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Old 04-09-2010, 03:00 PM
 
25,170 posts, read 34,047,877 times
Reputation: 6703

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It's nice in theory. But nobody is perfect. Everyone makes perceivable mistakes. One of my friends was harassed because her jeans were different than the other workers' jeans.

And it's nice in theory to not show emotion. But people are emotional. Some adults commit suicide when they are bullied out of their jobs. etc. Imagine what children experience. It is far worse.

And for every one good attorney there are six rotten ones.

When I use the word psycho I really mean bully. They are synonyms IMHO.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Finger Laker View Post
That's why you don't say that

You simply say - "I know who I am so think what you will" - stay calm

they can say what they want, but you'll have documentation on your side

the point isn't to antagonize, the point is to show no emotion or real response to their torments - regardless of what they try to hone in on



you leave nothing for them to tatle on that wouldn't be a complete fabrication - which they can do, but you'll have the credibility and consistency

also, 99% of bullies aren't psycho - they're just bullies - and once again, you give them power .... let them distort, lie, etc .... just stay the course and don't let them get to you while you get your ducks in a row - it will end soon enough



no it's not - in fact it's pretty easy - many states have state agencies that can assist - if not you can work with the bar associations etc ....... i used to insure schools against legal liability lawsuits and know that there are plenty who can make a hard case out of something frivolous .... you give a good lawyer a good case and the district will pay attention
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Old 04-09-2010, 03:01 PM
 
5,448 posts, read 6,500,406 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Is your son disabled? Hostility or unfair treatment because of the disability is illegal.

You can be like Michael Moore when he exposed the trashy insurance companies:


YouTube - From Michael Moore's the awful TRUTH: 'Funeral at an HMO'

No, he's not disabled, just a slight imperfection to his gait, corrected with a shoe insert. Thanks for all the links!
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Old 04-09-2010, 03:02 PM
 
25,170 posts, read 34,047,877 times
Reputation: 6703
You are welcome.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
No, he's not disabled, just a slight imperfection to his gait, corrected with a shoe insert. Thanks for all the links!
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Old 04-09-2010, 03:15 PM
 
5,448 posts, read 6,500,406 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
That is how we wish we could handle bullies. But the school is keeping a hawk eye on her child. And will use anything and everything against him. Too many people end up in jail or on probation for fighting back physically. Be really careful with your anger.

He's so right. gone are the "john Wayne" days. that's why I'm taking the lay low approach.
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Old 04-09-2010, 03:15 PM
 
8,164 posts, read 9,690,702 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
And it's nice in theory to not show emotion. But people are emotional. Some adults commit suicide when they are bullied out of their jobs. etc. Imagine what children experience. It is far worse.
I don't have to imagine - i've been there.

The key is confidence - really don't let it get to you - it's not just a matter of not showing anger that you're feeling, it's a matter of not giving these bums enough power to make you angry

It's not easy to get there, but it's worth the journey

Who gives a crap about perceived mistakes - just don't let it get to you - be true to yourself

as for this situation there is a cultural issue within the school - the best way to beat it is to crumble the institution and force change ..... anything other than that is fleeting and there is no reason why the OP should have to run to another school

it wont be easy, but it wont take that long
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Old 04-09-2010, 03:17 PM
 
25,170 posts, read 34,047,877 times
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I like the Michael Moore approach. Some humor and exposing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
He's so right. gone are the "john Wayne" days. that's why I'm taking the lay low approach.
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Old 04-09-2010, 04:04 PM
 
10,103 posts, read 11,336,434 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Where do you think I got those figures? Lawyers don't work "by the piece". You can't just get one to write a letter for $50 and that's it. They want a retainer, and manage to eat it up pretty fast. We know its not always free to do "something". We're struggling financially, and just don't have $$$ left over for such. I feel a well-placed letter from us would perhaps do the trick.

the thing is, do it in writing. Send it email and back up with a certified letter, cc to principal, school board, etc.Go all the way up the chain of command, lots of times the one you speak with is the one it end with. Schools are all about cover up, don't blow their precious statistics, that's what matters, not the kids. Right now I just want to play for time, he has about 4.5 weeks left, even if he has to call in sick some, make up work, whatever to get past that spot.
I didn't know where you got the figures. That's why I asked. Sometimes people imagine that things will cost more than they actually do. Most states have low cost legal services clinics. You might try to contact these people.

