Attending a wedding in Ukraine this summer - please help!

[BabaЯga]

Originally Posted by warren zee

She and her fiance Dima want us to come and to basically function as the parents of the bride. We are honored by this. And no, they have not asked us for any money, they are paying for the wedding on their own.

Hmm...this is a little tricky situation...usually parents, siblings and first line aunts/uncles are expected to give to the newlyweds a really expensive gift. Sometimes they combine their money and buy them something like a condo or a car. They can't give them anything like the rest of the guests ($20), it should be special. I hope Katya and Dima understand those cultural differences, but be ready to get some dirty looks from some local "babushkas" when they see what the bride got from her "american parents".

Katya and Dima have invited us to meet his parents at their country home. We are told that it is customary to take a bath - which sounds like a sauna at their country home before the wedding. I think it is called a Dasha.

The country house is called Dacha, a bathhouse is called Banya. It is not a part of the wedding ritual, I think it's just their family's idea of a rehearsal dinner. It might be too overwhelming...And yes, you are going to be absolutely naked in a steam room with the people of your gender...and wearing some bathrobes in common areas. There will be a big dinner after the Banya.

Our kids will be coming - boy 19 girl 16. She is close to them too and they keep in touch through Facebook. Should each of them take a gift?

You can give one gift from the whole family.

What about attire? Is there anything that we should or should not wear? The reception is going to be held at a restaurant catering type place. There is no church ceremony because Katya is worried that it may not work out so she is having a civil ceremony. I guess it is something that is Russian Orthodox.

Black dresses for women (like typical american formal dress) and even number of flowers has a strong connotation of funeral, so any kind of bright colors and an odd number in your flower bouquet will be fine. Civil ceremony is held in the City hall or other municipal buildings, they have special decorated rooms for formal wedding ceremonies.

She is afraid of divorce and will get a blessing from a priest after the wedding if it works out.

It sounds a little weird, unless she is from a small town and a little too superstitious.

She has joked that if she was having a really traditional wedding that Dima would wash my wifes legs in vodka but she isn't doing this because she wants a more sophisticated wedding.

I never heard of it. There is a tradition of a groom getting a shot of vodka from the bride's shoe.

Are there any other things that we should know? How long does this celebration last? It sounds a lot longer than the American 2 or 3 hours. Please tell us what to expect.
Also, do I need to wear a tuxedo or just a regular suit?
Thanks for the advice.

Country people sometimes have a week-long wedding, normally three days of weekend. City people do weekend. Bride, groom and their mates go to the city hall around noon, then they are back for the reception by 4-5 PM. Nobody knows when reception is over - till the last musician drops I guess. You feel free to leave at any moment. At some point all guest stay in line with their gifts, they give a little speech, get a small shut and go back to their seats. Most men will be wearing regular suits or just long-sleeve shirts, but tuxedo is fine too.

[BabaЯga]

Originally Posted by sheena12

Please every one, I am still unsure of what ro get for this couple and how many gifts I should take.

Than you.

Sheena

Sheena, how about $300 gift certificate from a local Travel agency toward their honeymoon?

Also find out if Dima has siblings or grandparents. They are an immediate family and might be disappointed if only Mom and Dad get gifts.

[sheena12]

Originally Posted by BabaЯga

Sheena, how about $300 gift certificate from a local Travel agency toward their honeymoon?

Also find out if Dima has siblings or grandparents. They are an immediate family and might be disappointed if only Mom and Dad get gifts.

OK. and thank you! I think that Dina has only one brother. In that case what should we present him with?

I am the wife of Warren. Katya has no family, other than her 1/2 sister Ira, who does not treat her so well. We are on good terms with Ira, (Irina) but we know that she cares far more for the welfare of her current husband and of her boys. She is almost our age and thus, much older than the bride. I do not think that she is contributing at all to the payment of the cost of this wedding.Irina has put her much younger sister in harms way since we have known them and we view her with caution.

I do not know about Grandparents. What would be the gift customary for them?

Most people in US do not where black to a wedding. It is thought of as bad luck. For a woman to wear white is thought of as bad taste, trying to draw attention away from the bride. I would not do that either.

I already know that floral bouquets should be presented with an odd number of flowers.

The attendance at the banya is one that seems important to Dina and his family, as well; as to Katya. We have no problem doing this, we just want to know what we can expect.
If Katya wants us to do this we shall do it.

