep up.

Frankly, since he has no interest in doing any "learning" now, I would NOT send him to kindergarten in the fall, although things can change between now and then, I agree that boys tend to mature slower then girls and why push him now--it will be a struggle for the rest of his school career. Who cares if he is in the same grade as his sister? It will actually make your life easier if they are in the same grade .

[bls5555]

Originally Posted by BABsMom

My son is supposed to start school in the fall of 2009. He is 4 years old, and I am so worried that he's not going to be ready. I cannot for the life of me, get him to count or learn his alphabet or almost anything! He knows the basic count to 5, ABC, all his shapes and colors. The detailed things though he just gets so bored with so quickly, no matter how I try to come up with different ways for him to learn! His younger sister, who's 11 months younger has picked up on EVERYTHING and if my son doesn't learn what he needs to soon, he's going to be held back and end up in the same grade as his sister. That worries me long-term for him. Please, please any suggestions on ways to interest his learning????? Help!!!!

Legos help my kids a ton. Teaches counting, shapes, colors, etc.. but is really just playing and building and most kids love them.

[Raven1976]

I"m a preschool teacher and you don't have to worry because he will pick up learning letters and all those other things you are worried about once he starts school.

It is more important for the children to have some social skills first before learning anything academic.

The children that I see are most successful in my classes, are the children who come to school knowing:

How to share
How to listen to one or 2 step directions
How to listen when others are talking and raise your hand
Can sit still for at least 5 minutes to listen to a story
Knows first and last name and where he/she lives
How to use walking feet in the class and not run everywhere
How to be nice to others
Have good table manners
Knows how to hold a pencil or crayon with correct grasp
Says please and thank you
Knows how to put on own jacket, hat, and mittens (it's okay if they can't zip)

If all that is in place then the learning part is easy.

[houstoner]

Make it fun so that it doesn't feel like learning for him. Be sneaky. Try introducing him to educational activities on the sly, stuff like Ladybug and Click, from the Cricket family of magazines. Play audiobooks in the background while he's playing Legos or dinosaurs. Take him to the library on a regular basis and let him check out whatever books he wants. Instead of directly teaching him letters, try reading say, silly books or comics with him. He'll laugh and come to recognize words on his own. Trips to museums and arts and crafts are great ideas, too. Don't worry. He will learn from all these things. Just don't push him. Let him play, and think of yourself more as a guide exposing him to things of educational value.

[littlefamily]

As most of the other posters have said, don't worry. All kids eventually learn all those things. I could go on about the public school system and how we do a disservice to kids by expecting certain things at certain ages, but I will refrain!

My suggestion is to read, read and read together and then read together some more. And I know some people suggested preschool, but only go that route if you want to - he will get more from one-on-one with you. (and before anyone gets worked up - I used to make my living in early childhood education...) And did I say to read, read and read together?

I think that sometimes we get so wrapped up in the "learning" that we forget that children are naturally curious about the world around them. When you read together (and read the books he loves over and over and over again) he will become naturally curious about those "funny things" on the page that you can make sense of and turn into a story. When that happens, you now have a child who wants to learn because it makes sense to him and not because you are "needing" him to learn.

If I sat you down and said you needed to learn quantum physics and needed to learn it in a year - would you be excited about that? But if you decided that you wanted to learn how to cook a cheesecake because you love cheesecake - which would you be more motivated to learn?

Just keep in mind what the end goal is and find ways to hook him that are fun for him.

From a mom who still reads aloud to my 5th and 3rd grader - both are voracious readers today, but one was just like your child. She had no interest in letters or anything I wanted her to be interested in. Then one day, she just figured it out and we learned it all in about a month....

[domergurl]

Originally Posted by BABsMom

My son is supposed to start school in the fall of 2009. He is 4 years old, and I am so worried that he's not going to be ready. I cannot for the life of me, get him to count or learn his alphabet or almost anything! He knows the basic count to 5, ABC, all his shapes and colors. The detailed things though he just gets so bored with so quickly, no matter how I try to come up with different ways for him to learn! His younger sister, who's 11 months younger has picked up on EVERYTHING and if my son doesn't learn what he needs to soon, he's going to be held back and end up in the same grade as his sister. That worries me long-term for him. Please, please any suggestions on ways to interest his learning????? Help!!!!

Holy cow! I have 8 & 7 year olds who just don't feel like learning anything sometimes and they test off the charts in school ... all kids learn differently. At 4 years old, he should be playing playing playing and learning how to get along with other kids. That, to me, is the point of preschool, learning how to get along and learning how to learn, not necessarily learning subjects. My soon to be 4 year old son will be starting preschool in the fall of 09 as well. I never put any of my kids in any type of learning environment until a year before kindergarten. Until then, we did Gymboree classes and played in the park ...

Don't put so much pressure on yourself and your child! If you are feeling this stressed out now .. you'll be in a straightjacket by the time they hit the 3rd grade! Now is the time to enjoy!

[skbs]

As a reading teacher.... your child does not have to know how to spell, letter recognition... these types of things until the end of kindergarten. Some kids don't learn at the same rate as other kids. That is fine, and normal. He is only four. Do you have a teachers store near by? Perhaps you can go there and find pre school games that you can play where he wouldn't even know he would be learning these things because he would be having fun.... It will cost some money, and a bit of your own time.... but kids don't always work well with work books and enforced flash cards and those types of things.... playing outside with balls and turning that into a number/counting game... seeing how many times you can get the ball to bounce... simple things.... he won't even realize he is learning because it is a game or competition.... But some kids just don't want to be forced into it.... you have to "trick" them into it through fun games..... GOOD LUCK!!! And just know it is normal.....

[cynthia1979]

I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.

A. She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.

A. He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up. B. She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs. C. He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud. D. She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.

But more important, here’s what parents need to know.

A. That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.

A. That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books. B. That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood. C. That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some things are important–building toys like legos and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit. D. That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay! Our children don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

[toobusytoday]

Just an FYI, this thread was started in Dec. 2008. That means the four year old in question is now 7.

[gennieve]

I know the feeling have the same prob with my 4yr old daughter. Every one says don't worry but as a mother you will be worried. My two older boys had no problem with that and they are rough and tumble boys. I'm thinking of all sort of ways using flash cards, picture books etc. she just gets tired bored frustrated I don't know it is somewhat frightening. I try not to worry though b/c sometimes she surprises me. I really need to get her to remember that's my prob. Any suggestions.