How to get elected Prez of the USA, advice for future candidates (Rush Limbaugh, voters)

[FireKwame]

It sounds like we need a funny thread on here!


Along with having some solid credentials to back up your run for president, do not fall victim to earning the scorn of any large group of people by following this simple guide to the White House:


A.) Run as a qualified, scandal-free female on the GOP ticket.


OR

B.) Run as a big time pro-gun moderate Democrat and have a voting record to prove it. Snuggle up to the NRA BIG TIME. Make it a point to go to the range all the time and give press conferences from there. But don't hunt animals, making sure to keep the segment of pro-gun-for-personal-protection voters who dislike killing animals in your corner. Discuss types of ammo and threatening laws,...with gun magazine columnists.

OR

"B" PLUS be a sexy intelligent female who also makes big points with women on one issue, such as eradicating online child predators. Make sure you constantly get quoted saying things like "Being a good parent is the hardest, but most important job in the world, and I will devote my presidency to making the world a safer place for our children"

Make sure you mention how attractive and intelligent you find people like Rush Limbaugh, even if your views differ. Your attention will attack them from the inside, like an insect larvae chewing away at it's host and leave them weakened to attack you full force. Call in to their radio shows or respond to them via a web-cast. Be a smart cookie and manipulate them in such a way that they cannot accuse you of MANipulating them. It can't be that hard! NEVER let them get to you and eventually their egos will register your name with a something nice and they will find themselves saying things in your defense to haters who call in and berate you. (lol) "Well Carl, I know you feel strongly about this issue, but we can't REALLY blame President Lady for THAT, the Bush administration is the one..."

AND

Attend a moderate Christian church on a semi-regular basis. If anybody asks you who you turn to for spiritual advice smile and say; "Jesus." Remember! the answer is JESUS! Not Minister so and so. Jesus!! And say you have a very close personal relationship with God and pray every morning, leave it at that. If pressed have three or four quotes from the Bible ready that could not possibly offend anyone.

Golf.

Be a guest chef on some cooking show to prove () how much of a "real woman" you are. (lol)

Own a dog with a normal name. No "Mr Fluffy-bumpkins" Scratch that...own TWO dogs: A Golden Retriever and a Mutt you adopted from the shelter. Do a voice-over for an animal charity TV commercial. Make sure it's sad with a happy ending. Be VERY tough on your politics but so nice on personal time it will be hard for anybody to hate you.

Have photo opps with you riding horses.

Go on Tyra and talk about your "ugly geek years" lol.

Talk cars and sports as much as possible when not talking politics. You have to walk the line of making men lie you while keeping their wives on your side. Don't be TOO sexy.



Any other ideas?

[Scraper Enthusiast]

Neither:

Be a CFR, anti-American, big government neocon or socialist, who will destroy the rest of what the founding fathers gave us. Then, you'll be sure to receive campaign contributions by the millions from the multinational corporations that will allow you to buy the media.

[RogueMom]

Hey wait, that sounds awful familiar!

[FireKwame]

Yep like I said people don't like to discuss, they only like to attack the remaining candidates and each other. Maybe it takes less energy?