Any other information is appreciated.

Thank you.

[sheena12]

For the record, they are not country people. They live in Kiev. The gooms parents have a summer country house, the dasha (sp?) and that is where the banya is located.

She is superstitious. This may be her trait and not one of all Ukrainians. However all that I have met seem a little superstitious.

[Wadym]

Originally Posted by sheena12

dasha (sp?)

Dacha - usually small house for rest in the summer, it is frequent with the small land plot for a kitchen garden.


БабаЯга, thanks, you explained a lot of things on wedding ceremony. But seems to me $300 for travel it very little to the Ukrainian measures.

Sheena, if there is a desire to use this money most effectively, it is simplest to bring any consumer electronics from EBay Yes, in it there is a certain risk, but return from investments will be maximum. You can ask Kate what she want

[Wadym]

http://сосв&...sii-na-ukraine

There more about ukrainian wedding ceremony

[warren zee]

Thank you from both of us! The situation is a little tricky but we want to help Katya and we are honored to be asked to stand in as parents. She has no one else and we think of her as a daughter.

[DimaShyshkin]

I'm late with response, but may be this post will be helpful for other readers in same situation.
I'm ukrainian, I had a wedding in ukraine few years ago so i know what I'm talking about. But ukraine is a big country, so traditions may vary.

At big cities as Kiev, weddings are less traditional as at small cities.
Usually its short ceremony in city hall, then longer ceremony in church (2-3 hours), and then big party in restaurant (6pm till midnight or longer)

Banya at parents house is not a part of this.
I think this is just the way parents want to meet you, show something different, what you didn't see before.
As other people said, the best present for parents will be bottle of alcohol (american whiskey is good) and perfume.
Alcohol is not for drinking at that same day, its more for their bar collection. Also, do not forget flowers for mom, odd number (3 or 7 or 11...)

Its funny when people think that ukrainians or russians love to drink vodka. Its not exactly like that. Its more tradition, when people having visitors or guest, when hosting some party, they usually drink. Alcohol making people more relaxed. Whiskey or rum or other alcohol is new for "soviet" people, so thats why they prefer vodka. Women usually drink wine instead.
Also, they are not mixing vodka with juice. They are doing shots. So its may look weird to them, if you will mix it. Learn how to do shots, but do not do more than 3, if you are beginner.
Less than 3 shots may be disrespectful for host, more may be difficult for you. Learn how to say NO, when they will ask you to get more. And they will )))

Now lets get back to the actual wedding.

1. Ceremony in City Hall.
It is the place where newlyweds will exchange their rings and sign "wedding papers"
Its usually short, 30 min to 1 hour.
Guest are usually doesn't do any actions here. Just watching ceremony, taking pictures.
Not all guests are coming here, only close friends and relatives.

2. Church (I'm talking about orthodox wedding)
Guests also does not doing anything but watching. Maybe you will need some small bills as a charity to church ($5-10).
Women should have their heads covered. Otherwise they can wait outside.
Ceremony is boring, guests need to stay calm, watch and listen. No cellphones or other electronics are allowed.
Ceremony can take 2-3 hours. So guests are usually doing outside brakes.
This are pictures from my ceremony

Spoiler

3. Party at restaurant (or at home, if its big enough)
This is a place where all fun begins. =)
All starts with meeting all guests personally. Guests giving their presents and wishes.
Alot of people just giving cash in nice envelopes and postcards. Some may present some things for home, such as some electronics or kitchen supplies.
Usually at this point each guest taking a shot of vodka or glass of wine

Party is different from american parties. All people are usually having sit at the table, there are a lot of food there, so everybody are free to chose what they want.
There usually is some entertainer (tamadah), who can make some jokes, start some games or ask some people to give wishes. But usually this is just eating and drinking.

In between this, there are breaks with dancing, more games, traditional things, etc.
Usually it is 3 rounds with 2 breaks.
All this may include stealing a bride or bride's shoe, washing mother-in-law foots, etc.
A lot of fun.

Here are some pics. You can look what people wearing, to have an idea.

Spoiler

[IMG]http://cs11326.vk.me/u10960168/117456295/y_1f4d13a1.jpg[/IMG

P.S. People in ukraine are not always smiling, but it doesn't mean that they are angry or sad.
P.S.S. Some people may be too drunk by the end of wedding, be aware of it.
P.S.S.S I hope this post will help somebody