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They can be a bit too blunt sometimes, though.
Once a German I had met on vacation in Spain invited us home for a weekend visit, my wife and I. Very kind, no doubt about it. However the last day was marred by the fact that my credit card for some reasons didn't work, so he had to pay the restaurant's bill although I had told him I wanted to invite him. I promised I would make up for it later, but hence he was very cold and seemed very annoyed. Later on when we parted I told me how much we enjoyed the time we spent together and how friendly I found him he answered in an icy tone :
"I'm not your friend".
Germans are "special" for sure...
Well, I just have to know - DID you make it up to him, or pay him back?
But back to the friendship thing - Germans have a very formal approach to friendship. Friendship is VERY important to them, and the term means a lot more to them than it means to us. You know about the whole "du" (for the word "you") thing, right? I mean, Germans can be next door neighbors, go to football games together every week, work together in in adjoining cubicles, go to lunch together every day, and their "friendship" may NEVER reach the point where they address each other as "du" instead of "Ihr" or "Sie" (the more formal terms for "you"). "Du" is reserved for intimate friendships, immediate family, that sort of thing.
They even have different phrases for "casual friend" and "close friend" - "Ein Bekannter/Eine BeKannte" for casual friends, and "Ein Freund/Eine Freundin" for close friend.
They are often taken aback, sometimes very much so, by Americans' exuberant ideas of friendship and familiarity, their usage of the word "friend," their casual adaptation of the term "du" instead of "Sie" in conversation with them. It is not at all unusual for them to correct you on the spot.
Of course, this is a bit shocking in itself to Americans, but we have to understand that Germans feel that WE'RE the ones being rude - quite rude, in fact.
Well, I just have to know - DID you make it up to him, or pay him back?
I sent him an expensive bottle of very old whisky- I knew that as a Schwabe, whose family owns vineyards, he would appreciate it. Never heard of him anymore, though.
Well, I just have to know - DID you make it up to him, or pay him back?
I sent him an expensive bottle of very old whisky- I knew that as a Schwabe, whose family owns vineyards, he would appreciate it. Never heard of him anymore, though.
Well, he sounds like a stick in the mud. However, I've had several good German friends over the years, three especially that I can think of, who I got to know well when I lived in Germany. It took two years of hanging out, enjoying each others' homes, even GOING ON VACATION TOGETHER before we reached what I would call a "close" friendship. Even then, I know it would be very offensive to them if I had offered to pay for dinner and then didn't, for whatever reason. I would have IMMEDIATELY paid them back - I mean within 12 hours if possible, and made it very clear that I was paying them back because I meant to keep my word to them - and I was so sorry that there'd been that trouble with my debit card. I would have given them the money in a nice card - possibly along with a bottle of wine.
The reason I say this is not because I'd feel subservient to them - but because they would definitely do the same thing. I've had some business interactions with them (sending stuff via Amazon - it's complicated - they order it, send it to me, then I send it to them, and they send me a gift certificate on Amazon for the postage, that sort of thing), and believe me, they are extremely punctual about it all and they expect me to send them info with the EXACT amount of the postage and then they ALWAYS "round up." Whenever they've visited us, they come bearing loads of gifts. Even a simple dinner together entails flowers and a bottle of wine to the host.
Some are quite direct in an appropriate and decent way, some are very grumpy etc. It really depends on the area and the individual person. I live in former West-Berlin and the people here tend to be quite cosmopolitan and open-minded on average (after all it was the "free", "western" and "open" part of the city in the period 1961-1989) but if you go further into the formner East, especially the Brandenburg areas, the people get more grumpy and generally less friendly. The stereotype that the "Ossies" (e.g. East Germans) are among the world's most grumpiest and whiniest people is quite true.
In the Northern half of Germany, e.g. Schleswig-Holstein or the state of Lower Saxony, people tend to be "reserved", "closed" and "cool" similar to the Danish. In German, we say "Die Hanseaten haben einen Stock im Arsch" (The Hanseatics got a stick tied up their a**).
The Bavarians tend to be similar to some U.S. Southerners: more traditional and conservative but also hospitable and warm.
Haha so true, I was on a training in Germany for one week, at the begining everyone was very cold and they open up the friday afternoon when we had a beer ...
We talked about Americans and they told that American were fake ..., I found it fun as I prefer to be with fake polite people than with true rude people ...
Haha so true, I was on a training in Germany for one week, at the begining everyone was very cold and they open up the friday afternoon when we had a beer ...
We talked about Americans and they told that American were fake ..., I found it fun as I prefer to be with fake polite people than with true rude people ...
LOL!!!
There IS a prevailing opinion that Americans are "fake friendly" when the reality is - no, we're just friendly. Seems a hard concept for some people to get their head around!
I work with Germans AND Americans together at BMW. We have lots of communication problems and many Americans think we are rude.
Example: An American does something wrong. The German would tell him "Hey, you didn't do that right! It has to be like ...:
If the opposite would be the case, the American would probably say to the German "Oh, you did that very nicely. If I were you, I would just change it a bit like ..."
Doesn't mean Germans are rude. We are just DIRECT. Unfortunately, it often gets misinterpreted and causes a big gap at my workplace.
I personally prefer if my friends would tell me when I look ridiculous in clothes. A fake "Ohhh, SURE it looks pretty" when I wear a shirt that is lepard print and 2 sizes too small, doesn't help. I would actually be offended if my friends would give me fake compliments.
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