Do you know someone who is a lawyer who can help you write the letter? Is there a legal clinic near you? A law school?? Do you know any social workers who can refer you to lower cost legal services? Just brainstorming here.....

I do agree that schools are all about cover up and do not want any bad publicity. Is there a local news crew that you could call in?

I like the idea of homeschooling for the next 5 weeks. 5 weeks can be a really long time for a teen who is being shunned by his peers for any reason.

I'll keep brainstorming.....
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Old 04-09-2010, 04:12 PM
 
Location: Niceville, FL
4,644 posts, read 8,492,723 times
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One book I've seen recommended for this kind of think is Suzanne Haden Elgin's 'The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense". It's out of print but findable used on Amazon and at some libraries.
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Old 04-09-2010, 04:25 PM
 
6,046 posts, read 6,190,517 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
My ds is 13 and in the 7th grade. since the beginning of the school year, some other kids (boys and girls), have been tormenting him, calling him gay. He isn't gay, not does he do anything to act gay, but they persist in the name calling.

This is very upsetting to him and affects his ability to function on a day-to-day basis. We've protested to the school, but they say its ok to be gay, we allow and encourage diversity. They even sent my ds to counseling to learn how to deal with "his sexuality". Hey, he's not the one with the problem, its the others who are tormenting him on a daily basis.

I nearly gagged when he told me a counselor told him he should "embrace and explore" his homosexual nature. WTH?????????????

Look those other kids probably don't fully understand what Gay means, other than its an insult. They are using it to harass and torment my ds during the school day. So now he's supposed to "come out" to cope with the harassment?

Then, yesterday, I got a call from the school that he was calling other kids the N word. Actually, he applied that word to black and white. he said he used it in retaliation to those who called him gay. It was a defense thing. No, he shouldn't have used such language, but why did he feel it necessary to defend himself? He received 3-day in school suspension for using the N word, but those who call him gay are not reprimanded.

The school's stance---its ok to be gay, perhaps the other kids are offering him a compliment, perhaps he is gay, he should explore his homosexual side. They even gave us the names of support groups for parents of gay children. Get this clear----he's NOT gay, the other kids are simply harassing him. Regardless of what they call him, they are using it in a demeaning manner, designed to provoke and harass. He's told them he takes offense, to stop calling him that, they just keep right on. meanwhile, I'm being labeled a non-supportive parent because I don't attend parent of gays support groups.

This whole thing a a twisted nightmare, I'm thinking of taking to the media, the schools shouldn't force my kid to be gay to avoid harassment, which is essentially what they're doing!
I hate to say it but that's just part of middle school. It will get better. This is coming from an 18 year old that was bullied in middle school and is now successful in college.
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Old 04-09-2010, 04:41 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
1,804 posts, read 3,059,946 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91 View Post
I hate to say it but that's just part of middle school. It will get better. This is coming from an 18 year old that was bullied in middle school and is now successful in college.
I agree with this. I was bullied horribly in middle school and somewhat in high school and it was terrible.. but life goes on. I was thin, perceived as weak, and I'm gay. I'm much happier now. I've got a job that I enjoy, a great partner, and I live in a great part of the country. If there was any sort of silver lining, being bullied sort of "toughened me up" a bit, and I don't deal with crap like that now.

I always loved when the "popular" teachers would turn a blind eye and ear when I was being bullied in class. I'd love to go back and talk to some of them now, just to let them know how awful I felt, how little I respected them, and in most cases, what awful teachers they were to begin with.. but hey, gotta let it go, I guess.
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