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My ds is 13 and in the 7th grade. since the beginning of the school year, some other kids (boys and girls), have been tormenting him, calling him gay. He isn't gay, not does he do anything to act gay, but they persist in the name calling.
This is very upsetting to him and affects his ability to function on a day-to-day basis. We've protested to the school, but they say its ok to be gay, we allow and encourage diversity. They even sent my ds to counseling to learn how to deal with "his sexuality". Hey, he's not the one with the problem, its the others who are tormenting him on a daily basis.
I nearly gagged when he told me a counselor told him he should "embrace and explore" his homosexual nature. WTH?????????????
Look those other kids probably don't fully understand what Gay means, other than its an insult. They are using it to harass and torment my ds during the school day. So now he's supposed to "come out" to cope with the harassment?
Then, yesterday, I got a call from the school that he was calling other kids the N word. Actually, he applied that word to black and white. he said he used it in retaliation to those who called him gay. It was a defense thing. No, he shouldn't have used such language, but why did he feel it necessary to defend himself? He received 3-day in school suspension for using the N word, but those who call him gay are not reprimanded.
The school's stance---its ok to be gay, perhaps the other kids are offering him a compliment, perhaps he is gay, he should explore his homosexual side. They even gave us the names of support groups for parents of gay children. Get this clear----he's NOT gay, the other kids are simply harassing him. Regardless of what they call him, they are using it in a demeaning manner, designed to provoke and harass. He's told them he takes offense, to stop calling him that, they just keep right on. meanwhile, I'm being labeled a non-supportive parent because I don't attend parent of gays support groups.
This whole thing a a twisted nightmare, I'm thinking of taking to the media, the schools shouldn't force my kid to be gay to avoid harassment, which is essentially what they're doing!
I know how you feel and wish I knew how to help. My daughter went through that for a while in high school. She didn't have a boyfriend and wasn't interested in getting one. At the time she had cut her hair very short and bleached it, and was into wearing black and studded collars, and had a very assertive personality. She said many kids at school called her gay, even though she wasn't.
13 years old...Middle schooler...With this level of drama, that school, if not the district, MUST be courting drama and controversy if they're suggesting what you're saying.
Drag the media and legal representation into it to get their attention NOW. It will only get worse when high school gets around if you don't nip this.
Many states have anti-bullying legislation or "procedures". The point here is not your child's sexuality. A school is a place of learning, a place of safety. Students discussing their sexuality with others during class time is inappropriate.
My suggestion is to write a formal letter to all of the administrators. Do not even address your child's sexuality. You need to say that your child no longer feels safe at school because of bullies. You do not want your child being forced to discuss his sexuality in school (most states still require permission slips when they teach sex ed. during health....you may want to bring that up). Cite any sort of legislation or state procedures that are in place in your state. Then say this is the last time you will discuss this with them. Tell them you have kept detailed records your contact with the school and will keep a record of this formal letter. All of this information is being placed into a packet and will be turned over to an attorney if one more incident of bullying occurs without repercussions.
Then, you have to make good on your threat if it doesn't stop. Do you have any friends that are attorneys who might be willing to write this letter for you on their Firm letterhead?
I think we're missing my point here. He isn't gay, doesn't do anything to "act gay", even has a little girlfriend. Other kids call him gay just to harass him. But he called some kids the N word, now he's in suspension.
Apparently its ok to harass other students if you do so in a PC manner!Harassment is harassment, regardless of the mechanism. I don't wish to get involved in discussing his sexuality with the school, its not his sexuality that's an issue, its the harassment. apparently he's not supposed to harass other students, but they can harass him, as long as they hid behind a protected class.
I don't understand the school's position. If being gay is ok, then how can they overlook it when the students are using it as a pejorative? Definitely, the taunters don't think gay is ok. The school is obviously allowing them to think that way. Anyway, what did the mental health worker say? Can you get your own impartial psychologist to offset the one the school get to protect themselves with?
Whether your son is gay or not (and let's believe he is not) should not be the issue. The school, I would think, should take the position that taunting a kid with anything is wrong and they are using 'gay' as a taunt.
It sort of sounds to me as though they have decided to allow bullying and are using the mental health worker as some sort of back up 'evidence' in case you take this further.
Your poor son. He has probably been taught that 'n' word is the worst word you can use, so hits back at the others with it.
I would not get so defensive about the 'gay' aspect of this, because if there were a gay student and they did that to him it would still be wrong of the other kids to do this.
Schools should be doing all they can to end bullying.
I would be pulling my kid out of this school. It`s got to be miserable for him having to go to school everyday dealing with this.
We've thought of this, but there's 5 weeks left to the end of the school year. We really don't have any realistic alternative, private schools are accepting applicatons for fall, not now, and we can't transfer him within the district, mainly because he is now in school suspension. any student in violation of the code of conduct is not eligible for transfer, and if they are a current transfer student the transfer status is immediately revoked. He's trapped there!
I'm sorry that your son is having to deal with this situation.
You must address the problem with the administrators and even the school district as a sexual harassment issue. As a previous poster stated, letters should be send to the adminstrators couch the language to place an emphasis on the "mental distress and anguish" that the situation is causing your son.
If they smell a lawsuit coming their way, they will take steps to correct the situation.
Many states have anti-bullying legislation or "procedures". The point here is not your child's sexuality. A school is a place of learning, a place of safety. Students discussing their sexuality with others during class time is inappropriate.
My suggestion is to write a formal letter to all of the administrators. Do not even address your child's sexuality. You need to say that your child no longer feels safe at school because of bullies. You do not want your child being forced to discuss his sexuality in school (most states still require permission slips when they teach sex ed. during health....you may want to bring that up). Cite any sort of legislation or state procedures that are in place in your state. Then say this is the last time you will discuss this with them. Tell them you have kept detailed records your contact with the school and will keep a record of this formal letter. All of this information is being placed into a packet and will be turned over to an attorney if one more incident of bullying occurs without repercussions.
Then, you have to make good on your threat if it doesn't stop. Do you have any friends that are attorneys who might be willing to write this letter for you on their Firm letterhead?
When we protested he was being bullied, they sent my ds to counseling to learn how to deal with the bully. Their stance is he will meet "all kids of people" and needs to learn how to deal with them. In other words, any situation is his to deal with. So, send those kids he called N to counseling and tell them they have to learn to "handle" it. funy how it doesn't work both ways?
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